This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Now friends, I have a question. I'm posting this to both "No One Ever Asks How the Caregiver is Doing" and "Toothbrush" because I started off posting to both. I love y'all but I'm having a devil of a time keeping it straight who's in which group, and I just can't choose one group over another, because they're both great! I know there's a few of you that double post. I was just wondering if anyone had every thought of combining groups. I know. I know. What's this newcomer upstart thinking, coming in here and trying to change everything up. Any thoughts, anyone?
Son had another grand mal seizure yesterday, scaired my granddaughter half to death, and me... prayers for him please, to PLEASE go to the Dr. and find out what is wrong...I felt so bad for my granddaughter... scaired her so bad... she has seen him have them before, but has never been alone with him when it happened... He hit the floor so hard I heard it from my house! Was putting my shoes on when she came running....the neighbor even heard it....
Could not go to sleep, today is my long day so I need to get going... love to you all.
Sorry I haven't posted but know that I am reading and keeping up with each of you! I worked outside yesterday in the sunshine and warm weather...too irresistible to not be there....finished raking leaves away from the fence, son mowed, I planted the lettuce in the garden, and put down new grass seed over the septic tank area....hopefully that will grow this year but I have my doubts.
No changes in the col....she just sits in her chair looking at her lap when and if she stays awake. I know part of that is the Seroquel but the alternative is getting herself worked up and anxious because she wants to come home and can't so better to be in her own little world.
Sheila at one time or another some of us have had to make a list of who is posting on which thread, that makes it easier to keep straight........
I hope everyone has a good day and gets caught up on lost sleep....will be thinking of you again today!
Happy Trails,
Jam
Notlike..I will join you and dad out walking too! Ha..may wind up in the laundry room with you!
Seeme..can't wait to hear about puppies! Are you taking something for the IBS? When I had it bad I remember that the pink stuff worked..can't remember exactly what the recipe was.
River..so glad you had mom with you ...sending hugs back to you! They sure do make a difference in the day. Hope you had sleep last night.
Burned..you are a great person! What love must be like in your house! Wish all your business stuff gets settled soon..
Jam..I was in the yard yesterday! It was so fantastic to be outside and not worry about mom and dad. Hubby was taking care of dad. Gave me some space. Would you come plant my garden?! Need help weeding the flower beds too! Haha
We have he same problem with grass and the septic tank
Starri..make Glen a bed outside and tell him he can only come in at certain times!! Close quarters do test marriages..look how far you guys have come!
Sheila..God bless you and hubby..
Not much change here..but hubby is taking the physical load off for me.
Stormy..you sound good..how's dad doing?
Pray everyone has a good day.
Glenn and I are still in Needles, and we're going to be having more baby goats sometime this evening, we had 4 doe's a few nights back, they are soooo cute, Vic, that is a good idea about sticking him outside..lol.. We figured it out today and we've been on the road for 7 months almost and 5 of them have been spent in CA, I am so ready to be out of here.
If all goes as planned, we'll be pulling out of here on the 29th, and heading over the border to Surprise, AZ. should be there late afternoon on the 29th or early morning on the 30th. Depends on how hard we want to push it driving. Will probably only stay a day there, might stay two, don't know yet. After that it's off to TX, I'm figuring a 6 to 7 day drive, and there we're going to hole up a month maybe more.
I am so looking forward to being there.. : ) have a sweet, sweet ladee I want to meet. I hope that all are having a good evening, and get some well deserved peace.
Goodness, it sounds like a vacation is in order for some care givers......I wish I could send all of you away for a month to rest and sleep and not listen to the rantings of dementia.
I was standing outside this morning listening to the world waking up and thinking about my favorite time of the year and I thought that would be a good question to ask and maybe take your mind off care giving for a few moments......what is your favorite time of year and why? Mine is a certain day in the month of May....never happens on the same day.....when I look outside and the temps are warm, the sun is shining and everywhere I look it's a brilliant green and the sky is the color of a robin's egg.....in the early morning I can hear the different birds waking up.....my garden plants are growing, the flowers blooming.....it's humbling to look upon this world that God created for me to see. Just for a little while think about your favorite time of the year........instead of poop in wheelchairs and pottying in the closet, not eating and arguing..............
Happy Trails,
Jam
Have been down in the dumps these last few days..stress of the daily routine and mom and I haven't been getting along. Today will be a better day..
I was going to buy new sneakers for walking, but hubby wants to go with me, so will do it tomorrow. Fine. If he gets an opportunity to find shoes at a wide shoe warehouse, it is a good thing. Putting shoes on him is like like trying to get shoes on a duck......but can that guy swim!!!!
Hope you all have a great day.......step away from the hole.......I am going to plant some ivy in containers for my sunroom. Something about live plants get me going..............
I like spring but hate the pollen and all the sinus problems it brings with it. Can't wait to wear my shorts, tank tops and flip flops!!!!! Dad hasn't been feeling good the last couple of days. His breath was short yesterday and last night from what brother said since he stayed with dad last night. He is asleep right now so i better go wake him up and start my daily ritual..... Hugs to all of you for a great day. Love, stormyyyy
Will get outside today or maybe gather tax papers...aweeee how exciting!
Will definitely sit on porch some and listen to the birds. The flowers are starting to bloom and moms dogwood looks like it will bloom this year! Woohoo.
Let us know what they find out about Dad, hope it is something that can be fixed.
Spend time with hubby and let Calgon take you away, or the Laundry Room, which ever works for you... love and hugs...
My capri-clad legs are clashing with my green shirt. HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY!!!!!
Everyone have a good day..................
I love listening to the birds, right now I have roosters, chickens, geese and peacocks all making noise, then in the back ground you can hear the goats. We had more babies night before last, 2 little boys.. so the count for baby goats, stand at 4 girls and 2 boys. Still have 7 or 8 more pregnant mom's to go.
My sister in law katie I believe doesn't know exactly what she is in for as far as care giving for a dementia patient, she's thankfully getting her introduction slowly.
But not slow enough I believe. Even Mom's doctor has seen the difference between her visit in Dec, to now. The great thing for Katie is she has family around that actually want to help her and they see that something is wrong and believe her. But poor Katie like the rest of you is the target when it comes to the anger and abusive behaviors, MIL reminds me so much of my Mom in some of her behaviors, It hurts to see it and know what is coming.
I don't believe she is strong like most of you and like me to wash butt's when needed and deal with all the mess that can come with the illness I pray for her each and everyday. Have kept reminding her that she has a life too, try not to take Mom's hurtful words to heart, as this is not the mother she knew anymore. It's hard not to as many of you know.
Have a peaceful, lovely day everyone..
burnedncaringst, I hope you find your wallet for I would be a nervous wreck.
Starri, I love listening to the birds and watching Mother Nature just blossem away in the spring time. However, the pollen is a whole different ball park. My husband is sneezing and sore throat poor thing. I got him to take something so hopefully that will help him.
Vic, I agree with the other two post above that forget about the tax stuff for uncle Sam will get is money anyway. I hope your dad's lab work come out okay and go on the porch and listen to the birds for it can be very relaxing.