This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Doing a drive-by this morning to check on everyone.......Mother Hen ya know...:)
Welcome Kenna.....happy to see you here and glad you found the website also....there is a ton of support to be found.
ladee......I wake up everyday and try to have your attitude about things....you're special to me!
seeme......Happy 40th Anniversary to you! Do something fun......
notlike....I have this voodoo doll............ladee is using it but I bet she would share
stormy.....it's probably the trees starting to bud, that is when my seasonal allergies start, so you're not alone in the runny nose department.......
Vic......I also try to have your attitude each day.....you are such a good and loving daughter.
Ro.....have seen you on FB...glad to hear the snow is gone and hope all is well with you and Mom.
YooHoo............where are the rest of you? Having days of leisure.........
The col phone calls are continuing.....Target looked at me last night after the last one and says "where in the world did she find that whiny, baby voice"..........uh, just now noticing that are we? This was a very strong woman who worked as a Social Worker in the inner city before computers and nice soft, cushy chairs and where the customer came to you.........I hate Alzheimer's with every fiber of my being!
Hoping y'all have a wonderful day.......hugs and prayers to all of our angels!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Thanks for the anniversary wishes. Hubby and I were going to Red Lobster for supper, but I have been shoveling rock from one flower bed to another and I am pooped. Back hurts from all the twisting, so wings and pizza for supper and it will have to be delivered......as long as I'm not cooking, it sounds good to me.
I've decided to get a little bistro set for under the breezeway to use in the summer. Will probably have to be concrete so it won't blow away.....we get real good breezes through there.
Notlike, you have definitely progressed on the trip of your life. Sounds like you are handling things better with mom.......at least, better for you. And Ladee is pissing Marie off without meaning to. If only she wouldn't make so many MISTAKES!!!!! Remember.....a smile makes them wonder what you are up to..........
Hope everyone has a good day..................later
seeme....wings and pizza and just the two of you sounds good too!
I stopped and picked up a slab of ribs after getting my hair done.....put a few subtle highlights on the top and I'm now wearing the same style as Lisa Rinna.....will see how long that lasts...it's probably been close to 15 yrs since my hair was longer than 3 inches! Something tells me it will be again soon............
Haven't heard from our problem child this afternoon...aka ladee.....she's probably cleaning up her MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to all!!!!!
Good thing I don't expect any thank you's or my, that was good's from her, I would come home crying everyday, no, I'd be crying at work.... jeeezz, that's pretty bad when you have to complain about the potatoes, and like Notlike's mom, I probably didn't serve them in the right bowl..... !!!!!
Oh well, the woman is simply teaching me how "not" to be....and guess I don't need to expect a reference from her, I make too many mistakes.... (smiley face emoticon here)
But on the real side of life, it was beautiful here today, got up to the love 80's....
Of course it will be cold again by the weekend, that 's my punishment for making so many mistakes....
I don't have allergies, but feel really bad for those who do... we have 'cedar fever' here and so many folks get so sick....
The Diva is staring at me so guess it's time to eat, should have brought her some potatoes....
love ya'll, hugs and angels...
Seeme-deleivery dinner always sounds good to me, too. Happy A!
Jam-you could make a fortune in vodoo dolls, I'll bet LOL
Ladee-I am so glad I found you and everyone on this site. I appreciate you all saying how far I've come...I would not have made it through the dark time without you! And I look forward to everyone's posts - the strength here is beyond amazing.
Kudos to my sis, who had the girls make Easter decorations for the shelf in Mom's room. I love my kid sis and she makes this easier.
Mom got material today to start making skirts for the girls. We'll see how much energy she really has. She pinned a picture above her sewing table, on the good woodwork. When I asked her to not do that anymore, she said she asked Dad if I would mind. Argh! Wouldn't ask me herself, and now she can blame it on Dad. I've also been asking her each night what their dinner plans are, since last week she was too tired to cook for herself, and sometimes i make things I know Dad likes. Tonight she asks me if I've been "at her" about dinner because I think she's not eating enough! Well, I thought asking was how you found things out. Silly me. Ladee - this one's for you:
I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm going to go make some more.
Put that in a serving bowl! LOL
Good night, and better tomorrows.
She is always very tired when getting back from Austin, understanbly so, so I really hated to have to tell her of the MISTAKE I had made, so started out telling her the good news first, clean and ironed curtains, ect... then told her I had called her daughter about the fixture, and it worked... it diffused the situation, and the only comment made was, "well, you didn't have it in there right", my reply..... " well DUH".......so got to slide on out of there with my a$$ still attached.... today may be another story since she has time to rest and recharge her ' bitter' batterey....and you're right Notlike, lets make as many mistakes as possible so we will be very very wise one day.... lol...
Hope she does feel like making the girls skirts, will give her something to do and make her feel better (?) ...And give your sis hugs for me for making things easier for you..... every bit helps....
I am up this time of morning because a cold front is going thru and shaking my little house all over the place... so thought I should post before I end up in the Land of Blah's....... love ya and keep up the good work, at least we can see some humor in our situations and that always helps....
We're here in Long Beach now, got the paperwork I needed, it's overcast and kinda foggy, but not a bad day I guess, had a nice dinner with the Eldest.. food was great.
right now I am listening to Glenn snore.lol, we'll be taking off for Garden Grove about noon, will stay there for a couple of days and then head back to Desert Hot Springs to start putting the finishing touches on the RV and Trailer, so that we can hopefully hit the road come the first.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day, and there is peace and quiet on the homefront.
brandy......what state are you in again? Want to make sure I stay off the roads....just in case. I was in the DMV one day and watched the person administering the test talk a little old lady through the whole thing...she didn't know what the roads signs were...couldn't understand what he wanted her to do....took her pic and handed her the new license and out the door she went. The number of elderly I have picked up from wrecks, without valid licenses, was really surprising. They don't care if they have one or not. I love hubby's response.....:)
I will call the daughter this evening and tell her what happened... Don't think the daughter will be upset, but I do want her to know about it....not the most professional thing I've ever done....
Hope ya'll had a better day than I did... Brandy , love what your husband said.... sorry it is so crazy making for you but seems you can at least see the humor in some of it...
Jam, hope the new meds work for the col... think I use some of that myself this evening.....it's times like this that I hate it that I can't even have a glass of wine to unwind.... oh well, deep breaths, deep breaths, a good nights sleep and a new day tomorrow....
love and hugs...
ladee.....told ya that might be what it takes to settle Marie down. And I bet her daughter will tell you it's okay and she's glad you stood your ground. Thank goodness you have a couple of days without having to put up with her bad attitude.
Haven't talked with the col yet tonight but will call after dinner and see how she's doing.
Target and I are going to start walking tomorrow.....must get in shape....and this will help when our Vegas trip gets here. My shins always get so sore about the 2nd day of walking around the casinos. Wish me luck!!!!!
Hope everyone has had a great day........check in when you can! Hugs to all!
Ladee hugs hugs hugs Internet hugs coming your way to give you strength and peace.
Notlike hope mom gets focused on sewing and gives you relief..give her some tape to put pictures up. You are a good daughter who love her parents ...
Burned hope you have a better day today sending hugs your way too
Brandy...prayers.
Starri...getting close woohoo!!
Jam so sorry bout your friends son.. Can't imagine why they would have passed on an incline...only like you say must have been their time..but how hard
Hope col does good on the seraquel..walking and fresh air! Now thats a great combo!!
Little flowers are popping up here...there is a light
Mom and dad are hanging in there ... The procrit shots that dad is getting seem to be helping..his arms aren't all purple from bruises and his skin looks better. His body though is another story...so ridgid most of the time communication not real good but does know what's going on.. The other day it was warm so we sat on the porch for awhile. I got him to stand holding the railing for a couple of minutes. He did great...
All we can do is one day and one moment at a time right!? You all are always in my thoughts and prayers....
Hubby and I have day off today..looking forward ... Really need to put things away and clean my house up...hubby my pack rat..wants to start cleaning out his shop...who knows what we will do or not do today...still havent started taxes...why oh why do I procrastinate sooo...lol
Burned hang in there. Vic, how about "not" cleaning out his shop today and just enjoy your day off? Ladee, get some rest, no marie thoughts for today.
love you all, hope everyone has a good day...
Today however, she has been struggling with a congested cough, weak, tired, little appetite
I know we have all read the following in a shorter version....but thought I would share it again today.......hugs to all!
PLACES WHERE I HAVE BEEN
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots.
Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
PLEASE DO YOUR PART!
Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days throughout the year.
You can do your bit by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is done!
Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! From one unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!
Hugs to everyone. Those who can see the spring coming with flowers and trips, and those still in winter's darkness with sick children, and our everyday burdens.
Had the house almost to myself today - just the son home. Hubby at work and M&D out shopping. Mopped the floor (without Dad, and my back is paying for it, oh well), dusted, laundry. I get alot more done when I'm alone.
Got some snow here yesterday, so spring seems farther away again. Saw 3 deer in the backyard - Mom was thrilled. Should warm up tomorrow, so I will go out and fill the bird feeders.
Only one doctor appt this week, for Dad with the primary. Not expecting any surprises. Don't want any surprises. I hope Upstairs is listening. :)