This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Thought this would make your day as it is appropriate to what you have been enduring with sibs.... NONE of them have a prairie rose.... now tell me, who is the special one.... WOOT WOOT!!!!
Jam-thanks for the history lesson of the thread. I just assumed it magically appeared - it's that how we caregivers get things done? LOL
Cmag-With what you are facing, I would like to remind you of one of my favorite quotes, by Winston Churchhill. "When you are going through hell, keep going." Hugs.
golfgirl-Wow. I'm in awe. Kudus for you for not being dumped on!
Ona-Do you have access to medical help for yourself? There is nothing wrong, shameful,, or weak about seeing a therapist and/or taking anti-depressents. Many of us have done that, and it can help a great deal. Please let us know how you are doing. Hugs.
burned - you and your family remain in my prayers. Hugs.
Ladee-Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Hugs.
Stormy - praying and waiting to hear about your Dad...
Ona's horrible sibs bring up a point that hits close to home for me. Was this really my choice??? My sis and I agreed a long time ago that she could not care for the parents when they became ill or disabled. They can not afford to live on their own. So now that they are ill, they are with me. Was that really my choice? What else could I have chosen? I would never let them suffer in poverty and sickness. So that's my choice, I guess. But it doesn't mean that I spent my adult life waiting and hoping for this. I do my best because this responsibility is mine now, but it doesn't really seem like my choice. If I could choose, I would undo their financial mistakes, and their bitterness, and give them some understanding of what my sis and I have gone through to help them. But since I don't get to choose that, it' s not my choice then, is it? Just my rambling...
And here's one for the It Figures file-with the men away, I get to mow the lawn. Not my usual chore. I lucked out and the neighbor cut the front for me two nights ago. It was late, so I thought I'd do the walk behind mowing the next night. Of course, the parents picked that day to sweep the entire driveway and front walk, and bag all the helicopters, sticks, and grass. So there was no way in hell I was going to mow and mess everything up. Now, not only am I stressing about having to mow, I'm also stressing about making a mess! I'm glad they got outside and did something, but I did not ask them to sweep. Once again, the choice thing, I guess. I would not have chosen for them to sweep at all (we have a leaf blower), and certainly not that day. Mom is so happy it looks nice, so I get the guilt of having it messy in the first place, and again when I mow tomorrow.
And the day ends with Dad's doctor calling. He is supposed to start his maintenance treatments on Monday, but the drug is out of stock. So they want to wait a week to see if it comes in, otherwise, they will have to come up with a new treatment plan. I will be spending time tomorrow researching what his choices are. There's that darn word again.
When I was on the phone with the doctor's nurse, we talked for a minute about both my parents having cancer. She said she hoped I was taking care of my self and getting support. I told her I was (I have all of you!). It was sweet of her to ask, but it occured to me later that all the asking in the world will not take this away or make it all better. So how am I feeling today? Like a gerbil in an exercise wheel.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
And I have to deal with families also, but don't have the luxury of being able to tell them to F**k off.... well I did with Ruth's daughter after she died.... I could tell horror stories of the life my lady Ruth had to endure with her daugher...but she is out of all of it now... miss her...
And because it is my choice to work with and for S, I also have to work for and with his wife... now that is a choice I would not have made... but in order for me to experiance this part of S's life, I have M as part of the deal.... and yes, it was a choice I guess, but had no way of knowing how she was... but I live my life having no regrets.... and I would have regretted not getting to work with S.... But I also feel each of our elders are our 'teachers'... they teach us our limitations, compassion, forgiveness.... S is the dad I never had.... so how could I not want to be part of this... nothing happens by mistake... nothing... we fall off into this sight, make some wonderful long lasting relationships, get and give, and some on here I love very much and do not know how they do what they do, having two parents to take care of...no help... but thru it all, I always feel the love here...always.... So Jam started this safe place for us to come and be ourself... not always pretty on some days.... but the love is here.... just very grateful this evening for so many things... so, keep on keepin' on...that's what we do.... hugs across the miles to all of you....
I see we have some newcomers- Welcome aboard........ Glad to have you here. Well i will chat with you all later. Love and hugs stormyyy
I see we have some newcomers- Welcome aboard........ Glad to have you here. Well i will chat with you all later. Love and hugs stormyyy
Billmo, my friend, Good luck tomorrow. Hands in pockets.
Ladee: You have an amazing gift of love to share. I worked with terminally ill children and their families for 23 years. It was my passion. I understand that this is your passion and that every life you touch feels the goodness that your offer.
Notlike: You are a sweetheart. A day or two off is a good thing.
Good night everyone. Hugs, Cattails.
Diva......not much more that I can add to what everyone else is saying.....prejudice runs deep in some people, especially the elderly who were raised in a different era than the rest of us....as the others here have said, continue to hold your head up and give the same loving care that you always have, as that is the most important thing.
Okay.........here is the pondering question for this month.....and blame this one on ladee....:) What are (were) the names of the 3 Little Pigs? I can remember only 2 of them...............put your thinking caps on now!
Love and Hugz to all of you!
Mother Hen
Wonderful day today! Went to a huge flea market with friends. Saw some incredible stuff- conversation pieces, I guess you'd call them. Started filling a room in our heads with them - the chair shaped like a high heeled shoe, the day-glo lamps, the mushroom footstool. I spent $3 on tins. Newer ones, but maybe they'll be worth something someday. A Sucrets tin, and asprin tin that opens by pushing the two red dots, and a bandage tin. Remember those?
Diva-ditto to what's been said. Welcome!
Ladee-hope you had a great time with your company. Hugs.
Hope everyone else had a good weekend.
Good night, and better tomorrows.
Notlike, I had a wonderful, blessed time with my friends... I have not been this relaxed in a very long time.... we were laughing so hard in the restuarant I know everyone thought we were drunk..... we didn't care... we are all like minded about that kind of thing, and life is too short not to laugh out loud as hard as we did....
FINALLY heard from Seeme this evening... her and hubby are finally home, mil passed away the day before Mother's Day... she said to tell you all HI and that it will be a few days before we hear from her because she is exhausted... she sounded so tired,,,,,
So, that's my update for this evening... just happy Seeme Sue is finally home and happy Cattails won the pig name contest..... hugs across the miles to you all.
Beck, lay it out on us for we can always need a good laugh, the good, the bad and the ugly.
i cannot breathe, got to go take something for sinus. uh!
The first story was published around 1843 by James Orchard Halliwell-Phillips. In this version, the pigs are merely numbered. A subsequent retelling published by author Andrew Lang called the three pigs Browny, Blacky, and Whitey. However, in this tale, the villain is a fox instead of a wolf!
One of the most well-known versions of the beloved story is the 1933 Silly Symphony cartoon produced by Walt Disney. This adaptation casts the three pigs as "Practical Pig," "Fifer Pig," and "Fiddler Pig." In this version, the Big Bad Wolf is not cooked by the pigs - instead, he burns his behind and runs off howling in pain.
So depending on which version you have read or heard about they were all given different names.
Goodnight All!!!!!!!
Lildeb..although your suggestion about giving mom n dad the "real herbs" is quite tempting...I could swear by the crazy conversations I've been having with them lately that their growing some of their own and definately under its influence. How else would i sit thru conversations that begin with the daily shopping list, to the belief that my dad received a Carls Jr. chicken sandwich that had explosives in it, and I had to quickly get it out of the house before we all blew up!!! Hell...I was just trying to get him some lunch, now I'm guilty for bringing a bomb disguised between a bun to try to kill us all. So..as only a good daughter would...I offered to take a BIG bite out of the bomb-burger...in the backyard, of course, to prove that everything was fine...secretly hoping that the burger was my ticket off this crazy train! Damn if i survived it..My job, among others this week, is to hone in on the correct fast food establishment that serves these magnificent burgers, or, hell...I'll just make my
own..lol..lol
I hope you all had a good weekend. I got in another argument with my daughter, this time, making sure to point out all my flaws, mistakes i've made, and just her general evaluation of her mother...a loser...so...if I suck at being a mother...I'm going to shine bright as a daughter..even if it means eating explosives to protect dads lunch time experience. Sandwich,anyone??? hahaha
Bilmo..I never got a chance to welcome you, but I was online the nite of your "need to vent"...All i can say is...right-on...ditto..i feel ya... Glad to see you back and sharing your insanity with all of ours..We love that..at least i do..
My love n prayers to u all and,of course...endless hugs
By the way...I will be doing my Monday morning melon squeeze!!! lol
"you had me at Bilmo" hahahaha..