This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm sorry you feel that you had a bad experience with hospice. My perspective is that none of us know when "our time" will come. We all want to live forever but the ultimate outcome cannot be stopped even by more advanced medical care. Only prolonged. And in the end, it's all the same. I see your father had a lung disease. The alternative to hospice would have been to keep him in a hospital, on a ventilator, kept sedated in a coma, without hope for any kind of quality of life. The medications that hospice use are not to hasten the end of one's life, they are to make the patient as comfortable as possible and to lessen what anxiety there might be. A doctor's or nurses training can only go so far, then when there is nothing left for them do, the care is turned over to a higher authority. They are, after all, only human.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. Maybe speaking with someone from hospice will help you to put the ordeal in a different perspective and you will understand what they did for your father.
Jam
Seattle was beautiful and very green. A clean city and a very big city. Traveling alone was fine. No need to have worried. I had those behind the ear patches for motion sickness and they worked great. I highly recommend them for traveling. As for my restless legs, I took my knitting with me and the intricate pattern I was working on kept my mind busy with counting. So, yes, I would definitely travel alone again. It was a great experience for an old lady!
Jeanie, You are a wonder taking on your in laws when you are so yound and with little children to raise. They are lucky to have their grandparents so close when so many children don't even have grandparents today.
Jam, glad to hear COL is behaving!
Dmd, Sorry your experience was so stressful.
Time to get Mom ready for bed. Hope you all have a good night.
Starri, I am very happy you are going to make this trip. Take the camera with you and make many beautiful pictures! About "seroquel". The doctors who visited my mother belonged to different facilities and they didn't know each other. And though, they all said the same thing! It seems my mother is at such an advanced stage of the disease that there is nothing you can do, except keep her mildly sedated. I think it depends on the person, too. She is restless and she has to be kept quiet, otherwise she gets into trouble! (she opens the car door abruptly, for example, when she has decided she has to get out of the car....)
Johnny, send Don Julio to my house. It could be fun. We could get drunk together, my mother, me and him!
Jeanie, good luck in trying to keep 3 generations in the same home all together and happy! It must be a hard work!
My point here is that I just can't imagine what this poor woman is going through. I whine and get mad but I am not in constant pain from carpal tunnel or a pinched nerve in my upper neck. My knees work. I can see and hear. I can cook my own meals and do my own laundry. I am in my own house. I can walk to the mail box and get my own mail. I don't have to wait for someone to take me to Church. My children visit often. I don't feel like a burden.
I just realized that what I am doing is a privilege and that some day I will be able to look back without regrets and with the good memories. I know that this is temporary and that one day I will actually miss the complaints that I can't do anything about, her childish behavior and repeated stories. I live a pretty simple life style so its easy for me escape even briefly to my garden or a book. I actually rescued a hummingbird the other day which must sound incredibly stupid, but to have felt his vibration in my hand when he must have been very near death was sooo uplifting! If God is looking out for that tiny bird, surely he's looking out for us.
All caregivers are in my prayers. Lets be thankful for what we have and find the simple pleasures in life.
Hope all of our friends have had a wonderful day..........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Mom wanted to go out yesterday to find another (3rd) electric throw at Bed,Bath, and Beyond, so I took her. When we got in the store, she told me she also wanted to look at leather coats. Rriiiiiiiiiiiighttt. It is June, mom, let's look for the throw first. Nope, don't have any more, but we can look for the coat. Gee, mom, I don't see any clothes here. Let's go to the mall. Before I got out on the highway good, she wanted to go home, so that was the extent of our trip out.
Now she will sleep all day no mattter what I do, and I have housework that needs to be done in other parts of the house, so she will sleep if it is just in her chair.
Will check back later...............
The sun is shining and the new care giver starts this morning! Oh please let this all work out......I decided with someone new that might be a good way to get the tv on another channel. Last night I was getting my 20th update on the Casey Anthony trial and I finally looked at her and said just stop......I don't care, I've heard it all, no I can't imagine how a mother could do that, I don't know why she did it, but I DON'T CARE..........."fine, I'll never say anything about it again".....alrighty then, that's a start. Watching that depressing stuff cannot be good on a demented mind.....
ASG.....better watch out......I may just have you give me book reports....:) It sounds like you are getting a lot of good information. I just may have time today to open my Kindle.
seeme.....looking for a coat reminded me of the mohair sweater and flannel tent (jacket) that the granddaughter sent the col. And he refuses to give them to her. It still makes me angry to send something like that.
ladee.....you're going to find a fabulous place to move and you will forget about BG and sil....and every time you see that For Sale sign still in the yard, you can laugh all the way home. Will they give you visitation for Nobs?
burned.....glad you checked in. Hope your episode was stress induced only. Keep us posted and let us know how you are.
rosella......you are so funny! Have mom hold a sign that says "See you soon" with a suitcase beside her and send that to brother.........that ought to wake him up!
Hi and good morning to everyone............almost time for care giver....need to go let her in and give her the new keys! Yippeeeeee!!!!!!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Burned, keep us posted on your health. This caregiving thing can really get you down, both mentally and physically. You can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of yourself.
Bhenson, Welcome to the poop thing.....a never ending source of laughter, or you WILL cry.......
ASG.....getting to be a source of amazing information. My sister read Elder Rage...thank God I don't have that with mom, but she had it with dad.....
Got to get some housework done inbetween running mom to the bathroom........