This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
A shout out to my cousin Ladee! :)
Good day today - really nice patients at work, and very little interaction with Mom.
Good night, and better tomorrows.
beckncall53, that is all you can do sometimes is try to find laughter in what is going on and that way we keep from going completely crazy. However today she was getting on my last nerve while I at a conference about caregiving and finally called the hubby to pick her up and take her to his job. Well, before I went back in we all went to eat lunch and she was mad at me for telling him that she kept complaining to everyone. She denied it and said she didn't know I felt that way about her.
Ladee, I wished that I had recorded her,darn, another one got away. You really got to stay on your toes as a caregiver and this is just moderate stage. Lord help me. So we went to McDonald. I order us all something to eat and I gave mnl her cup so she could get some coke she refuse my help. so quitely watched her as she filled her cup with grape soda instead of coke. Let just day that, I was just grinned ear-to-ear. I so bad... I did feel bad in mid of eating n offer to dump her drink for she kept saying it tasted funny. Instead, hubby got up and done it for us.
BSO213, my mnl does the combative stuff and just wisper cuss as soon as I would walk by or at the living room that is if I don't give her my full attention. Someone here had mention using head phone sets and that does wanders sometimes.
Golfgirl, sorry you had to reschedule another appointment for your mom. Small things like needed room for a wheel chair in a cab is taking for granted by others for they do not have to deal with the situation until they have to face it themselves. That was quick thinking for an excuse to keep her from getting upset and at least you got a chuckle on the way out.
Everyone have a good night at least the mnl is not night walking wandering yet.
brandy, do what your heart guides you to do in regard to Mother's day... I was thinking this morning, when they were raising us, they had no history with us, yes they brought their history into OUR lives, but as we take care of them , WE have history with them.... so our job is twice as hard... not only do we do what we do for them, but have all the angst that comes with being raised, or abondoned or abused by them... what the F**k is wrong with this picture...????? So do what your heart guides you to do.... have no regrets....
Cousin Notlike, you know, I bet we have a Cousin IT somewhere!!! (re: The Munsters) Anyone here hairy enough to volunteer.... this is the best family we have, so pick your family label and let us know.... but no one gets to be the Mama or the Daddy.... the only rule we have....other than that,it's wide open...
How is mom reacting to you not having much to do with her??? That's what I did with M yesterday... I choose to make myself a 'moving' target, staying busy and out of mouth range.... S and I had a good day, so all was not in vain...
Lildeb, get someone to make some cardboard cut outs of you and place them all over the house... if nothing else she will be so confused she won't know who to talk to first....with little motion detectors that activate a recording when someone is near.... I think I have missed my calling... I could make a fortune with some of these ideas for caregivers to get a break....
Golfgirl, good move about the white lie, what ever it takes to keep them calm.... and kudos to you for leaving when it started getting loud.... and no problem about the post... some on this sight really don't like me, so I'm sure they ignored your suggestion... or wished they had 'defeathered' me thierself....lol
BSO, it is crazy making isn't it... it's about them treating us that way because they think it's ok... somehow, somewhere we gave them perimission to do this, unknownly on our part...
Caregiving is just this great big crazy ass puzzle that has been thrown at our feet and like a bunch of dummy's we started trying to make the pieces fit.... at least at the end of the day we all have each other... blessings and hugs to you all, ttyl
And Notlike we have a new cousin.... IT, her real name is Viv, but she says she quailifies because she is hairy, and apparently very comfortable with herself for sharing that with us.... I am a very visual person, and it has blown my poor little over worked mind....So, we are starting our family tree here, everyone welcome, just say who you are... and please, don't give me an oppurtinity to do it....ya'll know I'll take it over the top.....
Thank God today is Friday..... love ya'll, hugs and angels....
Vivian-so sorry to hear about your Mom's eyesight. You might want to contact the Council for the Blind to see what help they can offer. Hugs. And glad to welcome Cousin It! LOL
Stormy-wow, lots of appointments this month for you and Dad. Wouldn't it be great if they supplied beds for caregivers to get naps while waiting??? Hugs.
Ladee-The more cousins the merrier! I want Hand to help me around here! LOL Maybe we can pass Hand around to the best-named cousins! :) Mom is being generally decent, even though I don't seek her out to spend time together. What seems to be most important is that when she does want to talk, I listen attentively and be very impressed with whatever she has to say. I don't bother telling her much about me anymore, like my day at work or whatever, because she doesn't seem to care. Unless she can make a crisis out of it and tell me what to do. And Dad clues me in when he can about what she's on a bender about, so I know in advance when to sound very suprised or interested. I am earning an Academy award daily here. I love the puzzle image - Lord knows all the pieces here don't fit together! And still I keep trying, along with everyone else on this site. Hugs.
slk-Enjoy yourself at the camper. Give up the emails if you want, or try adding things like "He's love some company this week," or "When can you stop by?" Soemtimes, people have to be pushed into behaving. Hugs.
crs-Welcome! It sounds like you are in need of a break and not getting enough help. Blessings to you for taking care of your grandparents. Hope everything comes out okay at the ER. Please let us know, and come back and spend more time with us. Hugs.
brandy-So happy your early Mother's Day went well! What a blessing. Now - spend a guilt-free Sunday doing something YOU want. Hugs.
I had a pretty good day, including a nap. Have been giving gimpy dog asprin twice a day, and he is doing better. Wondering how the weekend will go...
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Happy Early Mother's day everyone.
Happy Anniversary crs!
Haven't heard anymore from seeme....maybe later on or ladee has heard something.
Didn't get our daily phone call from the col yesterday....the day before she was talking with Target and told him that a former aquaintance from years ago had just shown up at the NH......as far as I know he is no longer among the living.......she's been shopping with her husband....so when she says she is visiting with her daughter, then we will know the downhill journey has started. She is very easily redirected away from the demanding to come home these days, although each conversation starts with "I'm incarcerated here and these people won't let me out"........
I'm thinking ladee needs a chicken butt warmer for her avatar....................
Hope everyone has a glorious day filled with at least one nap...........
Happy Anniversary CRS, and I hope you will forgive me if I forget and call you CPR.....
Need to go check on Son then hit the road.... love ya'll have a day, if not a good one... hugs and angels....
I'm off to go to dad's house and drain their swimming pool...thank God my husband is helping! Hope everyone has a good day...
Later, ladies....hugs
Since Jam is the Mother Hen, does that mean we can call her the 'Old Biddy" ??? Guess we or I should say 'I' need to get permission first..... love ya Jamaroonie....
Beck, if you do draw that poster, use it as your pic, God knows there are days we all need the instructions for the coffee pot.....
I need to put sticky notes on my cabinet that I use to put my coffee supplies in... ran out of fliters... as I was going to sleep yesterday I though, " please God let there be some raggedy old filters up there somewhere".... Got up and sure 'nuff, there were a few, flat as pancakes.... fixed the pot, sat down at the computer to get caught up....when the coffee pot stopped, went to get a cup..... and had not put COFFEE in there.... OHHHHH NOOOOO, A WASTED FILTER.... funny how caregiving changes your priorties..... love ya'll ttyl