This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Notlike- Yes, I was the same way. I was not too thrilled to be riding on that thing, but because connor wanted to ride it i got on there. Boy,the things we do for our babies!!!! We rode splash mountain twice and the first time as we were going down that steep mountain i was looking at connor the whole time until we got on level ground. I didn't take my eyes off of him. Partly because i wanted to make sure he stayed right where i put him and the other part was cause i was terrified to look at the steep hill ahead of me. So we get off of this thing and connor loved it, he wanted to ride it again, so here we go again but this time connor says he wants to ride with his daddy. Mind you this is a ride for two at a time to a seat, meaning sandy would have to ride by herself!!!!! I told connor i don't want to ride by myself, I'm scared. And i made a sad face and he said he would ride with me. He can't stand for me to be sad or to make the sad face. Breaks his little heart. So here we go for the second time, i decide i am going to be brave and look as we go down the mountain. Wrong thing to do....... We start going down the mountain and sandy turns her head towards connor to make sure he is still there and then i close my EYES until we get stopped!!!! I was glad to get off of there. Connor like i said, Loved it!!! Connor would have rode it again, but that was enough for ME!!! The one day i needed my anti-anxiety pill you would know i forgot to take it that day. Much love and hugs stormyyyy
Oh my goodness I wish I could make everyone's troubles go away........Just keep in mind that God doesn't give us any more than He knows we can handle. Which makes us a lot stronger than we even think. And if doesn't mean we have to like it or even do it with a tolerant smile on our face.
seeme.........just tuck those babies in your waistband and they won't flop in the breeze.....I do....:)
ASG.......bless your heart...and in a good way.... Can I throw in my 2 cents worth? Don't take Aunt with you on your camping trip. You and the family, especially the kids, need some "family time".....and that doesn't always include everyone else. I can hear Aunt now getting onto one of the kids about something and ruining their fun time. I'll bet if you start looking now you could find someone to check on her during the day and then stay the night.....there is probably an aide or CNA looking for a few extra bucks. We found a small fire pit at Walmart for $20.....if we can get 5 fires out of it its worth it.
Loyalty.....welcome to our little corner of the "Best Darn Care Givers Ever"......you will find lots of hugs and support, a suggestion or 10.......it sounds like you are coming to the point where something different must be done with your care giving situation. Come back and visit with us and in no time we will have you the expert on pillow therapy, flotation devices, and how to prevent "flopping in the breeze"....oh and the proper time to use chicken butt warmers.
notlike......enjoy those peanut squares.....sounds like you may have them all to yourself....yummmmmm! Keep us posted on Dad's leg. Feed Mom some beans..:)
Zoey......there are some days when I loved the cold shoulder! Look at it this way....you're going to have some quiet time. Don't let her know that her words hurt you....that will just give her more fuel. Come here and rant about her all you want. Aren't weekends supposed to be rest and relaxation and ordering out? How's hubby's hand?
stormy.....loved the Disney stories and the pics....especially the one with Connor and Mickey....."uh, Mom there's a big mouse standing behind me".......so glad you all had fun and I bet Connor hasn't stopped talking about it!
austin.....how is the care giver's group going? How often do they meet? You haven't said lately if you have met anyone new.....fill us in please!
ladee.....hope you got some sleep last night. At least this should be a regular week for you. Hope son continues to heal.
starri......AKA Smokette..........did they ever notice the fire was out? Glad you're having beautiful Spring weather. Heard on an extended weather forecast that the Plains are supposed to explode with another round of bad storms toward the end of the month.....I'm keeping my eyes open!
burned......why can't your husband's GI bleed be fixed? Do they not know where it is? I'm thinking I would be demanding an answer. Why are the kids refusing to go to their rooms? Do they sleep in their rooms? Having someone else staying with you is going to limit your space even further. Lock yourself in the bathroom with a nice hot tub of water and bubbles when you need some alone time. Do you have room in your bedroom to maybe set up a divider and put your computer there to give you a little space away from the rest of the household? Sounds to me like the kids are using all the time you have to devote to your husband to their advantage. But you're a good mom and so far you haven't lost yourself too far down that black hole that you can't crawl out......we'll keep an eye on you....:)
Sheila, CMag.........oh dear my brain just went to sleep...............if I have forgotten anyone please holler at me......this is only the third time I have had to rewrite this.
Yesterday was a day I would just like to forget. Target has not only the belly pain, but now has fluid on his right knee and gout in his left ankle.....and is non-weight bearing. Thank God my son came yesterday, helped get Target up to the bathroom and set him in front of his computer for a while, then back to his seat on the couch where he slept for about 3 hours. When he wakes up, he can't stand up and finally told me to call EMS.....doctor wants him taken to the hospital. By the time the ambulance gets here, Mr. Stubborn as a Mule refuses to go, just wants moved over to the loveseat. Of course, I'm fuming by now. My back is screaming obscenities at me and I look like the out-of-control idiot for calling the ambulance. Last night, he wants up, I'm trying and not getting anywhere fast and I hear my 15 y/o poodle screaming her head off.....I have to lower Target all the way to the floor and run to check on the dog....she is either having a seizure or stroke.....symptoms of both.....back to Target and finally get hold of the only neighbors we have, thank God they were home, and they come and pick Target up and put him back on the loveseat. I managed to get a little sleep after drugging Target and petting the dog to sleep. I know she is in pain from the quirky little things she was doing, so I have decided to take her to the vet today and have her put to sleep. She's been the "Head Momma" around here for a long time and raised our chihuahua....his heart will be broken, he loves her so. Mine is not doing so well either...........so just wanted to catch everyone up with my saga of the day. Keep your heads up and try to smile......God has given us another day and hopefully with each other we can get through it. Sending hugs to all!!!!!!!
austin, don't worry about the house being clean, if you have a path through the front door to the bathroom that is all you need, God loves you as you are, clean house or not, if the President shows up and doesn't like it, let him have the secret service clean it.
You ladies and Gentlemen have probably got these emaiils from time to time, do you believe that the ladies on the titanic would have passed up dessert if they had known? dessert first as my husband says. the one about the guy talking to his friend about how his wife kept this slip for a special occasion and now that special occasion was her funeral. I bought my Mom a lovely silk blouse and she "saved" it for a special occasion till it rotted off the hanger, there are no more special occasions for her, she passed in June of last year. Take care of you, your family and your friends, those are who and what brings you your special occasions.
ASG, find yourself a tire shop, see if they have a 18 wheeler tire rim you can get, a campground in NC that Glenn and I go too, uses them as their fire rings. Watching the hardware stores and places that sell them for the end of the season sales will bring you one for half price most of the time. If it is your property, you really don't have to have a fire ring, some rocks or bricks in a circle with water near by (I keep a hose both here at the park and at home) a good sized terra cotta pot, set up on some bricks would work as well, they're fired in a kiln, so fire won't hurt it.
Hubby decided not to go to Austin this morning to the dental clinic there at the VA, could strangle him..alarm set for 5 am, I had a lousy nights sleep because of being worried about getting up on time to drag his "retired" butt out of bed, "retired" is his excuse for sleeping till noon, he has no reason to get up..lol.. Told him the other day I was going to take off to a hotel for a week and leave him with the dogs and the cat, let him feed them, walk them, and clean up their poo..I worry about them, so I would end up having to come back every day to count the cans of dog food or check the amount left in the cat food bag to make sure they were being taken care of. Sucks when you can't trust them..rofl.
Hope that everyone has a wonderful day, maybe get to sneak in a nap or two.. think that I am going to try and go back to sleep, that is one thing nice about not having someone to worry about at the moment, you get to sleep in.
I'm sorry to hear about your doggie, they become like children to us. Maggie our semi-pound hound is about 11 as close as we can tell, she's doing ok, alot better than what she was when we got her. She needs some dental work, but I can't afford it, so when she goes to the groomers for a shampoo, manicure, she also gets her teeth brushed.. hoping that it helps post pone teeth problems some, can't afford dental work on me, never mind her's. I feed her soft foods and she's put on a lot of weight since she was adopted.
She's having a blast here at the park, she's figured out that the cat has a lot of fun, chasing butterfly's and lizards, so she has become the cat's best bud..lol, she use to be terrified of the cat and just about everything else. If she's out of her pen or off the leash, I have to keep a close eye on her, or she and the cat are across the park at full speed. Claire has to go to the groomers Weds. The poor baby is having a major problem with the stickers out here, I've had to pick her up and carry her back to the space cause she's gotten a sticker in her paw, and she looks like a serious bad hair cut because of me having to take scissors to her to get the stickers out. going to get her a summer cut or as I call it, the naked doggie cut..lol,
Remember take care of you, your not going to be able to help Target up if your in the hospital because of your back going out.
Hugs.
Jam, I am so so sorry about blind doggie,,, there is never a good time to put our pets down, but especially now with all the stuff going on with Target..... my heart is broken for you.... am sending you tons of hugs this morning.... and tell Target to behave his selfish ass self.... he does not want all these women that were praying for him last week to be mad at him....
Seeme, I HAVE to bra on today, can't upset my Sonnyman with too much motion going on...
I have to get ready for work... love ya'll, more later....
Seeme..if you dropped one down the hole it would hurt pulling me out! Love ya for thinking that! By the way...don't wear a bra unless I absolutely have to...ughhh. Notlike..I wear tank tops too..good thing I live in the country.
Dad Seems to be stabilizing ...he is feeding himself better and more alert. The levadopa helps a little..the side effect that we are dealing with is constipation..prune juice is helping. Will call the neurologist this week to update him on meds. He said to call to add the aricept... It is easier changing and cleaning dad as the levadopa has helped him to limber up a little. Was hoping for more but..I have to remember I can't fix it.....still know I need a break bad but for now I am ok. Mom and I are ok right now..doing my best to just let her do her thing and not fight...goes with being couped up all the time. Wish I could get her out of the house..would be good for her..but she won't go with anyone but me. Arghhh.. Oh well
Been keeping up with posts and praying for all. hoping today is a good day for everyone.
Did I tell you all that I found my first 1 inch long chin hair last Friday.....just before meeting a guy at the bank.....I was still at the house, thank goodness. I could wrap that baby almost around my finger.....but couldn't get a good grip to pull it out...........finally found it with the tweezers. It was so fine I couldn't tell if it was blond, red, or grey, but now it is gone. Today when I put makeup on, I thought my eyes were getting fuzzy, then I realized it wasn't my eyes.....it was my FACE. All the fuzzy hair is blurring the edges of my face!!!! 60 kinda sucks!!!!
Hope Target wasn't too embarrassed to be helped to the couch by EMS.....heaven forbid he should go to the hospital..............
Got some housework to do ttyl
IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and hug you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past. "
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.
*Author Forgotten
Notlike, let us know about dad's leg..... And as you are eating the pnut butter things, think of each of us, we're setting there with you, enjoying the snack, ignoring the rant in the background, and planning our pasture of beans.... hand in there... love ya...
Austin, like Jam said, let us know what is going on with the meeting.... we can't get one started in our areas until you let us know how it works..... love ya
Seeme, I have no facial hair or grey hair and I'm older than you... and no, I don't color my hair, but if you ever get to come to Texas, and I have to go pick you up at the airport, guess you'll be the one with the beard????... alrighty then.... and a bulge in your pants from your boobs being tucked in???? alrighty then.... hey, wait a minute you sound like my future ex husband, a beard and bulge... that's what I'm talkin' about... love ya
Stormy, that pic of Conner sleeping is great...enjoyed seeing the vacation pics... let us know what it's been like since you got back... love ya...
Marie growled at me for 10 minutes today for opening a can of peaches..... I think I saw a glimmer of her oxycodone monster....grrrrrrrrr, oh my..... but I wasn't skeered!!!
Love ya'll, check in so we know we are not alone in this nightmare....
I think the mnl got up on wrong side of the bed ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
all day long, ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I feel a bit better, at least tommorrow is a whole new fresh day.
Zoey-I actually called my Mom mean and nasty once. Yes, I am still alive, but slightly scortched from her burning look. LOL What she did was throw it back at me and whine that I had called her vile names. So much for her gettign the point. Welcome, and keep coming back.
Jam-my sympathies for your day and the sadness of loosing a beloved dog. My Rebel, Tiny, and Magenta say wolf, too and send you peace. No sympathies for Target, though! LOL I don't know which is worse, sick husbands or sick medical people - you poor dear have both!
ASG-I can hear that smack all the way here! LMAO
Stormy - Sounds like we both had the ride of our lives. If we wind up in hell (which would be terribly unfair), I bet it's an endless round of Splash Mountain! Sometime, I'll tell about my Zip Line disaster. I would rather have been in hell!
Burned - you need to get a sign like mine "Sorry you weren't here yesterday when my house was clean." Fools 'em every time! Hugs.
I lost it a bit earlier today. Stressing over Dad. We see the doctor tomorrow at 9 AM. Now I loose a whole day of work instead of half. Mom sees the doctor in the PM. And Monday seems to be the day I finally think of witty comebacks to all the nasty things Mom said to me over the weekend. What a waste. But hubby's home now, and I feel much better after checking in with everyone. Here, the laughs are worth more than gold.
Ladee-I read back through my posts and try to correct my awful typing, but the misspelled words really are more fun. Just once, I am going to send something without editing. And I'm sure you all will still know what I am saying!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Give me ya'lls opinion on this, am i wrong???
Burned - prayers to you and for the health of your family. I hope you get to stop for a moment today, close your eyes, and just BE. Hugs.
More later...
Someone is my household is going crazy and I'm thinking it might very well be me!!!!! Yesterday was like a day in a science fiction movie...........I'm getting ready to call the vet and take my doggie in when she wakes up, crawls out of her bed, stretches and walks in the other room like she didn't have a care in the world!!!!!!! I took her outside and she wanders around the yard exactly like she has done for months.........I'm thinking all those prayers from you wonderful friends must have done the job! I'm telling you that the night before last this dog exhibited every single sign of a full-blown grand mal seizure! She has gone back to sleeping a lot......she has been out now for over 12 hrs......so maybe that is a sign she is fading away. I definitely am going to call the vet today to get their opinion and decide to go ahead and do the deed anyway or wait to see if she has another "spell". I apologize for not posting earlier yesterday....had my hands full. But it would appear that Target gets a little better each hour. After not being able to get him up yesterday morning by myself, the rest of the day didn't go too badly. He is able to help stand and pivot to a chair with rollers.....and away we go!!! And he ate dinner!!!!!!!! The first time in 4 months........ate a stuffed pepper, some crackers, then a cup of mandarin oranges, then asked for some mac and cheese. No nausea or even gagging........we are on the road to recovery.....and I love you all for your prayers and good wishes. I have kept you all in my heart and you have helped me to keep my mind in a safe place.
The col called again yesterday and said she was "in outer space here in this care center".......demanding to be brought home, telling me she can do everything for herself so there is no reason she can't come home. I explained again how neither one of us are physically able to lift her and she said "I have friends who will do those things" ......oh yeah, tell me their names and I will call them for you...."oh, you know, the mister of the black dog"........WHAT?????? Gotta love Alzheimer's and Seroquel.....lol
stormy.........Dad has some form of dementia or he wouldn't do the things he does or talk the way he does. Even in their dementia, the elderly don't like to be told what to do by a "kid". Dad left the peas on the stove simply because he forgot them, no other reason, but all the reason in the world for him to not be left alone now. None of you would be able to live with the guilt of walking out on Dad only to have something happen because he truly isn't capable of caring for himself any longer. Would your sister be receptive to placing Dad? Maybe it's time for that. It's not a sign of failure when it comes to placement.....it's a sign that you love him enough to want the best care possible. It gives you and your siblings your lives back, and still gives you the opportunity to interact with Dad but in a better way. Once the stress is gone from the hands-on daily care you begin to enjoy Dad's company more. Hugs to you!!!!!!
burned.....good luck with the doctor....sounds like you have your hands full!!!
Hope everyone has a good day.....thinking of you!!!!