This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee-I'll bet you are the best housekeeper who cares ever! I know it hurts when they say evil stuff. I wish we all had raincoats so it would slide right off. Maybe we could make them in the Laundry Room? LOL
River - just reading your posts. What a strong and smart person you are.
Mis-Please rest! You have been through so much. Hugs.
Today was back and forth day. No lung radiation, then I get a call to make an appt with that doctor. Mom's cold is better, then worse, then who knows. Pj's one day, dressed another. She really thinks she will just stay in bed until it goes away. She was hemming and hawing about going to her MRI on Thursday. You'd think the woman never had a cold before in her life. But I'm starting to wonder if something else isn't going on, I just don't know.
I'm still feeling stronger and more together. That is, until the next crisis! LOL
Warm thoughts to everyone. Oh, and yes, I am terrible at saying no too!
Burned for the well wishes. I ended up ordering a lobster bake. It was 3 lobster tails, shrimp scallops and mussels in the shell over linguini with a butter/white wine/garlic sauce. I also wanted and got calamari, which was REALLY tender this time, seafood stuffed mushrooms and fried broccoli as an appetizer. When hubby saw what all I ordered, he just ordered a plate.......no food.....and we shared the whole meal, so I just had enough room for everything.....except I had to bring the cheesecake home. All in all, a wonderful meal, including the cheese biscuits - hubby ate 3 - and garden salad. I look like a seafood stuffed mushroom about now!!
Kathy's mom is doing so well with her therapy that she isn't expected to stay very long at all. She can already go to the bathroom herself with the aid of a walker, she has walked the length of the whole building 5 x today.
Jam, they do have lobster rolls at McDonald's in Maine. Last time I got one, it was $5 and well worth it. They are only available in the summer months, don't know the prices now. When we go there this summer in July, we will drive and hit the first Mickey D's at the border of Kittery, Maine. Hubby never brings me one back when he gets his mom..........even if it would be a week old when I got it. They serve it in a thick piece of Texas sized bread sliced like a hot dog bun and put a whole section of claw meat on the top......really good......I get 2 at one time.
Ladee, I would like to hear more about this depression of yours. Send me an email. I thought things were going pretty good since you caught up with your boys. Please fill me in.
Everyone have a wonderful night, get plenty of sleep, Vic, and I will talk to you tomorrow. Love to all...............
Ladee, we haven't heard for sure if the mating took, but if for some reason it didn't, then we are looking at plan B, which is to say there are a couple of breeders in MO that have dogs for sale. Not to say they will have any when we are there in May, but it is another option. Hubby says I could drive out there and pick them out if I want, or get 1 dog from each breeder, but we are going to take a ride to Knightdale near Raleigh just to drive by and see where the dogs live. We went to a breeder in SC once and found out it was a real puppy mill. One male tagged every female every time one went in heat. He was happy as the ratio was about 7:1....... Like I said before this is the last time we will be able to get big dogs from puppies as we are getting too old to do it later, what with all the grooming they require.
Stormy all my dogs when their little had their period of biting - and the kittens, their period of scratching - it just went away when they grew up. I think that Connor has just to be careful not to be bitten on his face.... When my brother and I were little and we played with my grandmother's cats we were always dripping blood... Well I think maybe we did something we should not have done. But we survived and the cats too! I remember I liked to make them wear the dresses of my dolls.
Vic, I am happy you are having some peaceful days.
Notlike, I didn't have to do with the disease your mother has, and so I don't really know how one must feel. I guess it has to be very hard.
Zoey I am happy you could have a nice weekend and I hope your sons will continue to be so cooperative.
Seeme happy birthday! and good luck with the dogs. It is about time!
Starry! Hi! Where are you and what are you doing.
Hadass: I read your story with interest. My uncle had the same treatment when he was 20 (those were the years '40) and though he doesn't hide it - all the family knows about it - he doesn't want to talk about it. I can understand. Those times you were depressed? No problem, a good shock! Terrible if you think of it.
Ladee! I am sorry about the ups and downs of Marie. You know better than I do that everywhere, when you work, you find some kind of problem and the ideal situation does not exist. Maybe if things worsen you could find a family where you have to take care of a person only, and the relatives are 99% absent so they don't piss you off. But I know you care about Sonny and you would be sorry to leave him.
I am having a very difficult period and try to keep myself alive but it is hard sometimes. Sometimes I don't write because I have nothing good to say.
Good night everybody! I am saving this message before I post it!
I wouldn't think it would be too difficult to show your niece how she can assist with Dad.....a little Dad-sitting for a place to eat and sleep seems like a fair trade.
Can ya'll tell me what is the deal with the new timeline on facebook? Why is everybody going to it? I hate it. I still have my facebook. Well i hope all of ya'll have a wonderful night full of sleep. Love and hugs stormyyy
stormy, hope Conner is feeling better today, and hope the neice will help with dad , that could be a win win situation....
Hope eveyone has a blessed day in some kind of way....hugs prayers and angels
Stormy hope Connor has a better day..
As for me..ughhhh sinus infection pounding headache..dad is doing pretty good....
Caregiver that comes once a week has a regular partime job..her hours got changed...talked to another lady yesterday..we will meet her tomorrow...
love and hugs to you today...
Doing a drive-by this morning......woke up early, have already had coffee, taken the dogs out and listened to the "Spring" birds doing their thing......oh my are they in for a surprise. The grass is turning green and when it decides to be winter we'll all be miserable.
Sorry to hear you have a headache Vic.....hope you have something to knock it out.
burned....happy to hear about the dress and sorry you don't feel well. Gallstones, appendix, kidney stones, muscle spasms......?????????
stormy......hope everyone feels better today
seeme.....I'm thinking Red Lobster today....they are still having their 4-course for $15 here.....now to see if Target still wants to get up and get out of here today.
ladee.....sending good thoughts today that it will be a good day for you!
ASG, River, mis, notlike, Ro, Zoey, Lirpa, CMag, my brain has shut down......please check in and let us know how things are going....hugs to all!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Gloomy morning here but not too cold for Feb. I can't seem to get motivated today and I really have things to do. Maybe I should go for a walk to clear my head and get some adrenaline flowing. Nope. I'll go later. I've got to get the laundry going and plan dinner before I call Mom and get the insanity going for the day.
Well, friends, hope you find some peaceful moments today. TTYL. Bee