This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
ladee, we need to find humor to keep on trucking. I even throw some humor out to the mnl when she gets frustrated or confused about something and it helps sometimes. For instance, we have a small trash can by the toilet and I kept smelling pee in the bathroom real bad. I have already removed to the rug by toilet due to hubby I guess can't ring hole that big sometimes. : ) So, I check the tub rug and it looked fine and I took the trash can for it had toilet paper in it but I thought I empty it and then place it in tub and shut door to find that freaking piss smell! Well, sure enough it was in shower tub area from trash can. I have it in soaked with bleach.
Hubby tried to tell his mom to throw her tissue-toilet paper in the toilet and not the can. Well that was getting her all confused. Finally, we said if you wipe throw it in toilet. She responding, "just throw everything in toilet." I said no... you wouldn't throw your toothbrush in toilet. she responding, just like I wouldn;t throw myself in toilet and I said, yes! Needless to say, she started asking again about the toilet and I could see hubby losing it so I asked him to chill that we will just take the can out for awhile for it is a learning habit and problem solved. Yes!!! I knew this bachelor's sociology was going to come handy eventually. ; )
starri, I love my fried green tomatoes. Now they have fried pickles.
brandiwine, i would had chuck that old crock pot stuff right in toilet screaming or no screaming. Thank the Lord your hubby didn't get sick.
Broken leg, smacked in the face boy, I sure do have it made right now.
angelaleigh, take time to breathe and relax while she has her out. Great for you for a break just away a bit is awesome.
notlikemom, well, let her have her joy sometimes even though it in the wrong way. Cancer can take its toll? My mnl likes to compete sometimes when she is not telling me she is old. Like if I start stretching my legs for my muscle get all tight then, she will tell me, "I can do that.:" I am like go for it for its got to be good for her. hey, it gets her off the chair. ; )
jam, that idea of "Snickers candy bar in her coffee....vanilla ice cream in coffee." sounds pretty good! Look at all those flavor coffees out on the market. Hey, Y'all could get rich by starting a new taste of coffee-and call it, "snicker coffee or snicker-doodle coffee. : )
Pray everyone has the best day possible and that we all can have a little down time during the day to refresh our minds during our cargiving day.
Did they ever find out what is causing dad's stiffness? I know the procrit shot will help him to feel better, but won't fix this stiff body syndrome he has, wish they could give you some answers without having to run so many damned tests then send you somewhere else for more tests.....prayers for you and your family... glad hubby has been there and sorry you got your meal interrupted... but no big deal I guess in the bigger picture of things huh....Give that precious hubby a hug from me and tell him Thank You for making your life easier when he is home.....he is deeply appreciated..
Was up most of the night coughing, so today should just be lovely....but am going to stick my ugly attitude somewhere and go on about my day....
I know there are some rocks on the back roads that I haven't seen yet.... hugs and angels to you all..... the angels are to help lighten your load....
And by now the kids have learned how to avoid her for the most part. And you are an awesome woman Tina, juggling Auntie, kids, home, and hubby being gone , you just amaze me.... I have never been that 'unselfish' in my life.... so I feel blessed that you set an example for me, AND you have a sense of humor..... and what ever you put in her oatmeal, we won't tell...deal? deal!!!!!.....love and hugs to you and prayers for you and your family....
Ladee hope you ground something for cough..it is sooo miserable. I miss this days when u could call and they would send something. Can you ask pharmacist? I call mine and they help when they can.
ASG..know it was a real relief to hear doc tell you about symptoms and why...even though ther is nothing that can be done you have some peace of mind knowing.
Dads primary doc Wants hematologist to see bloodwork because he thinks dads stiff movements may be due to some of the bone marrow stuff. I don't think so ..but hey what do I know. He did tell me to bring him in if hematologist doesn't think it has anything to do with the anemia. I am thinking they could give him some steroids at first but really think he needs the levodopa cause I think it is coming from his brain.. But again hey..what do I know. Think doc will work with me once we see hematologist and get his take.. Don't know if we be able to see him tomorrow when dad gets procrit shot. Dad has so much wrong with him..the docs have a real hard time diagnosing anything. Mom wasn't feeling too well yesterday hope she isn't as tired today.
It sure is a pretty day here maybe I can get out later in the garden...go with the flow...
Vic-sorry your dinner got interrupted, but at least it wasn't a major crisis. Hugs.
ASG-Glad you got some answers! Those are some strange foods. And I thought Mom was bad with her name-brand-only and can't-eat-this-and that routine!
Burned-At least someone is making use of the laundry room. LOL Most days, I'd like to start there in the morning and stay all day.
Well, another weekend is over. And it was pretty much the same as the others...a bit of niceness from Mom, and alot more meaness and foolishness. Oh well. I find myself being very crabby lately. It's like I can take only so much, then something pushes me over the edge. I'm hoping this is just a phase for me. At least it's better than before, when I wanted to scream every day.
Radiation starts tomorrow. Three weeks Monday-Friday. I will only go on Tuesdays when the doctor rounds, otherwise Dad will take her. And as soon as that's done, she has another brain MRI. I sure hope all this radiation isn't a waste because she's got more brain tumors. But she knew that was a risk, and wants to do it anyway.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
ASG......isn't it funny to hear Aunt tell you she knows she has mental problems? I have to laugh when the col says "I have Alzheimer's, that's why I can't remember things"........
ladee.....hope Marie was good today. How are you feeling? Much better I hope......
I worked outside in the yard for most of the day. We set the dried grass on fire around the inside of the pond.....have tried to get the darn stuff to burn for 5 years and finally this year it took off. The Canadian geese "regulars" weren't very happy that we disturbed momma's nesting but they settled back down to business. So I'm taking it easy tonight with very sore muscles.......
Hope everyone has had a great day and will soon have a peaceful night....hugs to all!
Both hubby and son are laid off. It happens this time of year in construction. I knew it was coming, but I'm stressing anyway being the only one working with 5 mouths to feed. This too shall pass.
Dad's leg looks alot better. The calander is FULL with Mom's radiation every day and all the other appointments. April will be a busy month.
Hugs to all!
Notlike, do your parents not contribute to the family income??? I would think they would at least pay something to help with lights and gas. Much cheaper than a NH....Will hubby and son be able to take some of the traveling stress off of you by taking parents to Dr. and radiation???? Sorry things are so onesided for you, you will definately need a vacation soon... love and hugs...
Austin, sorry to hear about your friend Winnie, you are in my prayers and enjoy working in the yard...
Everyone else, have a good day if you can, get outside for a little while if you can, let the sunshine hit your face for a few minutes... love ya'll....
Well dad had appt today to get procrit shot ... His red blood count was good so he didn't need shot. But they didn't get other bloodwork from primary doc.. So no answers about inflammation .. Just feel down and like I am getting a run around. Hematologists nurse was real sweet and understanding of the situation..she is going to call the other docs office to get the bloodwork ..talk to the doc and call me to let me know what is going on. Not really going to hold my breath for any answers. Figure I am going to have to take dad to see primary doc for him to check him out again before I can get any help. Such is life...
Hope everyone is hanging in there and having the best day possible.