This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Prayers for all....
It seems our snowy days are coming to an end... I saw a flock of swallows today and in Europe it means spring is arriving. It is the same there? They were so cute, so black against the snow. I am looking forward to go back to normal because I miss taking my car and going out 2-3 hours a day. But I will miss snow. It was not so dramatic for me as in other parts of Italy where they really had serious problems...
I am worried for Greece now and I just think that in Italy we'll be the next ones to crowd the squares and set fire to buildings.
Burned-Sending prayers for your hubby.
Cmag-good to hear from you. Hope the C-pap,new meds, and new doc work out. My Dad had his second sleep study this weekend, so they could set up his C-pap and O2. The tech told him that his Dad died in his sleep and that's why he started working in medicine. I hope that convinces my Dad to use the machine.
Vic-glad your Dad is doing okay.
Ladee-Sending you really warm hugs so you have some heat. :)
Hello to all the new people. Please keep coming back.
Well, I spent Saturday morning in the ER with Mom. Her neck swelled up overnight. No problems breathing, but it was weird. They said it could be from the contrast dye on Friday, or because her lymph nodes are irratated. They didn't draw blood or anything. And they made a point of telling her to get her CT results this week, so that makes me wonder if the cancer has anything to do with it. I have some Googling to do, I guess. We see the doc tomorrow, so we'll find out for sure then.
I was also able to shut her up when she started in on my Dad. She expected me to agree with her, and I just said "Do you really want to go there?" This was on the way to the ER! Here we both are, Dad and I, taking her, and all she wants to do is be mean. At least ER was quiet and it didn't take all day.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Happy Valentine's Day back at ya ladee and to all the other sweethearts as well!
I got candy and flowers.....flowers to make me think Spring and candy to add a calorie or two to my butt. Will be getting a new fridge soon, but I'm not counting that.
Went to visit with the col on Sunday, took her flowers for the holiday, she was very pleased. Also discovered that she is certifiably over the edge......it's fascinating what Alzheimer's does to the mind or rather what's left of it. She just insisted on showing us how she could get up and walk.....this was after getting my assurance that when she did walk she could come home. I told her we would talk about it. So after 3 times of sitting there grunting and telling me her arms had gotten too long to lift her she finally gave up. She has started calling us both nonsensical names....like asking or answering a question and following it with "bubbybooboo" or some other bunch of words, for lack of a better term.
Going to sit and watch the snow melt today....I've had my winter and now I'm ready for Spring....anymore snow will get sent north by way of snow dance!!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Jam-it must be difficult to see the Col like that. Hugs.
Meeting with 2 docs today for Mom. Would just like to get through the next few hours before the appointments without worrying myself insane. We get the CT scan results today.
I'll check back later.
Prayers for you Notlike and Jam take care you
hugs and angels...
ASG... why did she refuse the tests ? did I read it right? And sweetie if she doesn't want the tests, it really doesn't matter what is wrong other than you getting an answer... sounds as tho she doesn't want to know.I know it is crazy making for you, and why are you sleeping in a chair, is she in the hospital? Forgive me if I have missed something important that you posted to answer all those questions.... You can make her comfortable, let her eat what and when she wants, doesn't sound like there is much else you can do... I'm sorry you don't have more answers and feel like you are flying blind...let us know how she is, and get some good sleep in a bed... hugs to you...
z1z2, sorry you have been sick, but sounds like you got a little vacation of sorts.... sounds like your family is very busy, but am grateful they took care of her and you for a change... hope you are up and about soon...
My little Sonny man was very quite and sad today.... I asked him if he was sad today, he said yes, but he didn't know why... his best friend passed away Sunday, Marie told him and he got very upset.... but he knows something sad is going on in his world, and I feel so bad for him not being able to put it all together.... just gave him lots of pats today....
I did get a beautiful surprise from Maries daughter, chocolate covered strawberrys and a beautiful card... can't tell you the last time I got anything for Valentine's Day, so it was a very nice surprise....
Hope you all had someone to make you feel special today.... you are all special to me everyday, but a special ' love ya' from me today....
Asg- sorry you are without answers about what is wrong with your aunt. I know how you feel, I feel that these drs are not being straight with us half the time. And there is nothing you can do about it. I hope you will be able to find some answers somehow. Not knowing what is wrong is the hardest.
Notlike- I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hugs, and prayers.
Zoey-glad that you are feeling better but i know you hate that your mini vacation is over.
It's sad that we as caregivers have to get sick in order to "get away" or have a "mini vacation". And i know sometimes i would wish to get sick so i could get one just so i wouldn't have to go to dads. How sick is that??????
Vic-hope you had a good day today.
Ladee- glad that you got a card today. I hope that it brightened your day some. Love and hugs ya'll stormyyy
e. When they
And Sonny, he is such a sweetheart, no way could someone care for this man and not love him.....so I am blessed I feel....
And even tho Auntie is a strange one sometimes, she does feel safe with you, she trusts you, and trust yourself to make the right choices when and if the time comes....and yes you can deal with end of life issues.... that's what we do, family or not.... the only time I have not been detached was when my mom died... but that was my mom.... whole different set of dynamics there....but when something happens to Sonny I am going to be devastated...so I know what you are talking about.... but how will the kids deal with this if and when something happens in the home... It is different for us as adults..... something to consider.... and glad to hear you are making some plan B's and C's.... you know we are here for you , don't push your feeling to the side.... love ya
Good night everybody.