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Vivian-Isn't it something how people who do not do daily caregiving think they have the right to judge? Of course, we mix things up, they mix things up, we are all human. I find it's better just to smile and try to move on to a solution. I'm glad the prilosec worked and you didn't have to sit in ER again. I found it hillarious that one of the Top Ten aps for caregivers was Angry Birds, to play while you sit in waiting rooms. I've finished 3 of the 4 games! LOL Hugs.
beck-So nice you had those moments with your Mom! There are bright rays of sunshine doing what we do. And I've found that talking to myself in public keeps people away, and gives me some alone time and peace! LOL Hugs.
burned-hugs to you, super mama!
Ladee-I picked up another rock today. This could be the start of something...:)
Jam-you are too funny! And at least in my fb games, I can actually complete goals. Unlike my real housework, shopping, yardwork, ect. LOL Hugs.
Hubby and son leave this weekend for two weeks working in Michigan. That means I will be alone with the parents! I will have to make this site my home page if I am to stay sane. :)
Goodnight, and better tomorrow.
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I think I need to check out Angry Birds!
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An hour of total silence would be nice..granny turns the tv up so loud!!
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Could you get her those things she coud put in her ears so only she gets the sound.
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Wondering here, taking care of a 93 year old mother in law every takes evert fiber of my body,soul heart,nerves and everything else. I do realize that there others struggling more than me. I just have to vent with someone that is not in this house and is willing to listen and not critize me for what I say or feel. I am tired physically and mentally and just tired of being needed all the time and at the same time I feel guilty for having those feelings. What else am I suppose to do and feel. Some days I am hanging on to the knot at the end of the rope. Thanks for the ear and for the caring. This site is wonderful. God bless.
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Wondering- I know how u feel. Me too!!!
Viv-hope you have a better day!!!
Austin and Crs- I just bought me another pair of my headphones for my tv. Otherwise, I would not be able to hear a thing with connor running around hollering. I love them headphones to death can't live without them. I just wish dad would wear his but he won't. It's a wonder i have any hearing left at all.
Ladee- how r u doing today? Is marie worrying you yet? Hugs.
Jam- Thank you i think connor has beautiful red hair too!!! Hubby's mom had red hair and cliff's hair was real red when he was younger. My mom's brother had red hair too. So connor is getting it from both sides of the family. My mom always wanted one of her children to have red hair but we all had brown hair then i was the one that had the red head sadly 2 years after my mom passed away. She would have loved him and his red hair. Hugs Stormyyy
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Wondering..all I can say to your recent post is..DITTO!! I completely feel where you're coming from and there are days that getting out of bed just seems impossible, and answering 1 more phone call is daunting. I can so relate to the feeling of "tired of being needed"...at least under our circumstances. Most of the time, I think we all love to feel needed, but this is need of a different kind completely. On average, I get 12-15 phone calls a day from my Dad. He must know my where abouts at every moment or he panics. When the phone rings, my blood pressure escalates and my heart starts racing. I hate feeling this way day after day. Most days feel hopeless, and I have to struggle to get through. I know that there are blessings in all adversity, but sometimes I just don't have the strength or energy to find them. I have to take Dad to yet, another, dr. appt. I am dreading it as I do most all of them. It requires more patience than I possess. What more can I say...this "caregiver" life is draining and lonely, but I keep reminding myself that when all is said and done..I did my best..I will have no regret that I didn't do all that I could for my Dad. You're doing all you can for your mother-in-law. I believe it takes a special person to do this job, and that is what you are..even when you don't feel it. Stay strong..keep venting..it's good for all of us. I'll be thinking of you as well as all the ladies. Blessings and huge hugs..
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Just to let ya'll know i called the nurse today to find out if she had ever got dads results back from the biopsy and she said that dad had a appt for may22. So in other words we got to wait til then to found out anything. And dad has a appt with the ear,nose and throat dr on may 17th. He was the one that found dads tumor on his thyroid. So that's all i know for now. Wait and see game yet again......... Love and hugs stormyyy
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Since M and Notlikes Mom are so much alike, I think I will start calling M, Notlike's Aunt M.... yeah, I like that, it is important that we share the misery...
Ok, ya'll can all have a great laugh at my expense today, I get so tired of letting my guard down with M and then get blindsided.... the day started with her telling me I needed to see about scheduling my son's surgeries around HER dr . visits.... believe it or not, I did not say one word, just kept doing what i was doing, but inside my head was pure hysterical laughter and me saying,,, I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!, then before lunch was over she was blasting me over some stupid beans,,, sound familiar Notlike... I'm telling you, they are kin to each other.... and then some other hateful words that I didn't even listen to.....
My son is well over 21 and will schedule his surgeries as HE sees fit, and M be damned.... he has an untended to broken arm they sent him home from the hospital with, and will need another surgery on his leg.... so , ask me if I give a flying F**k when her appt;s are.... that's a new low, even for her....
And today Viv, I am an angry bird..... !!!!! lol and CRS, M keeps the tv loud also, won't even turn it down when HH is there. sometimes I just go outside so I can think....and I really understand your feelings of tired of being needed Wondering.... I am so tired , so burned out, and don't even have time right now to look for another job....
Beck, you always have such positive things to say, there are days I read you and think "oh whatever" and then other times it resonates with me... so don't stop saying positive things, for some of us, we have to read it a couple of times for it to soak in....
Vic, hope you enjoy your time with Hubby and am so happy to hear you are getting an extra day every week now.....
Stormy, let us know what is going on with Dad...
I know I missed someone, still mad, I'll write more later... Lord Bless the caregivers, and the ones like me with a mouth and an attitude..... please help me keep my mouth SHUT..... love ya'll, hugs.
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I'm feeling pretty low today. My husband had a massive stroke 2 1/2 yr ago at age 61. He's in nursing home since 2 mo after the stroke. But I go see him about 3x week. He's been in and out of the hospital several times these last 3 months. Last week he had to have a kidney removed. The first year after he had the stroke I was there every day. I still work and trying to manage the house, laundry, yard care. Had to get him on Medicaid to help pay for the nursing home. Got him on SS Disability after 6 months but that goes to the nursing home as well as his retirement check. I have had several large expenses lately that I've had to use som of his retirement money to pay for car repairs and for a tree service to cut some branches that were cracking off in a wind storm and threatening to fall on my house. I'm having to live on only my income now. I don't have extra money. Had to short the nursing home and now they are threatening to take action to collect the money. No one goes to see him but me. I feel guilty for having them do eveything they could to him after the stroke. He doesn't like living like this and now I'm wishing he'd die. He's paralyzed and has speech problems from the stroke. It's like everyone has forgotten him. They ask me how he is etc. But no one wants to take the time to see him. Most never even went to see him at all, since the stroke. I don't have a life. I just exsist and go through the motions of work, run to see him and go home. I'm so down today. Why does God make us go through this crap? He's a good man and doesn't deserve to go through what all he has gone through for 2 1/2 yrs.
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Welcome slk.....and the first thing I want to do is give you a great big ol' hug......you need one. You ask questions that the rest of us have asked countless times before and we will only learn the answers when our tour of duty on this earth is over. Doesn't make it any easier to bear does it? So sorry to hear about your husband's health....I think it makes a difference when it's a spouse instead of a parent we are dealing with. Placing him in a NH may not have been what you really wanted to do but considering his health that was a very loving thing to do. Why does no one else visit? I think it's because people are uncomfortable, don't know what to say and don't know how to form a new relationship with your husband's current health status. If Medicaid is covering the cost of the NH, what would you have "shorted" them on? Try calling SS Administration and see if you are eligible for any kind of benefits now, based on your husband's past earnings. For things that need to be done around the house, perhaps a neighbor who might be willing to "trade" for work done? Maybe a pot of spaghetti for a lawn mowing? Or watching children while mom and dad go out? Just some thoughts to help you financially.....with the economy the way it is, we have to be very inventive when it comes to finances. Come back and visit with us....someone is always home and we'll leave the light on for you!

ladee..........Problem child extraordinaire!!!!!!!!! What's the problem that you won't schedule your son's life around M? I can just hear the things that were flying through your brain......:)

Just got a phone call from the col......the NH has her incarcerated. Dammit! Those terrible people! She doesn't know where "home" is but she wants to share a house with us since she shared her house with us.....oh really? I reminded her that Target and I have always lived here after we married, but that didn't penetrate any further than any other thought. She is so confused.....all I could think was "there are no more drugs".....:)

Hope everyone is having a great day................hugs to all!!!!!
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Good thoughts to everyone today! I must admit I began reading this thread with post #1 who talked about her mom's enema. I had to laugh when I read her description - not a funny situation but, after all, if we didn't laugh, we'd all be crying right?

I visited my mom today at the rehab center. My mom is 90. She fell and broke her femor and has a pin in her knee and two pins in her fractured hip. She hates where she is. Hates the center, the aides, the food, bingo, word games, the room (to sunny), etc. She wants to go home! Well, she's non weight bearing for 8 weeks and we have three more to go! Then who knows!

My visits with her are getting shorter and shorter! I don't think she really wants me there. When she first arrived I'd stay most of the afternoon to ensure she was getting good care. I believe that her care is as good or better than she would get an any rehab center.

My mom has an obsession with the bathroom. She goes constantly. The aides put her on the toilet, wipe her, use vasoline and oitment, put her back to bed and within 5 minutes they are having to repeat the same thing. Now they are putting her on the toilet and asking that when she is finished, she ring the bell and they will return to get her. According to her, they leave her too long. Today, she said she begain shaking and her teeth began to chatter. Last time she said, I can't believe these aides have enough nerve to stand at the bathroom door and wait for me to go???????????? I just don't know what to believe her!!!! Anyone want to shed some light?
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Beck-I hear you loud and clear and i certainly understand your feelings. I am there too. There are times when dad asks me to do things for him that i know that he could do his self. Feeling needed all the time is exhausing.... hugs.
Not- I hope you will be able to stay sane for the next two weeks while your hubby and son are away. We don't want them to come back home to "MOM" in a padded room, now do we? lol. Hugs to you. Come back and chat with us anytime u need to in those two weeks.
Ladee- How dare Marie even think that you would put her needs above your own son's. She must be crazy. And i probably would have laughed right in her face if she would have suggested something so absurb. I think she might have won the title for "Crazy Ole' Lady". Whatcha think?????? Love ya. Stormyy
Slk- Welcome aboard sweetie. I am so sorry you are having such a time dealing with your husband in the nursing home. At least if you knew some one else was visiting him you would not feel like you had to go there all the time. I hope you get some rest soon. Much love to you. Stormyyy
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Golfgirl-Hello and good to see u here. Does anyone know for sure that your mom is using the bathroom this much? If she is then i would say she needed to see someone at the center (a doctor) about her going to the bathroom soo much. Or is she just telling everyone that she has to go to the bathroom for the attention.....
I admit it is a crazy way to get attention but i think some of our elders would go at any cost to get any attention from anybody. Something to think about maybe. Hugs to you! Love, Stormyy
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Hi Stormy! Yes, they know for sure! Mom had colon cancer 7 yrs. ago. She's been like that since then. She would never go back for a follow up colonoscopy so we just don't know what's there! What can I say????? The nurses believe it is an obsession with the bathroom!! Can't say I disagree. She hates the aides and complains when they wait for her to use the bathroom. Also, she hates when they put her on the toliet and tell her to ring the bell when she is finished!! Today I asked if she wanted a private sitter - hey why not, we're made of money, right! Thought it might give the aides a break as well. Not a good idea according to the nurses. Seems they don't want anyone but staff to transfer her in case she falls. What to do! Oh too - she's been on two rounds of antibiotic for a UTI - I think we can rule that out!!
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Golfgirl- Well i guess that explains it. The colon cancer and the bathroom problems that is. I would have to ask mom what do you want the aides to do when you go to the bathroom? Leave you there? At least that way you will know what she expects out of them while she is using the bathroom and when she gets through. Hugs to you. Stormyyy
Now i have a question for all of ya'll: How do i get my 5 yr old to quit crying because i used the last 3 drops of his bubble bath soap in his bath water?!?!?! UGH. Let me go deal with this screaming youngin. Lord be with me.....
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Stormy, I know without a doubt you would not like my answer....
welcome new posters..... SLK, sorry to hear about your husbands health issues and how tied down you are... there is no explaining the ways of folks who will some day be on the receiving end of 'no visitors'....so hope you at least come here and visit, make some new friends, talk about what's bothering you, and even have a laugh now and then.....
golfgirl, and with that many trips to the bathroom you are considering bringing her home???? and her attitude, yep, keep those visits short.. I personally, from my own day to day experiance, soooooo tired of gripy, self absorbed, critical, angry, elders....
How about we all march on Washing with this lot of happy campers, leave them on the White House lawn, no I D. and we all go have a nice dinner somewhere. it will take the authorities a while to find all of us, but we will get some respite, and if we're lucky we'll go to jail..... no bad ass inmate in thier right mind would mess with a tired caregiver.. yah uh huh!!!!!!!
Jam, the next time the col calls wanting to come home, let her know she is getting to move in with M.... I think that would be a great arrangement, but don't count on me being there... after her saying today to arrange my son's surgery around her appts.... the decision was made right then.. I start looking for a new job tomorrow...may have to stay there thru j's surgeries, but will have something on the horizon to look forward to... it won't be long and S will be in a NH, so they would get rid of me anyway.... so I choose to empower myself and get out of there..... feel like a weight has been lifted.... we do what we have to do sometimes, and then we have to make other choices, to keep our sanity.... and yes Jam, the problem child did not pick up her purse and walk out.... as bad as I wanted to... I don't owe that woman ANYTHING..... Will warn the daughter that an ad will be in the paper.. and M reads the paper too, and I don't even care......what is going to do, get rude and ugly... OH MY !!!!!
Later, love ya'll. hugs across the miles....
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Ladee-I love the Aunt M label! Too funny! Remember, those of us with bean issues need to stay away from the beanstalk. :) I totally understand about how Aunt M expected your life to revolve around hers...I see it every day. Usually, I have to remind myself to murmur something, or nod or whatever, because I am so frozen in place from the shock of hearing someone actually talk that way. It takes a few seconds to realize I really did hear what I thought I did. Hugs.
Stormy-thanks, but after hubby being off/reduced hours for the last two months, I can't afford a padded room! Strictly budget plywood for me LOL You know I will keep coming here, because here is where I find love and caring. And I hope you get answers, even good news, at Dad's appt. Hugs.
slk-you are an amazing woman for doing what you're doing. Please keep coming to the site and venting. This is a fantastic (cyber) place.
golfgirl-hugs to you for handling what you are dealing with. The aides probably think your Mom is playing an attention game, but are also trying to do their jobs and be there for her. Since they're trying different things - waiting vs. leaving - I'd say they are concerned and not ignoring her. Stormy's right - find out what she wants them to do and see how close they can come to what she asks. Constantly transfering a non-weight bearing person like that can get dangerous. Each transfer puts strain on the staff, and risks her damaging what is supposed to be healing. Maybe that needs to be explained to her...for her own good she needs to make peace with the bathroom issue.
I bought Mom a Mother's Day card today. It's not a gift, so it doesn't count in my No Gift plan. Just a generic, 99 cent card. She likes deep, wordy cards, but Halmark doesn't make a card for everything - like the one I need for an ungrateful mother who wants to be treated like a queen. I haven't seen that one on the shelf! LOL
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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And Stormy - try dish soap. It's mild and makes bubles, too.
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Good night everyone, prayers being said for all, especially slk.
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Hi all, I'm just dropping in to check on all of y'all. Been busy clipping tree limbs and bushes for our house insurance purposes. They sure can get picky here lately and not like the price is giving us a great deal. I mean how often does anyone use their home insurance due to an accident or something. I had to drag the mnl to get all her yearly test done and all of them in one day. Eco, Dek scan, X-ray, Mamm-gram and fasting lab. Whoo hoo. Now, we get the results next wk. Treated her out to her favorite place the Waffle House. She did get a bit confused for I asked if she like some syrup on side of her plate so she could dip her waffle in the syrup. That way she can controll the amount of syrup she wants being she don't like sweets. Well, she mention she needed mayo. I told her that it wasn't a sandwich that it was a waffle. Then she telling me she always use mayo on it. She is not that bad on AD just yet, she seem to be confused. Then I offer her some butter instead and that if she still wanted mayo I would get it for her. Then she tells me that, NO! I don't put mayo on this for that is just stupid. I just let it go and went with the flow....
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Dear mnl is starting the crap, "Debbie, Where you at?" It drives me nuts!!! We had just got in the house from my nutritionist visit and I had to go to the bathroom. No more than 2 minutes she is raising her voice and saying those words. I even dream this freaking pharse. She never does or ask her son this question only lucky me. I lied, she did do that to him in the JCPenney store. ; ) I guess we will have to put a leash on her when we go out. As for the house, I have no clue. I just know it drives me nuts and she don't even want anything for she even admitted that she just wanted to know where I am at. ah!!! I can't even take a piss now! I may be wrong but that is exactly what I told her. I don't think it did any good but I didn't care at the moment.
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I jst got home from "a day"..and sat down to check in. I'm quickly learning that this is a "no holds barred" forum, so, positivity aside..today sucked!!!
I had a total of 14 calls from dad today..in between those calls I did their banking, grocery shopping, and rushed over to the house early this morning because, once again, that fabulous Keurig coffee maker wasnt working right, and God forbid, dad doesnt get his 3 cups of coffee by noon..As usual, i discover that my mom has ,again, flooded the damn thing, so i had to teach her how to use it for the 6th time. To top off the day, I had to take dad to get his toe-nails clipped,ugh...and he peed all over himself in the waiting room in front of a packed office. That was an experience! I got him cleaned up and he got thru his appt, but i don't think he really knows what the hell happened today. I then stopped off at their fav. restaurant and picked up their dinner..scallops, shrimp and crab..of which I cannot enjoy because I have a severe shellfish allergy and that just pisses me off even more. Nothing like driving around with the smell of crab in the car and praying that my throat doesnt close up while i'm driving dad home!! I came home, did sm laundry, cooked dinner, and watered my dying plants. I have a miserable headache, my back is killing me, and the arthritis in my hand is so flaired up that i can barely hold on to anything. Havent eaten anything yet today, because i'm jst too exhausted. At this point, i'm praying i make it thru the rest of the evening without an emergency coffee maker breakdown! Anyway...jst thought i'd share..lol
Ladee..If i dont find the positive in my everyday existence..I might as well commit myself, before someone else does.. It's all about making it thru another day..
Stormy..thanks for you understanding and the hugs..back at cha..
Slk..so sry to read about your husband's health..my thoughts and prayers will be with you..hugs
To all you wonderful ladies..goodnite and endless hugs.
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lildeb..I jst checked in before turning in for the nite and read your post. Thanku for ending my crazy day with some laughter. Your mayo n waffle story was a side splitter, although frustrating for you,i'm sure. It's a comfort to know that even in the midst of the insanity of our lives as caregivers, we can make each other laugh with our challenges of every day life. I loved that post..hugs
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Ladee, love your comment about my mom making peace with the bathroom issue! If only we could - I put it on the top of my gratitude list! That will never happen. I keep telling her about her leg - but she keeps concentrating on the bathroom. Honestly, I think this bathroom issue will kill her! Thought about a "head" doc seeing her but she's 90! Might be a bit too late!

By the way, love your profile picture! It really says it all!
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When getting the card to send to dear sweet-NOT mom yesterday I am going to ask the card companies to write some that say I do not love you you are and were mean to me and not a good mother at and I do not wish the best for you-bet they would sell like hotcakes.
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Oh Austin, and some for Father's day too, Iaughed out loud....and I would have bought one for my dad... loved it...
Beck, I also have to be positive during the day, but mine is more like, " if you kill her you will go to jail, think of the consequences.....".... no harm intened with my comment, was just saying some days it just doesn't sink in..... the black cloud has my head covered, so it's hard to see the light...you use being positive, I use humor... it all works....
Golfgirl, don't think it was me that said to make peace, but thanks for the compliment on the profile pic, that's how I feel most days, just simply have had all my feathers pecked off or pulled out.... Think I will use this visual today when M gets on a rant... me standing there just being defeathered.... I promise you if she ever looked in my eyes she's just shut up.... my mouth stays shut but my eyes are talking loud and clear.....
Beck, sorry your day was one of those that never stopped....and the great thing about coming on here and getting it out, we don't have to go to bed with it....just treat all the ugly and exhausting stuff like an ex husband....
Deb, can you get a little camera that hooks on your head that you can allow her to see every move you make????? And ignoring does no good, they only get louder.... how bout setting up a tape recorder that loops "I'm right here" every few seconds....put a picture of yourself by it and see if that works....
Notlike, sorry about the new addition to your family " Auntie M", but there is no way those two are not connected by DNA....And the good part, that makes us cousins.... so see, good comes from bad.... right Beck? Just depends on how many brain cells we have left at the end of the day....
I will be stupid for the next few day, just making the decision to quit at M's has lightened my load....so everytime she says something ugly I'm that much closer to not having to hear it from her anymore... first time I've been able to really breathe in months... will get thru the surgeries with my son, won't quit right now, too stressful, but a plan, ya, uh huh , I have a plan..... love ya'll sending angels....
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OMG....Ladee...ur a riot...nothing like starting off the day with a stomach ache from excessive laughter!!!!!!! Love your posts...hugs n hugs
Here's to a good day n may all your coffee makers work!!
Later ladies..hugs to all
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Good morning all! Question, I've been taking care of my MIL for about 4 yrs now with her 247 , 88 w vascular dementia and getting bad does awful things , unsanitary etc. (I always bathe her n have her clean). My question is she absolutely does not listen to me, refuses to use walker with me and now has been combative. But with anybody else she's perfect! But as soon as they leave she goes haywire! I'm losing my mind along with my spirit! Help!
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Ladee I hope you don't mind but I suggested on another post today that everyone check out your profile picture. It is just hilarious and I think explains without words how most all of us feel. It's just so funny and so appropriate and I think we could all use a good laugh! Hope it's not a problem.

BSO213, being combative is not good! Are there other options for her? As far as her listening, she's never going to listen - stop expecting that! Wish I could offer some hope but in my experience they do the opposite of what you want. With others, mom is a sweet lady. They tell me at rehab that they'll really miss her when she's gone! (I'll bet - like one would miss a migrane maybe) Anyway don't lose your mind. Sounds like you've been at this a while, does your husband help at all? Is he open to putting her into a facility or is that an option!

Just another bit of info: Today I visited mom in the center. She was having her hair fixed preparing for a doc visit. We were already to go but the nurses station forgot to order a cab - we need one that can accommodate a wheelchair! Therefore, we had to reschedule until next Tuesday! Mom was all set to go and had she known this mishap occurred, she'd have been furious! I simple said - doc had an emergency and had to reschedule your visit! It was a lie but hey - one does what one must in these situations! Then she begain with the story (sp) of the aides, how they are so quick in bathing, dressing, putting her on the toliet, taking her off the toilet before she's finished, leaving her on the toilet too long after she's finished, etc. etc. etc. I replied "well that's all the reason to be careful with your leg so that you don't rebrake it and have to come back here". She went off! I got my purse and said - I'll see you later! I had to chuckle all the way to the car - just can't please them no matter what - even when you agree!

Love to everyone!
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