This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee-I was LMAO reading your post! Of course, I had my camera ready. I have a whole collection of Mom smiles - the evil one, the mad one, the You Are In Trouble one, the Foolish Girl one, too. LOL. Hope Marie isn't too bad tomorrow. You could take your son and see how he and Marie pair up! :)
Jam-want to mow here, too? We could start a collection of white legs! LOL
Vic-You need a tape recorder. Then you'd just have to push a button instead of repeating yourself. Hugs.
Mom and Dad went for a walk! And she said thank you to me for making the Easter dinner! I am pretty sure hell just froze over. And I'm sure it will thaw again before the end of the week.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Without humor I seriously think I'd be a serial killer.... sure hope this post doesn't make it into some FBI file somewhere, but I could use the break in prison to BE tended to for a change... meals, a room with LARGE vents into the hallway, my own tin cup to run across the bars when I am bored....I could lay around and read all day, write ya'll letters, just a laid back life for a change.. never have to worry again about the rent or minutes for my phone, do ya'll see me talking myself into this.... yeah uh huh,,,, it might be a plan, the only vacation I am going to get....
I think I will start with ex husbands and just go from there.... and if ya'll have any requests, let me know.... I can hide in plain sight, it will take them awhile to make the connection it's me...you know, like Dexter.....anyway, hope this doesn't scair away the new posters, it does get DARK here on occasion, when we are just tired, fed up, and haven't slept.....humor costs us nothing, so we just go for it.....
love ya'll ... later.
Notlike.....are we going skating today or did hell thaw already....too funny......
Ladee, put mil on the list just in case........never know how long this will last. Mil didn't sleep well Sat night cause I gave her something to think about when I ranted at her Sat AM. Seems like she will trust hubby with MPOA. I promised her we will give her wishes the same consideration we did my mom. I am in countdown mode........24 hrs to peace and quiet..............except for the brick man who will be breaking up concrete tomorrow AM...........better than listening to mil.....
Hope everyone has a good Monday.........I am off to Walmart and Books-a-Million later.....mil does not have enough stuff yet........there may be breathing room in the car, and we can't have that............
Notlike, watch out for the flood when hell does melt.. Vivian glad you have decided to take a few days off, you deserve it and need it, like I said even a hotel/motel room for a few days, maybe a girl friends where you could have adult conversations about things other than caregiving. I came back from my break ready to go at it again and not near as stress as when I left..
Hugs to all, don't know what we are going to do today, heck of a way to spend a vacation, me not feeling well, my sister friend stressed to the breaking point. At least I have one bright spot, hubby is being wonderful, even considerate...lol, have had the thought in the back of my mind about where did they stash the real hubby? I'm not going to fuss, just enjoy it as long as it lasts..lol..
Hope everyone had a good holiday and ate lots of chocolate bunny ears!
Welcome Vivian.......not much more that I can add to what the others have said so I hope you have found this a comfortable place to land and know that you will receive a lot of support and love and a hug when you need it and sometimes when you don't. And yes, it can get silly sometimes....we have been known to discuss the merits of chicken butt-warmers and scaring our charges by wearing antlers and jumping out at them from behind the furniture.....:) The only thing I might add is that if you haven't seen your own doctor and discussed yourself, then that would be a good place to start. Sending hugs your way!
The col told us last night after dinner that she was watching Elvis.....on tv? No she says.......is he there? well, you know she says......not sure what that means but hey there could be worse guardian angels!!!! Finally got Target to understand that when he talks with her he needs to go into her world....not try to make her come back to his and it's working great. Maybe hearing aids disintegrate when they hit the floor......several years ago a friend, who was an LPN in a NH, told me to take a piece of paper and roll it into a cone, then place that close to their ear and talk into in a normal voice.....the cone directs the sound right to the ear canal and they can hear. I've tried it on patients while transporting and it did work!
No mowing yesterday....the sun was shining and the glare off my legs scared me so bad I ran right back in the house! But today it must be done before the chihuahua disappears again. Was outside around 6:30 and could hear the turkeys on the pond bank, Daddy goose is swimming and momma is on the nest....very peaceful. If it were only a little warmer I would be out there with my coffee.
Sending hugs and wishes for a wonderful start to your week.......
Happy Trails,
Jam
Dad is still sleeping.. Will get him up soon. Pray it is a decent day. Worked on attitude yesterday..helped and I feel better.
Love to all
Seeme, a few more hours and the crazy one and all her crap will be headed home..... will say extra prayers for Mike, he sounded so tired today.... you are an awesome dil, whether you like the old lady or not, your heart is so big..... we won't be hearing from you probably, you'll be sleeping.... lucky you....
Elvis huh???? Nothing that the col does or says surprises me anymore... hope she had a good time with her Elvis visit.... Lord have Mercy....
Vivian, we haven't heard from you, so hope you are on your time off, prayers for you.....
When I told Maire I wouldn't have a phone until Fri, she actually fronted me some of my check.... OH NO, you need a phone.... her and I have been doing so good this past week or so, of course I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I think she knows how worried I am about my son and how tired I am, so even Marie has enough sense to not push it....
Sonny and I worked in the yard today... planted some things for Marie, got some pots ready for some more plants, and just enjoyed being outside..... it gave her some quite and we got some fresh air... so it was all good....
Both times I checked on Son today he has been asleep... that is good, he has been thru so much....he looked relaxed, so left quitely.... will check again here in a little while..... he has a long long road of healing ahead of him.....
So hugs to everyone, ttyl.....
I will nap when I please and eat when I please and just DO what I please. I am having trouble with my monitor blacking out on me, so if you don't hear from me, I am too aggravated to try to type. PLEASE everyone take time for yourselves today.
..sh
She wont use it. Maybe that will save the furniture. Love ua
Welcome newcomers this is a great site to vent and make friends, come back and tell us all about it.
Ladee, don't forget that should you need me, I am only a couple of miles from you.
Hugs to all
Seriously, when I tried to talk to Mom about her last radiation appointment, because I plan to be there and the doc wants me there, she wasn't too happy. Wanted to know why I would go, and especially why the doc wants me there. Well, let's see...I've been at every major appointemnt since this started, I keep the schedule, I understand more of what the doc says than both parents combined, I'm the POA, and I am the Good Daughter. Would that be enough? if I didn't go, then a week later she'd be asking me questions for which I had no answers. Argh!
Dad's leg keeps getting better. Yeah! So all is not good, and all is not bad. We'll see how it is when I get home.
ASG...glad it was just a sprain.. Wheelchair..may be safer on your furniture than the hover round.
Hang I there Vivian ..we are here for you
Ladeelou..will let all of you know about doc appt.....
Seeme..praying for Mkie! Poor guy and get rest rest rest...love ya girlie
Vic-love ya! Hugs.
Mom's really worn out from the radiation, otherwise quiet here tonight.
Stormy - counting down for you. Connor must be so excited!
To all-I love being a part of this thread. It gives my brain something else to think about instead of my regular days and nights. Dark, light, funny, or sad, I know this is my home.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Notlike- and yes connor is getting excited about disney, he asks me everyday are we going to disney world yet? So we are doing the countdown thing now. Love and hugs to all stormyyy
Today, has been a much better day than how depleated/depressed I was on Easter Sunday and on Monday. Up one day and then down for one or 2 more is not unusual for me.