This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
stormy....have you ever had a migraine? Sounds suspiciously like one.....or the result of stress....:) You had asked what happened to my dog.....it's part of a master plan to make me crazy.....uh huh....took me a couple days to figure that one out! It was Saturday night and I was dealing with Target, when the dog starts screaming and when I see her she is flopping all over the place, tongue hanging out, incontinent of urine, not responding to anything....I've dumped Target in the floor so I can't stay to deal with her, but made sure she couldn't hurt herself, she had flopped into a bathroom. And the other 3 dogs were almost on top of her so she wasn't alone. Anyway, the next morning I was sure I would have to take her in and send her to her eternal dirt nap........she woke up, got out of her bed, and did her thing outside like she didn't have a care in the world. What she is doing now is what she has done since.....walk in a circle over and over and over....I stop counting at 50 times....strange.
And some of you are full of news! Good legs, not so good legs, getting the cold shoulder, PINGO!!!!!!! And beans....woohoo!
Love and Hugs to all of you!
dchurchill-sounds like an excellent doctor who cares about quality of life - including yours! Hope it's a good trip. Hugs.
Ladee-Marie is just as bad as my Mom. I cringe when I read how she treats you and Sonny. I like the BA in heaven idea. I'd go more dark with that, but I'm not in the mood tonight. I'm trying to forget about her for awhile :)
Jam-the doggie probabaly goes in circles from what the seizures have done to her brain. My sil's dog had a few strokes and did the same thing. We're happy to hear she's recovered. Wolf!
Hubby and I made dinner together. He can be so silly at times! We talked, and laughed, and I could pretend for a bit it was just us in this house. I needed that. He says things out loud that I used to hush him for in case Mom would hear. I don't do that now, so I figure that's an improvement.
Parents went to the ballpark today on a tour with their Bible study group, which they joined yesterday. I'm happy for Dad - I know he's wanted to get out and do things so bad. They also paid me for stuff I've bought for them this month. So it was a good day all around.
Itching to get out and work in the yard, but it needs to warm up first!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Vic, glad to hear dad pooped....
Notlike, yeah , we don't have to worry about going to hell, we are already there.
Jam, hope Target is doing better today and you got some rest
Seeme, hope your eye is better today.
Friday, keeping it simple.... later love ya'll
Ladee-Hope you had a good day and get some rest this weekend.
Hubby, son, and I did a bonfire tonight. Dad even came out and sat a bit. Don't worry, Fire Fairie, we were safe! Made hot dogs and marshmellows. Yum Yum. Another wonderful evening with almost no Mom interaction. My soul needs these times of peace.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm thinking of you all........and also wanted to give you an update.
Target is doing a little better this morning I think. Still having terrible pain in his right knee....that seems to be the problem now....incisions are just a nagging irritation.......the sad news is that I took my doggie into the vet yesterday morning to be sent to doggie heaven. I laid down yesterday afternoon for a brief nap and dreamed that she was with Target's poodle whom she dearly loved......yesterday I had to go into the pharmacy and while driving up the street a huge bubble floated across in front of my car.....I quickly looked and there wasn't a child or adult in sight.....was that my doggie telling me goodbye?
I hope everyone has a good day and will check in later.....hugs and angels!!!!
Starri and I are going to visit today....don't think there will be too much else, as I have been feeling a tachycardia episode coming on.... but what do you do when there is no one to help with my son and you have to work... you just do what needs to be done.... then pay the consequences later I guess...
Marie's last shot in her hip really helped.. her pain level was a 2 yesterday, she was in a great mood, laughed and talked alot, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone, I am happy she is feeling better, and hope she continues to improve, it makes it better for all of us.....
Ok, going to go clean out my car so starri has a place to sit....lots of rocks and McD bags to get out of there....love ya'll and hugs across the miles....
Everyone else, I hope y'all had a little bit of a break today and I hope the tummy ache for burn'a little girl will go away real fast.
Burned- I hope your daughter is feeling better, and i hope you will be able to get a break soon. I know you must need one with having to take care of your husband and kids. Hugs to you!
Loyal- I hope you are able to get outside soon, it is suppose to get up to the high 80's next weekend where i live, maybe it will get that warm where you live too. hugs!
Ladee- how is your son doing? and how is he doing without the drinking? take care, hugs to you too. I hope you and starri had a good time!!!
lil'deb- how it going for you? Thank you again for the hug. I hope you have a good weekend. hugs.
If i missed anyone i am sorry, i hope all of you have a good weekend and a better week ahead. Much love to you all... stormyy
Yeah, took Starri on a sight seeing tour, she got to take pics of old barns and feilds of wildflowers, we ate, talked, and were pooped when the day was over.... it was nice to get away for the day... son is doing well enough for me to be gone for hours now....
Hope everyone had a blessed day, and Loyalty, my heart goes out to you with the repetition thing, I think out of all the stuff we do, that is the ONE that makes me the most exhausted.... what time is it??? Who is coming to pick us up??????
I think you need a laugh so will share about the night my lady Ruth was pacing and trying to get out of the house... she was an elopment risk, so all the doors had key locks, now this night, she was worked up and had been fussing and paceing and trying to get out of the house for HOURS... her hair was wet from sweat, she was so worked up.... I knew she wouldn't calm down until she felt like it, so was just keeping an eye on her, or so I thought... this woman had bones of steel, I never worried if she took a tumble, it was just a bitch getting her up off the floor... well she tripped over her own feet and down she went, she's still fussing and fuming and kicking, but I thought ok, I'll just change her pants while she's down there... she was not hurt ya'll, I checked her... so I get everything ready and pull those pants off and I swear I will never be the same.... she had somehow managed to get three table knifes and a damned banana in that diaper.... not alot shocks me, but I am telling ya'll, I was stunned speachless..... so after I get her changed and she had calmed down, I got on AC and posted what had happened... OMG we had fun with that one for a long time, I was nicknamed Chiquita, many banana jokes were passed among us... so, hope ya'll enjoyed this little memeory of my lady Ruth, God rest her soul... no matter all the craziness and the exhaustion, and the repetition, I miss her still... hugs across the miles to you all...
Ladee & Starri-sounds like you had a good day. Great you are getting time to visit! Is Starri hooked on rocks yet? LOL
Loyalty-Maybe try saying "Oh yes, that was good when you ate it a little while ago, we'll have more later." Might make them quiet down awhile??? Hugs.
Went out with hubby last night to hear his brother's band play. Didn't drink, just listened to music and saw friends. It was great. But littlest dog still wanted to be fed at 4 AM! Will need a nap today (me, not the dog!)
A blessed day to you all.
Thank you all for your good thoughts and caring for me....yes, it's been a tough couple of weeks and not over yet......so I have decided, for the time being, to take a break from posting here and get my home back in order. I will still try to keep up with everyone and read what is going on in your lives......you ALL are important to me and this thread and site are so helpful in keeping us sane by allowing us to reach out and touch someone that we might not be able to otherwise. The bond of care giving is unique and if someone has never done it then they don't have a clue how it changes and shapes us, but we all know without having to explain. So, I'm thinking of you all and sending you a bubble to make your day peaceful........Jam
Notlike, that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read... I will never look at a bubble the same ..... thank you for sharing that....
We are such a great group here, so much love and support, let's make Jam proud and keep things going.....let her know she was a good mama hen, she taught us well, and I know she deserves a break..... love to you all, hugs and angels...
In my quite time this morning I was thinking of all of you as individuals, the load you are carrying, the 'no time outs', and all the things that each of us feel collectivley.... it helps me everyday to know that I am not alone... that at the end of the day, I get to come on here and tell ya'll about my day, good or bad.... that I have a safe place to share... that I can get just get stupid sometimes and it's ok....
One of these days we are going to make arrangements for our charges, and march on Washington.... can't you just see us all, we'd look like that scene from Gone With the Wind at the train station, all the wounded, some of us walking with limps because our backs hurt, some of leaning on each other for a quick nap, some of us saying, "in a minute' over and over again... the collective deep sighs could change the atmospeheric conditions, and cranky, OMG, most of us cranky.... now someone would listen to us, because you aren't going to get that many tired women in a group and some one not hear what we would have to say......WE NEED HELP HERE... we are saving you billions of dollars every year and we are invisible to the masses.... the average person walking down the street has no idea what we do everyday and most of the night....
If we ever decide to have a revolution, it will get someones attention... surely there would be one day that we weren't all tired at the same time... and if we had to we could get our elders to do the talking, can't you see the look on the governments faces having 20 million elders asking what time is it and who's coming to pick us up all at the same time.... yeah, let's bring em with us.... leave em all there for an hour, we'd go get coffee... think there would be some changes then????? Something for us to think about.... love and appreciate what each and every one of you do on a daily and nightly basis..... hugs across the miles.....
Loyalty, I had no idea that even if you kept making your mom her favorite dish that she would continue to ask for more and forget that she just ate it. My mnl does forget what she ate as well. If nothing else try to look at that at least she loves your cooking and I hope that puts a little smile on your face. ; )
Loyal- On the situation with the potato salad and the pickles. This is what i would do: I would have someone to make me a gallon of potato salad and i would go to sam's club and buy a gigantic jar of pickles and set both of them in front of your mom and say " Have at it Mom" and let her eat til her heart was content. Maybe that would give you a break for awhile..... Thank you Loyal for the laugh. It's been awhile since i have had one of those. Love and hugs stormyyy