This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So today she has been whiney and doesn't want to be alone. I was only out for 2 hrs today and made 5 stops, so I did not pussyfoot around. Got a nap after hubby came home early, but mom didn't like it. Now she has accused him of lying to her about me sleeping, and whatever else she can think of .......tomorrow he will be wonderful.......
Ladee, Everyone here that knew my dad loved him, and they never really got to visit with him. One time we celebrated 4 birthdays in October when my parents were visiting me. Dad's was in Oct., also. We had the neighbors all around us and some others we have known for years over for deep fried turkey and fish that had been caught that day on a chartered fishing trip dad and hubby were on, and all the fixings. Someone gave dad a pair of boxers, black with white ghosts on them and the words "Scared Stiff". Boy did we laugh. Then dad went in the kitchen and got something out of a kitchen drawer (looked like the insides of the old coffee percolator, the part that sat on the bottom of the pot and went up to the top) put the boxers on over his jeans, and propped that thing so the front stuck out like he was "scared stiff"......what a character.......
Got interrupted....the col called on the intercom because she has been searching her house over for her cell phone, and finally decided it was in that "little box" in the car..you mean the glove box? Why would it be there when that car hasn't even been unlocked for a year and a half. How about looking at the table where it's been lying for that length of time....:) And she doesn't even really know how to use it anymore. Got her tucked into bed and hopefully she will stay there.
Hope everyone is having a good evening. We've been having internet problems all day....how traumatic!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Come back and let us get to know you... we can always use new people to make us laugh... uh, not AT you, but WITH you,,,, hugs
You are all in my prayers and I think we need a "group hug" button.
And I just wanted to pass this on...shaving cream is a great poop cleaner upper. It smells good. Thank goodness we haven't advanced to that level of care here yet, but I learned this on the job.
ladee......Thank God for rain! How wonderful.....I bet the farmers are doing dances. I hope you get enough to make a little bit of a difference. Scrub top on right side out....pants without a wind tunnel.....check and check.....:)
Last night I really thought I was going to be ready to sit beside the col.....a friend sent me a message on FB saying that she heard we were looking for someone for night work occasionally to sit with the col. Well, that light bulb came on over my head again......one of the techs in the ER has been doing part-time home care for years and when she couldn't get away to give one of them lunch, the billing clerk where I worked would run over and feed this woman. So, her sister who went through paramedic school, is a CNA and also a tech at the hospital....she got involved with home care giving and there is a group who has been doing it "on the side". I have been so out-of-touch with the day to day happenings with these people since retirement, that I had completely forgotten that the resources were there, right in front of me. So now we have night help whenever we need it and maybe I can finally get Target up and out and we don't have to worry about the col.
seeme......one more day. I hope this doc can give you a timeline tomorrow for repair. You're on my mind constantly and I think of what a strong woman you are....I truly think I would have broken a long time ago with all that you do for Mom.
Hopefully once this is done, you will have a few moments of Kindle and smoke time without hearing your name called.
ASG....I started reading the book yesterday....so we can start comparing notes once I get a little farther into it. I grabbed a few minutes yesterday while the col was napping to give myself a pedi and was reading while soaking.....How is Aunt this morning? Hopefully there won't be any 911 calls today.......
how's johnny and Miss Betty this morning? Enjoying sunshine I hope.
Good to see from you yearight.....how have things been with you? Yes we will laugh with you, sometimes at you, but only with love and caring...:)
burned....please let us know how you are doing.....
54.....if you're reading and not posting, please send a note to let us know you are okay. We do think about you and wonder how things are.
rossella...deefer....linda09.....evening and morning to all of you....hope today is good to you.
Coffee time and must catch up on email since we were having so much Internet "black outs" yesterday.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
God, I need to vaccuum. My eyes burn, my head hurts, and I swear I could eat nails. It is so hard to be pleasant to her right now. She commented that people aren't as nice here as they used to be. Then she says I am too crabby and talk too fast and loud. At least hubby works in the afternoons now and I don't feel so bad about making noise at night....he can sleep later in the morning. I'm sorry to be such a baby today. Well, gotta get some laundry going. At least help comes tonight so I can get some sleep for the ride to Raleigh tomorrow. Maybe I will be able to understand what the doctor says ..................
Let the floors wait and put your feet up for awhile. Close your eyes and get a little power nap.
Love ya,
Jam
Jam, you have more helpers now than you know what to do with.. you can even call one for the evenings you are just too tired to mess with her....And yes, Target needs to get a life, he has this wonderful, beautiful wife that has taken care of his mom for a long time, and now he needs to let her know how much he appreciates her.. Is he depressed??? You know Dr's are the worst patients, maybe he doesn't realize he is depressed... Ask him if we need to change his name from Target to Dr. Couch Potato....
Mj, that is not your "good" self saying to not be selfish, that is the Caregiver Demon that haunts us all and tries to make us feel guilty for having a minute to breathe and relax. Just tell the "good" self to hush and enjoy what time you get... it will be over way too soon... hugs to you
Rossella, how is the MAN CAT today???? Tell him we have a cage at ASG's to put him in if he doesn't behave... AND he would have to be with ASG's aunt... talk to the boy and let him know his options are limited...hope you get some work soon... I know you are stressing about that... love ya...
ASG, what book are you and Jam reading, ya'll should share ya' know, it's not nice not to share......
Johnny, hope you and your wife are ok and not having any major problems, has your daughter been back to give you some time off?? I know you enjoyed that, not having to worry... hugs to you..
We actually got some rain today. Not near enough, but we are happy with what we got. It will at least help the grass to grow for the cattle, Nobs and his step siblings are romping around this afternoon, it is not blazing hot and there is water standing in little puddles...
will try to check back later,, hugs across the miles...
now where is that happy pill at ?
mslisadoll -knock what off ? lol
welcome !!
vent all u wanna , we dont care
love you all the same
xoxoxo
The cats are calming down because probably there are no more "hot" females around. Giulio didn't beat the younger ones tonight, but it's just temporary... He made me laugh because he choose to stay exactly in the spot of the porch from where he could watch the movements of the other cats in all directions. He seems to have a military training in defending his territory. I would not be surprised if I saw him crawling in the garden and wearing a combat jacket. In the meantime he sneaked in the house and tried to piss on every pillow he found, before I caught him
I am glad I have no work, because I sleep, I read crime books, I don't do anything at all, except taking care of my mother in the evenings and the weekends. Of course if this situation lasts it will be a disaster. I am thinking of growing saffron to have another and more profitable job.
I went back to the beach today and it was pleasant, if we didn't listen to my mother who wanted to leave after half an hour and kept saying so every 2 minutes. But as it takes 1 hour and a half to get to the sea, obviously we wanted to stay at least 2 hours. So I gave her ice creams, decaf coffees, everything to keep her quiet. She is unhappy everywhere, so at least we try to be happy.
Seeme, I hope you get good news from the next doctor!
ASG, let's put your aunt and my mother in the same room. The problems of at least one of us will be solved!
Good night! I have a crime book by Patrick Quentin to finish and it's 3 in the night here. And I won't clean my room, tomorrow, either. I want to vegetate at least one more day! Some more days.
I thought about getting a tape recorder and just taping YES and NO at 30 second intervals, just turning it on and going to bed. Or get her an Ipod with the yes, no, not now, no one, this is where we live messages and watch tv until bedtime... She couldn't help it, but it didn't mean I wasn't feeling crazy.... I would come on here and vent, get up the next day and do it all over again,....... welcome to "the inmates are running the asylum"....
Rossella, that bad boy!!!! I can see him setting on his corner with a uniform, a monocle, and a tiny little whip, just daring the other cats to come near him...then getting in the house to spray on the pillows... He is begging you to get him fixed isn't he...if you can catch him, give him a kiss for me...
Seeme, prayers are with you today. I know you are exhausted and need answers. Let us know what the Dr. says..
Jam, hope the col is behaving and Target has moved to another chair.
I couldn't take Sonny out for his walk or yard "clean up" because of the rain, but he paced the floor when Marie went to get her hair done.. He does not do well when she is not there...I would remind him she had gone to get her hair done, and he would relax for a minute or two.
I have noticed at meal time that when Marie askes him what he wants to eat, he pretty much says no to everything, I suggested to her yesterday, just put the food on his plate, he ate everything !!! Suggested to her he is saying no without having a reason... I had fixed fresh strawberries and peaches yesterday.. as soon as she asked him if he wanted some, he said no, then he looked down and saw them and his face lit up, she finally got it, that sometimes when she is asking him if he wants salad, he doesn't know what salad is. He is doing very well with taking his meds after I showed him an easier way to do it. He'll look at me, I stick out my tongue, he does the same, puts his pill on his tongue and then drinks his water... pills taken!!!
I noticed this when I was working for another lady. She was hard of hearing, no matter who was trying to talk to her, family, HH aide, if she didn't understand what they were saying she would look at me, I would tell her what was said. And I noticed Marie doing the same thing when the HH RN was there the other day, I would tell her what she said and then she would answer the nurse... funny the things they trust me about...
Well, am going to get my name on a waiting list for an apartment and hope something opens up soon... may have to sleep in my car until then, as being told I needed to be out of here ASAP has put me in a bind...I should have known better than to believe either one of them... too much water under the bridge here and yet I was stupid and relaxed....But I will land on my feet, I always do eventually...
Hope everyone has a blessed day.....hugs across the miles....
Tried another experiment last night with meds for mom.....told helper if she was getting up too often, give her restoril.......well, she screamed all night and was dead weight at the same time. Still had to go pee every 15 min. Last time up was 5:30, so this is the longest she has been down all night....about an hour. If she is sundowning, soes that seem about right? Guess her brain damage could be reacting the same as ALZ...........what do ya'll think.....does this sound like sundowning????
Ladee, does it look hopeful to get an apt quick?
Thank you all for thinking of us today. I will write more this evening.............
am sorry about that , pa slept so much yesterday that made me wonder if he s on his way out . now he s bright eyes and ready for some good ole bfast .
am going to have 3 grandkids all day today so i thought i bettter take a quick look here then will shut er down for the day .
seeme hope u get some rest today . xoxo
I know we don't like to medicate too much, but she is suffering as well as you. Who knows what sets her off, but it
s obvious she needs something to calm her down. And it would make it so much easier for you if she would sleep at night.
Ladee, So sorry you have to move right away! That is just cruel after all you did for them.
Jam, how's the COL doing?
Starri, Hope you are having a wonderful time traveling.
Ladee hope you find very soon a very good house!
I shall return!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love and Hugz,
Jam