This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Jam, or should I say Princess Jam, are the bonbons all gone and did Target peel you any grapes?????? Haven't posted that Heather came screaming up the stairs saying "no way , you don't pay me enough!!", so guess things are going good. Let us know if Heather is going to have to start her own thread......."AND THEY WANT ME TO DO WHAAAAT???". Poor ol' col, like Ruth we are having too much fun at her expense....and a friendly reminder, the col is putting toilet paper in her pants NOT bananas and kitchen knives... so far so good. I think I still get the blue ribbon for strange things found in their pants...
Seeme, Glad you got some rest last night.. I have a question, if she can not take her neb mask off , how can she go shopping????? OH, I see, she can't call "someone" about the shopping... I get it now..Hope the Dr. visit gives you some answers.. and soon.
Bhenson, are you new here or have I missed you posting before? If your new, welcome, if you have been here before, welcome back....
more later, I need to do laundry....
He falls a lot and I have to have paramedics to get him up. He is uncooperative in all areas. Unkind and unthoughtful. Actually a " rude , crude man.
What really galls me is I have been putting in money for last 4 months to household. He is still in financial trouble and wants me to handle it. He has maxed out 4 credit cards and owes IRS. Our current bankbalance is - $400.00
I see a counselor for my nerves and My doctor has given me lots of vitamins. I have started getting dizzy and passing out from stress.
I don't know what to do as I do not have a home and only have Social Security.
His 3 sons don't seem to be concerned they live at great distances from here.
I know I need to find a place for me and then find a situation for him.
He is perfectly lucid some days and others very confused.
Main reason I came here is I have 2 senior border collies and want them to live out their life with me.
I am so depressed most of time I can't think straight. I am afraid I cannot afford to go out on my own even though we are in trouble here.
This may not sound so much to some of you, but at 70 and no home and small check eack month it seems unsurmountable to me.
As Johnny said, there are many answers on this sight with alot of information. Look under the last post on this page and you will see Quick Links, Senior Living Directory.. there may be some answers there for you.. please keep us updated as to how things are going for you...hugs to you..
The "Princess" has landed....lol. Those two are going to be a handful....they had so much fun together. We caught them on the couch watching CNN and laughing and having a good time. They told Target to remind me at 3 that I needed to come down and show the bath routine. The col is marching down the hallway singing something.....yes marching and I don't remember what she was singing. Bath went fine without a hitch. Unless something happens with Heather's children this should be a great match. She has a 4 y/o that has so many medical problems it's scary, my dil is watching him so I can have momma. Sounds nuts I know but it works. Oh and I did have some grapes, but Target didn't peel them and would you believe Target actually took my blind doggie out to potty all by himself while I was bathing the col! Bout passed out when I saw him sitting on the deck stairs......thought h$ll had frozen over....lol.
Hi johnny....good to see from you.....how is Miss Betty? Feeling okay?
Hi to everyone else......please post when you have a chance and let us know how you're doing.......
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ladee are you already looking for a new place?
Good luck to all of you who have problems of health. I am just tired and a little stressed. (a little!!!! that's funny)
Kisses
Hope things settle down for you some, I worry about how hard you have to work to keep things going... but guess none of us get a free ride do we.... shucks, and we wanted things to be so different at this time of our lives... I will soon be 61 and still have no place to call HOME.... just wasn't meant to be I guess....anyway, I will land on my feet, I always do, but damn I get tired of being "strong", don't ya'll???? Love ya lady and try not to work too hard.... hugs across the miles to you..
Starri, Are plans coming together or have you already taken off on your vacation? Try to stay cool !!
ASG....I am the one taking care of mom, not Ladee. She has her couple, if she doesn't kill them by making them laugh to death. I bet they are having just as much fun as they can handle, and so happy they have her.
Today is my day off, at least for a few hours. I will be doing some shopping for supplies and such, so I will check in later.
Good luck findiing a good place to stay, Ladee.
Have a good day Seeme, and stop and get you an ice cream cone somewhere,,, love ya...
Stress can be addressed on the trip, the others have to be addressed before we pull out. We got the camper, it's cute, we know so far that the lights inside work, the a/c unit on the top works, next to test is the fridge/heater and stove.
Hubby is picking up the trailer for the bike, we're going to test out the camper for a couple of days coming up here in the next couple of weeks. I need to get busy over at Mom's, start getting that all figured out. I think if you look up pack rat in the dictionary, you'll find Mom's picture. Have had to have a few days off, I started two days after she passed, and just could not do it anymore. So tomorrow I guess it is time to start again and I am not sure where too.
I don't believe Baby Brother wants to get into it, the other brother here, we have not heard out of since the signing of the cremation papers, and then there is the "brother" in CA, called me the other night giving instructions on what I should do and what I should not do. We all know where that instruction is going to go.
how have those of you who have had to go through this handled it? I know at some point and time I am going to melt down into a basket case...
How will you react or when? No one knows, even you, at this point in time. Just take care of yourself, and do things for yourself. Don't let bros. tell you what to do or when. Handling it from long distance is a whole other ball game. That is from my own experience talking. Don't know what shape I would be in if I had been there at the time.....overwhelmed, I am sure.
My relief is about to show up, so later.............
Sorry I have been so busy and learning to work with a new caregiver but my health is having hard time keeping with things. I have had two uti's spread out in a matter of two wks apart and then on the 13th of this month I had blacked out when to my clinic which sent me to the hospital to get a CT done and was informed I had no brain bleed or swelling involved but indicative result of a seizure. It seems so odd that I would begin to deal with this and I know couples usually sometimes experience the symptoms of the ones they love just to get some idea of what is happening to them.
I informed the doc I have had other spells in the past when I was younger and they blamed it on constipation but since I been working learning to ride my first bike ever and walking when I do not want to pay for bus ride to get my errands done. I am having physically having a hard time being there for the kids and my husband. I still get overwhelmed but now with possible epilepsy I am wonder what is gonna to come next because I still haven't got a referral to see a specialist for the cysts that I have or the referral that I been dealing with his doctor to get him seen for ALS. It seems the climb gets harder and I get lost navigating the system. I do not talk to his family because his family doesn't want to acknowledge me personally in a sense and there is a greedy gus in his family that wants to know every single detail. I have finally with a help of a caregiver got some assistance to try to derail some of the slight pain in the rear issues. I just do not share much with others online or in person yet I am craving for a connection and be a normal person to spend time with the kids and be friends with other moms but what can I do....sometimes the demands are too numerous. I am so afraid of what this doing to the kids yet I know how much they love their dad. I am out of bounds here so I know you do not mind the ramblings and rantings hence burnedncaring. My other caregiver who I get along with is coming over at so ill get some respite just I do not have or feel like going anywhere today because Ill have to take the kids. I am outta of ideas just to do things with them.
I hope everyone has had a good day so far..........ladee did you check your backside this morning?
The col's granddaughter came and brought lunch and belated birthday cake for her. She had a very nice time. She's napping now. It's been a long time since I have been around a 2 and 4 y/o.....I had forgotten they have so much energy. The baby got up into my lap and I rocked her to sleep and I sure didn't want to give her up.......I miss that......Before they had driven out of the driveway, the col's inner beast came to life, didn't last long, but it sure did surprise me. She tried several times to say "I would be so glad to take everyone".........hubby cut her off and wouldn't let her try to play that game; she was sure we would give in with someone else here. Won't happen. I told her she needed to take a nap, she'd had a long day and that's what she is doing.
burned.....I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Your priority should be to get yourself taken care of....your family needs you. You should follow up with some additional tests. Just because you had a seizure doesn't necessarily mean you have epilepsy. There could be several different reasons why you had one. And if I had a doctor who diagnosed a "spell" caused by constipation, I would be a streak running out of the office. There are several neurological causes that need to be ruled out. Please look for a doctor who will find the cause.
starri......the col's husband passed away in 1997 which has absolutely nothing to do with how much stuff was in her house, but I swear that woman kept EVERYTHING. Every card, piece of paper, the old records from when her husband was an insurance salesman, from the 70's. All of the people are dead now. Anyway, when it came time to move her from her home to where she is now, it was a nightmare. I found her mother's naturalization papers, she was born in Scotland, a few newspaper articles from the social pages way back in the 30's, of course the thousands of pictures, hundreds of slides, that we have to convert, never found the deed to the house or the title to her car.The summer before she moved, I was still working and hubby's schedule didn't allow him to do anything.....thank goodness for grandson-in-law.....he would go to her house a couple nights a week and took out only trash.....they checked in with us to let us know what they had done and one night they took out 58 large trash bags full!!!! And they had to take them with them because we found out the col was going out and bringing stuff back in. Anyway, we got her, the furniture which was all antiques, most of her clothes, her china, silverware, years of knickknacks and that was it. The handyman that was doing a lot of work for us asked if we would like him to go clean everything else out. I went up one day and made a pile of things in the living room that needed to be gone through and they brought in a dumpster and got rid of everything else. There was nothing hubby wanted, I had no sentimental attachment to anything, and mice had literally moved in and taken over the house. It was not difficult to get it cleaned out. Sometimes it helps to get everything out that you want, then let someone else go through and get rid of the rest of it. We found a pile of Zippo lighters in hubby's father's old desk......one went for $700 on Ebay.....so you have to go through things where those treasures may be hidden. In a desk in her living room we found a 2 carat diamond ring and $800 in cash wadded up......I shudder to think what was thrown out before by grand sil by accident....we're thinking that's where the deed and title went. I know it's a daunting task. Is it possible to just let everything sit until you get back? Let yourself heal a little before you tackle that job. Maybe that might make it a little bit easier.
seeme......I sure hope you got to do something for yourself today. Shoes.......I always feel better when I buy shoes.......my motto has always been "If the shoes fits.......buy one in every color".
hi to johnny, rossella, deefer, lindaH, and everyone else.....I don't mean to leave anyone out......just holler at me if I did.....:)
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Love ya,
jam
sorted out clothes , went thru every pocket there , eww snotty ass rags etc napkin full of snots . wish i wore rubber gloves . some clothes i had to toss em in the trash . stunk so damn bad and it was yellow !
yep go thru every single things ,
Starri, I never got to participate with the "cleaning out" part with either of my parents...I do not envy those of you who have such a cluttered mess... and believe me if my dad had any money, he took it with him...
burned, sorry to hear you are having so many problems... hope you get some answers and are feeling better soon.
Jam, yes, checked my backside and no gaping holes to report...
Seeme, did you have any fun today?
I'm sure I missed someone, will check in later...
And yes, I wish we were all closer to each other... You are closer to seeme and Jam, I'd be over there all the time bugging them if I lived that close...
And I am the one blessed with my new couple... such a different atmosphere than the "realms of hell" I was put thru with Ruth's family.... And Sonny keeps me in stitches, don't know if I shared on here yesterday about the big hole in my pants, will share again,
I had gone into the bathroom to get Marie some meds.. as I am walking out the HH aide asked me if I knew I had a wind tunnel in my pants.. she had been bathing Sonny, she made me stand backward and look in the mirror!!!! OMG, my pants were shredded like a wild cat had gotten ahold of me... I didn't even know they were like that, they weren't like that when I put them on.... anyway, I walk into the living room and show Marie and the HH RN who was there and Sonny pops up and say, " Well, no wonder everyone was following you around", now let me tell ya'll, we laughed so hard we were all wiping tears from our eyes... Now this poor little guy can't find the bathroom half the time, but the sense of humor is still there.... It is always what I call " a God surprise" when he cracks us up like that.. His twinkly blue eyes just shine and for a few minutes things are "normal"....
I had gone to WalMart that morning and to get gas, Jam says I will be on those pictures of people in WalMart!!!! God knows I have spent a lot of years "showing my ass" but did not mean to do it literally,,, poor folks behind me in WalMart,
You sound so much happier ASG, just love your little self,,, hugs across the miles..
Anyway.... Starry I hope you enjoy your trip and you take care of your mother's things when you are back. I had to dismantle my parents'house before my mother came to live with me. My brother helped (that is, he threw everything in the garbage without even looking) and I was desperate because I know he threw away lots of good things, I was more careful with the part of the house I took care of. Anyway, after dismantling my parents'house, I had to organize the house I live in with my mother now (I had to take her things and my things here, and find a place for everything, all by myself - I had to open hundreds of boxes). It was tiring and stressful and they told me that the relocation is one of the most stressing things you have to do in life. I am glad it's over but the paintings have not been hung up yet, after 2 years and a half! I should definitely do it.
'Night everybody