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Thanks Ladee. Dad told me the thing about treating her like family. I'm pretty sure because she told him to tell me that. The sicker she gets, either with colds or the cancer, the less I am going to be able to do that. She is a patient, whether she admits it or not.
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And if she would 'act' like a mom, you would treat her accordingly.... but it is what it is and you have the right to do what you need to to keep from having daggers stuck in you all day long....and kudos to you for trying to please your dad, but it's not helping you to endure what is ahead of you.... just for 5 minutes today, please yourself, you might find it feels good, not selfish, and you might add another minute or two as time goes by.... baby steps... love ya.... and hugs across the miles....
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Ladee........COW PATTIE!!!!!!!

Notlike.....I agree with Ladee......sometimes you have to detach enough and see the patient. It helps to free up your mind to see what is going on with her medically. Just remember you are not a doctor, and you can only do so much. I wore myself out trying to diagnose my mom. You aren't a doctor, and regardless of all that doctors can do, no one can stop any of us from dying. Just get rid of that notion now, cause it can haunt you later. You are doing a wonderful job. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so concerned about it.

ASG......Can I give the old biddy a raspberry for you??? hummm, I must be feeling spunky today.

Ladee, hope you don't have severe weather today....just saw your forecast.
Will talk to you all later. I have a smoke alarm beeping for a new battery and I don't know how long I can stand it......and I dread getting up 10 feet high to change it. What a wuss I am.
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Morning all..sinus are abetting...yaay..all the weather changes.. Seeme I take 1200 mg of mucinex twice a day every day..or this would have been much worse..bee I thin you said DayQuil NyQuil..been that rite many times DayQuil was good when it had the sudophenedrine now with it being a controlled substance because of the aholes that abused it ... Oh well. May have to break down and go to doc soon..
So sorry everyone is having rough time. Jam ...we are never prepared...hate it for you guys. Notlike seemme said it well you wouldn't be bothered if you didn't care!! Do what you do best and take care of you! I always feel guilty when I look back and see I should have...well we are human and do the best we can ...at least that is what I keep telling myself!
We found a new caregiver who has lots of experience...she is a CNA and liked her personality ..it will take time for daddy to get used to her and The rest of us too. But I pray it works out. I really need a day a week. She will come tomorrow...will hang out close to home to help and advise if needed. Our caregiver that we have had..had her hours changed at another job and instead of asking or telling us that she could come on the Fridays but it would be less hours..just decided to pick up another lady.. She would only be able to give us every other Saturday.. Felt kinda hurt abut it but that is the way it is..she has to do what she needs to do. So..praise God that I was able to find this other lady pretty quick through a friend. Had to tell first caregiver that I wouldn't need her as we got someone.. She said no problem ..she has already picked up someone else...
Oh well all in the day in the life.
Daddy had a crappy day yesterday but he is still sleeping pretty good..starts getting pretty antsy early though..this morning he is already up ..his leg keeps going up and down like a twitch....poor guy. Wish I could fix him...
Today I am having a it party..won't last long as we have to go to the hairdresser.. Awe well.
Love and prayers for all of you and yours. Will write again soon.
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Good Morning Angels!!

I'm thinking I don't much care for the "new" news feed. Too many steps to get where I need to be....and the news feed is backwards.....oh well....what's that saying about teaching an old dog.........lol

ASG......no offense to any of our nurses....some of my friends are nurses and you all have my admiration and respect.....but what does that woman think a nurse can do that a doctor can't? Is she talking about a nurse practitioner? Even then, they are limited as to what they can do and it all has to be on the doctor's approval.

notlike.....it's hard isn't it? It seems like no matter what you do sometimes it's never good enough. God willing, you will still be here when your Mom is no longer on this earth, but you won't be much good to yourself if you don't begin by putting YOU first sometimes. I found for myself, that I had to put up a bit of an emotional wall or I would go nuts. It's almost like a marriage ending....you have to create some distance. You are a good daughter and take good care of Mom and Dad....and work outside the home....you deserve a pat on the back.

Everyone gets a gold star for the day.......just because you're all special!!!!!!

It's raining here, thundering, the darn geese on the pond are driving me nuts....we have two that come back every year to lay eggs and if others come also it's terrible listening to them. Nothing scares the regulars.....guns, dogs, firecrackers...I fondly remember a few years ago when the Muscovy duck showed up and soon became a pet and would come up on the deck and sit in a row with the dogs to get a treat. And it would knock on the door if no one was out. I love the country!

The NH is going to work with the col again to see if they can get some improvement. We told them to go ahead and try, but it's doubtful there will be any change. She doesn't want anything except to come home. I would love to have her here, but I can't physically take care of her anymore.

I hope everyone starts to feel better...hoping the same for your loved ones...you ALL are special and are angels here on earth.

Love and Hugz,
Jam
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I like the new format... change is good, keeps us on our toes...
Marie got in early today from having her transfusions, so got to get out of there, get a few groceries, and made it home before the rain started.... supposed to be some high winds and some hail later on tonite.... it is amazing tho ya'll. no one has yet to complain about the rain... when you have a half million acre wild fire ten miles from you, cracks big enough to fall into, and not a drop of rain in two years, we just think we are blessed..... not crazy about the high wind.... but am not complaining about the rain... they are saying if we can get another 8-12 inches we will be out of the drought..... first time in over three years.....
Sonny's new thing is hawking and spitting, I have to keep an eye on him when he starts, he will spit anywhere, washing machine, trash cans, flower pots... YUUUUK..... I'd rather wipe butts than clean up spit......
Ok, am winding down, will check back later...
Vic happy to hear you are feeling a little better....yeah, wouldn't that be something if you went ahead and went to the Dr... soon.... yeah, that would be great...(sarcasm).... I really think the new format should have emoticons.... don't ya'll??
later, love ya'll and Jam thanks for the love this morning, I know I needed it....
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As usual it was my day to help Mom. She was owlly and cranky as usual. She had gone downhill since last week, markedly so. First sis says I am not doing enough, now she says I am to stop doing stuff. I can't do a thing right for either my mom or my sister. I came home with a headache that I can't shake, even with a donut. Husband has his dementia down pat too, so I am taking a couple minutes off to surf the net. Fortunately it is good weather here. catch all of you later. Going to go lie down. Brandy.
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I totally mishandled my mother tonight. In my defense I have to said that I just spent 9 hours in court sitting through grueling hour after hour of testimony and then having to get on the witness stand-ugh...mother had to be the next one on the list to just add to the stress. 14 phone calls waiting on my phone. By six I called her and she threatened to take me to court to sue me about selling her car two years ago. I yelled at her! I never yell and I certainly never yell at my mother. I told her that I had had a very very bad day and repeated the very at least 8 times louder and louder and then I yelled I love you but I don't want to talk to you! Good night! Is there ever an excuse to yell at your parent? I have a migraine. I am going to drink a cup of tea beat myself up for 10 more minutes repent and go to bed. I don't suppose any of you have ever had shout out with the one you care for? I have been carrying the load of my son and my parents now for nearly three years. I have been through some rough patches but I never felt the need to yell at my mother. I guess the thought of one more person dragging me into court was the last straw! Ugh. Good night every one. Some days dirt napping seems like a REALLY good idea.!
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River, hope you are laying down and will read this later.... no dirt naps, it has been a sh*tty day.... a long emotional day.... and you will not burst into flames for raising your voice to your mom.... so you hollered at her, and now you are beating yourself up.. sounds as tho you are exhausted... at the end of your rope, and guess what, you are human...If we are going to hell for raising our voice to our parents, then you will be in good company..... I had a screaming fit on my dad right after Hurrican Rita.... like you, I could not do one more thing.... not one.... and I blew.... I didn't beat myself up tho..... I accept that I am human, most of the time.... it's not like it's something you do all the time..... repent if you need to... get a good nights sleep if you can..... aplogize if you feel you need to, and let it go.... you have enough on your plate and kicking your own a** is just taking energy you don't have..... let us know tomorrow how your night went.... hugs, love, and angels to soothe your tired soul......
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River, I have been there, done that. Take care. You are not an bad person, just exhausted.
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LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH. MY HUSBAND IS GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE! WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO START THE WEEKEND!!!!! I NEED A FAST BOAT TO CHINA!!! JUST ME AND CONNOR!!!!
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River.....ladee is 100% correct in everything she said to you. You had a very stressful day and you had a human moment.....we've all done that at some point or another. Yes, I have yelled at the col when I couldn't take it anymore. I think it was the morning I walked into her house and lying on her coffee table was a piece of trash that had been tossed out on the opposite side of the highway at the end of our driveway....she had walked across the 2-lane paved highway that handles semi traffic and we live in a curve and with traffic coming from one direction, she wouldn't have been seen. As I was explaining the possibility of being a grease spot in the road, she starts yelling about how capable she is, she can walk anywhere she wants.......and I lost it. A heightened level of stress will make us react in a way we normally wouldn't. Get a good night's sleep.....don't beat yourself up and go on from here. Big hugs to you!
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Don't hurt him stormy.....murder is illegal.....and besides, you really do love him...:)
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Yes, i do love him. But boy he sure makes it hard to sometimes.
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I think Im on Auto Pilot. I am trying to wake up every morning with a smile on my face but my grandma is rapidly declining and requires my full attention....Im hanging in there the best I can. She has good moments, funny moments and she cries and asks all the time to go home. I wish there was a magic cure for Dementia. God bless you all!
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Stormy, don't kill him unless ou have a good place to bury the body.....and they are hard to find...

River, the ladies are correct.....we have all done it at one time or another....and usually from exhaustion.....if you were a bad person, you wouldn't care that you did it......and if she has dementia, she won't remember it. Take it easy on yourself....it just uses up more energy you don't have.

Angel, don't stop there......sounds like you have more to get out of your system. This is the place to do it......and include yourself in that blessing!!!!
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angela hope you come back and let us know what all is going on....and I wish there was a magic cure for tired, exhausted and loving caregivers...so here we are wishing and hoping, but we do have each other, it's not magic, but it is love, support and understanding....
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Why am i mad with hubby? To make a long story short. Our family day is saturday well it got switched for just this weekend to sunday. Sis and hubby have a chance to go to the beach for the day and she wanted me to go and stay with dad for about 4 or 5 hours saturday and me have sunday off. Well that was fine with me cause i would be at home for super bowl. And i wouldn't have to be over at dads but for a few hours where normally on the sundays i have to stay with him is about 8 hours with him so it is a win win situation for me. Anyway i tell hubby about this and he gets mad. He says that he isn't but i know him like i know the back of my hand. I even told him i would carry connor with me to dads saturday so he wouldn't have to do nothing. Still he is mad. Then me and sis were talking tonight on the phone trying to figure out if mary or nephew were staying the afternoon with dad and hubby makes a sly remark about "Oh ya'll don't have anybody to stay with him". Cause last night he was telling me are ya'll sure ya'll can get brother or nephew to stay. Now he just walks through saying he is going to bed. He never goes to be this early when he is off the next day. Anyway he was just being sarcastic the way he was saying it. I don't see what the big damn deal is. He gripes and moans about we don't get to spend enough time together. And here i am going to get to spend super b. day with him and he is pissed. I don't get it. Let me go see if i can't make this situation any better i am sure i will make it worse.
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Stormy, I know how it is. I sometimes want to go to Argentina. Just hang in there, don't do anything rash, either to yourself or to your husband. Eventually things will get better.
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stormy care giving is hard for all those involved....you and hubby are both doing stress-filled jobs and the one thing that a person always looks forward to is the time away from that job. So hubby has been looking forward to this all week and now his plans have been interfered with. He doesn't remember that this is no different than him being called in to work overtime or to work someone's shift....I'm sure he would want you to make allowances for that. Most men like to act like big, tough macho types, but they are wuss's when it comes to their honey's......he just loves you, misses you when you're apart, and wants to spend some time with you. He will get over this and when he does you will find a perfect time to bring up the subject of there possibly being more schedule changes in the future....some you can plan for and some you cannot. And if sis can give you more advanced notice that would help also....after all, you value and want your time away from care giving just as much as she does. It's hard being pulled in so many directions.....I think that's why God made us the stronger sex.....:) Hugs!

angela.....welcome and hugs to you! Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a button on the back of our loved one's neck that we can just push and the dementia goes away? Or at least the thousand repeated questions would stop......sometimes it's very hard to wake up with a smile when you know how the day is going to go...and then there are those days when that's all you do. Come back and visit, we offer love, compassion, support, and freely given hugs.............

Still raining here.............

Happy Trails Angels!
Jam
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Well it seems many of us had bad days yesterday...ughhh I was soo very crabby by the afternoon that everything dad did just got on my last nerve. And then mom right there saying he is telling me this or that and then I yell at him cause he doesn't want to try ... Just wants to give up. ..I even told him to shut up! Ackkkkk that was when I knew I was over the edge! I apologized for saying it but treated him a little rough. My back is killing me from moving him and I was so glad he wanted to go to bed early...stupid little things throughout the day happened.. Yesterday as many of you know is moms hair day... It is chilly and raining.. So I load them up and get them to town..take mom in get a cup of coffee for day ..go to grocery store hurry through and he tells me I was gone too long...get back to hair dresser call to order take it for lunch...go in get mom...get to restaurant...get back to car and he tells me again I was gone too long... Get home get him to bathroom.. Get him to table to eat a fantastic meal (seriously) ..he gets through ..take him to his recliner ...no sooner are we there and moved ..he has to go to bathroom.. And so it went on...
Know I was stressed it getting things done early so we wouldn't have lots to do when we came home..the more I thought about current caregiver the more I got upset.. She had worked with us every other friday and everywhere sat. For over a year. Then when her hours change at another job instead of saying I am working afternoons every Friday...but I could come until 2 ..she says she can't come at all on Fridays because she is going to stay with another lady every Friday from 7 to 2 at my neighbors.. I don't begrudge her that at all especially since my neighbor needs someone to stay 24/7 as she may fall. She uses a walker but with her ms and her kids not near it is safer for her to have someone there. As I said yesterday we found another lady..am real excited about it but she only has Saturday available.. So for dad to get used to her I felt the best would be to have her every Saturday. As soon as We make decision I text caregiver to call me at her earliest that I found someone..this was around noon..she finally calls back after 7 in the evening saying that she just got MSG.. Ok... Then she says that she has already been able to pick up someone else. I am happy for her but ..the more I thought about it the more I felt that we were just being pushed off to the side anyway and this was just passive aggressive..
That just added to my crappy day for myself! The pity party lasted all day!!! Stupid of me.. Feel shitty for treating mom and dad short and curt..
Prayed all day to be patient.. But when we ask for patience we get tribulation so that we can be patient!!!
The new lady will be here today...will go to my house hope hope to just hang out and do nothing but read and sleep and cuddle my kitty cat..maybe work on tax papers...hahahaha
Just vent away.. Needed to get it all out so I can move on..each day is a new day and we start from here right!? I love you all and thanks for listening.....
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Wow Vic, and you survived all that, proud of you!!!! some days are like that, and especially when we hurt all over, too tired to be patient, and the ex caregiver could at least have been professional about the situation.... and try not to worry about your dad adjusting to the new caregiver... she may walk in the door and win him over....sounds like she has the experiance you need.... so you won't worry about your parents when she is there...and if you hadn't already been over the edge the other caregiver situation would have upset you, but not to the degree it did....
do you know her well enough to call and talk with her about this??? See what she has to say....???
sorry it was one of those days for you.... you haven't been feeling good and that wears us out on top of everything else..... Texas hugs to you Vickie Vic and you are one awesome daughter to do what you do every day and night..... so one blow up isn't any big deal... you will make up for it, but as what seems to be the norm for yesterdays post, we are HUMAN..... we get tired, we hurt, we can't think, we let things get to us.... wonder how our loved ones would handle it if they were taking care of us under these same circumstances.... you act like your parents never told you to shutup, or raised their voice to you.... I doubt that happened.... so be kind to yourself, look at all the things you did RIGHT yesterday....I love ya girl... today is a new day.... yesterday if done and gone..... lots of hugs for you today...
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hang in there and know that so many of us here know a little or similiar things you go through. i will go to see my mom today, and as on previous trips, i never know if it will go smoothly, or she will become quite ugly, in which case, i must leave. when she gets riled up, i tell her that if she wants me to stay, she must calm down. usually, she will say --- scream, leave then. sad to see her like this and she refuses to take any meds that i believe would help. we all just do the best we can, and come here as members of a larger family of sorts. sorry of the odd typing this morning. for some reason, i am unable to do any capital letters, characters, etc. have a good day, make it a good day.
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River and Vic-Hugs for your bad days. People yell when they are hanging on by a thread...the group is right. Why is it that our charges can yell, and whine, and be mean, but when we react, we feel guilty? We shouldn't. And Vic, if all we get for prayering for patience is more tribulation, I am going to pray for something else from now on, like donuts or cake or cocoa. LOL
Brandy-Hugs to you.
Angela-Hi! Please come visit us again. There is a ton of support from people who know what you are going through.
Well, the brain tumors are shrinking. One is actually all gone, and now there is an empty spot where it used to be. Weird to think about an empty spot in her brain. They said didn't see the fourth tumor this time. That doesn't mean it's not there, just too small maybe.
Mom was pretty nervous waiting to see the doctor. She paced around the waiting room. It was good for her to get good news. And her cold is getting better, so she's good all the way around.
Dad is having more trouble. These treatments are taking a toll and he's having more trouble going to the bathroom. I guess all these flushes are irratating his bladder. I sure hope this works, because it getting harder on him.
Hubby and I talked last night. he knows how stressful this is for me, and I couldn't ask for a better or more supportive spouse. I am so lucky. I know that this is what I want to do, and that I will be a better (more wise?) person in the end. I may not remember that every time things get rough, but it does help sometimes.
Hope everyone has a good day today!
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Notlike, great news for your mom, and hope things continue to improve.. my heart goes out to your dad, and my heart goes out to you for having to be on the sidelines and not be able to make it all better for him.... guess if we spent our days seeing all the things that aren't 'fair' we would all loose our minds....
Prayers for all of you today...
And billy, come back and visit.... we need all the voices we can hear to get us thru our days.... we all have something to contribute... hugs to everyone...
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I would think hubby would want you home to watch the game and most important commericials if nothing else to fetch his beer chips.
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Morning All, it sounds like pretty much everyone was suffering from serious "caregiver" burn out yesterday. I'll stand here before you and God and admit that there were a few times I yelled, I had reached the end of my rope and my grip was slipping on that last frayed strand. That was my warning that I needed a break, some kinda relief, even if that meant locking myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. I was safe in there, I could relax for a few moments with no one there to make demands on my time or energy. When I came out, I was ready to dive in again.

Stormy, no murdering the husband..lol.. I've got the place to hide the body, I'm just not close enough to help you move it..lol, hubby's can be a bunch of big babies.. They want our attention and if our attention is spread out to other places, they can tend to pout, but in defense of the men, I will have to say that women can be the same way if the husband is working long hours, (they see if as providing for the family) or if they are off having fun with their buddies and leaving us at home alone to handle that end. Let him know how you are feeling. He might not understand it, but you'll feel better for doing it. Mine pouts and sulks if he doesn't get his way.

I hope that everyone has a better day,... Big Hugs and much love
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You know the good thing about dementia-even early on set short term short outs is this: My mother ten minutes later didn't even know I had yelled at her. And yes, I was at my rope's end. Being in court all day for the now 12th time listening to my ex daugher in law accusing my son of vile things is daunting. Dealing with 2 adults in crisis is difficult. I didn't sleep much and when I did I dreamed of being in court presenting evidence to a demi-god of a doctor who didn't believe my father was sick. Not a good night sleep. But I did take my few dollars and go to a coffee shop this morning to sit and read. I read about Gladys-a parlor maid in the 30s who wanted to go to China as a missionary. She eventually made it. Just in time to help 100 orphans escape from YangCheng across the mountains to free China. After a grueling mountain trek this group of children with Gladys reached the Yellow River. Blockaded by the chinese they could not cross. The Japanese were closing in on them. Gladys in despair and very ill thought it was the end. Until. One of her children asked her if God could part the Red Sea could he not also part the Yellow River? Gladys answered that she was no Moses. No you are not, Silian answered. But God is still God. Renewed by this Gladys and the children knelt beside the read to pray and to sing hymns. A Chinese soldier on river patrol heard at first what he thought was the whirring of airplane propellers and brought his boat down the river to investigate. There he found Gladys and her 100 orphans singing and worshipping God. Gladys explained the situation and you guessed it-the Chinese officer ordered a boat to come to take everyone across the Yellow River. You know. It is hard to realize that in the middle of the challenge, God is still God. He really can make a way when there is no way. The weight of my "no way out" yesterday-the feeling that these circumstances won't change had blinded me to the One who is a Way Maker. I feel better today. Encouraged. Thank you all for the kindness shown. Deeply appreciated.
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As ya'll all know that connor has been sick with the stomach virus this week. He is still not feeling good. Last night he threw up again. But that was the only time but it was right much. He had some pudding at day care and some hushpuppy after day care. He didn't eat much of them. I know that that was probably not the best thing to feed him as they have grease in them but i was just trying to feed him something and that's what he wanted. Well, today hubby tells me that he still looks like he doesn't feel good and his stool today was mushy and green and he doesn't eat anything green. All he has had today has been some eggs and a few chips. Do ya'll know what could be going on with him. He should be feeling better by now shouldn't he? hugs stormyyyyy. Just worried.
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Sounds like you sent him back to day care too early.......Just like at the col's NH, it probably hadn't gone through everyone yet......he'll be better by Monday....
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