This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Beyond resting, I haven't done nothing today.
What do you teach online??? and good luck with finding Mr. Right and hope he also has money... money is good too.... best wishes to you, hugs...
Jam, yes,it is rum and coke time.... bet your little head is smokin'....Is Target feeling any better???? Put all the IRS stuff down and relax and get some alchohol in you... It'll put the fire out in your brain..... love ya...
Stormy, there is no other way to ask this than to just ask it... why do you ask us questions and then not try any of it..... especially for Connor....If you had spent the past few days throwing up and going to the potty would YOU want to eat??? Get him jello, gatorade, thin soups.....We've all raised kids and managed not to kill any of them so mabe we know what we are talking about.... he's just little, it doesn't take much for him to dehydrate.....and keep him home until he is running around and getting on your nerves...THEN it's time to send him back to day care..... I hope I didn't piss you off or hurt your feelings.
Just a lazy cold day here, reading and snoozing, talking to the cat... by the way she agrees with me all the time, thats why I talk to her.... love ya'll, check in and let us know how you are....
MH-Pat! Pat! Pat! and many more. Welcome, and glad you found us. I've been caregiving for 4 months...you are an angel for doign it 19 years.
Today good: Stayed in my pj's ALL DAY! Just because I wanted to.
Today bad: Sat on my leg, then tried walking while my foot was asleep. Came down on it wrong and sprained my ankle something fierce. Big lump, lots of pain. Oh goodie.
Today Good: Mom offered to help me make cake since I'm a gimp. She and Dad did most of the work, and it actually was a nice time. And the cake was yummy.
I no longer expect perfect days. But I am grateful for a decent one like today (minus the ankle)
Hope everyone had a decent day or better.
So I take a moment to remind myself to be grateful she is as independent as she is, and the jobs she does around the house are really a big help even if I DO have to wait on her and/or hunt for things she has put somewhere other than where they belong......heck, my DH does that all the time! :)
Hope everyone has a restful night and gets a chance to watch the big game tomorrow if they want to. Super Bowl is one of the few sports events we pay any attention to, and then mostly for the commercials! Mom will probably stay in her rooms most of the afternoon because she doesn't like the noise of the TV. Hugs to all who are stressed this weekend. Like everyone else says, take a few moments for yourself, and don't let anyone tell you that it is selfish. Your loved one will survive and you will be a better caretaker if you take care of yourself FIRST!
Marjorie...know what you mean about your mom ..she is the opposite of dad..very independent, sharp as a tack at 91. Still gets around ..doesn't want any help.."I do too much " ..it has taken us awhile to get in a routine of sorts...she does quite a bit of puttering. She loads and unloads dishwasher, takes care of her laundry, makes her bed, pays her bills..I do statements.., she makes her and dads breakfast but I take care of lunch and dinner.. It is still so aggravating when I stop to do something else then come back and find her finishing what I didn't..errrrr .. At least I have stopped her from climbing step ladders, she will sneak outside without telling me..not that there is a problem with going outside but what if something happens! Of couse she doesn't need any help to walk..I can do it myself! ...
I have learned to back off and give her as much independence as I can..while running around making sure there isn't anything on the floors that she will bend down and pick up or get the broom....try to outthink them is like crazy!! Oh well....I am very grateful that she is in such good physical and mental shape.
Dad is doing ok...staying the same bad days aren't quite so bad right now..yaay
My day yesterday was nice...I cuddled with my kitty at home..and your right ladee she has never not once talked back to me..but she is very demanding when she want fresh water or fresh food and a treat!! Haha
We will try to make it to church today.. Then the big game...although don't think dad will make it as he has been going to bed pretty early these days..forgot to raise his legs a little last night..he is so squirmy..when he called to pee he was already scrunched down at the bottom of the bed!! So got him all fixed up...dummy me! Lol
god bless all of you and pray that whatever situation you are in that it is the best day possible!!
I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Here is a little line I use sometimes, you might find it useful down the road, or at least have a little laugh. "Not only did he/she get on my last nerve, he/she stood on it, jumped up and down on it, and ground it into the dirt! LOL! "For when the times get rough"
We've heard from new friends and old friends and how much better can that be?
MH.....PATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPATPAT....for you! And say a big yes when you find Mr. Right!
notlike.....ouch! Too easy to snap an ankle....if it's not better in a couple of days better get an xray. So happy you had a good time with Mom and Dad....and cake too.
marj....your mil sounds so much like how the col used to be. She wanted to do everything for herself and for the most part I stood back and let her do it then I would go along behind her and redo it....but she really lost the ability to do that a long time ago.....that came with an epiphany the other day.
Vic....so glad you got to have some cuddle time. And I bet kitty appreciated that too. My chihuahua was a bit frustrated with me yesterday since I ignored him a little too long....he went on a kiss and hugfest last night.....takes the tension away.
johnycares......good to hear from you. Yes, it's sad and breaks your heart, but remember all the love from your wife that she has given and this is not her fault...it's a short-circuit that she can do nothing about.
Taxes.....is there anything worse? Well I guess a diaper full of pingo.....but finally got them done. Did the col's first and I kept coming up with this huge overpayment, she always pays her taxes quarterly, so my son had to come help his poor ol' momma......and he came up with the same. And yes, long form for us and the hard part was trying to figure out the form for foreign credit. That's what had me running in idiotic circles....and causing a dependency on alcohol...:) Started printing it all and Target is having kittens..I made the mistake of hitting the "save return and worksheets"....52 pages later.......what saved us this year is paying our own insurance premiums.
Couple of days ago we went to a reception at the hospital for a couple of friends who are retiring. It was so good to see old friends and Target is much loved and missed by the hospital personnel. Everyone was asking how the col is doing and then that made us talk about her later......and we came to realize that her dementia actually started back around 2002. We thought about some of the things she did, like getting confused with simple driving directions. We were so busy with our own careers that we didn't take the time to even think that there might be a problem.....if we had I don't know that it would have made a difference or maybe it would have made things worse....perhaps leaving her to fend for herself for those few years kept her brain more active. How do you know?
I hope everyone has a wonderful Super Bowl Sunday....I'm having lunch with 2 sisters today, then watch the game tonight with Target.
Happy Trails,
Jam
Asg- I will try the jello trick, sounds good to me. Well i hope ya'll have a good super bowl day. Love and hugs stormyyy
It seems that everyone is having a better day, it's been a lazy one for me, haven't been doing much at all today, I'll be missing the "Big" game, we don't have a TV here in the motorhome, been without one since August, although we have had the opportunity to watch some when we either had a hotel or were at a friends house.
Even if we did have one, I don't believe it would be on the game..lol, I'm not a football fan and Glenn isn't a big one either. Give me the History channel or Animal Planet.
Back started acting like it wanted to go out, so I went down and soaked in the jacuzzi for a while, feels much better now, will miss having those available once we hit the road. Everything is looking good for a end of Feb, first week in March take off.. Big hugs everyone
Like Starri, it's just been a lazy day... cold here and that is unusual for us....
Have been working on a sculpture of a doll head, relaxing when I can be creative... haven't done anything like this in a long while....
It's not even 8 and I am ready to go to bed, but know I can't... I'll wake up at two in the morning and won't be able to go back to sleep....
I would find a place to watch the game if the Saints were playing... WHO DAT???
Hope everyone had a good day, love ya'll
Now I may be an out of control freak by 9 am, but I am trying to start it with love and gratitude....hugs across the miles to you all....
I have a quiet day ahead of me, got a little running around to do, but beyond that a lazy day... been having several of those.. Almost for a year now..lol, Glenn and I are going to be heading back to SC soon, if the situation with his Mom doesn't require us staying put on this side of the USA for a while. His step Sister is currently living with Mom and Mom's condition has been going down hill fast. Physical ad Mental, we believe it's the onset of AZ, she's having more and more problems being able to move around.
We're planning on stopping and seeing her again on our way out, Glenn and his Sister Kathy went up the other day. We'll stay over a couple of days on our way out of CA and then head for Surprise and then Giddings, we will make it to Giddings and then see if we need to head back this way or continue on to SC. Eventually we have to make it home, just not sure when, and what we are going to do when we hit there.
Hope that everyone has a wonderful day...
Have read back over some of the posts lately and I have noticed that even though everyone hits the occasional rough spot in their care giving....when each one of you closes your eyes at night you are still a loving, compassionate, supportive group of care givers who wouldn't trade what you are currently doing. And those who are not currently care giving wouldn't change a thing about the past. I am blessed to know all of you!
The col is on a campaign to come home. She has decided she has no friends, she is losing her identity, she is a prisoner and there is no reason she cannot come home. Her Alzheimer's prevents her from realizing that a wheelchair won't fit in her house and neither one of us can lift her. Her comeback is "you're a doctor, figure it out"......or "get stronger"......I'm just thankful she forgets in 2 minutes. I still expect at any time to get a call saying she went to sleep and didn't wake up.
Supposed to rain here today so don't know that I will get out and go anywhere.....maybe it's a good day to crochet and watch tv.....laundry done yesterday.........hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful day!
Ro..........I hope you are staying warm and safe.....have been thinking of you!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Hope everyone has a good day.... quite here yesterday.... everyone trying to stay warm or dry or both...ready for some sunshine... grey days are getting old....
Ro, even tho this is your first snow in twenty odd years, you are one awesome photographer.....not everyone can take pics of snow and make them so beautiful..... hope you are staying warm and get to get mama out of the house soon.... at least push her chair outside the door for a few minutes so she can see the snow, then bring her back in....
Everyone else, let us hear from you so we know you are ok.... love, hugs and angels...