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Hey there, Bilmo!! What's been going on in the "armpit"? lol I hope your not cheating on all of us on another thread!! I was jst getting comfortable with your entertaining postings..Nice to hear from u.
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FYI..there's a song by Kathy Mattea, that came out several years ago ,called "Where Have You Been", that tells the story of a couple, married for many years, and one becomes stricken with AZ. It's a very powerful song..jst thought i'd pass it on in case anyone is interested in hearing it. Grab some kleenex,tho...it's a tear jerker!!
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Well..Bilmo...my response to your various, yet once again, entertaining postings....HOLY SH*T!!!! You need to pack up and move out of the "armpit"...I think it's affecting you..lol...Damn...now I need a drink..
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Viv..so glad your mom is taking to the meds. Beck..that was too funny and the caregiver poem is right in. Bilmo sorry that you are going through crap with sibs. Burned ..good for you
Ladee de Lou..I read that article and was happy when YOU got that shout out! Jam you started this thread a year ago tomorrow..and I found you guys just after. Can't tell you how much you all have helped me throughout this past year. So grateful and blessed by all of you.
Notlike..hope all is well on the home front with hubby back home! Makes the days easier I know!
Ladee how did rock hunting go...hope it was a wonderful day.
Seeme..pray you and hubs are beginning to heal..know you both have much to do..but on the bright side I know you are getting excited to get furbabies in a few weeks! Have you gotten to see them yet?
Jam ..thank you! Pray COL is ok too..
Pray everyone has a good day
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Vic, how are you feeling these days??? Sounds like you are getting some breaks and that does help... and really hope you and hubby get some time away. He is such a sweetie, he needs the break too. So prayers that comes to pass for ya'll. Rock hunting was very relaxing.... no people, just the sounds of nature. I sang "Moves Like Jagger" to the cows and they seemed to enjoy it, I know I did.... dancing on the backroads, not a care in the world, at least for a little while... just so damned tired of being a grown up.... I know you all understand that comment...Notlike and I take care of people all day, then come home and do it again.... I feel burnout big time.... just can't loose my sense of humor or it will get UGLY...
Realized something when my friends came to visit last weekend, one of them said, " you are still wearing your hair the same".... I hadn't seen her in over 20 YEARS.... so you know it will be some radical hair next time I go to the salon.... spikes and colors I'm thinking.... that should do the trick with getting me fired at least.... and S will think they sent the clowns to take care of him... WHATEVER, I need some change... so I'll start there... can't afford that trip to Jam's lake house, so hair it will be...
Hope everyone has a very safe holiday... please no wrecks.... it would send me over the edge.... love ya'll.... be good to yourself at least once today... hugs across the miles .
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Happy Memorial Day weekend to everyone! Been reading everyone's posts.....from gay communities to living in an armpit.......you all know how to brighten a day!

burned....might I make a suggestion? Sounds like a visit to your doctor is in order. Abdominal pain could be anything from constipation to appendix to cyst to diverticulitis to STRESS.....yes stress which can bring on other problems. If it doesn't go away with a trip to the bathroom then you should make the trip to the doc.
ladee.....how about a multi-colored mohawk?

There is a large area down in our lower yard that is full of rocks and every time I look at it I think of you ladee......I don't go down there unless I'm armed.....too close to the pond to be clear of long squiggly things.....like the one that took up residence in my garage the other day.......I pray he somehow found a way out....a friend came to help me look and it was no where to be found and I pray it didn't find a way into the house.

The col is doing fine......just continues to get more and more confused every day, if that's possible. She hasn't mentioned seeing any old friends lately.

I'm not mentioning everyone by name because my poor old brain would leave someone out and that's not good, so just know that I'm thinking of you all!

Sending prayers and angels to guide you through another care giving day!
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Jam, you KNOW I would do that mohawk.... maybe S would remember me!!!!! I fI can sing and dance with the cows then I can get my hair done any way I want to, might distract from the wrinkles and turkey neck.....
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Ladee am doing better..still trying to figure a way for hubby and I to get away together for any real length of time...
I like the idea of spikes and colors! But you may shock and scare yourself! Heehee... Glad you got away and sang to the cows hope you take a little time today and tomorrow ..so when double shifts start back you will be somewhat refreshed.
As for me..getting time has helped be be happier in what I have to do with mom and dad..especially when the the physical gets tough. Can't remind everyone including myself to try to make regular time for you..
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Hope everyone has a great memorial weekend !!! My Plans include staying home & not going anywhere... Was kinda hoping Someone would of invited the MIL over I kNOW Cattails NOT Going to happen & I need to quit even thinking about them ole siblings that could care less what there mom is doing.
My OH My what would I do without you all.... Thanks For the smile after reading your post....needed that...
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I'm not doing much of anything either!!!!!! Today is surf & turf.....yep ladee going to enjoy one of your cows....:) with a lobster tail....yum! Tomorrow will be putting flowers on headstones for the col's husband and her mother and stepfather....and maybe eat out. Then home to take a nap.....:)
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I went to my doctor he said i had to constipated but that was bull crap. I have two cysts located on either side above/below the pelvic area. He wants me to see a gynecologist; a specialist whose referral I have never gotten. I know its not an UTI but its sitting more or less on my right side. It has been hard and I even felt a small harden tissue area. So yes plan to make a visit to a specialist that will actually make time to hear my complaints. I still have the stress migraines and the heat makes it worse....so I have to make a visit to the neuro...personally I think my family doctor is using the housewife syndrome or some dumb stuff like that. I wish i could put flowers on my grandmother's grave but she is in illinois. I miss my family but i do not miss the lack of help. Best wishes to all.
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Jam, it might be one of the cows I sang to yesterday... just fell over in the pasture from pure joy!!!!!! Or a heart attack, ya, could be that too....
Tried to get son to get outside for a little while, he's had a couple of days of being down, rightfully so, he's tired of being in pain, and hasn't had the second suregery on his leg yet.... and having the right arm in a cast, a brace on the left leg keeps him from having balance....can't put any weight on the leg, and can't do anything with the arm... so ya, he's frustrated.... try not to upset the apple cart when I'm there, make him laugh and brought him a book today he's been wanting... too hot to be outside right now anyway..... NAP TIME.... yeha.......
Vic, so happy to hear you are feeling better, it's amazing what a little help will do for us.... not getting any help either, so know how every one feels.... good thing we all have each other... don't think I would be doing this with any grace at all without all of you.... don't even want to think about it...
No, I won't get the rainbow mohawk, not because it would scare me, but it would send poor S into full tilt overload.... but hey, it might render M speechless, hmmmm, something for me to consider.....
I could wear my ball cap with the cat face on it, that has ears that stand up.... oh, I am about to get off on a tangent... will stop now, I can feel the 'silly' building....
love ya'll, be safe.... hugs
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Ladee...let me set the scene up for you, so u can truly appreciate wat i jst went thru in reading ur latest post....My 20yr old daughter lives at home (the only one that speaks to me...by the way) and she's a fitness instructor at our local gym. I hear she's quite tuff, but i've never taken any of her classes..who has that kind of time..right? Anyway..she wanted to show me one of the exercises that she does in her class that suppose to work the ab muscles.. Remember those??? lol So, still having "some" pride about my abilities, i tried this exercise to prove to myself, and her, that i still "got it"...It's called the plank, and i quickly came to realize that it is actually a position to induce intense pain n torture..So...i did i, anyway!!! She asked me if i could "feel the burn", n of course i said..Hell, no...mama's got this.....Well....guess wat...MAMA AIN'T GOT SH***!!!!!. After reading your post...I am now suffering from abdominal cramping....I'm beginning to see how this "laughter" thing affects me...I either piss on myself, or cramp up..dear God..wat's next!! I love ya, Ladee..gotta go ice my abs now..lol Painful hugs to u!
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well Bilmo, I'm sorry that this is eating at your soul.... I think most of us at one time or another, or still, hate our families. I have fine tuned turning hate into indifference, I always tell people they should be happy if I love them or hate them, because if I'm pushed to indifference, then it's all over.
One question tho, and you don't have to answer, but how much of these feelings could be grief for your mom???? I tend to pile a lot of things on my heart and head at one time and can't always tell what is what.. I just know I will pick one thing, one situation, one person and go with all those feelings,,,, just something to think about,,, and maybe a man on here can help you more, as we are women and will go straight for the " what are you FEELING".... but feel free to talk about this anyway if you need to.... it's just going to take time, and I'm not saying it will get better, but it will get 'different'... thinking of you... hugs
Beck, how brave of you to try planking, the only planking I do is lieing in bed... with a pillow and covers.... and the laughter helps those muscles too, so forget that ' do you feel the burn' crap.... the only thing that we have left that 'burns' is our short fuses..... so tell your well meaning daughter and your ego, we'll figure out another way to prove how we are ten foot tall and bullet proof ... Planking, what sadist thought that up anyway....I think we should start a fad of our own,,, 'slumping', I like that much better AND I can do it without 'the burn'....
Going to try and clean off another flat surface here... if it's flat , I pile shit on it....
hope everyone has a good day... smile at least once and find a minute to be good to yourself....
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O, Sh*t....Ladee....That post is going on my head stone someday!!!!!! You're a 1 woman show, wrapped up in "cow patties" hugs..but still painful..lol
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Bilmo..i'm sry you're feeling the way u r about ur sibs. Wat can u do, tho...u can't fix stupid...right?? Peace
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Bill: May I ask a personal question? How old are you? Can you or do you get Social Security? Maybe, even if you can, it will be a small amount. I'm just thinking that part of your stress with your sibs in your lack of funds which just make getting the trust settled so very important to you. I would feel the same way.

Can you qualify for any assistance? Food stamps, help with electric bills, phone, whatever. With your medical history, maybe disability? Can you call your older brother and ask if he can release funds from the checking account to pay utilities? Is anyone living in the house next door? Could you rent it to an older couple with references and do a credit check on them also as a condition of renting?

I'm just trying to think of ways to take financial stress off of you. I'm sure ladee is right that you still have grief from losing your mom, but you also need to live and your finances are so short. It really breaks my heart for you.

Love, Cattails
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UPDATE on DAD: Dad has still been coughing up blood since Thursday. So sis decides that he needs to go to the hospital today. I thought that they would never go. I just thought that they were going to back out of it again. Anyway the hospital took dad on back and done a ct scan and a chest x ray. And it showed a large pleural effusion. Dad had one before about a year ago and his lung dr drained the fluid off. Well the lung dr is gone for the holiday. So they are having him transported to charlotte hospital. (Carolina Medical) The dr that ran the tests told sis that the bleeding could be coming from the pleural effusion. So that is all i know right now. If any of ya'll know any more about this pleural effusion stuff let me know. I will be keeping ya'll updated as i get news from my sister. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Also today 8 years ago my mom passed away. I can't believe it's been 8 years without her. It's just kinda strange that all this is happening the same time that she passed away. Love ya'll stormyyy
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Omg stormy i hope they are helping u keeping a close eye on him and some form of a break for u hon...so sorry I havent said much lately but been busy here keeping prayers going.
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Thanks burned i really appreciate it. We have been worried about him. We just kinda thought it would stop like it has done in the past and it has stopped but it starts back up bleeding. I hope you are doing ok and getting some breaks from having to take care of the kids and hubby. I don't know how u have done it. You are a strong woman burned. Thank you for the prayers. I know we need them. I will be praying for you and your family. My love and hugs to you stormyyy
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stormy, sorry to hear about your dad.... please let us know what is going on when you hear something.... either Jam or Notlike will know the answer to your question,,, prayers for you and your family. Posted to you on FB, lost my mom in May also... hard month.... hugs to you....
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Thanks Ladee and bilmo- i will keep everyone updated.

Just wanted to let ya'll know that Dchurch's mom passed away wednesday nite. She had lung cancer. Hugs stormyyy
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Stormy..i will keep your dad in my prayers and i will b praying for you for continued strength. God Bless n many hugs..
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Bilmo...you certainly have valid reasons to feel HATE for the sibs. It saddens me that you are so unhappy. I suppose i could say all kinds of positive affirmations right about now, and quote Wayne Dyer (love him)..and tell you to look at the positives in your life, cuz i kno we all have them in some form..but the reality of the situation is this....there are jst those times in our lives where there are NO words to change the state of mind that we are in at any given moment. When i'm pissed..i'm jst pissed and everyone can go to hell. I'm having some strong feelings myself regarding my own kids, and i'm REALLY pissed about it. Sometimes, u jst have to let it out. I jst don't want this to consume u...living every day with such hatred and anger produces nothing but health problems...this i have learned first hand. I really can empathize with your situation..but i would like to say...as a complete outsider, and total stranger to you...judging from your posts..u seem to b a very intelligent n interesting man. Not many people can express themselves in writing so vividly. I'm not sure i'm getting anywhere here, but i guess wat i'm trying to convey to you is..as much energy and time as u put into feeling anger and hatred..put a little of that time into understanding that u matter, too. I don't even kno u, but ur postings really do matter to me and many others. If people didn't think you were worth it, u wouldnt b getting so many posts from people who are giving advice and trying to help. It all boils down to the fact that people out there want to see you find some happiness for urself n most of all...peace. Don't think that u don't deserve it, bcuz u certainly do. Be kind to urself once in awhile...it's ok. By the way...i'm so with u about the animals!! I hav a beautiful dog named Lily and she brings me such joy and after a difficult day with dad...she's my anchor. I completely get how u connect with those kittys!! That right there is something to smile about....right? Ok..i'm sure u will rake me over the coals for all this babble, so Bilmo...bring it on, cuz i really do enjoy your posts, so "thanku" for that. Peace my friend...
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Bill: People qualilfy for assistance all the time. Please take some time to call Social Services and explain your situation. You've been taking care of your mom and she recently passed. You couldn't work and take care of her too. You were a guitar player and now you have carpel tunnel and can't play professionally anymore. Your utilities are being turned off. You need retaining for the work force and some money to live in the meantime. And Bill, it's not unusual for a utility company to charge a deposit. The billing was in your mom's name before and she has a credit record with them. You are a new client and they will change a deposit, which will be refunded to you in the future. Not any help to you right now, but it's not personal.

Like Beck says, we all care about you and enjoy having your friendship.

Love, Cattails
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this is my first time comming here but I need to vent a bit. I'm feeling very guilty because my 78yo mom is in the hospital and she is having a very bad time of it. She had to be restrained today because she was fighting with the staff trying to leave. She is in there because she had very low sodium levels, to the point that they said she was close to starting to have convulsions, and the low levels caused her to lose her balance and fall while I was at the store picking up her medications. Tonight she was totally out of it thinking that she was at her moms farm and saying the people in the hospital were trying to steal her home and everything in it. Well I finally got a hold of my brothers and sister (I live with her they live several hours away) and I'm going to be looking into what needs to be done to put her in a home. I'm feeling guilty becuase I can't safely take care of her anymore and I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself. I'm so stressed that I've had to be put on blood pressure medications for the first time ever, I'm taking panic attack pills and I think I'm giving myself an ulser. I feel like I'm doing this all on my own and am feeling like I'm the bad guy in this.

My dad died when I was 9 and my mom has relied on me ever since. She has laid very big guilt trips on me to the point that I have never moved out of the house so thats making me feel like I'm letting her down while also feeling like my brothers and sister need to step up becuase I've taken care of her for the past 33 years. I am starting to resent and hate everyone because I feel like they get to have a life when I don't. I've never been in a relationship and at 42 will more than likely never have kids. So I feel as if I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
Well I think I've vented enough for now thanks for listening! I need to get some sleep now (hopefully).
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Billmo: Wow 3 below. That must have been a record. The coldest I've ever experienced here was 16 degrees. Sequim is on the Strait of Juan de Fuca and the marine influence is supposed to keep cold temperatures at bay..no pun intended. Actually, before we moved here, we read up on the weather and I believe it said lows rarely below 20 degrees. We use to visit all the time before moving here and all the locals said, "Oh we get snow, but only for one day and then it's gone....it's like a big local holiday." Well, we moved here in June 2004 and I couldn't wait for that day of snow. It came in January and it only lasted for one day (24 full hours) but we got 17 inches and it took a few weeks to melt. Haven't had that much snow since, maybe 6 to 8 inches, but we live at an elevation of 500 feet, not near as bad in the city proper snow wise. Average rain fall here is between 10 & 16 inches, kind of a sun belt for Washington. Doesn't sound bad, but you do get more drizzle days than rain days so sometimes it feels like it drizzles a lot. I lived in central ca for many years and I'm not a heat person so I don't miss that at all. This is beautiful country.
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And Bill: Thanks for saying you'll make a few calls on Tuesday. Don't get frustrated in the process. Give the folks you talk to a chance to get to know you, like we do. If you want to rip their heads off, do it here and not on the phone. Love Ya, Cattails
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Cougar: Love the name. How is your mom when her sodium level is normal? What are her other health issues. I can't blame you for wanting a life of your own. At 42 year old, you are entitled. Tell us more about your mom's health issues. Do you have POA for her and is she competent under normal circumstances.

Stay in touch, Cattails
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