This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Happy Mother's Day!
By: Spring in the Air
Stormy-prayers for your Dad. And you too.
Lildeb-thanks, I had a great time being out. Oh my, that sounds like I escaped from an institution! Well, in a way I did, if even for a few hours. LOL I got a new cell phone case, and some candles. Spent all my money and came home. It was a good night.
The bean seeds are planted! This is HUGE. And they were planted by the woman who wasn't sure she'd be here to grow anything this year. I know the cancer will keep coming back, but I am happy for Mom that she's got this extra time. And if the d**m seeds don't grow, I will just shoot myself! JK
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Notlike, if the beans don't grow, go find some at the local nursery and put them in the ground....or a neighbor that has a garden, or hell I'll send you a few plants... but what ever happens, do NOT let Jack climb that beanstalk..... love ya...
didn't read very far as it is 2;30 in the morning.... what am I doing up??? Good question.... I still do this on occasion from taking care of Ruth... funny how some of this gets in our DNA.....
I finally have a day off... yeeehaaaaa, so will check in later... speaking of DNA, I check into this sight at least a few times a day... I'm so nosey, afraid I'll miss something..... hugs across the miles...
Dad had a bad day yesterday..hoping he will be a bitt better today. Our caregiver will come sit with him today while I take mom to salon to get her hair done. She also has Tuesday's free so she will start coming here then too. I will really help as dad is getting harder and harder to move around these days. God Bless all
ladee, how are things?
It being Friday I took care of my mother. She wanted to look at picture albums so I got one out. I put it on the table and proceeded to sit down to look at it with her. Mind you, I am 60+ and don't move around all that fast. I just couldn't sit down quick enough for her. So she yelled at me, "SIT DOWN!!!!!" So I said well all right, I am sitting down as fast as I can. Then we looked at the pictures. I almost went home instead. I thought, well I can tell my friends at agingcare.com about this.
Put your socks on......x 6
take your pills......x 4
take your watch off x 5, ect... that's how it felt, was simply adding how many times I had to ask him to do something... and then telling ya'll about it..... what in the world would we do without each other...Never do I go to the store and get fresh green beans that I don't want to start laughing because of Notlike's mom and the beans.... And now when I hear 'SIT DOWN' I will think of you.... so we are in each others hearts and minds a lot.... like thoutgful times for the people we haven't met yet care about....
Viv, have you been to the Dr. yet??? Hope you are feeling more alive today...
Vickie Vic, glad to hear you are getting another weekend off, shoot, you'll start feeling human before no time... sans all the pain reminding us that caregiving is not for sissies......
Son is doing better each day, told him yesterday how proud I was of his attitude... if that had been me on my back and unable to do anything for the past month, there would be slimy stuff on the windows from my head spinning.....I know, why do I insist on giving visuals.... character defect I guess... oh well....
Jam, hopefully you are at least reading, know that we love ya, hope Target is on his way to mending, hope you get that garden planted, and we love and miss ya....
Seeme, have a safe trip to be with your family for your mom and dad's service.... let us hear from you when you get back....
I know I have not named some, didn't go back very far on my reading.. sorry... was able to take a very good, restful nap this afternoon and want to keep that in place , so am going to go, will check back in later... everyone have a good weekend.... thoughts and prayers for you all.... hugs across the miles....
Ladee- Yes if things get bad we will definetely carry him to the ER. I hope it doesn't come to that. But i hope we will find out why he is coughing up blood monday. Love and hugs to you Ladee!!!! And to everyone else on caregiver alley!!!! Stormyyy
I am enjoying my quite time.... get so little of it.... and what is with everyone, where are you guys, new posters, we sure would like to get to know you better.... can't do that unless you post... and nothing is sacred here, we talk about everything...... and make fun of our lives.... and sometimes of our elders, and even of each other if warrented.... so come on ya'll, we can't let this thread fade into the mist.... hugs across the miles to you all...
Vic-glad you are getting more help. You sure can use it. Hugs.
Stormy - we are waiting with you for word about your Dad. Try to remember that worrying will not change the answer you get on Monday. Did Connor have fun at the movies? Hugs.
brandy-Oh, can't they be mean? Next time, dance yourself all the way to the chair! Twirls take alot longer than walking:) Hugs.
Ladee-I picked up a rock yesterday, and of course thought of you. I've been stepping on it for two weeks when I'm out at work having my smoke break. So I figured it's mine now. It's orange and black. Can't tell if it's natural or man-made, but it's cool and I like it.
Took Dad grocery shopping today. That made Mom mad. Until I mentioned we were taking my car, then she relaxed. She doesn't like when someone else puts wear and tear and their van. Dad was frustrated that she was acting so awful at first, but now the problem is solved. Yeah.
I also think about you all during the day. I hope you are having good ones, and I hurt for you when you don't. I can't wait to tell you something funny, or even just the rare normal thing that happens to me. I laugh out loud reading your posts, and can see the situations we are in in my head. This site has been salvation for me. I wish each and every one of you angels to carry your loads, as you have all been angels to me.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
So, you keep coming here, and you let us know when you are grieving, it is not only the long goodbye, but we loose them twice.... but at least here you will get support, love, laughter, hugs and prayers... and advice if you need it.... just ask...
So many hurting people here, and we get together to lighten each others load... I have been here for a long while... not much surprises me anymore, and you will not be judged... we all have our sad days, our mad days, our tired days, and our silly days,,, it's ok to laugh too, it makes things a little easier... so keep coming back and letting us know how you are... Everyone of us will relate in some way... hugs across the miles to you, and as Jam would say, we'll keep the light on for ya.....
Beck- I am very sorry you are having to go through this with your father. I know your heart is breaking. But hopefully the good memories you have and are making will replace the pain that you are feeling. My heart goes out to you!!! Much love and hugs to you Stormyyy. And welcome to the caregiver crew.....
I'm here....reading and following all of you....don't think for one minute I'm not here! Just needing a "brain rest"......everything here is good.....I have the meaning of my bubble tucked away in my heart....thank you notlike.....Target is healing, walking on his own, fixed a meal for himself yesterday, sleeping and back to being the person he used to be before he got sick.....been a while since I've seen him. The col just continues to be confused....doesn't recognize her own granddaughters..
Welcome to all the new posters.......come back and tell us stories..........we need someone new to make fun of......hugs and angels to all of you!!!!!
Beck, if being sane is part of being with the group we are all screwed!!!!!! So am happy to say it is not a requirement.... and what you are feeling is normal, what you will come to refer to as your 'new normal', none of us here are NORMAL, what ever that means.... too many sleepless nights, too much angst from not having family participation.... too much hearing the same thing over and over... so yes, tears are part of this, grief, sadness, anger, powerlessness... it's all part of the territory.... but ya know what...... we do have each other... and just knowing someone else really understands gets us a little further down the road.....one suggestion I am going to make, is not to look at yourself as a mess... you are human, being torn in many directions, if we already knew how to do this we wouldn't need each other....and if you are mess, then that means I'm a mess and I ain't havin' no part of that....lol......so keep coming here, telling us how you feel, and we'll all move forward thru the fog.....hugs to you...
Ok, I've had plenty of rest this weekend, and my stomach still drops when I think about tomorrow, let's see, can we all say BURN OUT!!!!!!!!!
love ya'll and hugs across the miles....