This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I'm soo looking forward to our vacation in Oct. It'll seem good to get away for awhile even though we'll take more weekend getaways this summer or before whenever mother nature decides what season she's in. I believe she's got dementia just like the ones that we cared or are caring for does. :) All of our snow went away yesterday. It was like 50 here in Michigan. Unheard of for the end of January.
I couldn't imagine a party without a bathroom that sure wouldn't work for me cause of these dang water pills. I hate them things but I'll deal with them.
Stormy- I hope Red is feeling better. Poor little guy.
Vic hope you get to feeling better.
Ladeeda hope things are better for you.
Everyone else I hope you are doing good.
Mis-it was 50 here too in Wisconsin yesterday. Mom was feeling bad again with her cold, so she didn't go outside. What a waste. She is either alot more run down from the chemo than she is saying, or she is milking this cold for all it's worth. Or both, it's hard to tell.
Dad's treatments are not easy for him. In some ways, it's harder than Mom's. He is doing great trying not to be embarassed everytime or even just talking about it. They sent him home last time and told him to try to hold it in for 2 hours. He said he made it 1 hr and 55 minutes, then couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. I feel sorry for him. But he bounces back well and is trying to cope.
I'm tired today so I think that makes me sadder and not feeling so strong. Stayed up late talking to Dad about Mom's behavior. Would love to go home and crash, but have to grocery shop, then print maps for the next few appts and remind Mom to take her anti-clausterphobia meds before her MRI tomorrow. A day in the life.
Hope everyone has a quiet evening. I am looking forward to making quesadillas (sp?) for dinner. Yummy and easy.
Well sis informed me last night that dad has a appt at duke with dads surgeon. Just a check up. But i think it will be a wasted trip. Can you tell i don't like this dr. This is the same dr that at one time i asked him, "Well, we(me, sis and bro) were wondering about a pet scan. And his response was, "Quit wondering". That is what he told me. Pissed me off something terrible i was ready to leave that place. And did not care to go back. He is also the dr that we carried a pet scan (at a later date, took from another dr and different hospital) but we carried it to him thinking that well maybe he can tell us what this pet scan cd says. So we are waiting for him to come back and tell us what the cd says cause we had given it to his nurse and he comes back in and says this is of no importance to me and hands us the cd back.---- End of conversation----
Now how would ya'll have reacted to that statement. We had been waiting for over a month to find out results couldn't go to the dr that ordered the pet cause he was recovering from surgery and then went on vacation for another month. And i know sis is going to want me to go with her and dad to see this a-hole, and i guess i will get sucked into going. But i will not be happy about it. I should just sit my fat a$$ out in the waiting room. But i know that won't happen either. Going to send this b4 it gets lost.
And thanks Mis, I am doing much better.... found out from our Dr. Indahouse, Jam, that it's the meds I am taking for leg pain that is contributing to my mood swings.... so at least I will know next time ,,, I'll refer to them as my Gorilla pills, so when ya'll see me on a rant now, you'll know, it's not the world, it's ME.. guess another trip to the Dr. is in order, see if she can give me somthing that won't turn me into a monster....
Notlike, I am so sorry your mom isn't feeling good/playing it for all it's worth.... what a stressfrul waiting game.... and how great you got to talk to your dad about her behaviour...... I'm sure that helps you to feel not so alone with it all.... and your poor dad.... isn't it amazing how some people take things , serious things, in stride, and others give in to it.....
I've just been trying to fly under Marie's radar... meeting her needs, without a lot of interaction.... makes for a very long day sometimes...
I do have my feelers out for another job, it just helps me to not feel so trapped....
Sonny, in some ways has gone down this winter.... right now he thinks he isn't at home... has been this way for awhile.... pacing the floors, his OCD has him rearranging all the counter tops and pictures in the living room... sends her into orbit, but I let her know when he gets done, I'll put stuff back.... He's bored out of his mind.... so while she is in Austin tomorrow, him and I will go outside if it is pretty outside... he loves to be outside picking up sticks.... and I love being outside too, so hopefully this spring, he will want to plant some things, and we'll get our hands dirty and get some sunshine on our bones.....
Stormy, glad Conner is feeling better... his tummy is sore, he'll eat when he wants to, when he gets hungry....
Will check back later... hugs to everyone....
Stormy, sounds like what I had. Just a matter of time before it got to your area. Sucks, but goes away pretty quickly, and Red will get back to normal before you do, so I hope you don't get it.
Vic, might have to bite the bullet and go to the doctor. Sinus infections can be bad with the headache. Take Mucinex in the meantime.
I worked outside yesterday cuttung back some plants for spring. It may be spring already....can't tell for sure......but my buttocks can tell that I have been doing something out of the ordinary!!!!!! May have to take my swollen butt-ox back to bed............
Hope your butt-ox is feeling better soon....
Brandy, good to see you back.. you have your hands full so come here and talk until you feel better....or at least don't feel alone....
Need to get moving... it's very foggy outside this morning...so need to get on the road... love and hugs to everyone...
Cloudy here - again. Mother Nature has Alz ! love it!! I heard Sam on GMA comment that Punxatony Phil (sp) saw his shadow so we'll have "6 more weeks of winter. And if you go to the web site you find recipes for ground hog". That made me smile a little.
We live in a "rural", hilly area where everyone has a free standing mail box. Ours took a nose dive last week so we have to replace it. In the meantime, I asked my neighbor if the carrier could leave our mail in her box until I get ours replaced. She replied, "Does that mean you expect me to bring it to you?"
That thought hadn't crossed my mind but, heck, why not? lol Nope. I'll walk out and get it myself.
Brandy, nice to hear from you. Come on back so we can all hang out. Someone on another thread called our circumstances the "Twilight Zone". That fits, but I think it's like the movie "Groundhog Day".
Stormy - happy to hear the little guy is coming along.
Ladee- get some sleep!
Much to do here today so I'd better get busy. My big challenge today - thread a needle so I can sew a button on hubby's shirt. Wish me luck!
Hugs to all of you! Bee
Slept for almost 8 hours....whew must have needed that! But didn't work in the yard yesterday....as much as I wanted to I know Mother Nature in all her Alzheimer's isn't through with us yet.
brandy it's good to read from you again....glad you decided to come back and visit. I admire your husband for starting that job and trying to satisfy his customer....sounds like he isn't going to just give in. But am thinking about you....take care of YOU and don't get in that car....
The col is starting into her "wind-down".......she is so frail, is not eating well. We had the NH put her at a table so that staff can help her eat. She was with some lovely ladies who were helping her and then she was moved so that she would attempt to feed herself and that isn't working so we requested the move again. She slumps in her chair and doesn't have the energy to straighten herself up. I sit daily waiting on the "phone call".
Hope everyone feels better, has a good day, and will check back with you later....
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
hadassah-I agree with you about Ladee's comment - it is the best way to survive most days.
Jam-sorry to hear the Col is worse. Hugs.
ASG - hold your ground! You are doing what's best, no matter what anyone says. Hugs.
Stressful day here. Mom was up early getting ready for her MRI, then wouldn't eat breakfast because her throat hurt too much. The whole left side of her throat was white. So I called the doc, and they got her in right after her MRI. They are so good about working things like that out! The nurse even called me back just to tell me it was all taken care of. They gave Mom an antiobiotic and a new nasal spray. Hopefully she will get better now.
Stressful for me, though. I called the doc and left a message at 8:02, then called again at 8:45. Called my Dad 3 times before he answered his cell - he screwed up the ringer and couldn't hear the phone. The nurse actually called the MRI department because he didn't answer. This whole time, I'm at work, stressing on if they could even see Mom today, if it would be while she was still there, and if Dad was going to answer. And my co-worker wouldn't shut up about mundane things and internet gossip! Argh! On top of it all, I was told before to quit treating Mom like a patient, and treat her more like family. So I've been asking her everyday how she feels, but not specific stuff like checking her throat or temperature. I figured a 73 year old woman who likes to be in charge would say something if she needed to see a doctor. Guess I figured wrong. I feel guilty, but also mad that she stared at me tonight while saying she wished she would have gotten this medicine sooner. All I said was Yes. I didn't want to go down that road. The last time I really asked her about her health before she had the cold, she screamed at me. It's a very fine balancing act between helping her and letting her be. I feel like I screwed it up this time, but also learned I'll have to be more forceful in asking her how she's doing.
Another big day tomorrow. Dad has treatment, then we see Mom's doc about her brain MRI from today. I think I need to get some sleep now :)
You have so much worry and unknowns in your life... you are an awesome daughter, don't ever ever forget that... regardless if she thanks you or not, I am thanking you for all you do, all you put up with....and I am giving you hugs instead of grief...... take care of yourself the best that you can.... hugs to you lady... and angels to help carry your load....