This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Marie was too tired to be much trouble today, but hate going in on Monday's and seeing that look in Sonny's eyes... no interaction all weekend and it's like he has a regression... it will take all week to get him lively again....then another weekend...
Austin, think i am going to try some sunflowers, that sounds like a good plant to have in this heat....
Oh, my mind is jumping all over the place this evening...gonna go now and not embarrass myself any further.... love to ya'll
Notlikemom, I thought oatmeal is good for you too. It seems that woman is very heartless sometimes.
burnedncaringst, you got what sleep your body needed. As for your credit card coming in, we all know they will be coming with no hesitation so try to breath. ; )
it sounds all things considered that the rest had a reasonably good day and I pray that it continues that way for you..
I hope that by the time we get home, it will be still nice enough weather to plant something besides me under the A/C..lol.. It was 88 here in Junction TX when we pulled in yesterday, but like Ladee said, nice breeze so it wasn't all that bad. I'm looking forward to getting in there, the trip from Needles, CA to TX has been a long one..lol, not use to this pull over for 8 and get up and start moving again, we'll be staying put in TX for at least a month, maybe more. Hope that all have gotten some sleep tonight.
Burned - prayers for you, too. You are amazing how you hold it all together.
Seemee-Bless you for taking care of your mil. And when the poop hits the fan, I'll be waiting for you in the laundry room! LOL
Jam and Ladee-thanks for the oatmeal. Really, thanks for the support. It's frrustrating how the simplest things get blown out of proportion around here.
I can hear the birds singing outside, and I got some real sleep last night. I think it will be a good day. And I'm praying it's a good sign for Ladee and all of you.
So patience..lol, I have none most of the time.. at least that is what hubby keeps telling me, I hope that everyone has a wonderful day today. Mine is going to consist of about 200 miles of travel (what would be a 4 hour trip in a car is more like 6 in the RV.. But at least there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Welcome ede............I'm so sorry you are going through all these emotions right now. You're right, no one chooses to feel that kind of anxiety and when you don't know what to expect or when that makes it worse. Death is an inevitable part of life....none of us know when or how it will come, we just know it will. And it will for your Dad. I take it Mom is no longer with you? Maybe you need to think of what it is that is really scaring you.....is it the fact of losing Dad or finding him gone? If you have never gone through the dying process then it can get a little scary when you don't know what to expect. You have hospice and a supportive husband...those are good things. Will your husband keep an eye on Dad and give you the opportunity to get out of the house for a while? Do you have a pastor you could talk with? How about your own doctor? Make an appt and tell your doctor what is going on with you....a few rounds of an anti-anxiety medication sounds like a good thing. Then take yourself to your favorite salon for a hair makeover and have your nails done while you're there. Dad will be taken care of while you are gone and he won't suffer because you are taking a little time for yourself. In fact that would probably make him happy. Take care of YOU and come back and let us know how you're doing......we'll leave the lights on................
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.......hugs and angels sent to watch over you!
Ede-Welcome. Please listen to Jam and talk to someone about what you're going though. It sounds like a difficult enough situation with out the added stress and worry. If you've never had to burry someone before, it can seem very confusing and scary. We're here to help. I've laid too many good people to rest - if you need practical advice, please just ask. And know that I am sending you a worry-free hug:)
Jam-please keep the Ladee updates coming. Thinking about her so much today.
Notlike hope your day was good with mom. How did radiation go?
ASG.. How is auntie today? Hope she is not too sore from her fall.
Ede..God Bless you.. I know how you feel.. Listening for breathe.. I do it myself with my dad but he is not as far along as your situation. Listen to Jam.. We are here for you.
Ladee dear friend.. You are in my prayers.. Jam update us when you can.
Lildeb-I used your word, "heartless", with hubby and he says it describes her to a T. She doesn't care about anyone or anything, except how it effects her and what she can get out of it.
More prayers for Ladee...
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
I started menopause at 30 because of a hysteroctomy. I didn't know at the time that I didn't absorb premarin, but I was on it for 5 years before I was switched to another one. Talk mabout night sweats!!! I still have them in the summer months, hell, I'm starting already. I buy and change sheets like crazy, trying to find the right combination of cotton. I sleep with one leg out of the bed. Only cotton touches my body. My doc just cut my hormones in half cause of the breast cancer in my family. I have a picture taken at a photographer's years ago that shows a full blown hot flash in progress!! Like I needed to see that with my own eyes.....I was there!!!!! One friend and I have compared simultaneous hot flashes. She won the redness award and I got the longest-lasting award. What else can you do??? Hang in there, you are not alone.
I hope we get a LADEE UPDATE soon. No news is supposed to be good news, so at least things are hanging in there........hope everyone else has a good day......
I know if I wasn't on them already, I would have had to have been. My nerves got to the point that I could not enter my Mom's house at times without having to head straight to the bathroom and throw up. Stick around, it helps to have someone to talk too, that truly understands.
Jam, let us know about Ladee as you can, We ought to be pulling in this afternoon. I'll try and reach her when we get there and let her know, I am there for anything I can do for her.
Big Hugs and Peaceful days for all.
UPDATE: Ladee was able to get on the hospital supplied computer last night....besides the other injuries they found fractured ribs and scapula. That boy took a ride! Haven't talked with her yet today but hoping she got some sleep last night. It will be a long road to recovery for him.
Vic.....sorry to hear Dad is not responding to treatment quickly. The older we get the slower everything is for us. I know you are enjoying every minute you can with him and you're an amazing daughter.....
notlike....glad no problems with radiation and sending prayers that Mom will get through without any and that she will throw some kind words your way.
ede......please go see your doctor if you haven't already. Have you considered placing Dad in a skilled care facility? That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing and is a way to save your sanity and make sure he is taken care of and not at your expense.
I have noticed recently that the media is starting to wake up and take a look at what I've been saying all along and what prompted me to start the thread......the care giver needs to cut to the front of the line!!!!!!!! Without the care giver there isn't anything else....and if the care giver is not healthy mentally and physically then how can they be expected to take care of someone else? Everyone needs to take the time for themselves each and every week and not just a couple of hours....a full 24 hours if that's all you can squeeze out. If there is no family close or willing to help, then call your local EMS....I can guarantee you there would be an EMT or medic who would love to supplement their income with a little extra cash......and you just might find yourself a permanent helper in times of need.
Update on the col........she just gets more and more confused everyday, but she's in a "happy place".....yesterday she went shopping with her husband (he passed in 1997) and she misses him so much....bought him something but couldn't tell us what. She is now also well enough to come home she says.....the Seroquel makes it so easy to redirect her.
Happy Trails!
Jam
update... long night, alchohol detox on top of everything else, combative, aggressive, ect.... hopefully today they will give us an idea when he can go home... leg is very bad, going to be a long road for him... also put him in a back brace yesterday, L5 broken..... so will let ya'll know more as i know it... think I am goig home today, tend to things at my house and then come back... I am going to be in a serioud bind missing all this work... so prayers for understanding landlady and and gas money from above... lol.... thanks everyone, I know we are not alone.... more later when I have time....
How are you? I can't say that I've adjusted, just got a little better and less of a cry baby.
Anybody out there need a mil????
Starri, I got on Lexapro because I used to 'ping' a lot. As it took over, I was at least able to control my mouth.....I've been known to get out of bed in the middle of the night and go outside until the sweat freezes. Lexy doesn't help with that.
I was very tired when I finally went to bed last night. Hubby had his cancer scraped off his arm and it was still numb when he went to bed. He woke me up during the night to tell me to roll over as I was snoring and talking in my sleep. I thought his arm hurt, so I told him to take an aspirin. He kept at me about how that didn't make any sense to him, so evidently I told him it would help his aches and pains when I beat the shit out of him. Pretty good answer for being sound asleep!!!!
Praying everything goes well for Ladee and son. Love you, Ladee. And thanks for the updates, Jam. Thinking about all of you today......and wishing YOU were all going out to lunch with hubby and mil instead of me. I'll buy!!!!!!!!
why can't those last little stubborn ones go? The mean cells, the cells that make her angry, and the ones that make her speak. Seemer, I got an idea, how bout you go on ahead and give mil the keys to the car, let her take her little doggie, give her directions to my house and have her pick up her new friend I will in turn give her directions to anywhere but here:)
Son is in a alot of pain, as Jam relayed to ya'll, crused his left leg really bad, plates, pins and screws.... broken ribs, fractured shoulder blade. and found out with the MRI that L5 is broken... it's a miracle he is alive... rolled the company truck, from having a seizure, landed in a deep ditch with water in it... they had to cut the top off the truck to get him out.... 4 hours of surgery to fix his leg....
Found out today Texas Hiway Patrol is taking his drivers's liscense... THANK GOD... he was honet with the Dr. about his drinking and seizures, but they would not listen to me about him possibly having alchohol withdrawals..... ummm, they found out last night.... took his back brace off, threw it across the room, threw water on a nurse and spit on her....Tried to take his leg brace and bandages off, a nice little shot stopped all that craziness.... so they are starting detox protocol with him today... hope it's not too late, as it has been three days... he wasn't much calmer today, so decided to come home and sleep in my bed tonight....
Thank you all for the love, support and prayers for Son and I... I don't even remember driving to Bryan... God was driving, at that point all I knew was he had been in a serious wreck , no more info.... but he is alive, if in pain, did not hurt or kill anyone else, Thank God, and we can only pray this is his wake up call....
Didn't read or get caught up, just wanted to update everyone... thought of all of you in the quite moments.... will read later and tell everyone Hi... love hugs and angels...