This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sunday we did make it to church..but got take out as it is harder and harder to get dad in places. Yesterday..he had appt with ENT to get wax cleaned out of ears ..he did great..we have to do this about every three months ..they checked his hearing aids and off we went to dermatologist for a walk in..dad had a cancer on his check that was pretty bad underneath shin mor than on to...poor guy it was vet painful for him..he did pretty good last night except for the times he called me to find out what time it was..as he didn't want to ach for his clock and the time he wanted coffee and the times to tell me to take bandage off his cheek....oh well!! Lol he is pretty perky this morning...today he goes for another procrit shot. guess I will make lunch/dinner early so they can have their big meal at lunch time. They seem to do better that way...and I am not so tired...love and prayers to all.
And paid or not, we all have pretty much the same things that drive us insane or makes us worry..... Yes, this is a choice....
Marie is hurting today, she is always hurting somewhere... and man was she grumpy.... after she ripped Sonny's head off, instead of saying anything I just went to him and rubbed his back, showed him where his water was, showed him his pills... I could see her out of the corner of my eye, she looked ashamed.... first time I have seen that.... so I didn't say anything, just got Sonny settled and went on about my business... as the day progressed, when she saw I was going to ignore her bad mood, she got nicer..... sonny can't help the things he says or does, but she can... it does no good to talk to her, I've already tried that... so guess as the old saying goes, actions speaks louder than words... she was alot nicer to him as the day went on.... I can only imagine some of the things she says to him when no one is around.... I don't expect her to walk on eggshells with him, but he wasn't doing anything, it was just the mood she was in.....
So at least for a few hours a day I know he is safe, treated with respect and dignity, he will do anything I ask of him, taking the laundry hampers back to thier place... I have to go with him, and if he sets one down in the middle of the room he can't find it later.... bless his heart.... and yes he forgets about her outbursts a few minutes later, but at the time it hurts his feelings and embarrases him....
Alz leaAves them with no dignity.... it is up to those of us who care for them to provide that in meaningful ways.....I have taken care of some people who are so selfish, self centered, mean, physically abusive, ect... and Sonny is just a little sweetheart....so I am the one receiving the blessing here....
So no matter who we are, why we are doing what we do, we have to have each other.... I would be so lost sometimes if i didn't have you guys to talk to , laugh with, cry with.... so on those days when we are judging ourself too harsly, we need to give ourself some credit for still being there doing what we are doing...
love and hugs...
Did have a nice birthday supper for Mom yesterday. Got her flowers and some crossword puzzle books. My nieces played her a little concert, including Happy Birthday, on videochat.
Not so gimpy today. My ankle is still swollen, but getting better.
I'll try and check in tonight after I see how Mom is taking all this.
Let us know what is decided, prayers for all of you....
Very happy to hear her bday was fun for everyone.... In case this is the last one, I am happy it was a good one and good memories for you....
How is your dad doing with his treatments...
I just don't know how you are holding it all together with all that is going on.... it just amazes me.... extra hugs for you... and glad you're walking better, stay off of it as much as you can...
take care, love and hugs...
We do this because there is something inside us that guides us to help others and love...thank you for everything you have given me..when you. Vent rant and rave when you tell happy stories and little milestones...it makes it better for all of us to carry on. We are in this together and have formed and forged friendships though hardships..God Bless you all
And you are just precious is what you are..... I know you have a very strong faith and I take out a little loan every now and then... when my bucket is empty, I know you have a little extra.... love and hugs to you.....
The snow was melting and I hoped we would come to an end of this, but it seems another snowstorm is arriving, which means one more week or 10 days of this life! Geez I love snow. I enjoy my walks with my dogs and they are crazy with joy. But I would like to find a way to have snow and a normal life in the same time.
Prayers for everyone today, and thanks Jam for telling us all we are worthwhile women and men, we need to hear that sometimes.... a boost in the joy department.... hope everyone and thier loved ones have a good day...
Ro, you are taking some awesome pics..... enjoy what you can of the snow and the dogs look they are enjoying it too... sorry mama is calling you a million and one times a day.....too bad she just wont set in that wheelchair, then she could be where ever you are....
notlike, let us know if any decisions have been made in regard to your moms treatment options....
Vic... arent' we lovin' being humans..... sucks sometimes doesn't it...
Ok, going to go see if Marie is in a better mood today... don't feel good so will fly under her radar today...she is going to the beauty shop for a perm and haircut, so Sonny and I will set on the couch and stare out the window....
love to everyone....
Woke up to a dusting of snow on the deck.....didn't think I would see any of that this year. As soon as the sun comes out that will disappear.
ladee.....don't you wonder if Marie will get meaner as she ages......I wish she felt better, then she might be in a better mood. Hope you get to feeling better.....I hate colds!
Ro......very beautiful photography of the snow but I so wish for warmer weather for you. From what I have been reading the winter is devastating for Europe and Asia. I read why this is happening which was interesting....has to do with a certain Arctic wind pattern. This time last year we were digging out of 3' of snow....this year the grass has been turning dark green and my daffodils are up about 4 inches and daily temps in the 50's and 60's.
notlike......so happy Mom's birthday celebration was good....doesn't that make your mind rest? Decisions, decisions painful to make....please let us know how things progress with Mom and Dad.
Vic....yes I also love seeing the pics...helps so much when you are writing about Mom and Dad to have that visual in my head. Sometimes take-out is such a life saver......Zoey did crockpot last night, waiting to see how it was....:)
burned....all that paperwork is a royal pain in the butt...once you get it done though you can sit back and relax and be a good momma.
Talked with the floor nurse yesterday at the NH....they are putting an elopement alarm on the col's wheelchair. So far she hasn't attempted to leave but she is talking about it all the time. Target is praying her Alzheimer's doesn't deteriorate into her sitting in the corner and hollering all the time to go home. He is having a hard enough time dealing with her decline as it is. We still listen to the scanner constantly and I just heard the ambulance go out for a fall at her NH.....this is what we deal with now. When that happens I wait to see if the phone will ring....did that same exact thing when my mom was still alive and living there.
Have a great day.........will check in later!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Glad you guys like the pic of parents. It was taken year and a half ago when mom turned 90! Dad was doing pretty good that year and was released from hospice.. They both still look pretty good though! Dad will be 87 in June ...mom 92 in July!
Dads cheek is still red and has this 1/2 in diameter hole..redness around but looks better today. Just going to take time to heal. Yesterday dad had another procrit shot. Think one more befor we see doc again in March. He looks better and with the melatonin sleeps some better... Mom had her monthly protien test for blood thickness since she is on Coumadin. It was perfect..and I was even the little hostess as I made spaghetti.. Ro, dad is first generation american on dads side and secon d on his mothers. Grandpa was from northern Rome and Grandma was from Sicily! And my mother became a US citizen..she is from Costa Rica. So we have a very diverse eating style!!! Haha. My uncle once had family tree done..never did get to read because the one mom had borrowed was in Spanish! Course all I speak is American...hahaha my understanding though that the Baglioni I Hotel in Rome are some distant relations....they must have been the rich ones..oh well.
Well....today the cleaning lady is here..been a busy morning before she came as we had to get the house "straightened"! See Baumgark...aaaarrrrgggghhh....
Oh yea..my mom had bought new living room furniture a ear or so ago..and of course dads recliner had to be replaced as well. The new one..he has always slipped out frm and sits low ..well anyway hubby and I took the old chair to our house and had been talking about bringing it back here to see if dad sits better. Weeeelllllllll....yep got a wild hair up my behind! I go get it rearrange living room but can't move the new one to our house cause it doesn't come apart and is heavier...so I bring it to my bedroom here at moms...well had to rearrange ts room! Mom DID NOT like it cause I moved the chest of drawers and put tv on top so that I could put chair on my side of bed....she said it looked terrible!! Soooo, this morning before cleaning lady comes I swap the end table that is on hubby's side with chest of drawers.... Mom is happy and I am sore as heck.. Still have to swap out stuff in drawers..but have a week before hubby comes home....
Was going to make shrimp creole tonight for dinner...think they will get a frozen pot pie instead!
Stormy so sorry you and sis have brain fog..probably stress and lack of sleep and a regular routine.... Hope you all can catch a break soon.
Notlike ...glad birthday celebratin was good and happy! Hope you guys can have a good discussion with moms treatment.
Jam..hubby had the snow yesterday too..only a couple of inches and it melted pretty quick..now he is complaining of it being cold and rain coming in. Poor sweetie..I do ask him if he needs me to call the waymbulance!! So sorry about COL' decline.. Praying for her and you all.
Ro..I get so tired of hearing my an,e and you are right we have to be the fastest pee ers on earth! Wish mom could go outside but glad you can get out there.
Dear ladee...hope you get to feeling better...take OTC drugs!!... Chicken soup and sleep! ..sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Rossel - I am still laughing at your Robocop comment :)
Ladee - Are you feeling better? Sending you chicken soup and hugs.
Jam-Why do we put ourselves through things like listening to the scanner? Remember, we are all there in spirit listening with you. Hugs.
Most of the time. I feel zombified and foggy, too. Part of my brain is always thinking about Mom and Dad, part wonders what important things I've forgotten to do, and what's left just isn't enough to think straight with for the whole day. Winston Churchhill said "When you're going through hell, keep going," so that's what I do.
Mom had chosen not to choose right now. She has another CT scan on Friday, then we meet with the docs again next week. Those results could change what they offer her. So I think she's being wise, not picking right now. On the other hand, she seems to be leaning toward doing the radiation. I hope she doesn't get too sick. She lost 5 pounds and got dehydrated just having a cold and sore throat. Week after week of radiation sickness could really hurt her. We were able to talk about it somewhat last night. She didn't get mad at me, but I could see her starting to tense up while we talked. I'm letting it go for now. She doesn't even have to chose next week, and things could look different anyway after the scan. The hard part was talking to Dad. I asked him what he thought about the whole thing, and he said since it would make Mom better, she should do it. I don't think we were listening to the same doctor! It broke my heart to explain to him that it's not a cure. This isn't the first time he didn't understand the reality of what the doctors were saying, and it probably won't be the last. It's not the docs fault - my parents hear what they want to hear. Hope is good, but false hope isn't easy for me to deal with at home. Thank you for your comments and wondering how it was going. I think this is just another chapter in this whole book. And I'm pretty sure I know the ending.
I graduated myself from an ace bandage to my ankle brace today. I hate wrapping ace bandages! And it's sore, but getting better. I can walk for quite a bit before it starts to hurt. Improvement, yeah!
Good night all. We used to have a news anchor here who ended the 10 o'clock broadcast with "Good night and Better Tomorrows." I don't think he's mind if I borrowed that.
i'll get caught up tomorrow, don't feel good, going to bed...ttyl... love and hugs..
Baum, I understand so much what it means to be out of the normal world. I am starving for human contacts and I chat with any person I meet the few spare hours I have in my day.
Jam, snow is good after all.... When it snows, spring is richer!
Stormy it seems you have gotten Connor's virus. Brain fog? It is my normal state of mind, even before I started to live with my mother.
Notlike, I stole the Churchill quote and I posted it on Facebook. Maybe it is better your parents, and your father in particular, don't understand the situation as it is. Maybe it will help them live better the rest of their life.
Vic, so you have an Italian last name!!!!!!!! Yes I bet you eat well at your home, a mix of Italian and Center American. Yum!
Ladee maybe you got a cold because of the rain. You have to wear always boots and never stay with your feet wet!
'night everybody
A BIG welcome to eln and baumgark.......it sounds like you can fit in here very well....for the most part we all have limited outside contact with the real world and function on a level of exhaustion. Come back and visit with us....we'll leave the light on.
notlike.....I lived and breathed that darn scanner for 25 yrs and even though I tell Target I'm sick of hearing it, these ears perk up when that tone goes off. Glad to hear your ankle is healing.....I always told Target he would be in a mell of a hess...:) if something ever happened to me!
stormy....sounds like you have a virus...sometimes they affect people differently. As for the other....wellllllllll girlfriend....remember that most of here are way past that and now we can poke fun at you....hugs sweetie...:)
ladee.....I am so paranoid about picking up a germ that when I walk into Walmart I won't touch a cart until I wipe it down.....for a couple of weeks they didn't have any wipes out so I got my bottle out of my purse.....thank you Bath and Body Works.....people look at me funny....but then maybe that's because I look funny.....hope you start to feel better soon and Diva gets into a better mood...my goodness!
Vic.....I thought I was the Queen of Furniture Moving.....I accede to you...............
Looks like the temps today will be the last of moderate weather....going to be in the 20's in a couple of days....winter is here and my green grass and daffodils won't like it. You're right Ro....we need every snowflake and ounce of rain we can get. When I was looking at your pics and showing them to Target, he wants to know if the snow adversely affects the olive trees or if they do just fine.
House is clean, laundry done so today Target wants me to make him another apple crisp...found a simple recipe that is so good...then going to make some pillows for the col's couch and hot glue ribbon to the plain white lamp shade....then I need to decide what color to paint the table the tv sits on and Luther Burbank's sisters table......both apricot....both blue...or one of each......
Talked with the col yesterday and now it's become "I want to go home" over and over......I explained to Target that he needs to redirect her.....he is feeling so bad for her. I have taken a step back, but he isn't able to.
Hope you all have a great day....will check back in later.....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Maire got her hair cut and a new perm and she was a little perkier when she got back....Sonny spent 20 minutes trying to explain to me how the place his is "staying" is going to be changing... he kept sweeping his arm and trying to show me where things were going to be different... my laugh with him for the day came when I took a break and sat by him on the couch....there was a local news station on and they feature local muscians, this particular group, one had dreds, one had on neon red leather pants and hair out to here....they were jumping all over the place, the guy with the dreds was swinging his head and they were head banging the music, Sonny looked over at me and said in a very sarcastic voice, " well I could just listen to them until the cows came home"..... I roard with laughter..... see why I put up with Maries mood swings.... Sonny is my sweetie....and we do spend time laughing... and every now and then when Marie can't hear him he'll look at me and say, " that one there is a mean one"..... and ya'll know I am loving that.....so in order to be able to share this part of Sonny's life, I tolerate the other stuff... there is no perfect situation, no where on earth... so I enjoy Sonny and take the rest in stride.....
Hope you new ladies come back and visit..... we always have room for more....
Ro, here in Texas we all wear boots... cowboy and cowgirl boots... it's not the rain, it's the crazy hot one day cold the next weather.... and we are all needing some sunshine.....grey is wearing us down....
I will hurry up and get my clothes out of the basket while the Diva is laying on her bed.... she won't bite me if I don't bother her.... our attitudes are very much alike... love ya'll have a good day and sending angels to help you with the hard parts....
Jam and Ros- Well i feel better today thank the Lord. I just hope whatever it was has now passed on. Thanks for the concern.
Ladee- Glad that you and Sonny had a good laugh at the head bangers. I can't say a thing cause i used to be one of the groupies. Loved me some head banging music. But that was yearssssss ago. I can definetely see where sonny would think where do they find these people at?
Asg- glad to hear that you will be getting some help for your aunt now. But sorry about the fall. I hope you get a good nurse too!!
Well hubby was in pain last night. His knee has been bothering him for a week now and last night he decided to go to the dr today. They said that it was inflammed and that he could have a torn meniscus. Or it could be just inflammed. He goes for a mri saturday and doc has taken him out of work until then. Then he goes back tues for the results. Ok Jam- you are the emt/dr in the ac family. What happens if this thing is torn? Love and hugs stormyyy