This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I am going to grow the best beans with the cowpatie to fertilize them! You are all too funny.
Dad's labs came back - NO malignant cells. Amen. That's one parent out of the cancer woods, praise God. He is so happy. It's good to see.
I made a spice cake (box mix - it's a work night after all!), and re-arranged the vase of flowers. Managed to salvage 3 blooms into a little vase. So we'll get another day or two out of them. I caught an awful chill driving home in the rain. My feet were went (darn Crocs) and the window fogged up every time I turned up the heat. Headed for a pile of blankets and my book.
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Thanks everyone for your prayers and support.
Notlike, What an awesome blessing for your dad, please give him a tight hug for me and tell him I am so excited he is doing so great.... I know you are happy, if that is even the word to express how you are feeling, that dad is on his way to being healthy again....
Sorry you had 'went' feet yesterday. hope you don't get sick, think of all the fun you'll miss, taking care of folks at work, then coming home and taking care of folks... I am doing the same thing right now, not enough hours in the day, right...
Vickie Vic, hope the clouds are lifting a little for you, I know you are having a really bad time right now.... just know you are loved and deeply appreciated for the position you are in...
Sorry if I'm not addressing everyone... even after I read, I don't remember what I read... when you only have a few brain cells that still fire, and some of them are making a sputtering noise, well, you make do with what you have.... love to everyone...
seeme.....yep, 4 little incisions to get that thing out, then there will be a button and mesh to fix the hernia and he should be as good as new.....Yesterday the doctor walked to the waiting room and said "well Dr. _____, haven't seen you in years".....Target doesn't remember him well, but apparently he used to be a physical therapist and years ago Target's Dad had an accident and this guy was his therapist.....he commented about wanting to go to medical school and Target's Dad told him he would make a phone call.....the guy was accepted into medical school and now he is the surgeon. Small world!
notlike....hurrah for Dad!!!!!!!!!! So glad to hear the news.........is there any other way to make a cake these days? I'm guilty of that too....just don't have the inclination to make one from scratch. And isn't it a sad state when we perfectly understand what "went feet" are?
ladee......hope you have a good day....I know you will be tired when you finally make it home and then hopefully can get some good and much needed rest over the weekend.
Wishing you all a wonderful day!
Notlike..yaay for dad and hope your 'went' feet don't give you a cold!
Prayers cmag.
Vivian glad you are feeling some better. This wonderful thread just makes things easier. Would have been nuttier than I am.
Dad did have a decent day yesterday but he has slept pretty god so maybe today will be better. Still trying to climb out of black hole..am doing some better thanks to my wonderful hubby..
Jam ~ Prayers for Target's procedure.
Ladee ~ Everything going well with your son?
I'm watching the sun come up--my signal that I'd better get my ass into bed.
Jam, sounds like your dad is in good hands and I hope you are able to take care of yourself. If you need to vent you know this is the place and it does help.
cmagnum, I agree with Shelia that I do not see how you do it but I guess if you don't who will. Double kudos to you.
Jam and Cmagum, I think what Jessb that, "we need to do what ever.." we can do to find peace to ease our mind.
well, i forgot what i was going to say for the mnl just pop in asking me same question about what pair of pants she should wear even though she is wearing both pair! But she seems to not know where the other pair of pants. I just told her they were on her ass. Now she wants a pair of scizzors and you know that not going to happen. She thinks her pants are too long. I got get her out of her frustrated mood so we will have a somewhat nice day. : 0
Viv, glad you had someone there to help you, have picked up too many people off the floor by myself, one of the reasons my back hurts all the time... get those swollen legs of mom's looked at real soon, that is not a good sign and let us know...
Vic, thought about you today when I snapped at Sonny... I'm not in a black hole, but am way too tired.... didn't have much patients with the game of "let's see how many times he can ask the same question.." Not him, it was me, so when I say I understand, I really do...
Hope we hear from Jam soon about Target... I'll just think no news is good news...
Ok, gotta go check on the broken child.... then i am coming home, putting jammies on, and passing out... love ya'll....
I talked to my mil today for 45 min.......no, she talked to me.....when she could find the right words. We did get one thing straight. The ALF is permanent and not just for 6 mos. Now she has to think it over again. Blink, blink, ya think??????????
We got in a few hours ago, and we all had a wonderful time in disney world. We hated to come back but especially hated that 9 hour drive. I hope everyone has had a good week while i have been gone.
Jam, I see where Target is in the hospital, I hope he is doing good and recovering from surgery. Well i will try to catch up on some of the posts tomorrow and write back some more. Much love and hugs to all Stormyyyyyy
Thank you all for your good wishes......I kept them with us yesterday. Finally got home around 7pm, got Target situated in his "spot", inhaled a pizza and went to bed. Today has been a day of extreme pain and whining........oh yeah, Target is whining too...:) Hoping now he will take a nap and I can get something done around the house. Every day can only go up from here.
I have read the back posts and will respond back later.....just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate you and I'm keeping up with your daily trials.
Hugs and Happy Trails,
Jam
Stormy welcome home, Hello to everyone I have missed and welcome to the newcomers. Beyond Hubby and myself, no one to take care of at the moment, hubby is actually enough aggravation for 5..