The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Jam, no I can't take the keys b/c the aide uses the car to do errands. Besides sis would explode if I did that or anything else, its like sis thinks I am merely the step child, which I am not. Sis is in CHARGE and I am to stay out of it. So I have to let go and let God and pray for the best. I come here to vent though. Thanks for letting me vent.

Just checking in. Today I feel very grateful that I will not care for mil. Those of you who deal with the mental issues of caregiving are in my prayers and you have my utmost respect. To me, it is so much more taxing and tiring than the physical. I don't know how you do it without drugs, which many of us are on, or without breaks from the insanity. I am exhausted after only 10 days. My forte has always been to see the logical side of things, so finding out I can't be logical with someone has drained me. Many blessings and angels to you all..........surely your reward will come from heaven..................

Hi Everyone!
It's been a while since I posted but I have enjoyed reading your posts daily! I just got over pneumonia!! I guess the germ fairy didn't realize I don't have time to be sick! Thankfully, I am finally feeling better and hopefully, rid of this cough!
Here's my issue for today...I have noticed that since I have taken my mom home to live after living with me for 3 months after surgery (she has early dementia), I feel our relationship has changed dramatically on my part. I feel angry towards her all the time and very impatient. For 3 months I did it all without any help from family. I paid for her meds., food, took care of everything, and nobody else did anything except argue with me over decisions I made. I do not even second guess my decision to let her go home. She takes care of herself, her home, she is happy being with her cat, etc..., but I still find I'm the one who still runs errands and does everything else for her. When I'm with her, I'm just angry all the time. We use to laugh and could have lovely chats, but I just don't feel it any more. I think I'm just resentful that nobody else has offered to help. I can't do it all! She can't afford someone to come in and help do her pillbox once a week or run errands for her, so it's me! My sister has come down twice since she's been home-BIG DEAL!
Is it common to feel this anger or resentment, which I really think is due to no help from family members, and I'm taking it out on mom. Her memory is lousy, and it frustrates me that she won't write things down or she'll call me at work for a last minute item which she has noticed she is out of. She isn't living with me any more, but it was almost easier when she was!
Suggestions please!!!
Hugs,
Cindy

The anger and resentment, in my opinion, is normal. Yes, it is probably because the family doesn't help. You didn't mention if anyone else is even close. I know I was angry all the time before I was able to vent here and realize that I wasn't alone.....that seemingly petty irritations were just that and didn't matter in the long run. I am also on an anti-pressant, which helped me get rid of the anger. And I started turning things to the humorous side. Hope you stick around for as longs as you need us.

Hello Everyone, I got on here first thing this morning to make sure Jam was ok. I thought of you alot and prayed you would be ok. I waited to saying anything, cause I woke up this morning meaner than a grizzly bear. I'm on about my fifth day on not sleeping well at all. I'm waking up about every hour going from the bed to the recliner to the couch, and the back to bed to start it all over again. I took melatonin and it didn't help. Mom woke up early and I could hear the clickety click on her powerchair nonstop. It drives me insane. I moved from the couch back to my bed shut the door and all was well for about a hour till she blasted the volume of her TV and had her door open. I went in and bitched her out, and told her I felt like I was being tortured. Oh Cindy! it is normal, I am finding, to be angry and resentful. I am becoming extremely bitter. I thought I was the only one in my family who would always be nice to mom and not take anything out on her. I sold my house and moved in with her 6 yrs ago. I thought when I moved here I would be able to get a job and have a normal life. I thought my brother and sister would help. My sister did come around sporatically, I think whenever her conscious became so guilty she would show up. When she came it was usually about 7 pm and would eat dinner and lay on the couch or get on facebook. She would spend the night and sleep till noon. She gave me presents on occasion, but I began to resent them because I felt like she was just trying to buy me off. A couple of weeks ago, I told her I didn't want anything to do with her anymore, because she didn't care enough about me to give me one day a week off. She is a karioke DJ and performs Saturdays and sometimes on Friday, her children are grown and I think she has the most supportive husband I've ever seen. Her response was to rip me to shreds and say things that I don't think I have in my power to ever forgive. I found this site after that, and the support I have received here has help me immensly. They told me it was ok to vent here, so apparently thats what I'm doing today, your post triggered me to go ahead and let it out. I wish I had helpful advice for you. Just reading about the ones that have it worse than I do helps to put things in perspective. People would tell me that it seemed like there was only one family member generally that would take responsibility, but after I got on here I was shocked to find out just how true that is. I think our hearts are bigger and we care more deeply than they do. Maybe they don't have the level of compassion that we have. Just being able to express myself here has helped. I think I'm being nicer to mom, (except for this morning). I was really sick the night before, I think I had food poisoning. I havn't wanted to make friends, but since finding this thread I wish I could meet all the wonderful people here. Well I'm feeling a sense of relief so I'll say bye for now, and Thank-you for all the help. May you all be blessed.

Vivian....I am glad you feel that way about us. It makes things all worthwhile. Even though my mom died back in Sept., I know so well those feelings you and Cindy have. My sisters live 900 miles away, and even when they came to visit, it casused enough of an uproar that it took me another week to get mom back into her routine. It was nice to talk to someone else when they were here, but mom pushed herself too much and I had the task of straightening her out when they left. Only once did hubby and I get time away from things when they were here. And I was in such a fog most of the time!!! Mom would scream all night.......and if she didn't wake me up, I was checking on her to see if she was still alive. I never slept more than 4 hrs at one time. I was so tired just before she died, that I was almost physically ill. I actually said to her out loud that I couldn't do this any more. And that day I called 9-1-1 for the last time.

Again, I reiterate, those of you deal with ALZ and dementia have my utmost respect. I don't know how you do it.....with love and compassion, I'm sure, but you are better than you know.............

Viv, you just said what we have all said, and on more than one occasion.... so you just get on here and say what ever you need to, anytime you want or need to, and we will always let you know you are not alone....My sister will tell the story you just told, but in our case, we couldn't do anything to suit her, she wouldn't take a break when we were there, she was too busy telling us how everything should be done, and on and on... so I started doing my share for dad when he went into assisted living.... she never knew when i was there, when I took him to the Dr, when I ran errand after errand for him, but he was an ass, and they played some sick games together, they fed off each other's bitterness... but she will say no one helped.... I did, but it doesn't matter what she thinks... one day she was dragging her ass around and dad called, he needed something, probably something stupid like cough drops, so off she runs... she no sooner got home and he called again, off she ran.... when I suggested she get him to make a list and she could go once a week, I got my head blasted off my shoulders..... so there is the other side of the coin, but I know when ya'll post it is really what you say it is......no help... so that is when we have to use our imagination for respite.... some on here are so burnt out i worry about them.... other than us converging on Washington as one tired group of caregivers, seems not alot is going to be done in our favor....SO, we come to places like this, vent, cry, find out we are not alone, laugh, make fun of each other, and make friends..... no we many never get to meet, but we can talk everyday to each other, and we all know where we are coming from.....so hang in there, you sound like you have a lot of insight, so please come back and tell us how you feel,
Brandy, I think your sister is my sister.... let her do it then.... you'll just have to learn to not let it bother you when she says you did nothing to help... those that need to control it all, well they have their own agenda.... not for me to waste a brain cell on, I have been where you are.....and you come back to and vent until you feel better... this is a safe place to put it, so vent on sister-friends.... hugs to you all...

I think I got some names mixed up again, I'm not sure if it's my mind on overload or I am becoming Sonny... so forgive me for anyone having to use an extra brain cell to find out what I mean and who I'm talking to..... I'll start making a list again....then I'll try to remember where I put it... love ya'll

Ladee you are doing just fine girlfriend-you are very supportive of caregivers hanging on by their fingertips and also those of us with other concerns-and I remember well how important it was to have others say they understood how I felt and keep me proped up enough not to fall apart completely and I learned a great deal and will use some of that to help with the cargivers support group I joined to help those going through the journey themselves.

Austin, I think this group will be fun, and you are going to make some new friends, I commend you for going out there and sharing what you know, face to face, to help people just getting started.... You'll be able to share from MPOA to burn out.... they are so blessed to have you....you'll have to share what the group is like, what questions they ask, ect.... I would like to do something like this, maybe I'll check into it when things settled down some with son....Am looking forward to the day some of us get to work from an 'advisory' postition as opposed to hands on.... I would love to find a job where I could teach, or counsel, but not in the stars for me I guess....
Seeme, strange how we all do things differently, I will do the physical, but prefer the mental, as there is little logic with Alz/dementia, and I find it more challenging... where dealing with Marie always complaining of pain or just being in a crappy mood, I am less tolerant of those with a working brain..... tho, I have to say, since son's wreck, it has been going much smoother.... I say I don't expect it to last, and it won't, but am enjoying the break from her frowning face... feel like I am with Notlike's Mom everyday. I planted her some tomato plants, can't wait for fresh veggys, of course she had me plant them where she wanted them, not where I thought they should go, but didn't say anything, I was enjoying being outside....
Hope everyone had a good day, if even for a few minutes you found something to laugh about..... love ya'll

Jam, you ain't a whistling dixie for that was a book full. About time you shout it out and I bet you feel a bit better too. ; ) I am glad you were able to ride out the storm safely and sorry for those who could not. I don't think I would ever want to live in Kansas for they have too many tornadoes for some reason. My son use to be station in Kansas and he would call all the time about nasty weather and they lived in a trailer.

Ladee, you are only human like us so go ahead and post and scream away.

Allshegot, start planning now to see who you can get afford to help with the mom so that your husband and children and YOU can take a small break in the woods. Just make sure if you go fishing to hold your mouth right in order to catch the woppers. ; )

Notlikemom, sorry to hear the mom is not feeling well, hopefully she will start eating soon. Hopefully your dad's bounces when he tumble off the trailer at least you two were able to laugh about it. They say that, "Laughter is good for the soul."

Brandywine, I would talk to my sister and see if she is allowing her to drive or get her to put the keys out of sight of mom. We just took the keys from our mom for she was lost just down the street one day. When she ask about the car keys we pretend we had no idea and that we did not mind taking her where she needed to go until she found her keys. let's just say the keys were never found. It was best for her and other people for their safety.

Burnedncaringst, as for feeling like you have a zoo, I think we all can feel that way sometimes. Can you try and look at the things you are accomplishing right now to help ease your anxiety disorder a bit? For example, you were able to make a payment on your credit-card and you have already applied and done all the necessary paper-work to apply for the stamp process. I do hope you and your family are eligible for every bit counts. What kind of hobby do you like to do when you ever get the time? Look at the small things that you are accomplishing for they add up and you are only one person. ; )

As for me, I had to get onto hubby again for the way he spoke to his mom. I try not to do it in front of her but sometimes I just want to strangle is dumbass! For a person to be so smart and a educated teacher why the world he don't crack this book, "The 36-Hour Day." He may have read two pages. I told him that the book has helped me a lot and of course this social network area too. thanks everyone. I have notice that I don't yell anymore at the mnl and that I understand it is NOT her but rather it is the illness of AZ. I have learned that to not let clothes in her bedroom that are either on the chair, on the table, on the floor or doorknob rather than in the drawers that I had made signs for her. That it is not hurting anyone so be it. Back to hubby, I made spaghetti and the mnl didn't care for the sauce with the meat and tomatoes. So, she raked them to aside and she was complaining that I always put too much on her plate. However, she seems to eat it all up most of the time. I just tell her to eat what she can and if she don't like it that I can make her something else. Hubby gets all bent out of shape and tells her she can eat the sauce with the meat. I know he worries if she don't eat that she will lose more weight and get sick. However, her appetite is fine and sometimes not but I know she will snack on peanut butter and crackers later on tonight. I told him that maybe she don't even like spagetti with red sauce. He tells her if she not going eat the meat stuff than she can just go to bed without dinner and go to her room. I'm like wtf !!!!!! I just kept calling his name and told him he needed to go sat down and eat. Of course she was crying for that was just wrong. You don't treat her like a freaking child!!!! If he educated himself than he would understand more!!! I'm screaming right now.
I sat with her and told her to eat what she can and if she didn't want it I would make something else for her to eat. she ate the as she said, 'stringy noodles.' that was too funny and we both laughed. I try to tell her that he worries about you for you are is mom and he's afraid if you don't eat that he's afraid you will get sick and I also told her I would have a talk with him about speaking to her correctly. I finally got to dumbass and told him what if I put some cooked carrots on your plate would u eat them. He don't like carrots cooked. I told him then maybe you need to go to your room with dinner. Trying to get him to see. I told him he was wrong the way he talked to her and that by telling her that what would that have accomplished? If I didn't talk to her she would had went to her room and Not had eaten at all. The point is to get her to eat and not force and scold. I told him that he needs to read that book besides two pages to help him understand. Mnl has been diagnosed with AZ for over 2 yrs when will he start recognizing that? I know it is his mom but please, I need his help too. Ah!!!!
At least we got the mnl to walk a half a block today after all that cooled down and he did feel bad about speaking to his mom. He stills needs to read, read, read, Crap, that is what I'm doing and I know Im not perfect and will slip too but I am able to catch myself now since I have read most of the book and have been getting help from others post here. Shew! I'm done for tonight.

lildeb, thank you for your advice. However, it won't work, b/c sister won't talk to me about anything, anything at all. She will not talk to me on the phone at all and only emails me when she wants something and won't reply to my emails and if I were to go over to her house she would not answer the door. Letter writing would be out of the question as well, b/c she would throw it away. So there you have it, no communication. Brandy. So it is an impossible situation.

Hi !!....I hope everyone here was able to have at least a little "slice of happiness" today!....I've been trying to play catch-up....reading and reading all the posts.....It is SO GREAT how everyone helps everyone here!!...
I haven't really said much since my MIL's emergency gall bladder surgery....she is doing much better, except that she does not have much of an appetite and she has lost 35 pounds in 2 months!....I realize that some of the weight loss is from being in the hospital, but not 35 lbs.!!.....In addition, she is now getting dizzy...again....she told me today that she has come close to falling a few times these last few days...and, if it weren't for walker, she would have!!...I'm not sure how much longer she will be able to live on her own!!...I go back and forth to her house everyday, but since this last hospital stay, she seems so much weaker.....One of my BILs and SILs were suppose to visit her today....I wonder if she "pretended" to be "normal" for them???.....She tries to cover-up for much of the family.....
In addition, my SD (AD) got out his electric scooter, which he is not suppose to ride anymore, and went for a "spin" and he ended up driving off the side of the road....He got scraped up a little, but he is OK.... claims some young girls made him swerve off the road.....( In reality....it was probably his slow reflexes)...Now, the scooter is locked up!!....It's hard because he was just diagnosed before Christmas, so most times he is still pretty much ok....his only other symptoms, so far, are his inability to work with money now, he forgets if he watched a certain movie, he will sit in one place for hours, and he sleeps for like 12 hours at a time, he also has trouble comprehending mechanical problems (he used to be a machine repairman)....so, I guess the disease is progressing, and I know from reading here on AC, and also from my grandmother who had Alz, that symptoms can progress slow sometimes, and other times very fast.....This is all VERY SAD for me right now!!.....Thanks for letting me talk!!! It does help!!
I sincerely hope everyone had a beautiful day!!...I thank God that I was here to enjoy it!!!....Take Care, and God Bless you all !!!!! ((((HUGS)))) Liz

Lil...yes mam...its been so long since Ive been fishing I bout forgot that:) I think they have so much denial, and are grieving(maybe a little payback to;) hubby will have to come around eventually. I know my hubby gets extremely irritated when she comes out and complain, complain, since i talked to her doctor about what what was wrong with her, he seems more understanding. Hang in there. I dont know jam may have more advice on it, but when he is so upset like that may be a good time to discuss nh with him...or not. Brandywine... that would be so so frustrating. I cant imagine. I have a couple of siblings and I hope, with my parents unless it just brings out the worse in everyone(and it might) we will all be able to get along. My grandpa is sick again. Bless his heart. Its a wonder he is still around. I cried last night wishing so bad I wasnt so busy caring for auntie that I couldnt help the family with him. He does not have dementia, he has severe heart problems, last stages of CHF. My mom was saying how they were having a hard time, getting back and forth for dad to set with him while the others went to work during the day, I live closer to my grandpa and thought how itd be nice to be able to take a turn setting with him sometimes, to give daddy a break. How unfair it seems that im too busy caring for a non-blood realitive. To help my own family. We have always been very close. What precious time and converstions I could spend with him. Oh well, guess it wasnt in the cards. Auntie always seems compassionate about my grandads illness, then says..".well you wont need to go be with them anymore will you?"(i went to see him when he was very sick one time) followed by "where will he be buried...you wont need to go that far will you?" "The funeral isnt for them anyways"....she is definatley "speacial". I try to remind myself that selfishness is part of her disease. She was very tired tonight. having trouble with her bowels again. Says it hurts when it comes out, dopes herself up with some prep H(but denies roids) not sure if its a thing inside her head, or her butt :)her bm's dont appear large by any means. She did this same thing a couple weeks ago, wound up having some bowel inncont. I felt sorry for her. Any suggestions? Ladeeda...are you sure Marie isn't losing her mind as well? Job security! Auntie was being mean to hubby(and everyine else) when he was alive. Dr. diagnosed her with bi-polar, gave her anti-deppresants, she threw them in the trash. Said it made her sleepy and she needed to be awake to care for him. Mil keep saying she was losing it(before mil passed away). I told her at the cemetary the other day, that she was right, and could she please do something from the great beyond to help. I got no awnser. Shes probably laughing. Well I better go to bed before I take up all the writing space on this thread. The administrators might boot me off for hogging the website:) night!

Jam-So glad you made it through the storms okay.
To All- I read through the posts but am not awake enough to comment. Blessings to all.
Another weekend gone. Another two days of back and forth with Mom. Once in awhile she was decent, even nice. We talked about her last treatment, and what she will bring as a gift for the techs. She came and ate Sunday dinner with us, but just peas - no meat or potatoes or anything else. She says she ate too much rich food on Friday, which is why she doesn't feel well, but I'm not sure I believe her. Mostly the weekend was little irratations - the wrong bean seeds, insisting I take the dog to the vet(because docs can fix everything), asking who was going to pay for the garden seeds(after hubby spent two days building the beds and we already bought the rocks for the bottoms), buying me a chocolate bar when she knows I'm on a diet, showing me the big (her word) ant she found in the bathroom - stuff like that. It gets tiresome.Hubby's trying to figure out how to move the washer and dryer upstairs so Dad won't have to do the steps. When they came here, I wasn't thinking I'd actually have to live with them. I thought I'd be taking care of a really sick woman. Fooled me. She is sick, but not in the way most would notice, because it's mental and emotional. I'm afraid by the time we get to the physically sick part, I'll be exhausted from the rest of this. I keep thinking about Dad's cysto and Mom's brain scan this week, Will the results be good or bad? And either way, how will that really change anything here? I guess I'm going to find out, ready or not.
Need to get ready for work. Hoep everyone has a nice day.

Hugs to all... even though my mom is in a safe facility for dementia since December, still trying to recoup from trying to keep her in her home the last three years... can relate to a lot of what everyone is going through

It takes awile to get into a new normal even when caregiving was a big chore.

Good Afternoon Everyone, I finally slept last night, and am feeling more human today. Ladee and Seeme, thanks for your compassion. I am thinking I need to read up on dementia. Last night I got up to go the bathroom and mom was up, so I check in and she said her back hurt. She asked if I thought if she sprayed her inhaler on it, would it help. There have been alot of little other things, but I think I have been denying them. I feel really bad even now because most of the time she is ok. I am going to have to go get groceries today, we are about out of toilet paper, that is pretty motivating. I'm not sure how well the antidepressants are working, but I guess its only been a week. I havn't wanted to hurt anyone. I was thinking about the suggestion to have my neighbor sit with mom, and I pretty sure it will be a good way to get her to leave. Well it getting late and I havn't done much today so I better get with it. Hope ya'll are having a good day. I'll be back later. Vivian

Morning everyone. Same old same old today. nothing new, nothing old. Notlike, I know hwo you feel. When auntie moved in we were all in crisis mode, after loseing mil and uncle, and her stroke. We didnt think she'd last 6 months, I thought her health would deteriorate very quickly. The only thing deterorating is her mind and it will be 2 years in sept. It hit me one winter day, the first year she had been here, when i saw a MRI she had done after the stroke. It spoke of more than a stroke. It all so mentined moderate brain atrohy, moderate white matter changes and listed a diagnosis of small vessel disease. Brain atrophy I associated with alz. but she didnt seem to have alz. She took care of all her afairs, knew who and where she was, what day, kept track of appt. and could carry on a converstion. But she threw 3 year old tantrums and was extremely selfish, and not like her old self. She still takes care of most of her own affairs, but gets confused to them, she uses the wrong words a lot, gets time mixed up. I have taken over her med, because when they changed them all she just couldnt learn em all. She used to forget situations that happend a few years ago, now she forgets situations that happened since she lived here. She gives me her shopping list and I have to play guessing game on at least one item every week. Today she wanted 1 Downey. I guessed depends and got it right. She knows she forgets, shes aware she gets confused. She used to be very cautious about her diabetes, now her weekly list consist of pudding, ice cream, peanut m&ms. i just let her. As long as her blood sugar stays in the 200-300 range at night and lower in the a.m. Which it always has. Like you the mind thing wears me out. The confusion, and reapeated questions dont bother me. Its the slefishness and acting like a 3 year old that does. I could wipe a behind everyday 10 times a day and it wouldnt bother me. As long as they didnt have the ablilty to act like that. You cant spank and 80 year old. I think this vascular stuff is almost worse than alz. although ive never lived with an alz. patient since ive been grown. With alz. the memory is the first thing to go. They have no choice but to let you take over whats best for them. If you get upset with them, they wont remember in 15 min. She is still very upset with me about something I said 6 months ago.With vascular dementia they retain memory and knowledge of everyday things, they lose the ability to handle matters, instead they make a trade off for extreme selfishness and stuborness. I keep thinking maybe we jumped the gun and could have figured out a better way for her to stay in her old house for a while longer. The physical therapist who cared for her back then told me no. It was this or the nh for her. You just never know. I hope every caregiver has a peaceful day today.

Poor hubby is getting a really good tast of his mom. Seems they were on the way into town this morning, only to find out that it is Patriot's Day and only the states of Mass and Maine celebrate it. Which means a lot of offices are closed. No blood tests today. Besides, she couldn't remember what she was going into town for, didn't know where she was going. Hubby just took her back to the house and put her to bed. She wouldn't rest yesterday at all, just kept puttering around cleaning up mouse poop with her bare hands. Hubby got rid of her recliner and was working on getting rid of the couch. Seems she may have incontinence to the point the furniture is ruined......could be the dog, just don't know. Can't count on her taking him to the airport tomorrow, so he has to get a taxi. It is at least 20 miles......mostly over back country roads.

ASG....maybe auntie has lasted so long BECAUSE you are caring for her. I can tell you do a wonderful job..........maybe TOO good??? jk And the sweets on the grocery list won't go away. Seems they just want sweets. Same with mom and mil here.

Viv....try the neighbor out. Just for an hour ot two. See how she does. Maybe she will turn out to be your angel. Or she won't come back....either way, you get a couple hours out of the house. Very good suggestion. Who said that?

Austin....you are ssssssooooooo right about taking time to get to the new normal......whatever it is.

I have a splitting sinus pressure headache, and I just woke up from a nap with it. Gonna rain tomorrow. The wind is up and blowing brick dust everywhere.....wha, wha, wha.............gonna leave if all I can do is whine............ttyl

Hi all.. Have to catch up on posts..pray you are having a good hour or two. Wish I was on vaca with stormy...hope she and family have the best time ever. Dad is a little more limber stated feeding himself a bit..yaay.. Me and mom aren't getting along..or I probably should say..I am not getting along with her... Just try to stay out of the way and be as nice as I can..really hard as all I want to do is leave for awhile. God bless all you wonderful caregivers..you all are my angels.

well....I got stuff i needed to fix the walls and my son's bedroom and the landlord wants me to return the paint i bought ...when I do not trust the paint in his shed and how old it is. I am not risking lead in this trailer I live in for who knows how long but hubby is pleased with the supplies....gives em something to do whilst i do more cleaning. I finally gave the state my final paystub for this month...so hopefully they will do what is right and give me my food stamps. I work and get paid looking after my husband so I totally hate the bungholes in administrative offices....they make more money than us regular folk and then ppl got to look down on others for food stamps etc. its not a matter of entitlement ...its a matter of feed considering how much past administrations have screwed folks over and then this person in office doesn't know what he is doing. Well I got 2 more things to take care hubby's LTC by the 20th to fax it and his appt with the therapist this wk. I have been in a blue funk ...so disinterested in things but trying to keep my chin up is like floundering in water trying to swim with the sharks and when i rather float with the dolphins...they rarely bite. Personally I am glad things are slowly improving just takes time and its the first yr of managing everything for the family. Someone tell a dirty joke I need a real good laugh :) laughter is the best medicine for the soul and the heart.

I'm back, I took the dog for a walk at the park before I bought groceries, she is going to be 13 in July, I think that is 91 in dog years. She is really slowing down, but overall is still in pretty good shape. She has gotten to the point she is not eating dog food, dry or canned. I've given up and started making her a plate of whatever we are having cause I don't want her to starve. Got most of the groceries put away, but had to make supper. I pulled a bunch of stuff out of the fridge that went bad while I was feeling so miserable. I really hate to waste food, its just like throwing money in the trash, I feel so guilty. I'm really dragging right now, but always feel better after coming here and sharing. I've been told to journal but never could seem to make myself do it, this feels kind of like a replacement, and I like that I get responses. Seeme, it was JAM that suggested my friend to sit with mom, but I'm going to take Notlike's advice and tell her the truth. I've been afraid to say it because I just can't seem to find the right words. I thought in the past when I let her know how rough I was feeling that she would take a hint but she didn't. Seems something I've said in the last week or so has kept her at bay. Her whole family has been good to us, Dad and brother helped me alot a couple of years ago do some updating of the house and practically worked for free. Enough about that. Seeme, I hope your headache is gone by now, sinus problems are the worst. I'm wondering where Oliva went, I've been thinking of her. I hope Stormy is having a wonderful time at Disney. Ladee, I love to read whatever you post, youve got a great sense of humor. Vic, glad to see you today. Allshesgot, your hands are so full, when I read posts like yours, it really helps put things in perspective for me. Mom pretty much can't walk. She used to try with the walker until she got the powerchair, then she gave up. She won't even use it to go 10 steps to the toilet. I just wish she wasn't so comfortable in her room, she eats all her meals in there, pretty much sits in her recliner all day. She has picked up drawing again which I'm glad about cause she will get lost in time doing it. We've got an appt tomarrow at the co-ag clinic to see how the blood thinners are doing and then one on Wed. too. The heart Dr. sent papers in the mail to go to the hosp. and do a test for one of her meds. My Aunt and Uncle are going to come on Thurs. Well I've got to go, Mom says she is hungry!!! She just ate 2 hours ago. I've been rambling along anyway. Thanks! I hope everyone has a good night and an even better tomarrow. If I don't respond to a lot of you, its because I don't know what to say, but I feel for everyone on here. Blessing and much respect to you all!

ASG-Thank you, thank you! I read your post three times, and will go back and read it again. I'm a nurse - there isn't a bodily fluid that I haven't been covered with - I can do that all day, but putting up with a 73 year old toddler drives me right up the wall. I know it's primarily her personality, and she passed the cognative tests, but I am going to re-read her brains cans for vascular issues. I wouldn't doubt it's part of it. I love this site because other than my sis, no one else really "gets' it. Hugs.
Vic-love to hear Dad's improving. I'm glad the med is working. Do you need a trip to the laundry room? I'll mix the drinks...:) Hugs.
Burned - you amaze me, lady. You keep alot together. I'd send you dolphins if I could. Hugs. Here's my real life joke: Hubby, son, and I were standing by the raised garden beds they made. The edges have little plastic loops on them, and it's like popping bubble wrap to pull them off. So we're all standing there, relieving stress, and hubby says, "Family vacation, 2012." Have I mentioned that I love that man?
Vivian-sounds like each day is getting better for you. Keep coming here and venting with us. Jam's right, in that it would be great if the neighbor would help you, but if not, you need to do what's best for you. Blessings and hugs. Enjoy your company later this week!
Ladee-Miss you...hope all is as well as can be. Did you get outside today with Sonny? Hugs.
Mom got a Graduation certificate for finishing radiation today. She still isn't eating alot. I'll be with her next week when they weigh her, so we'll see then. And I bought more bean seeds today, but still not the right kind. These had better be the best beans ever grown, because they are a pain the in the you-know-what to find!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

Nice to see everyone here, lil behind time, kinda like that around here, by the time I get around to thinking I'm going to check in with all you-I'm ready to close my eyes-LOL...Thanks for this thread-so true. Can't remember the last time someone asked how I was doing-my sisn law does-shes a love. I hope all you are doing well, I had a nice crying spell today & fell a little relieved now. Sometimes you just have to. Nite all.

Been a day on the phone. Hubby said mil is doing better after sleeping all day. He made plan B to get to the airport. Can't wait till he gets home. Then I had to call my uncle.....the only one left on my dad's side. Uncle had to pull the plug on my aunt today......his wife........the 6th anniversary of my dad's death.....so he is having a rough time. Doesn't look like we will make it to the funeral. I just can't ask it of hubby to drive to St. Louis when he gets off the plane after driving to Maine last week. We are going there in 2 weeks anyway to bury my parents' ashes.

I hope everyone has a restful evening.......angels to all.....

You know you are a caregiver when you have a bolagna sandwich for breakfast...AND have to share it with the cat... always sharing sharing sharing, nothing just for US...
Vic, glad dads meds are working, better for him and you... Sorry you and mom are just together too much.... and sometimes we get so tired we just don't care.... but still keep our mouth shut because we are too tired to say "sorry" one more time.... hang in there, enjoy your time with hubby....
Viv, sounds like you are starting to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.... as the anti's kick in you'll feel better and things won't seem so overwhelming, and I figured it up, I am 427 in dog years... hell, no wonder I'm tired and everything hurts...You'll find the words for what you need to say to that woman... and of course she is going to get upset, most parasites do when you unsuck them from your life.... just do what is right for you, that is part of taking your life back... emotional vampires, that's what I call them....
Notlike, you would think that someone that thrives on drama as much as your mom does, she could find something more interesting than F'n beans... good Lord, I'd go get every kind of bean seed there was.... NOW ARE YOU HAPPY??? I do appreciate that you are looking like a looney everytime you go to the store for bean seeds... I would run like a jackrabbit if the salesmans name is JACK....( Jack and the Beanstalk for all of those too tired to get it)
I feel myself heading to the 'dark side', when I can not deal with one more day of someone saying my name or calling me mom, this is where Jam says I am the problem child of the thread... Oh hell yes, let's get this party goin'.....
TxSG, good to see you back... as you can see, today is pretty much all about ME, ME , ME.... getting way too tired....
Love ya'll, sorry if I didn't mention someone, catch ya later.... love, hugs and angels...

Ladee, I LOVE it when you go to the dark side.......as long as I can keep up..........
Notlike......let mom get her own f'n seeds. Take her to Walmart or Target and ramble through the seed packets......just like you to not use the right bowl OR find the right seeds, huh? Or tell her the seeds are IN the bowl and let her figure it out.

Gonna take a shower and do last minute chores before I go to the airport this afternoon. Everyone behave.......or just don't get caught!!!!

Seemer bahaha....hmmm what great Ideas:) Notlike..I bet you hav a lot of knowledge about those brain scans, one of the nurses at the hospital told me they did a cat scan on auntie the last time(more recent than the mri) and told me she didnt see anything that wasnt normal age related, and she didnt see anything that showed any new strokes. But from what I have read moderate amounts of brain atrophy, moderate amounts of white matter changes and a diagnoses of small vessel disease is not normal age related. Its common, but not normal. Pair that with the increasing problems I was having with her, her primary didnt even seem interested in talking about her memory problems,. I Just knew it had to be more. I would read things on this website from other people that hit dead on. The vascular doctor was the one that finally aknowleged a problem. Asprin is all we can do, according to him. I dont even think she picked up on what he was telling me. It helps though to have validation. I'd love love love to take her to a neuro and get specifics on how severe, how long, yada yada...but she isnt interested. This website has helped me out so much. If it wasnt for this place, I probably woulda kicked her out a long time ago for being a $%^**, when I thought there wasnt anything wrong, it made it so hard to handle. Because you feel like, I don't have to take this abuse, why do I have to put up with that? Your not gonna treat me that way! Knowing there is a reason beyond her control is the only wasy I can deal with it. Putting her in the place of the victim of a disease makes me way more compassonate. But still I have many days that it just seems so unfair. What did I get myself into? Was I nuts???Yes I was...would knowing she had dementia have made a diffrence? probably...would I still have done it anyways, im not sure. I would have never chose to move someone with dementia in my home with my kids...then again how would I have have said no? She was like a second mom to hubby, or a grandmother. But knowledge isa power.

THIS POST MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME, SO PLEASE SKIP PAST IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TOWARDS CERTAIN MATTERS NOT FOR VIRGIN EARS. Auntie wanted to have a talk with me last night ,she wanted to CLUE me in that my son(the one she picks on, one kid I have who goes outta his way to TRY to please her) she thinks is at the age where he might try to hav sex with his sisters! That I need to watch him closley around them. That it goes on all the time but people just don't know about it. My jaw is still bruised from hitting the table. I say but auntie hes a 10 year old boy, he's not been had a permiscuis (sp) enviroment, all that boy thinks about is fishing, and his strawberry plants. Yeah, but they know more than you think they know. probably...but not that. Is he loud sometimes?yep Does he get into trouble, yep but not to much, has he ever done anything that would make you think that? No. But they talk about it on t.v. so much she says. and i saw him come out of his bedroom in his underware(boxer shorts) this morning. Ummm sleeps in them, well he shouldn't she says! (He was headed to the bathroom to get dressed) She had this look on her face as she spoke about it, like he was some kinda pediphile! II think she believes its real. I said, I dont think that at all. I'm sure it does happen and its so unfortunate but there is no reason to think he has that problem. I'm embarrassed to even write abou it. I thought maybe someone else had gone through this. This isnt the first time she has picked up a story from t.v. and applied it to life. What one earth do I do. She kept giving him really dirty looks all eve. yesterday.