This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Stormy-Bird feeders are a great gift. I'll bet the birds appreciate it, too! Hugs.
Ladee and Jam-I guess I'll have to learn new languages to say Good. LOL Thanks :) I really do feel better. And I like the Welcome mat thing - I might just use it next time she treats me like dirt.
Having a good day...slow at work, payday, got donuts.
Have a good day everyone.
Will try to go again today to the Dollar Store to get the tea I drink. Put my stuff down and walked out yesterday as it was about to be a " Jerry Springer smack down" moment in there... and for once it wasn't ME causing the problems...one checker, one lady getting upset because her food stamp card wouldn't come up with a magic amount... one lady getting hysterical because there was only one checker... no, too many shooting is public places right now, and everyone, except me, carries a gun in Texas..... nope, got my fat ass out of there....so will try this again today, may hire me someone to go in and get my tea...I'll drive the 'getaway' car.... all this drama to save 20 cents, but it's 20 cents I can put in the gas tank....Well not that I think about it won't be saving ANY money as I have to go again.... I make myself so tired... love ya'll.
I've been working some overtime. Geez, have to have the gas money for our trip in Oct. We got our new toys (quad, side by side, and new cargo trailer). Now just to find the time to enjoy them between having dental work done.
Just wanted to say "hi" to you all. Hugs to you all.
Wanted to check in and say that I'm thinking of you all and wanted to let you know that the col had a hypotensive crisis last night......she has been coughing and hoarse and then last night extremely low BP, rapid pulse, low grade fever, unresponsive.....she is a DNR and will be treated at the NH. I will keep everyone up to date as I can.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Ladee-maybe we can get the Laundry Room to sponser the t-shirts? You know, like a baseball team? LOL
Mis-good to hear from you!
Couldn't stay with Dad any longer at his last appt. Waited 1 1/2 hrs without seeing the doctor. I had to get back to work. Doc did call me, though, and told me what they talked about, so that worked. This was an easy appt - really just to say he needs the C-pap machine. I am thinking of asking Mom's radiation doc to do the same. I can't go every day for 3 weeks, just in case the doc wants to talk to us. But I will go if the doc says she wants us there and lets me know.
Nice enough here to hang laundry out on the line today. Yeah! I plan to get 2 loads outside, then take a nap.
Good day to all.
All of you here are inspirations. Hope you know that.
Good to read from you river and to see your positive attitude again....and so sorry to hear all of your not so good news. I'm sure the near-perfect job will come along, one that you will be happy doing, I don't know that anything can be perfect. What would be the challenge then?
Update on the col.....walked into her room yesterday and had to bend over completely to see her face.....she is so hunched over. She is not able to sit up straight anymore. Yes, she was in her wheelchair but she has the "look".....and I'm not sure she knew who I was. BP is up slightly, pulse still rapid but that may be from elevated temp, oxygen sat is good. She doesn't respond unless she is asked something. Tomorrow the social worker and I get to have a chat.....she was missing one hearing aid and we looked the place over and never found it, still haven't found her quilt and found her remote to the tv on the counter at the nurse's station. I'm praying that she goes to sleep and the angels take her peacefully.....I truly think we are in a day to day wait now.
I hope everyone has a beautiful day...........
Happy Trails,
Jam
Five days of rain... Thank You God, I'm feeling like the drought should about be over now, just a few days of sunshine please..... we are getting pretty cranky , cabin fever and mold starting to grow on our eyes from not getting to see the sun...
I NEED TO GET OUTSIDE!!!! Oh, sorry, a little momentary lapse of sanity there, I should be ok in a few minutes.... hugs to everyone, check in please, I need something to look forward to... OK??
Jam hugs for you and Target..Col is in my prayers. Stormy..know your dad loved his birthday present! Homemade pizza yum! You made his day special, I am sure.
Ladee..you make my life day to day better too! Notlike, glad you are standing up for yourself and your sanity.
Love and prayers for all of you
River, loved the story, my fat cat Diva, would just look at a squirrel and yawn, she's 15, been there, done that...tho she will take a little nip at me if I am not scratching in the right place... I can't remember who on here posted about training their cat to 'fetch',,, ummmm no, the cat taught YOU to throw.... it's a cat world, they rule.
Got a call last night from last employer, those that are new, the story is too long to tell, have got to get my stuff in storage out of there... NOW... so will hope I can find someone to help me move it all and be done with that family once and for all.
Will have to wait till payday, and hope there is a Storage unit somewhere here in town...good luck to me....
Hope everyone has a good day, find one thing to be grateful for, and know that even with the aching back you are not alone... heading toward the future... hugs.
Hope everyone has the best day possible..
Everyone, enjoy the week. Spend time with your family and especially surround yourself with people who support you treat you well. Lord knows, we all deserve to be around loving, supportive people!!♥
ladeeda, I don't know your whole "employer story", but I wish you luck in finding that storage unit!...I ALWAYS find at least one thing to be thankful for! It's good to be reminded, though! Thank you! Have a super day! :-)
Sharyn, so your post was very timely... very proud of you and sis, isn't it the greatest feeling when we can not get stupid behind other people's behaviours... I don't do it perfectly, but I am doing it... so thank you for sharing, come back and visit...
Ucant, thanks for the encourgement... I will, but am also going to do it in a way that doesn't throw my piece of mind to the wind.... Marie has been acting like a human since my talking with her and setting some boundries... seems quite a few of us are working on that right now, sure does feel good to not be alone on this part of my journey.... Ucant, come back and visit too....
Jam, any more updates on the col??? Did you talk to someone about her lost hearing aid??? I am so grateful I am able to help people in thier homes so they don't have to go to a NH, but can ya'll imagine what Marie would do if they lost something of HERS... OMG, glad I wouldn't have to hear all that....
It is a BEAUTIFUL day today... have the door open and blowing out the winter and enjoying the sun today...
so, ttyl, heading toward the future... hugs...
As a fellow cat lover/owner, you are so right, they rule the roost! My mom was always so surprised that whenever I sat down to eat, my Beatrice would poke at me until I got up and moved chairs so she could sit where I was! It didn't matter if I tried Cat psychology and sit in a different chair, she'd still want the one I'm in!!
We've have terrible rains here and I must say, today is the 1st. day, I have actually had a complete day off and was alone all day. I took mom home Thursday and she's doing well, sometimes she gets frantic about not finding something, but so far, so good. My other family members are unhappy with my choice but they never lifted a finger or sent a dime to help me during those almost 3 months that mom stayed here. I'm still the only one who gets her meds., food, etc... and I do resent it a lot, but at least I'm giving her the chance to be at home with her kitty and I don't have to be there taking care of every meal and using my gasoline to take care of her cat. If this doesn't work, we will look at different options, but I need to see that she has given it a chance.
I agree with your thought about trying to think of one thing each day to be grateful for, but sometimes it's hard. At least I was able to relax for the 1st. time since December, today!!
Hope everyone had a lovely day! Hugs to all!!!
And yes we do love our cats....I talk to mine all the time, she could care less, and sometimes she gets up and turns her back to me... if a human did that I would get pissed, but when she does it I laugh...
Talking about gratitude, a friend of mine posted on FB today that he was 'above the dirt', so I guess that is a good way to say he is grateful for another day.... hugs
Cindy-good for you. Just take it one day at a time. As was said-you'll know if it's not working anymore.
River-I am mostly a dog person, but your cat story was fantastic! A good laugh needed today.
Ladee-storage? Think rummage sale! Seriously, I don't know what you have stored, but if it's important, it will keep until you find it a place. Hugs.
To those job hunting-don't give up! You never know what great job is right around the corner. Blessings.
Dad's doc says his blood pressure is much better. Yeah! It's nice to get good news around here. The meds are working, so it's just a wait and watch thing. He told me he appreciates me going with him, and that's he realizes now that if he speaks up, the docs may be able to help him. I'm so glad there are things that can be done to improve his quality of life.
No doctor's appoitnments now until Mom's radiation starts in 2 weeks. My, whatever will we do with ourselves????