This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I believe you have done the right thing, like placing my Mom was the right thing for me, I could not physically tend to her needs anymore. She argued about using the adult diapers, so that meant getting her up and getting her to the bedside, hopefully in time, other wise you had her to clean up and everything else.
Take the Doctor's advice, and maybe talk to your own doctor about something like this , does the NH have like group activities? something she can get involved with? that association with others might help pull her out of the depression.
Ok, I want to smoke a whole cigarette, all at one time, like back in the olden days,like last week... I am getting CRANKY..... cough please go away before I kill someone....
Hubby is having the same issue of the pollen as you all for he sounds like he has a frog in his throat. he's taking Mucinex and hasn't help him too much. I did wash his car to help get the pollen off and wax and hopefully that will help somewhat. I'm taking Sudafed and it helps somewhat. Hearing the thunder and lightning and hopefully it will shower all the pollen away.
Sending all you allergy suffers a big fat hug and hope y'all get to feeling better soon.
I also called and talk to someone from the Area Aging Agency and they were so helpful and are going to send me brochures of what their program offers. I also didn't know that the mnl was ease dropping and heard her name mention while I was talking to her about our situation. the mnl just blurted out after I got off the phone that, " I had no idea that you felt that way about me." I was stunned! So, dumb me try to explain to her that she was diagnose with mild AZ back in Sept.
Well, she is in denial like always and was very pissed at me. Then she stated that she is just a dumb country girl and that is why she does some of the things she does or says. I told her she is not dumb and that it is an illness but then she wanted to argue. I told her I was NOT going to argue about it and that I was just trying to get information to learn about AZ so that we can communicate without yelling at each other. She just clammed up for about hour. hey, it was kind of quite for a little while. So, that is when I got her to do the swans and later we went and got tax stuff ready for tomorrow appt and we treated ourselves to a single dipped ice-cream cone and she ate the whole thing and it didn't affect my sugar. yeah...
Just like today, Sonny constantly hawking (sp) and spitting, I was afraid he was going to make his throat bleed... I finally told him to come with me to see the bluebonnets outside.... got him distracted and he stopped.... lord, they get in a hamster wheel about something, and you sometimes just have to stop it and take them off...
And happy to hear her eating the ice cream did not make your sugar go up... lol.... proud of you girl.... you are doing good..
Angela - welcome. And at least I wasn't eating a tuna and jelly sandwich, too, on my bad day. YUCK!
Lindy-missed you. Hugs.
Vic-hope you get answers about your Dad. This "two for one " caring we do is hard when they are worried for each other. Hugs.
Maybe we could send all the pollen to the Laundry Room? That way, everyone would feel better.
Looks like Dad has cellulitis on his leg. So neosporin and bandage changes every night. Thank goodness he told me (after three days of it being red and sore) before it got any worse. And he's been using his C-Pap, even though it will take a while to get used to it.
What Mom didn't tell me was the results of her cognitive test. I heard from Dad that the hospital called her and she is doing better than she did 3 months ago. It's strange, because she all but threw the last one in my face, because it showed she was okay. It's been 3 days now since they called, and she hasn't even mentioned it. And sis and I have both noticed more forgettfulness, so we're wondering if she even told Dad the truth about the call. It's very frustrating to take care of someone who treats you like the enemy. I didn't give her cancer, or memory loss, or any of this - I'm here to help. But helping to her seems to mean she would have to acknowledge she's sick. Too much round and round with her - I would love to sit and talk about this with her but I already know how that turns out. Not good. So I will try to be patient until she's ready to talk to me, or there is a crisis.
Looking forward to it really being Friday! And payday! And a short day at work! Maybe the stars are alligned right for today :)
Hugs to all.
So just keep on keepin' on , keep the Laundry Room in the back of your mind, one of these days we are all going to meet in the Laundry Room and tell ALL our elders secrets..... to the National Enquirer!!!!!
hope eveyone had a good day and yeah Shelia, that 's what it feels like when they get on a run about something, round and round and round and round...
You guys have been busy! Welcome to Angela.....ewwww tuna and jelly......made me think about the days when mil still lived here.....not much made sense coming out of her mouth and she also liked to do weird things with her food....like the day I asked why her oatmeal was pink.....yep cherry popsicle!
The HIPPA law came about because a group of firefighters from somewhere were sitting in a restaurant after a call one day talking about the circumstances and outcome of the call. It just so happened that a family member overheard and complained about personal information being tossed out for anyone to hear the embarrassing details.....thus the law was passed. The biggest problem was that it went way overboard. When I was still working I could come back to the station and talk to my partner about it but no one else. If working a car accident I couldn't even give information to a police officer unless they were actively involved with patient care......you would be surprised how many of them I used for temporary iv poles or had them hand me a bandage or c-collar....something to make them involved. Someday the "right" person will be hurt because of not being able to pass along information and the law will be changed. Technically those involved as care givers should have easy access to pertinent information....the problem is that the law is so vague as to who is allowed what......and the initial fine is $25,000 and goes up.....that doctors and other health care professionals just keep their mouths shut.
Vic I heard you quacking from here!!!! Started raining again yesterday at 5:45pm....pouring actually and the blind doggie chose that moment to wake up and want out....umbrella didn't do much good. My poor grass looks like a jungle out there!
Thinking about all of you today and hoping you get through the day with partial sanity still intact.......sending angels and hugs!
Happy Trails,
Jam
I sympathize with the other posters here who have it worse than me. I just don't know how you it take it year after year.
Angela, I know about the weight being lifted.
Stormy, I know about the bundle of nerves thing.
Ladee, I love your posts.
Quack Quack here. It's been raining since last night. Sounds pretty through the open window.
I do have POA and HIPPA rights. I just didn't want it to look like I was "going behind her back" to get the info. Sometimes, she doesn't want to tell me, othertimes, she doesn't care. I did ask her tonight, and was told she has "superior" cognative abilities. Whatever. She can think, but her emotional stability is non-existant. She loves to lord it over Dad that she is smarter (according to her), so now I guess she wants to be smarter than me, too. Not gonna happen - I have a Mensa IQ and it didn't all come from her. Oh well, let her feel good about what she can. There's enough bad times ahead with her cancer. It's just too bad she gets her joy from the wrong things.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Ladee, the hamster thing was a bit funny, I'm sorry but I did get a chuckle out of it. Sorry Sonny can be such a handful. I look at everyone situation and y'all got me beat miles away.
Jam, got a big chuckle from the, Oatmeal cherry popsicle. hey, we cannot knock it until we try it, right? ; ) hey at least she ate it or did she?
Hope everyone has a nice day. : )
I did my time on ladee's hamster wheel and my heart goes out to each of you who are still running that track........I honestly don't think I could do it again. When I think back to the mental stress that I went through every day learning how to not respond back when the col started her tirades......it makes me just as tired as the physical did. The last couple of months was when the weight started to drop off of me.....lost 22lbs in about 2 months and that was because I didn't take the time to eat properly and was running up and down stairs all day long. Nice to lose the pounds, but a rotten way to do it! You all have my deepest respect for being able to continue being care givers.
Sending hugs to you all for a beautiful day of peace................
The dog does need to be put up when someone is at the door, it could be a child. maybe try telling her that if it bites someone else, that the animal control people will come and take it and it will be put to sleep.
I hope all of you have quiet, peaceful days, I need to convince myself that sleeping all day is not a good thing, did that yesterday but gave myself forgiveness for having felt like doing it, don't know if it was the stress knowing that we are getting ready to hit the road, not feeling well (haven't in a couple of weeks.. (pollen maybe? never had allergies.) My HS is acting up, arm is killing me. Did at least get some of hubby's medication mess straightened out, he's 63, has no mental issues, with the exception of being stupid at times... keeping track of his meds, ordering them on time and taking them fall under those times...
That tuna and jelly sandwich? yuk..and double yuk, but that cherry oatmeal does sound kinda good, but not a Popsicle, it would water it down and make it cold. I thought a sausage biscuit with strawberry jelly was weird till I tried it..lol.. Tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches along with pimento cheese sandwiches, welcome to the South Y'all
Well, we're down to T -5 for blast off, having to keep poor Squeek in the RV, the neighbor with the peacocks almost shot her the other night, doesn't like other animals on his property, but doesn't have a problem at all with his geese and peacocks coming over here, all Squeek was doing was chasing crickets, she didn't have a mouth full of feathers. So if his birds come over here, it's fair game for maggie and claire to chase them..lol.... I kinda encourage it as a matter of fact now, where I had been trying to keep them from doing it.
Ladee? hope you are feeling better.
Big Hugs
Angela, are we going to have get you some boxing lessons??? Don't care who you are or how hard you try, someone going for your face will trigger survial feelings..... it's miracle we don't hit them back... When I was on the floor when Ruth broke my leg, she was steady kicking me and cursing me in German.... guess God was in charge of that outcome, was in too much pain to knock her legs out from under her, but will say there was some pretty vile things coming out of my mouth too. Then she just walks away, like none of it happened and in her mind it didn't.... on to the next thing....
Will have to tell about the banana and the table knifes when I have more time, will let the new folks know there is humor in what we do....
Ok, gotta run and pay billRs... ttyl, hugs.