This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Notlike.....I agree with Ladee......sometimes you have to detach enough and see the patient. It helps to free up your mind to see what is going on with her medically. Just remember you are not a doctor, and you can only do so much. I wore myself out trying to diagnose my mom. You aren't a doctor, and regardless of all that doctors can do, no one can stop any of us from dying. Just get rid of that notion now, cause it can haunt you later. You are doing a wonderful job. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so concerned about it.
ASG......Can I give the old biddy a raspberry for you??? hummm, I must be feeling spunky today.
Ladee, hope you don't have severe weather today....just saw your forecast.
Will talk to you all later. I have a smoke alarm beeping for a new battery and I don't know how long I can stand it......and I dread getting up 10 feet high to change it. What a wuss I am.
So sorry everyone is having rough time. Jam ...we are never prepared...hate it for you guys. Notlike seemme said it well you wouldn't be bothered if you didn't care!! Do what you do best and take care of you! I always feel guilty when I look back and see I should have...well we are human and do the best we can ...at least that is what I keep telling myself!
We found a new caregiver who has lots of experience...she is a CNA and liked her personality ..it will take time for daddy to get used to her and The rest of us too. But I pray it works out. I really need a day a week. She will come tomorrow...will hang out close to home to help and advise if needed. Our caregiver that we have had..had her hours changed at another job and instead of asking or telling us that she could come on the Fridays but it would be less hours..just decided to pick up another lady.. She would only be able to give us every other Saturday.. Felt kinda hurt abut it but that is the way it is..she has to do what she needs to do. So..praise God that I was able to find this other lady pretty quick through a friend. Had to tell first caregiver that I wouldn't need her as we got someone.. She said no problem ..she has already picked up someone else...
Oh well all in the day in the life.
Daddy had a crappy day yesterday but he is still sleeping pretty good..starts getting pretty antsy early though..this morning he is already up ..his leg keeps going up and down like a twitch....poor guy. Wish I could fix him...
Today I am having a it party..won't last long as we have to go to the hairdresser.. Awe well.
Love and prayers for all of you and yours. Will write again soon.
I'm thinking I don't much care for the "new" news feed. Too many steps to get where I need to be....and the news feed is backwards.....oh well....what's that saying about teaching an old dog.........lol
ASG......no offense to any of our nurses....some of my friends are nurses and you all have my admiration and respect.....but what does that woman think a nurse can do that a doctor can't? Is she talking about a nurse practitioner? Even then, they are limited as to what they can do and it all has to be on the doctor's approval.
notlike.....it's hard isn't it? It seems like no matter what you do sometimes it's never good enough. God willing, you will still be here when your Mom is no longer on this earth, but you won't be much good to yourself if you don't begin by putting YOU first sometimes. I found for myself, that I had to put up a bit of an emotional wall or I would go nuts. It's almost like a marriage ending....you have to create some distance. You are a good daughter and take good care of Mom and Dad....and work outside the home....you deserve a pat on the back.
Everyone gets a gold star for the day.......just because you're all special!!!!!!
It's raining here, thundering, the darn geese on the pond are driving me nuts....we have two that come back every year to lay eggs and if others come also it's terrible listening to them. Nothing scares the regulars.....guns, dogs, firecrackers...I fondly remember a few years ago when the Muscovy duck showed up and soon became a pet and would come up on the deck and sit in a row with the dogs to get a treat. And it would knock on the door if no one was out. I love the country!
The NH is going to work with the col again to see if they can get some improvement. We told them to go ahead and try, but it's doubtful there will be any change. She doesn't want anything except to come home. I would love to have her here, but I can't physically take care of her anymore.
I hope everyone starts to feel better...hoping the same for your loved ones...you ALL are special and are angels here on earth.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Marie got in early today from having her transfusions, so got to get out of there, get a few groceries, and made it home before the rain started.... supposed to be some high winds and some hail later on tonite.... it is amazing tho ya'll. no one has yet to complain about the rain... when you have a half million acre wild fire ten miles from you, cracks big enough to fall into, and not a drop of rain in two years, we just think we are blessed..... not crazy about the high wind.... but am not complaining about the rain... they are saying if we can get another 8-12 inches we will be out of the drought..... first time in over three years.....
Sonny's new thing is hawking and spitting, I have to keep an eye on him when he starts, he will spit anywhere, washing machine, trash cans, flower pots... YUUUUK..... I'd rather wipe butts than clean up spit......
Ok, am winding down, will check back later...
Vic happy to hear you are feeling a little better....yeah, wouldn't that be something if you went ahead and went to the Dr... soon.... yeah, that would be great...(sarcasm).... I really think the new format should have emoticons.... don't ya'll??
later, love ya'll and Jam thanks for the love this morning, I know I needed it....
River, the ladies are correct.....we have all done it at one time or another....and usually from exhaustion.....if you were a bad person, you wouldn't care that you did it......and if she has dementia, she won't remember it. Take it easy on yourself....it just uses up more energy you don't have.
Angel, don't stop there......sounds like you have more to get out of your system. This is the place to do it......and include yourself in that blessing!!!!
angela.....welcome and hugs to you! Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a button on the back of our loved one's neck that we can just push and the dementia goes away? Or at least the thousand repeated questions would stop......sometimes it's very hard to wake up with a smile when you know how the day is going to go...and then there are those days when that's all you do. Come back and visit, we offer love, compassion, support, and freely given hugs.............
Still raining here.............
Happy Trails Angels!
Jam
Know I was stressed it getting things done early so we wouldn't have lots to do when we came home..the more I thought about current caregiver the more I got upset.. She had worked with us every other friday and everywhere sat. For over a year. Then when her hours change at another job instead of saying I am working afternoons every Friday...but I could come until 2 ..she says she can't come at all on Fridays because she is going to stay with another lady every Friday from 7 to 2 at my neighbors.. I don't begrudge her that at all especially since my neighbor needs someone to stay 24/7 as she may fall. She uses a walker but with her ms and her kids not near it is safer for her to have someone there. As I said yesterday we found another lady..am real excited about it but she only has Saturday available.. So for dad to get used to her I felt the best would be to have her every Saturday. As soon as We make decision I text caregiver to call me at her earliest that I found someone..this was around noon..she finally calls back after 7 in the evening saying that she just got MSG.. Ok... Then she says that she has already been able to pick up someone else. I am happy for her but ..the more I thought about it the more I felt that we were just being pushed off to the side anyway and this was just passive aggressive..
That just added to my crappy day for myself! The pity party lasted all day!!! Stupid of me.. Feel shitty for treating mom and dad short and curt..
Prayed all day to be patient.. But when we ask for patience we get tribulation so that we can be patient!!!
The new lady will be here today...will go to my house hope hope to just hang out and do nothing but read and sleep and cuddle my kitty cat..maybe work on tax papers...hahahaha
Just vent away.. Needed to get it all out so I can move on..each day is a new day and we start from here right!? I love you all and thanks for listening.....
do you know her well enough to call and talk with her about this??? See what she has to say....???
sorry it was one of those days for you.... you haven't been feeling good and that wears us out on top of everything else..... Texas hugs to you Vickie Vic and you are one awesome daughter to do what you do every day and night..... so one blow up isn't any big deal... you will make up for it, but as what seems to be the norm for yesterdays post, we are HUMAN..... we get tired, we hurt, we can't think, we let things get to us.... wonder how our loved ones would handle it if they were taking care of us under these same circumstances.... you act like your parents never told you to shutup, or raised their voice to you.... I doubt that happened.... so be kind to yourself, look at all the things you did RIGHT yesterday....I love ya girl... today is a new day.... yesterday if done and gone..... lots of hugs for you today...
Brandy-Hugs to you.
Angela-Hi! Please come visit us again. There is a ton of support from people who know what you are going through.
Well, the brain tumors are shrinking. One is actually all gone, and now there is an empty spot where it used to be. Weird to think about an empty spot in her brain. They said didn't see the fourth tumor this time. That doesn't mean it's not there, just too small maybe.
Mom was pretty nervous waiting to see the doctor. She paced around the waiting room. It was good for her to get good news. And her cold is getting better, so she's good all the way around.
Dad is having more trouble. These treatments are taking a toll and he's having more trouble going to the bathroom. I guess all these flushes are irratating his bladder. I sure hope this works, because it getting harder on him.
Hubby and I talked last night. he knows how stressful this is for me, and I couldn't ask for a better or more supportive spouse. I am so lucky. I know that this is what I want to do, and that I will be a better (more wise?) person in the end. I may not remember that every time things get rough, but it does help sometimes.
Hope everyone has a good day today!
Prayers for all of you today...
And billy, come back and visit.... we need all the voices we can hear to get us thru our days.... we all have something to contribute... hugs to everyone...
Stormy, no murdering the husband..lol.. I've got the place to hide the body, I'm just not close enough to help you move it..lol, hubby's can be a bunch of big babies.. They want our attention and if our attention is spread out to other places, they can tend to pout, but in defense of the men, I will have to say that women can be the same way if the husband is working long hours, (they see if as providing for the family) or if they are off having fun with their buddies and leaving us at home alone to handle that end. Let him know how you are feeling. He might not understand it, but you'll feel better for doing it. Mine pouts and sulks if he doesn't get his way.
I hope that everyone has a better day,... Big Hugs and much love