This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Hugs for Dad....I'm sure his appt will be fine. Glad he and Mom got out today...
Thanks for love and support, it is sort of like raising children, there is no handbook on how to handle ourself when tired and frustrated.... well there is, the Bible, but all those wonderful words just go out the window sometimes.....
I so appreciate that we all accept each others humaness , even when we can not accept our own......
love, hugs and angels to all my YOU friends......
Today is going to be a good day!
Notlike, hope you body feels decent today after all that work! Glad you got some quiet time at home! Like you ..we only have one dr appt next week...
love to you-
who is now on this little island "music"-taking a dip to cool off..i get so wound up sometimes-ya know?
Good news about my preemie grandson... he is taking his bottle and making such progress that he may not be in the hospital as long as they predicted....he is getting stronger every day... Thank you God, for that little miracle that I am going to spoil rotten.....
Going to get on with my cleaning and feel good about some progress being made....
Oh and by the way, I found a globe to replace the one that I dropped at Maries... so hopefully I will use this fresh awarness of my lack of taking care of myself to have a much better week with her....
Love and appreciate all of you... could not continue this jounrney with any kind of sanity without y'all.....
Welcome to our new posters....come and visit with us and vent away if you need to...that's why we're here.
Oysters1....we think the same things....I hope that my mil will pass in her sleep....I think we all hope that our loved ones will go quietly and in peace. My mom struggled to breathe through the pneumonia but at least the morphine helped ease her somewhat.
stormy....we do homemade pizza here a lot...so much better when you can really glop it on. I bought some of the individual pizza pans and occasionally my granddaughters will be here and we have a pizza assembly line....they are making their own and they love it. Hope things have gotten better for you with care giving.
Ro.......glad you are getting to work but hope it's not so much that you aren't getting any rest. Is Mom able to get outside now?
Vic....a day for yourself....wonderful!!
I opened the sliding doors yesterday to get some fresh air in this place...it was almost 70 degrees in Feb! And across the floor here comes one of seeme's dust bunnies........I let it live. I really felt guilty about not jumping up to get it, but had just come inside from raking leaves and I don't think I could have moved if someone put dynamite under my butt. Probably won't do much of anything today....tomorrow get to go to the eye doctor.....have put that off for about 5 yrs....yeah I know but didn't have problems until lately.
The Seroquel seems to put the col in a sleepy state. She asked yesterday how my son was and his wife_______, she used my name instead of his wife's name. She never asks about anyone else but son.....strangest thing. Took her a milkshake which she played with and got all over her...she enjoyed it for a while. Only tried once to start in on coming home, was able to redirect her. We also dc'd the Namenda and Aricept.....that will save her a nice chunk of out-of-pocket every month and besides it's not doing her one bit of good so remove a couple of chemicals from her system.
Hope everyone has a wonderful, peaceful day....check in when you can....
Happy Trails,
Jam
Think I have found a handyman to fix some things around here that won't cost me so much I have to move in with Jam or Seeme !!!! Can't put more money into it than I paid for it...and when Carmen and OWHN (old whats his name) get here they are going to help me get the water going.... so I will have one less thing to complain about....won't that be nice.....!!
Love to you all this morning, prayers for compassion for our elders.. I never pray for patience as God gives me extra to be patient about...
hugs and angels to you all this morning....
Nothing got settled except that my bil cannot handle mil amymore. He has had it. Sil gets the brunt of it and it does have to do with being BIC (bitch in charge). I wished the whole time I was in Cognito instead of SC.
From almost driving into a tornado on the interstate, trying to instruct mil on the use of her kindle, seeiing all the drugs she packed into her crap that she thinks has to go back to Maine.............I almost kissed my driveway in my excitement to be home. Even this morning, I have not calmed down yet.
Looks like we may have mil a couple weeks in Mar-Apr. Hubby will consider it a test trial to see if we can deal with her next winter. She is thinking about a AL or NH in Maine, if we find something, and we will check them out this summer. That may come to an end when she sees how much they cost, but money isn't an issue, except she is tight.
But right now I just want to express my admiration to those who live with the challenges of ALZ and dementia every day. You are truly angels on earth. There is not enough money to pay you for what you do. Your reward must come from a higher source later, because nothing on earth can suffice. God bless you.
Ladee, glad that you've found away to move away from that hole. You give us so much encouragement, we can't have you slipping in. Jam ? can you keep that dust bunny corralled? while I don't at the moment have dust bunnies here, I do have half the desert to try and get wiped and swept out of the RV. Now when we get home, I am sure that the dust bunnies cousins have been doing what bunnies do, might have to have a cleaning crew hired to come in and move at least the 4 inches of dust that ought to be all over everything. That will teach me for being away from the house for 6 months at this point. Looking at another 3 to 5 just to get back home. I think that for the next trip out here to CA, if it is not a emergency trip, there are going to be a few rules in place,
1:No longer than a month here and that is only if we must.
2:No living with friends or family (love'm but there is only so much togetherness that you can take)
We've got the trailer wired for lights and brakes, we have the new wiring on the RV for it. We're expecting a couple of deliveries, should be into day if their not in already. Once I get all of the bill's paid, we'll see if the budget is going to allow us to move to Bullhead City AZ for a month at least, as that is about as far as the budget is going to stretch till next payday. After that, the game of catch up will be done and we'll be back online ready to start rolling.
So from Bullhead, it's Surprise, from Surprise to Benson (we are planning on traveling 150 to 200 miles per day, to the best of my calculations, it's going to average out costing us a 1.00 per mile.. haven't lined up the next stop after Benson, but it's heading towards Giddings. Ladee, I'll give you a heads up, a week in advance, so if you want to run you have the chance..rofl... I found you a very cool rock on the beach, got to find where hubby put it.
Anyway, since we are not going to be able to take this thing out for a test drive today, I'll be able to do a few more things inside, figure out where and how I am going to put all this stuff, don't want to do like I had to do in the camper, just kinda shove sh** in and then have to dig it all back out before we could go to bed. No fun traveling if you have to spend two hours setting up camp and another two putting it back.
Hope that the sun is shining and everyone is having a wonderful day
Stormy - pizza and puzzles sounds fun.
Vic - what are we going to do with ourselves all week with only one doctor appt? LOL
Ladee-I would send hubby to fix that stuff for you, he's great at that, but I really need him around here. Mostly because I break stuff so often! LOL Glad you found someone.
Well, I didn't start World War 3 last night, but I sure contributed. All over a 1/2 cup of Mom's tea that got thrown out. Both parents were being sh**ts, seriously. It was fun to get to say a few things to Mom that needed to be said, though. Will be able to talk to Dad tonight on the way to the doctor, still trying to figure out why he was such a bear.
Wish me luck :)
Notlike-yes it was fun. I love my little man. He is such a sweetie.
Having a week with only one doctors appointment? you ladies are going to be lost, I know I was on those rare weeks when I had less than 3. There were times I had so many in one week that I had to rearrange things, get hubby to take brother because I had to take mom. Cancel mine to another day, so I could take hubby, Took some juggling and I carried a book with me, that I could consult when making Doctors appointments to keep from conflict. Only problem was that book didn't work for the VA, both Brother and Husband are vets, the VA tells you when your appointment is, you don't get to schedule. On rare occasions like if your making appointments out months in advance you can guess what day is going to be a good one and they'll let you schedule for then, but most of the time, they'll say we're going to need to schedule you, you'll get a letter. Mom liked her appointments first part of the week, early in the day...So if hubby and brother could, we got theirs for the mid to end of the week, any time of the day. I squeezed mine in where ever I could, somedays worked out great, Got Mom done in the morning, had her home by 12, mine was scheduled for 2 or 3, so I could pull off two appointments in one day. We had a couple of days we were lucky with the guys, somehow, the VA managed to book them both for the same day, meant a extra long day in Columbia, but at least it was just one trip instead of two, I hated that 6 hour drive.
Have a wonderful day everyone, hubby's still in bed here, and I am trying to figure out where to start. It's going to be a fun day cause the girls will need to be inside most of the day, I know their dogs but if I don't want to be out in that blowing sand, I won't do it to them.
Cindyeb..know just where you are...I am getting relief once a week and hubby helps lots when he is home from work. Don't think I could do it by myself but would try. Have you contacted your local area on aging? There are programs in many communities and resources to help. Dad won't even try to walk anymore and we are giving him his pils now with applesauce as he doesn't want to swallow them. Have a hard time getting him to drink water..so we use crystal light and the instant tea. He drinks it much better.
Just back from dr appointment with mom and dad...whew..good to go until hair day on Friday. Next week dad goes to see the hematologist ..so we will see how the procrit is helping. Seems to have made a difference ..he doesn't bruise as easily. melatonin at night has been good for him too.
Cindy-Welcome. Keep coming back, we're listening. Hugs.
Vic-sorry to hear it is getting harder with your Dad. Hugs.
Well, so much for Dad saying talking to Mom was a waste of time. He told me she was nice to him yesterday, even said good morning for the first time in years. I wonder what she's up to.....
Not the greatest appt. for Dad last night. Gaining too much weight, chloresterol high, sugar high. It will help when the weather's better and he can get out more. So I've got one I need to get to eat (Mom), and one who needs to be on a diet. Yipee, not.
And his kidneys aren't working well. Doc said he is CKD Stage 3. More blood tests and another appt. in 2 weeks. Fun, not.
Have a good day everybody!
Do you think as mom gets more in tune with what is going on with her, there is a possibility of a change of heart???Wouldn't that be an awesome blessing for her and her family... prayers for you and your family...
Vic... sorry to hear dad is declining. It is so hard to watch... I know the last time my mom was sick, I remember feeling so much anger and helplessness... we knew what was going on, so did she... and with Grace she showed us how to deal with it..... Give him a big hug from Ladee today, he is in my prayers... and of course you are too.
Seeme, I know this lady needs one on one care, but I am praying the family finds a solution other than you taking care of her.... if she has the money for care, then hopefully one of the kids will get control of that money and see that she is placed in a good NH, she sounds a little advanced for AL, but guess a Dr. would have to make that decsion...I just know it is too soon after your mom to be doing this again....
Jam, hope your yard is looking good again... it's springing spring here too in little ways.... looking forward to sunny days...
Was helping Sonny get dressed yesterday, this look of concern goes across his face, I asked hiw what was wrong, "Do you think they are going to let me in?", without skipping a beat, I said, " I'll kick their ass if they don't !"... He laughed and off we went into the living room... how frietening for him to wake up and not know he is home and be worried that he would be 'accepted'... I hate the disease of Alz... with a passion..... this is one of the sweetest, funniest, kindest men I have ever known in my life.... and his sense of security is being stolen from him everyday..... just blessed to be a part of his life.....
Got a pic of my new grandbaby and his mommy yesterday... he was looking at her with this," hey, I know you" look on his tiny face.... thank you God for this little miracle...
Hugs and angels to you all today... we can do this, together, one day at a time, one crisis at a time, one Dr. visit at a time, one more answering the same question at a time.... we have each other, and that is a blessing....
Supposed to rain today......yes I know we need it for the green grass and to fill the pond....but when I have to get out in it it's not so nice. I hope there is no dilating my eyes, but since I have procrastinated for 5 yrs I bet I don't get away without that. It's always fun picking out new glasses.....
Hope everyone has a great day...will check in later...hugs to all you special angels!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Jam - Give us an update! How are your eyes? Hugs.
Ladee-Sonny just sounds like a great guy! I'm glad we got to meet him through you. And thanks for the support - always :)
Okay - I don't know how to deal with this one. Looking for ideas. My house is neat, if not ever spotlessly clean. (If you don't slow down, you can't see the dirt LOL) Mom sits here all day, and sees the dirt. When she feels up to it, she cleans something herself. And I hear about it. And I'm supposed to tell her how great that was. Because it doesn't happen too often, I can live with that. But then she picks something bigger to be cleaned, and volunteers my Dad. I hate that. He is not here to clean my house. I think he already does his share. I can't keep doing these big projects myself, though, just to keep the peace. Today she moved the toaster and such and wiped off a kitchen counter. Now she wants the walls cleaned in the kitchen. I don't want Dad up on a ladder doing that. And I'm pretty sure he'd rather be doing something else, too. But I don't know how to tell her without starting a fight. Argh!
Good night all, and better tomorrows.
Hope your day is a great one tomorrow! Thanks again!!!
notlike....yep still have bad eyes......script hasn't changed which surprised me. But I did decide to get a spare pair of glasses just in case mine break....can't see to read the computer without them...I would be in FB withdrawal.....lol. With the issue of cleaning the walls it's damned if you do and damned if you don't.......I know it's tough to decide how to handle that.....maybe you might try telling Mom that your intention is to paint later instead of washing walls. And hopefully she might forget about it.
Getting ready to rain again....dogs are antsy to go out....so wishing everyone a good night with peaceful dreams...........