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Notlike...I would have left the room too! Haha just give her a blank look if she says anything. Hope dad had a better night with c-pap.
Ladee..so glad you are letting things roll and being yourself I know you feel better at the end of the day. Hope everyone had a decent night.
Love and prayers..
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notlike, thanks for asking. My wife's hand is continuing to heal from the carpal tunnel surgery and thus is able to do more of the things she normally does. There is something wrong with her foot that the podiatrist has yet to totally figure out.
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I told the nurse about dad coughing up the blood last month and she said did ya'll carry him to the hospital and i said no. And she said why not? I told her that sis thought that it was coming from him not wearing his humidification mask and she just looked at me like, "What, is she crazy?" The nurse told the dr about the coughing up blood, shortness of breath, and said i was wanting to ask him about the honeycombing of the lungs. Well the doc said that he thought dad might have some infection and wrote him a prescription. And about the honeycombing he said that most of the time it means end stage fibrosis, but that dads was at the bottom of the lungs and the fibrosis affects the sides of the lungs. And dads weight at the drs office was 205. His bp was 150 over 94 and his oxygen level was 92. So that was about it what the dr said. I hope all of ya'll have a good day. Love and hugs stormyyyy
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still feeling under the weather and have ti get ready to get hubby ready for his therapist appt and as for me I can hardly think with this sinus fog overriding my other senses...oh i forgot to mentioned i am like on 12th burnout round and recognize the symptoms ...bored, hardly sleeping and not interested in nothing and oh yeah hating all the fun stuff i have too...someone pls meet me in a bar and watch me get silly drunk tonight or give me a gift certificate for a spa day ...i need a VAC KAY badly but mothers do not get those easily off for now ttyl Peace N God Bless
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The nurse had no right to get an atitude with you-that is not her job-she is suppose to relay your worries to the doc so he can explain what something means.
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Sorry ya'll, not getting notifications, emailed admin, so hope it gets fixed soon...
We got 3 1/2 inches of rain in three hours this morning...had to detour to work from water over some of the roads... nothing bad that I've heard about, a small tornado in Medina, but a lot of lightning and thunder.... sun is out now, and it's going to be a pretty weekend, I have to move my stuff from BG's so thank goodness it will not be raining...
I forgot to tell ya'll I got to meet Marie's sister yesterday,,, I am telling you, one of them is adopted because if there were ever two people nothing alike.... and sis is in a lot worse shape than Marie, walks with a cane, and has an awesome attitude....If I could pack up Sonny and move in with Mamie (don't you love that name!) I would be in hog heaven...Her husband is 95 , has skin cancer, and is an absolute joy....If I live to a ripe old age I want to be just like them....
I was thinking today that if I am blessed to have a caregiver and not have to be warehoused in a NH, these are some things I hope I can do, if I am in my right mind...
I will appreciate who takes care of me, and I will TELL them this, I will work very hard to not take my illnesses and old age out on them, I will aplogize if I do...I will be so grateful that someone is cooking for me and scrubbing my toilet, and I will tell them this... I will not expect them to keep moving the whole time they are there, I will ask them so set down and tell me about themselves... I want to know about who is taking care of me.... and the list goes on... I know each of you may have thought about when we need care, how are we going to be different than the ones we care for now???? Just a thank you once in awhile would go a long way....a surprise day off would be so nice, with pay, or I would have made arrangements for someone else to come in for a few hours... If I am in pain, I will take my meds like I am supposed to and drink nasty prune juice so I am not bitching about being constipated...I will not nit pick the small stuff, and when I do need something done, I will try to remember how Marie is so harsh and unforgiving, and try to be just the opposite.... All of this depending on if I am still in my right mind.... by then we should have a sight for elders bitching about their caregivers..... lol... hope ya'll had a good day, more later...
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Jam, I feel ya from your top post and I do try to be optimistic with the mnl but right now I'm at my ends wit and need to just breath! Someone told me and not from here to start taking daily notes of how the mnl attitude changes and stuff she does and give it to her doctor at the clinic so he can see the true side of her. he diagnosed her with mild AZ but I really believe from the stages she is Moderate yet, she still can have a half decent conversation sometimes. I have to admit it can have an impact on our marriage as well. Right now she is not that bad to be placed in a NH for she can dress and feed herself, take a bath except I do get the water tub ready and all other necessities and clean clothes as well or she will put the dirty right back on. She can help vacuum the house when she not in one of those nasty moods or wants you to feel sorry for her and tell us that she is old and not a young chicken anymore. She is more healthier than my iss! and I'm only 47. Working on with the hubby about either give me a one day weekend to myself or get someone to come out at least once a wk. It would really be nice to have both but he is the one bringing in the most money for mine is just SSDI and the mnl is SSI and Medicare. I cannot believe that the NH has your mom taking a bath TWICE a wk. I do good if I can get once for her. I am glad that you are able to start back enjoying her company and I bet it is for your mom. My mnl was never really nice or lovey and i could never do enough right for her grown iss son. So, I don't really see her going to make any big changes. So we have our good moments and we have some bad and then we have the raise the roof off the house where she will get right in my face and that is where my limit comes. So, hubby threating to put her in a NH if she couldn't behave around me his wife for he told her that I was the one that was keeping this family together. That part I liked but not the threat her in a NH and I told him off to the side he shouldn't do that to his mom. But, we are both new at this mess as well and still learning.
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Sorry it was one of those days for you lildeb. we all have them... and yes sometimes we raise the roof... no perfect way to do this job....but I am going to suggest since you said you are new at this, that you educate yourself about ALZ... it will save some of your sanity..that is my job, taking care of Alz patients... right now I am stuck as a housekeeper to a grumpy old lady and her husband has ALZ.. I have seen a decline in him over the winter... He also dresses himself, takes his own shower, but can not remember where the bathroom is... I know it is hard to know when it is AlZ or when they are just being stubborn... I can get Sonny to help with chores , like folding towels, he absolutely refuses to fold Marie's panties, lol, but soon as he sets down he has forgotten what he was doing... but he is further advanced than you mil.... so we can't gauge it on the fact that he dresses himself....And routine is absolutely neccessary for Alz... and I tell Sonny everytime I leave the room what I am doing, he doesn't remember, but like if he is in the bathroom, I knock on the door and let him know the noise he is about to hear is the vacuum cleaner, so he won't be afraid while in the bathroom and hearing a strange noise... is it tiring , yes, but it helps to keep him calm, and there is a possiblity she got so irate this evening about the 'cup'( read your other post) becuase she was embarrased... not saying that is all there is to it, you live with her, we don't... and am not trying to make excuses for her... there were times Ruth would be up roaming around and getting into things... one day walked into the kitchen and she had the sugar canister down and had both hands in it... and had no idea why I as upset, becuase she had no idea why she had done what she did... so please, read as much as you can about Alz, and get that respite day, and soon.... we HAVE to have breaks, we have to... hugs to you and hope you take a little walk or a hot shower and take some deep breaths.... you are doing a good job whether it feels like it or not... come back and let us know your face hasn't turned blue from not breathing.... hugs to you...
a
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Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 84. I will attend a Catholic Mass in her honor. Hopefully there won't be any earthquakes today............never can tell...............try not to hold me responsible...................
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Seeme..she will be jumping for joy..I will have you in my prayers today
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Woke up today feeling like some of you this morning, the not getting a full nights sleep, oh the memories of Ruth, calling me "Benny", her brother, thinking it was time to get up... but this time it is from coughing from the cold.... so my heart goes out to all of you who didn't get to sleep all night.... I do beleive that is the one thing that wears us out the most...then we are too tired to deal with the day to day stuff...
Hope you all have a day, if not a good one...
And Seeme, I'll be waiting for the rumbles... hugs to everyone..
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Ladee..glad the rain is gone..it is on its way here..
Lildeb ...you have to get some you time ..even if it is only a few hours a week. Your mil should qualify for help through your area on aging ..is there and adult day care anywhere near? My husband stays with my parents so I can get some away time..it sucks cause we aren't together but sometimes it is the only way to get such much needed away time.
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I can certainly relate...my mom live w/me too, she's 87, she doesn't have much mobility due to a stroke 12 years ago, therefore, her memory is not all there, it may be dementia not sure, she is also legally blind. I do almost everything to try & give her quality of life, however, it does get frustrating. She's been living w/me & husband for 2 yrs and for about the last 6months or so feel like I can't give anymore...classic case of burnout!!! We have a glass or 2 of wine every late afternoon, I now look forward to it as it seems to be my coping mechanism, it worries me though, but continue to have wine makes me able to cope better. Any advise or opinions...
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Take a walk 15- 30 min..or a good hot shower..wine is good too any thing that helps to break the emotions through the day. God Bless you
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Good Morning Posse!

lildeb....your mother-in-law sounds so much like mine so I can greatly sympathize with what you are going through. When the col was still living here in her own home, we built her a small house attached to our house, she could still do a few things on her own but she was getting worse each day. Left on her own she would never bathe and would fix a Banquet frozen dinner for every meal...she remembered her morning meds because she knew she needed Nexium but wouldn't take her evening meds at all. Before I took over doing most everything for her, she wore the same diaper for 10 days, so no bath, can you imagine the smell? That was my first clue that something wasn't right. So the Alzheimer's is going to get worse....whether it's mild, moderate, or severe there are going to be different things to deal with every day. And as for holding conversations...well you will swear that your mil is only pretending to have Alzheimer's because of the normal conversations she will have. There will come a point where she is confused about the steps in bathing, feeding herself, dressing herself and you will need to step in. Remember that most son's are not comfortable doing those things for their mommas. That was what I dealt with here. Even though hubby/son is a physician there were certain boundaries he would not cross with his momma. We hired 2 women to come in 5 days a week from 10am to 4pm....I didn't do a bit of care giving during those times....but I still had that task in the evenings and every weekend and it was hard on me physically and mentally. I strongly suggest you get some help and get away from home when at all possible. The cost of help comes right out of mil's bank account. You don't have to pay for it. It is not possible to be a care giver and not have it impact you in some way and now is the time to make some changes to the routine...it will be easier on all of you.....remember that without you there is no care giving....save yourself first then you will be able to "save" everyone else. Hugs to you!

Swim ladee AKA Benny!!!!!!!! I know the feeling.....I'm beginning to quack like a duck.....weather radar looks like we might get a little more of the rain later today...looks like it's moving out of your area.

stormy....Dad's vitals sound good for his condition. The nurse has been in her job too long if she is that comfortable with her reaction.....or not long enough if she hasn't learned to hide her reaction. You might want to keep in mind that it's usually not normal to have blood coming from body openings, would bear having it checked out.

Hope everyone has a wonderful, DRY day.........hugs to all!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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fyarsley.....welcome! Some wine is actually good for you and a couple of glasses are fine. When you begin to drink out of the bottle and are opening more than one a day....well that's when the big problems start. Do you have help coming in to take some of the care giving burden off of you? If not, you might want to consider that as it sounds like you are moving toward some burnout. We have all kinds of different ideas and suggestions so come back and visit with us....hugs to you!
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Well, I made it through church and the building is still standing....no cracks in the road on the way home to fall in to......spoke with the priest for a few minutes. He even announced that the Mass was being said for mom and that her daughter was there to help celebrate it.............to all the other 10 people there. The Catholic school is attached to the church.......I can remember being marched to church every day when I was in school.....through 8th grade.

Sinus problems are driving me nuts. I hope everyone has a good day.......and that those on the edge of burnout get some time away..........please check into it.
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Well today and from now onits going to be a torture. Last night my husband got in a huge fight with two sisters that are near. For a long time I've been caring for There mother with vascular dementia n getting worse, granted theses sister only sat with her a few hours once or twice a month. NOW probably never. There very quick being judgmental and critical but yet do not experience what my husband and I experience. I don't even know what to do now because I've been having major health problems and currently waiting to see if I have gallstones or pancreatic inflammation been in pain since yesterday. I'm already burning out from the 24 hr care. Now this?
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Welcome to all the new posters, like the ladies here said, it's ok to say NO, I had a hard time as well, Seeme, big hugs to you, it's hard going through the holidays, birthdays, etc.. Mom's birthday was January 13th, I know that I missed her then and miss her each and everyday. So many things I would love to share with her about this trip.

Ftarsley, Ladee is right, a glass or two of wine helps to relax you, heck, even if it just just sparkling grape juice in a champagne glass will help. the sheer act of doing something for yourself works wonders, like the other ladies here that can, I get outside in the mornings and enjoy my coffee, haven't been doing much of that during our stays at family's, but that is fixing to end as we are hitting the road again.

Ladee, tell those flowers they have to hang around till I get there, I'll buy a thermos, we can bring coffee and just go out and sit in the middle of those flowers. Chair or no chair, just don't watch me trying to get up off the ground, it isn't a pretty sight.

Watching hubby sleep (can't help it, we're in a RV) and wondering which one of us is going to be the first to require care giving.. going to be him if he doesn't start listening to me when it comes to his health. : o ) ear infections tend to go away faster if you don't wait a frigging month to go to the doctors about them.

BSO, when do you find out about the gallstones? they've come a long way in the surgery for them. But you still have to be very careful. No lifting etc.. Hope that all are having wonderful spring days and getting to be out in the sunshine for a little while.
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Hi this is Lindy. I had to place mom in a skilled nursing facilty, it took me a while to find a great one. I am having a hard time and so is she, she cries, and then I cry, filled with guilt. I can not take care of her, need 3 people to move her, she fracture her ankle, and now thing are worse then before. My thoughts are full of her, and I have trouble sleeping some nights. I have a great home, husband, but I am with her most of the day, and when I leave I am emotionally drained. She is in a great place, the change is hard for her, and me. I wish she would say I will be find, but she cries, now the Dr. wants to try Zoloft to brighten her day, and control anxiety, I think I need it too! :(
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Well my daughter parent teacher conference went well...just needs to be more vocal but overall the best well behaved student you'd expect. On top of that she has protectors and admirers...my girl just brings a smile to anyone...i hope to be over this thing soon..
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Lindy I know it is hard to have to place someone in a nursing home but it was time for you-you just could not take care of her-you are visiting a lot and that helps-she will adjust soon-maybe the Zoloft will help her at least in the beginning-bless you-soon she will get into the activities and will realize that is where she needs to be.
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Tried to scan the posts, but I am too tired and upset to think tonight. Will say a prayer for everyone.
My horrible day started last night with finding out Mom is keeping medical things from me. Like the results of an appointment I set up for her. And once again having her not appreciate me, after an hour in 80 degree heat setting up a bird bath and feeder for her to watch.
Woke up today and I knew it was Friday, until it turned out not to be. Dropping things, crying jags, a patient with bed bugs, and my cell phone walked away by itself.
I wish I knew why I've felt like crying all day. It's not my usual response to troubles. I guess things just pile up in my heart. Ah well, keeping calm and carrying on...
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Notlike, sorry that mom is , well, mom.... And crying is good, just means we have reached the end of our rope.... let's the pressure off, we do get weary from getting our feelings hurt... and to not be told about medical issues is too much.. How are you supposed to provide care when you don't know what is going on.... I am so sorry, and am sending you a Texas size hug, but with my face covered... I have some serious lung crud that is taking it's toll on me with the coughing... it's something going around... will go to the Dr. next week if I'm not better...
Welcome to all new posters... good place to put your feelings and get up and do this job all over again....
hugs and angels to all of you...
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Feeling better today, got some cough meds yesterday, at least was able to sleep most of the night....
Sonny went to the Dr. yesterday about his BP, hope I can get a straight answer from Marie today... Sonny has declined this past winter... but as I have said before he is very social, and all she does is set in her chair and watch tv and read the paper... but he is more frail and not as steady on his feet.... makes me so very sad, I hate this disease, hate it with a passion...
Sorry some of you are having such a down time right now... wishing I could come and give you all the respite care you needed... that would be my ideal job, traveling around, helping the people I have met on here, and giving back for all you all have given me.... maybe one day.... who knows what God has planned...
Love you all, and maybe today all we can do is put one foot in front of the other...hugs
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Morning all.. Prayers for all of us in our various caregiving situations...I pray for us to get some much needed rest and respite.
Talked to dads doc yesterday...results of bloodwork showed some inflammation ..suggesting that it is coming from marrow. Uric acid level was good... Doc suggested that we talk to hematologist when we go for his shot next week. He is sending test results over. So basically no help yet with his rigid body. I know in my head I am doing everything I can to keep dad comfortable but sure hate to see him in this shape and my heart tells me to keep pushing.
It is frustrating because he has so many things thing wrong with him but all in all not any one reason he is in the shape he is in. Mom is declining little by little but still able to take care of herself. Moving slower more back pain
I see her worry with dad as he gets confused in the day. We are feeding him more often.
Ah well.. Sucks getting old and having to depend on someone to take care of you.
Hope and pray that we all have a decent day
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Good Morning Posse!

It's good to read from you lindy although you don't have good news to share with us and I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time! You do have the HONOR of winning the COW PATTIE for posting #6500....woohoo! The first thing we need to work on is drying up your tears....they make your face red and splotchy and stuff up your nose.....you know Mom is being taken care of because you took the time to find a great home for her...if the doctor wants to start Mom on some Zoloft then by all means do so, it's a pretty benign medication and if she hasn't been on an anti-depressant prior to this then that is a plus. The change is hard on all of you but needed to be done before you were hurt physically and Mom might have been hurt because of the need for more help. I know you will find it hard to take a step back but that is what needs to be done at this time.....as long as you are spending every hour you can with her, she will not start to acclimate herself to her new surroundings. It's time for you to concentrate on getting yourself back, spending time with your husband, and allowing Mom the chance to start making her new home her "home"....and she won't do that if she thinks there is a chance you will relent and take her back home with you. Remember that you did all of this out of love for your mother....you want the best of care for her and that shows in realizing your limitations and finding a home that will care for her properly. Stay with us and we will help you through this....hugs to you!

Welcome BS0213......selfish siblings seem to be a common denominator with care givers. And there isn't anything you can do to change the way they are. So you will probably have to look at outside help or a place for Mom until you are able to care for her. Or this could be the time for all of you to look at placing Mom. Your health should be your #1 priority....without that you can't do much caring for anyone else. Come back and visit with us and let us keep you from falling into the black hole of burn out.....

seeme.......we had lightening and thunder yesterday morning....yep that girl just walked into church....:)
ladee.....the rain should be moving away from you and we will be getting a little more today but that should be it. Hope no detours to work this morning.....
notlike.....hope Mom settles herself down....you just amaze me, you are such a good daughter and give of yourself daily and too often have it thrown right back at you.....you are very valuable to us!
Vic.....are you swimming yet? This rain should have reached you by now.....I don't want to quack alone...:) Hope things have gotten better between you and Mom....maybe it's time for you to get away for a few days.

I'm thinking of you all today and hoping for a day of peace.....sending angels to watch over you as you go about your day!

Happy Trails,
Jam
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Lindy, like Jam says, give her a little time to settle into the routine at the NH. You will wear yourself out even more going back and forth every day. Or if you must go to reassure yourself, don't stay so long. Easy to say, I know.

Notlike, bless your heart!!! And I thought I had a bad day yesterday!!! NOT!! You humble me. Wishing a better day for you today............

Welcome to all the new posters. Remember that a problem shared is a problem halved. We are hear for you in any way we can help.

Anyone heard from Rosella lately? She must be working hard again.

Looks like it will be another 4 months before we get puppies. Momma had a false pregnancy, so she is retired. But, the extra time will allow us to settle the mil issue and bury my parents' cremains. Maybe even take a vacation to the northeast. If I wasn't so picky about wanting an OES and would settle for a Lab, I would have had puppies by now. As it is, I will have waited 10 months........I could have given birth myself!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! NOT!!!!

The lilac bush and river birch trees grew leaves overnight. I can hear the hosta growing. May start tilling the garden this weekend if the weather holds. Life does go on............

Hope you all have a wonderful day with few problems.......hugs to all.
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Jam..we started quacking last night..steady downpour! Have been keeping my tounge wi mom. Hubby is still here for a few more days. Depending on how dad is doing..I hope to go see my grand baby next month for a few days.. Trying not to get my hopes up in case dads health issues get worse..
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Ladee, Thank you for understanding and I am trying to get as much information from internet and from here as well. I went to couple of book stores here for that is about all we have and neither one had much of anything on AZ. I guess I need to go online for that as well but not sure what book has the best educational information to help me understand more. I kind of feel bad for I never even thought that she may had been embarrassed and no-one would like to feel like that way, damn! I'll bend over and you can kick my in my little you know what. Learn from my mistakes. She knows where the bathroom is but now that I think about it, she does have her time when it starts getting around 8pm-sundowning. I also caught her one time when we first moved her over here that some how she had gotten the dogs food bowl and was peeing in it right in front of the bathroom! I woke up because i kept hearing a strange sound and to my surprise it surprise me as well and when I asked her what was she doing it was if she had been sleep walking for she started to cry. I told her back then that it was okay and I cleaned up the mess on the rug for she didn't ring it too well in dog bowl. : ) I never brought that up either for I knew she couldn't help it. Like you mention I need to get all information I can and if their is any could websites or book please feel free to let me know.That goes for anyone on this site as well, please. It is nice to read the things that you have to do as well as others to help make it easier for the person and yourself. Like what you do for Sonny with the vacuum and knocking on door. Little things like that I will need to know for future purpose. Be nice if we had an area for do's & don't for AZ members and I know everyone is different but be nice to have a list from past experience care-takers.
I am going to try and call the Area Aging Agency and see how the Respite works and the cost and discuss with the hubby. Right now he is sick with the pollen and trying to teach high school students. I also have a grandson who just got out of hospital but was sent home with an oxygen tank for his asthma due to the pollen and he is only 5yrs old. I told my son that to see if the dr thinks he is immune to his asthma meds and try a new one and to get a hepa=filter and humidifier, poor thing. Be nice I could just go over their & help them but they live in NM.

seemeride, You will be in my prayers for I lost my mom at age 58 and I know how it is to lose a mom. I hope you can find peace during this time.
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