The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Mistake in my writing that it is Not the mnl who needed help to the car from shopping by the stepmom. Of course she made it to the fence of the property line. Oh, you cannot even see the trailer for the woods have grown up so bad. I had to add the forensic humor so that I can stop from going crazy myself. Someone humor me please.

One more, my dad only has Medicare A for he didn't won't them to take out money for B. All of us don't care if the state needs to take the property if it will get them back in their right mind n health.

Vic, Im so glad the doctor is gonna give him something. Hopefully that will help. I know its hard trying to manuver someone so rigid. Auntie never complains of pain or headache, she tells me no, then she told p.t. spmething bout her headache being gone? I'm like wait..Honey when you have a headache you need to tell me. She has confused spells, peed off spells, and recentley mild hallucinations mostley at nights. Vascular doctor told me the confused spells we Tia's. She sleeps a lot to afterwords, and ive noticed its a much deeper sleep. Like her mind and body is just taxed. Huubys coming home always makes thing better (i say in my most sarcastic voisce:) jk. It is nice. After my divorce I never thought i'd marry again, just take care of the kiddos. Hubby changed that. I remember one day shortly after we married, as his stuff piling up more and more in my home, thinking what the heck did I do...i had gotten so used to having my own space , own stuff I felt intruded upon. Of couarse i love hubby and wouldnt change a thing, even his car parts he kept trying to assemble in my living room:) He now has his own man cave area. Ladee I love the CAT! well I better get off her and get chores done. Figured i drop in while having breakfast. oooh gotta brag on myself for doing 4 miles on the tredmill yesterday!!! big hugs for a peaceful day for you all.

Good Morning Posse!

Going to do a drive-by this morning.........

ASG.....good for you and the treadmill...do some for me please! Yes, it's hard to see our "space" intruded upon.....I still hate the things I see lying around and I'm forever grabbing something to put away.
ladee.....maybe you can sneak in a nap this afternoon while Sonny is snoozing.
lildeb......not much you can do about Dad and step-Mom....they are adults and can dictate who steps on their property. It's unfortunate and there probably won't be a thing done until no one can meet at the fence, then there would be "probable cause" for entering. And I would imagine the dogs would either be caught, if possible, or put down if they are aggressive. I know it's easy to say "stop worrying" but don't kill yourself with stress over something that you can do nothing about.
Vic....glad Dad is getting more treatment. Keep us posted on his progress. Yes, sounds like Mom is having TIA's.......give hubby a hug, you always sound so much happier when he gets home.

I'm lurking and reading and keeping up with ALL of you........hope y'all have a great Thursday! Sending hugs..........................

Lildeb-As bad as it is to have my parents under my roof, it sounds worse to have someone that far away. Please breathe-Jam's right-you can't do anything about this. (Except get a degree in forensic science)LOL Hugs.
Mis-glad you had fun!
Vic-Hope you see improvement soon with Dad's new med. I'm sure a TIA tires Mom out - it must be stressful to her system even if she doesn't realize what's going on at the time. Rest is good for her afterwords. Blessings and hugs.
ASG-You Go Girl! Tredmill for me too, please!
Ladee-Hope you got some rest, or get caught up tonight. Glad your son continues to improve. Please do not look a gift horse in the mouth-take the good with Marie while you can. Reality is what we make it! Hugs.
Hubby's building raised garden beds for Dad. The cheap way - cutting old barrels in half and building stands for them out of scrap metal. I do love that man! We'll see how much fuss Mom puts up about buying the dirt and seeds.
Have a happy day all!

Hi I am looking for comments on if any person can relate to this:
My mom is decling with systemic functions as well as late stages of ALZ/Dementia and will be undergoing an epideral for her lumbar.
Would you take the risk of having this procedure? Any risks?
I would not but I am not on her ADV DIRECTIVE OF HEALTHCARE
and my brother is in denial of everything.

Thanks you all, I am just sitting by my cell phone while getting myself back together with my b/s. I know their is only so much u can do. They have had two of them dogs put away due to one had almost bit a neighbor for he had gotten out of the fence from the property. I like to shoot everyone of those vicous dogs. why in world would they want to have pets like that anyway? They r for protection but I think these r a bit extreme. Going to have to round up my own forensic possess. ; )

I just want to say hi to everyone, this site has really made a difference for me. Reading about what others are going through helps alot. I'm on my 4th day of anti-depressants and I think they are already making a difference. I feel more calm. I havn't had the energy to do anything. Its been a struggle to make meals. We don't eat out because of the budget and I don't buy processed foods. Mom is supposed to watch her sugar and have no salt. Its been 2 weeks since I told my sister how I felt about her, and I have never had something like this run through my mind constantly not being able to let it go. Still feeling burned out and run down. My Aunt and Uncle are visiting their daughter, they come from AZ every summer and spend it with her. They were going to visit us today, but I cancelled last night because I was too tired to get groceries and put on a happy face. I have a lot of guilt feeling like I'm not making the best use of the time I have with my mom. I'm afraid I'm going to have alot of regrets, wishing I had done more enjoyable things, not just trying to make it through another day. She is having another day of just wanting to sleep, I had a hard time getting her to wake up this morning. She is on two anti-depressants but I don't think they work. Well I feel like I'm just rambling away, so I hope everyone is having a great day and I'll say bye for now. I just want to say to Ladee you are a delight, I'll pray for your son's continued healing. Love to all.

Lil..im sorry to hear about your parents, thats tough. could nthe sherrifs department do anything? are they being well fed? i see shows on t.v. all the time about taking into custody animals that aren't being cared for properly because they have to many. If they cant affford to get a water pump fixed they probably cant provide 7 dogs with needed medical care, food, ect. Not saying people who dont spenmd money on a vet are wrong. ive had animals before that i cared for very well without being able to provide vet care, but under the circumstances maybe that would be a road to look down. Vivian Yes this is a wonderful place. I found it myself while I was in the dispair of caregiving. so much info here. San San, Welcome, I personally wouldnt do any kind of life saving treatments on someone if they were in the last stages of ALZ./Dementia. Comfort issues would be different. i'm not sure what problem your mom has but if it's something related to pain, the benifits would have to out weigh the risk and burden. What is the objective of the procedure? Is it to relieve pain? When someone is in the last stages of dementia or frail, surgeries are very hard for them, sometimes they do not recover well. Can you talk to brother and ask him some of these questions.Let him know that you have a concern for moms well being and that a procedure may have a very negative impact on her. Again I dont have a full understanding of your moms issues but those would be the things I would consider. Im sending perayers your way.

Hey everyone I haven't read the posts for today but just wanted to let ya'll know that i am feeling alot better today thank the lord!!! I just hope it continues to get better. 2 more days of antibiotics and 2 more days before we leave on our trip. The countdown is upon us........ Love and hugs to all stormyyy

Maybe call their local social service office and report what is going on that is probably all you can do or call the local police department to have them checked on for their safety-it sounds like they do not want any help-it must be horrible for you to be so worried.

Allshegot, My brother is going to call the Adult Protection Service people and do a follow up. I did talk to a friend and they recommend calling the police but the police can't make them see the dr. However, the court could if a dr stated they were not in their right mind. As for the vicious dogs, they make sure they have plenty of dog food and they buy bottle water. I have tried to talk to my dad personally and he refuse to see a dr and ask what could they do. We had it out for I told him if I didn't take my meds and see a dr and the man above us that I wouldn't be here. he try to make it sound like that, I had to do that and I told him no that is my choice. So, this is his choice to not see a dr. I want to slap my daddy silly. I just don't understand him. I know we can lead a horse to water and we can't make the horse drink it. At least we, us kids did try to have something done for them and we tried face-to-face before too.

Vivian, I take anti-depression meds too and it has helped me out a lot. I have also learned to play certain games on net to ease my mind as well. That way I can collect my thoughts and refocus on what is important and how much I can do for others.

Stormy, glad you are feeling better and maybe you can enjoy your trip.
Sansan, I have no clue and hopefully someone knows a little a bit about your situation can help.
Jam, u r so right that they r grown adults and as long as they're in their sort of right mind their is not much us children can do for them. all we can say is that we did try, twice. Damn hard-headed Irish daddy. : )
Everyone else, I hope y'all have a nice day for what is left and hopefully some of y'all can get some rest as well.

Austin, our council on aging isn't all good either. The lady in charge wants to convert me to her religion instead of help me gather info about caregiving.

Morning everyone, it is morning isn't it???? The way I am feeling right now reminds me of caring for my lady Ruth.... can't think, am forgetting important things, like closing my car door... Went out to leave for work and my car door is standing wide open, ding ding ding, with the key in it.... and no one bothered to steal it, what a sad statement to my old car....thank God I have a new battery, or it would have been waaaaaay past meltdown for me....
Vic, so happy Dad is getting on this new med.... I know it will improve his quaility of life and sometimes that's all we can hope for....and it will be so much easier on you...
lildeb, sorry you are so worried about your parents and seems so little can be done... a welfare check can be done, to ease your mind, but still a lot can not be done if they choose to live like that... they can't make them move or seek help... sorry... prayers for you...
ASG, 4 miles!!!!!!! I can barely DRIVE 4 miles much less walk in one place for that distance... I probably walk 4 miles a day at Marie's, according to my back and feet by the time I get home, but you go girl!!!!! We want all of you to match, not just skinny legs....love ya..
Sansan, I feel so bad for you. You have her best interest at heart and have no say so in the treatment... one of my concerns is what Dr. would even think of doing this procedure under the circumstances.... we are hoping you come back and let us know what is going on... prayers for you...
Viv, so happy to hear you are on the meds.... I call it " better living thru chemistry", If you are a caregiver, that goes on the resume', ARE YOU ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS...... OH HELL YES!!!!!!! hope you are feeling even better real soon...
Stormy, so glad you are feeling better, this is going to be so much fun... and take lots of pics with Conner bouncing from place to place.... and let him ride the rides without you crying like you did last time !!!!!
Notlike, oh yeah, I'm riding this horse of happiness as long as Marie chooses to keep acting human... not complaining at all. I am pretty sure Sonny had a TIA yesterday, he is getting to where he is more and more stressed when Marie is gone... He kept rambling and rubbing his upper lip, like it was tingling, the hard part is they are unable to tell us what is wrong.... I have stopped asking him if he wants juice or water, I just give it to him..... they don't know if they are thristy, and to keep him hydrated I keep shoving liquids at him....
marie's procedure for her hip went very well yesterday, so hopefully she will be feeling better in a few days... she really likes this Dr., he took the time to explain everything and he also validated her pain... she is such a drama mama, it is hard for us to tell the real extent of the pain, and she will use it when sonny is getting too much attention... so my heart goes out to all of you who are taking care of TWO... at least I get to go home.... to tend to broken son..... he is getting bored so now he is wanting to go somewhere.... UH NO!!!! The only place he gets to GO, is the bathroom.... I have a feeling I am about to have my hands even fuller than they are now..... so if I show up on one of ya'll's doorstep, just let me in... I'll be able to help you out with your charges, I don't eat much, and that crazy look in my eyes will subside after some rest....
Jam, hope Target is feeling better soon before he ends up like son, with broken bones...
Seeme, hubby will be back soon, and your life will get back to normal... how is the walkway coming along??? Take pics.
Austin, has the support group started yet... you will be an awesome asset to them, info they know nothing about... let us know something....
I am sorry if I missed someone, remember I left my car door open all night, so don't take it personal..... just remind me.....
Love you all and hope we all have a good day, if only for a few minutes... think of ya'll during my day, and can't wait to get on here and see who did what.... later.

Ladde you are awsome to think of all of us when your plate is so full-glad Marie is behaving better too bad it has to be because you life is so hard now. Yes we had the first meeting and 3 other former caregivers also attended -they had not asked if they could attend they just showed up and the two leaders accepted them-both like to be in charge but we -the former caregivers gave our opions to those going through it now and I know I will continue to attend the once a month meetings and I think we helped the ones new at this journey.

Ladee..so sorry about Sonny and hope Marie is good today.. You know your son is feeling better if he is getting bored..get him a coloring book and crayons...
Love ya girl and you can show up on my doorstep anytime!

Took mom to her 5th and final radiation treatment. They were not able to do it. The tumor moved due to pleural effusion. She does not seem to be having any symptoms from it right now so they are leaving it alone. Wish I could get some answers about what this really means.

I think people are tired of hearing me talk about mom and all that is happening. I’ve got to change my attitude before I lose all my friends. I had a total melt down this past weekend. My anger got the best of me. I just blew up at my husband. I’d have to say I became somewhat violent throwing things at him. All over nothing he did. Then I refused to get out of bed in the morning. He tried to be patient with me trying different ways to get me to come to my senses. Then he said something I’ve heard over and over we all have choices with our actions. Why that resonated with me this time I don’t know. It has taking me a few days to let it sink in but I’m going to make the effort.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .

JAM.....that was awesome!!!!!!!

I am wondering if anyone has suggestions for a Caregiver such as myself who is trying to find support groups or some type of counseling. I was my Mother's primary caregiver (voluntarily), and now my Father's (unvoluntarily). I was fine with caring for my Mom and handled it pretty well, but never got a chance to even grieve for her when I had to start taking care of my Father who is a much different type of individual to deal with. I am feeling much resentment as I am one of 10 children and they skate in and out of all the responsibilities that this entails; helping sporadically and never for long. They have absolutely no idea what it is like dealing with everything that pops up day in and day out and listening to the same stories over and over again every day and having to reiterate everything when dealing with a 92 year old with senility.

I want to be able to go talk with someone neutral and possibly find a way deal with all of the emotions and health issues that arise from being in this situation. I have no insurance and very limited funds. I live in Northern California.Hoping someone on this site can shed some light on any resources they might have found useful. I don't want to vent to any of them anymore. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

lil...you are right, all you can do is try. I hope i didnt offend you when i mentioned the athorities taking the dogs, i know your parents probably take better care of the dogs then they do them selves. Ive seen elders do that.

Austin thats a good Idea too. Brandy Your kidding. I wonder sometimes how some of these folks get their jobs. Ive seen very nice capable social workers then Ive seeen some to wonder about.

Jam thats hilarious. How is col doing? 2long...I sympathize with you. I know the alz. association has support groups in most areas for free. Even if he has another type of dementia they will help. I live in a very small town and recenley the alz. association started working with our senior center to provide services to caregivers. I was interviewed by them when we did my realitives recert. I was told they provide respite and such. We didnt meet the criteria because auntie was able to carry on a converstion with the lady like she was o.k. and she still does so many things for herself. Plus I was to big a of winnie to tell the woman about her problems in front of my realitive. But if she ever loses it completely thats what i'm gonna do. My realitive is in her late 80's and is developing a vascular dementia of some sort but it hasnt been officially diagnosed. So you might try the local alz. association,or enior center to get in touch with them. I hope it all goes well. Right now venting on this threadnis what keeps me from losing it.

dchurchill, I don't think you are talking too much about your mom. I realize that your situation is very bad, but, I think you need to see a therapist.

2longACGiver, I suggest finding a therapist covered by your health insurance plan that is a licensed clinical social worker. In my opinion, they are among the best therapists and many of them charge on a sliding fee scale for those with limited resources.

2longACGiver, sorry I did not read the part where you said that you don't have any insurance. Some clergy do grief counseling and they are free.

2long- I know what you mean having to take care of your dad i am taking care of my dad also and it is a whole new ballgame taking care of them. I was close with my mom but not with dad. And he has cancer. He doesn't have alz/dem but alot of the caregivers on this site take care of people that do have alz so i know some of them will be able to help you some with some information concerning your father. Love and hugs to you Stormyyy

dchurch- we are not tried of hearing about your mom that is what we are here for, for you to vent and talk about the one you are caring for and anything else you want to talk about. I will post on your wall in a few mins. Love and hugs stormyyy

Good Afternoon all and Hello an welcome to the new posters, Lil, The sheriff and the social service workers can do a wellness check, had the sheriff do one on me one time, those dogs if vicious can be taken into custody, as for the water not working? that is considered a health issue. Know of a lady that was given a choice of getting it working or leaving her home. This is a good place for everyone to come and talk, we never get tired of hearing about your frustrations and your need to advice or just a shoulder to cry on.

Stormy I am glad to hear that you are feeling better, Ladee, glad to hear that Marie is being good.. I hope maybe she keeps it up, even after the son is up and moving. If you need a doorstep close by, you know where mine is.