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"HOW AM I DOING TODAY??"
i'm two seconds away from starting to cry!! today's a big day. my baby is graduating from high school. gma's got a doctor appt in a couple hours, thanks to my mother(who only thinks of herself) my niece and nephew are here from AZ but because they're alone in a house with no cable, no air conditioning and nothing to do next door at grandma's house they are bored and want to hang out with me or in my room.

my kid called and said graduation practice is over & needed to be picked up so i jumped in the shower and planned to drop gma off at the casino for one hour because according to her, i don't let her go any where and when i tell her "my plans" as we get in the car, gma says "no, the free dishes were suppose to have been picked up yesterday".

my niece's hair is a mess. my nephew is waving at me to unlock my bedroom door so he can use the internet. my kid is waiting outside at her school for me. my friend who i haven't talked to in a week is texting me to "meet him for lunch" and now i can't have a smoke because i only smoke when i'm by myself and its usually in the car.

and....did i mention my baby is graduating high school today??
i wish my dad was here. i miss my old man....

ok.... now i'm crying
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gmaandsam...first things first...Congratulations on your baby's graduation. What a wonderful moment for you, and, no doubt, very emotional.. I'm sry there's a tornado around u at a time that should be filled with happiness n excitement and much celebration. Try to keep ur focus where it needs to be..the celebration..becuz the moment will be jst a flash and it will be over. Everyone around you that are expecting things for themselves...well..they can wait till 2moro.
Don't let the selfishness of others take the day away...We can't b everywhere for everyone when THEY want us to be. We need to be with the one's that need us the most..and right now..it's your baby...Hang in there..Try n enjoy today, it will b a memory 2moro. Hope things get better...hugs to u and ur graduate..
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Sorry didnt even read any post just need to write my 10 year old has a ball game tonight I took advice from my new friends here hired a sitter .me and hubby going My SIL txt me last night and said she will be by to put a rinse on her moms hair today after work I said well you need to be here by 5 Told her why she txt back okay nop problem c u then....... I called the lady sitter she said no problem. I Just hope she comes UGH! Ill feel you all in later...
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Hi all...caught up on posts..just want you all to hang in there despite the chaos, stress physical pain, anxiety, anger ...we are all praying for each other ...

Dad seems a little better..

Love and hugs Vic
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thanks beckncali.... with a few hours to spare til graduation, i managed to get it all done except i find myself starving and waiting for a text from my lunch date who i hope doesn't cancel on me. you're right about staying focused on the celebration. this is a big time in her life, in my life too and she is my only child who has grown into a much better young adult than i was at her age. i'm so proud of her and although it hurts that my dad isn't able to spend this day celebrating with us in her big moment, i am glad and grateful to still have his mom, my grandma & my kid's great-grandma here with us on this day.. no matter how much the old grouchy lady upsets & frustrates me, i still love her with all my heart.

thanks again for your kind words.
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congrats to ur baby finishing high school and guess what we have today extreme heat advisory with bit of added humidity here in the desert except for my daughter everyone staying inside unless we absolutely have to go...were also seeing how long it takes for an egg to cook in 105 degree heat.
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gmaandsam...now your focused on wats important...your daughter. Enjoy the graduation and, again...congratulations. Hope you finally got smthing to eat..lol
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Ladee-You've found the perfect pillow! And I know just where you can place it, then push down real hard...LOL Hope your son's MRI goes well and you get good results. And hey, I've gotten strong enough to handle a hissy fit, thanks to you and everyone here. :) Yesterday's was easy. I have not provided enough info about getting her a new dentist (baloney), she wants to go to mine (over my dead body), and she has no interest in the flyers I brought home for local things to do because it's too much walking/parades make her cry/they have their Bible class outtings. And those were the reasons before she even looked at the info. (Too bad, so sad, go ahead and be boring if you want) See? I'm getting the hang of this! :):):):):)
tbailey-hope you had a great time at the game and the sitter worked out. Hugs.
gmandsam-Congrads to your baby! Hugs.
burned - so, how did the egg cooking thing go? It gets in the 90's here for a few days a year (we call it summer LOL) and I've always wanted to try that.
Wondering-First, please take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat as needed. I too live with a woman who refuses to accept reality and does not want to be happy (unless she's getting her own way all the time). I know how hard it is to be positive when the person you are around is so negative. Smile anyway. Then scream into a pillow. Count your blessings that you are not like that. My heart goes out to you. Come back and tell us more...laugh with us...find out how funny this adventure can be. In the meantime - hugs and more hugs.
Dad's doc thinks the C-pap is helping. I agree. His color is better, and he doesn't fall asleep in his chair as often. Yeah! Big discussion today was that Mom mentioned last month again about getting their own appartment. As lovely as that sounds, they cannot afford it. Especially when she gets sick again. And I don't want to have to run back and forth. So that's that. He also wanted to know how I will manage it when she is at the end. I was able to tell him hubby's and mine's plans for remodeling, and that were are working on it. Hoepfully put his mind at rest.
The gym was great! I might move there LOL. Did the treadmill, pilates class, and met with a trainer. Now, if I can just loose a bunch of weight before I don't have time to go anymore, all will be good. And hubby comes home for good tomorrow! Super Yeah!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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gmandsam, congrats to your daughter. What a proud moment for you... hope you didn't let everyone steal your joy... and I have found that if someone is told NO, the earth does not tilt on its axis...... and those kids, tell 'em to find somethig to do, you are not the cruise director and you can find them chores to do if not...... worked good with my kids and is working with my grandkids, amazing how fast they will find something to do.... hope you had an awesome time with your daughter.... come back and visit, as Jam says, we'll leave the light on for ya'...
Wondering, like Notlike suggested, breathe... I find myself holding my breath all the time, then wonder why I am tired all the time... guess taking care of two old folks and the kid with all the broken bones might contribute a tad to the tiredness too.... naaaa, they all think I'm Superwoman.... NOT.... come back and visit, light is left on for everyone.....
Notlike, glad you enjoyed the gym.....but I bet it helps with your stress level. on your feet all day at work, then coming home to Aunt Mom, yeah, but that's why I smoke.... no gym for me... cigs will do it for me.... and no lectures please.... it keeps me from killing people.... what ever it takes, right?
M didn't blow a gasket when I told her I would be off tomorrow.... will be glad to have a long weekend, even if part of it will be spent in the hospital with son tomorrow getting his MRI,,, we already know the Dr is going to do a complete rework of the knee..... I know my son is so ready for this to be over with.... he got an extention for his crutches to hold up his broken right arm... Monday the staples come out and hopefully it is healing well and he won't be feeling quite so hampered and can get around better..... helped him wash his hair tonight... he is so funny, had me laughing so hard I had to pee.... as I'm leaving, he opens one slat on the blind and all I could see was his eyes.... and he's yelling , "mama don't leave, mama, mama, please don't leave me here".... He's never called me mama, always mom, so that made it even more funny.... he's doing so much better than I ever would in the same situation....
Beck, hope you are feeling a little better today.... I'm sorry for your pain and grief.... it just hurts so bad sometimes, takes our breath away.....but the crying does help.... and then we do it all over again the next day... lots of love and hugs to you....
stormy, how is dad????
I know i forgot someone, sorry, been a long day.... love ya'll and hugs across the miles to you all...
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Vickie Vic, we are missing you..... love and hugs...
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the egg did fry some but most of it stuck to the asphalt...been having a hard day with my son tho and my husband still has his gander up on something. He still gets confused and his comprehension. There is no way out of it... i got pay off the govt still waiting on more advice etc...still trying to get the printer to print my taxes so i can mail them... plus i havent call home in awhile but too late in the evening now.
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Ladee: you forgot Cattails!!!!!!!!!!! You are an amazing woman and I am sending you white light. Glad your son has a new found sense of humor. Wish him the swiftest recovery. Hang in there. Love, Cattails
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notlikemom as I fiannley fall into bed after the wonderful game which rained whole game thank god I took my umbrella & my hubby went & daughters friend . I had a hoodie on and could of cared less. Rained so bad of corse they cancel the next game reason was field to wet!!!! ya think!! I got hugs from my daughters friends they all have pretty much been on same team since tball. where they havent seen me much & coach was talking about concessions & she said we need parents for Mon. She looked at me said her older girl had a late game so she would help & if I knew anyone that wanted to like a teenager but she knew I couldnt & not to mention has came & take my daughter who is 10 to all practices. which they drive right by our home in country to get to the little town like 2 miles from us..
ladee hold in there...
wondering sounds like were in alot of same issues...
couldnt of said it better better tommorrows...you didnt think i was going to vent .
ok sister n law txt said bringing mom food ...Brings her Giant BEAN Burritto...My MIL has had colostomy had it reversed in Feb. (REALLY)
HOPE its not a long night.....
Burned Im not going to trade the rain for heat ouch....
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after i post there are so many more I cant remb. very good & only 40 ....
Congrats on the graduation Hope you have a great time they grow up so fast..
night all...HUGS
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Ladee-He is feeling some better. I posted last night about what all they did at the hospital and what tests they ran. We should hear some results about what the fluid showed at his next drs appt which is june 6th. Much love and hugs to all. Stormyyy
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Hey Cattails, how was your day? Oh and my son doesn't have a new found sense of humor, he's always been goofy, that's why he didn't get into trouble when he was younger, he could make me laugh and forget what he was in trouble for....Not going to be anything quick about his recovery, but he's getting there... one more surgery and then hopefully he'll be done... He's been thru alot the last few months.... he'll be getting his daughter for a few weeks here soon, that will help him alot.... she is the love of his life... and mine too, but she's an awful lot like her Granny, much to my son's dismay,,, don't ya love Karma..... hugs...
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Hey Ladee: My day was pretty much the same. Feed my dad, wipe his butt, listen to babble....like this morning, I go to get him out of his chair to bring him to the kitchen for breakfast. I bring the walker over to him and he says, :"What's that?" Eh?
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Morning all..pray today is a good one. Dad stayed in bed most of the day yesterday..but seemed fairly alert when he finally got up. So another day in the life..
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Love ya Vickie Vic, know this is hard on you... but glad to hear dad is alert... as much as it hurts you to see him in bed, I'm sure he is more comfortable there... and in some ways a little easier to care for him... sending you lots of love and hugs.... you are always in my prayers.....
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Haven't been here in a while, but I wanted to say thanks for all the well-wishes that were sent my way during the past month. The burial cremony for my parents was touching...TAPS always tears us up.....short, and I managed to sing my mother's favorite rendition of The Lord's Prayer. Hubby got the phone call about his mom's stroke the day before the ceremony and we left for home the day after. We drove from Illinois to NC and then after a 2 and a half hour delay to shower and repack warmer clothes, we headed off to Bangor. ME. We made it in time, and all her children were at her bedside when she passed. Thanks again for your prayers.
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Seeme Sue, hope you get time to catch your breath... too much too soon... please take care of yourself.... and give hubby a big hug for me... I know he too is stretched to the limit.... sorry you didn't have more time with your own family....sending you hugs and prayers...
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Thanks, Ladee. The vultures have already come to land on our doorstep. It was just a matter of time............veiled threats, serious hurt feelings at division of property, things not moving fast enough......it's been barely 3 weeks!!!!! I hate family.......

The wrost of thins at the time was the smell of the place. Got to tell you this woman was a borderline hoarder.......mainly cause she only lived there 6 mos. out of a yr. With more time, she could have stacked things higher. It was 6 days befroe we found the packed box of frozen food she was planning to take to the ALF with her. By then, the raw fish fillets and shrimp had thawed. EEEEEEWWWWWW I literally gagged at that one. Not to mention the moldy carpet from the water leak that happened in April when hubby took her home. Every time I go there I come down with bronchitis from the biohazards I smell. I have to go outside and smoke a cig to get some fresh air!!! Sounds like a contradiction, but I kid you not, smelling and inhaling cig smoke is healthier than the conditions I lived in while there. I'll tell you all more about the stuff I found later..........
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I am just plain sad today. I went to see my Mom early after a night of unrest. I took my ipad and we struggled through some flash cards of pictures of food and she was to say the food. It was very tiring for her. Then bless her heart she sat in her wheelchair and tried to do her leg exercises which are very minimal. We sang a couple of children's songs ......and after less then 15-20 minutes she was exhausted. The simplest thing is so difficult for her. I came home but getting ready to go back and take her some lunch because the food at the skilled nursing facility (one of the better ones in our community) is horrible in my opinion. I can just hardly stand this - and my heart is breaking as I try to be upbeat for my dear sweet Mother. I pray that God give her some peace and take her home - this is no way for her to live.
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I am just plain sad today. I went to see my Mom early after a night of unrest. I took my ipad and we struggled through some flash cards of pictures of food and she was to say the food. It was very tiring for her. Then bless her heart she sat in her wheelchair and tried to do her leg exercises which are very minimal. We sang a couple of children's songs ......and after less then 15-20 minutes she was exhausted. The simplest thing is so difficult for her. I came home but getting ready to go back and take her some lunch because the food at the skilled nursing facility (one of the better ones in our community) is horrible in my opinion. I can just hardly stand this - and my heart is breaking as I try to be upbeat for my dear sweet Mother. I pray that God give her some peace and take her home - this is no way for her to live.
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I am very upset today, shaking in fact. As you guys might remember, Friday is my day to take care of my mother. She used to be so sweet. So I get in the house and right away she starts yelling, snapping, cussing, me out. I say, take it easy, and put my hands up in surrender. Then she further yells at me and says that I should stop fighting and that I am too sensitive. I tell her she is too harsh and she says she can be harsh in her own home if she wants to, and that is just her nature. Then she says I am too harsh!! All I said was good morning!! And I had tried to put the food away that was on the counter. You'd think I was an ax murderer! So she continues to yell at me and pick up my coat and say I am leaving. She continues to yell at me more and more. She sees that I am serious and then she says "oh for pete's sake she is sorry. By that time I am out the door and in my car.

She is 90 and has dementia and is trying to stay out of the NH. Sister won't let her have an meds for her mood. Sister usually says it is my fault that I can't get along with mom. I wonder if that is true.
Mom has alienated just about everyone. Was I wrong in leaving?
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No Brandy, you were not wrong in leaving... she needed to settle down, and you don't deserve to be yelled at.... sorry you sis doesn't see the need for behaviour meds, it's very selfish of her because your mom would have a better quality of life with them.... and if you sis won't agree to the meds then she may need to agree to a paid caregiver to come in on your day.... I'm sorry you are so upset, you didn't do anything but maybe next time when she starts, just walk outside for a little while, then come back in, if it continures,leave..... If she has laienaged everyone, then your sis will either have to agree to the meds or do the job herself... sending you hugs...
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Zannie, sorry things are so hard for your mom and for you to have to see it.... but how awesome that she is trying, apparently she hasn't given up, so try to honor her courage and stamina.... doesn't take your pain away I know, but she is still celebrating life.... in her own way.... hugs to you....
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Hi Jam, I know just how bpryor01 feels. I just left the VA Medical center herein Atlanta with my husband. Every time I leave that place every time with a headache. My husband had 3 strokes in 05 . He has frontal Dementia and ALZ. He also has seizure disorder. Now they think he has a heart problem. They also want to do sleep testing. Then he wants to sit there and argue about what I tell the Psy. Then she wants to adjust his medications. Why can't they leave well enough alone. If it aint broke don't fix it.
Times like this I just want to scream and run away. But then I would just have to turn around and come home (LOL) might as well try to laugh about it otherwise I would have to cry and there's been enough of the crying for both of us. Thanks for letting me vent. Wanda B.
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Wanda..love it..run away and turn right back around! Feel the same way! So frustrating some times.
Ladee did you guys get any news about MRI? Prob not but hope the journey to and for wasn't too bad for son.
Zaniness agree with Ladee...what a champ your mom is! Feel the same about my dad..I just try to make his days as pleasant as possible.
Brandy.. You did thebest thing for you
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Vic, we have an appt with Dr. Monday to have the staples taken out of his arm, so hopefully they will know something by then... he did ok, but got a wheel chair when we got there, easier....
we did have to set there for over two and half hours and he was hurting by the time they got to him.... I was the one getting impatient... I don't know, maybe that wreck knocked some nice into him.... not complaining tho...
Did want to share with ya'll, in the hospital , on the wall , was this huge net with cloth bows on it.... after got son settled I went back to see what it was... It was called a Prayer Net...on a little table there was an explanation about what it was, a basket with strips of cloth..... and you could tie a bow on the net and say a prayer... I put three, one for my son, one for all of you on AC and one for me...See I do think of ya'll all the time....
Wanda, we just learn to cry where we are, saves the energy of running and returning.... I am sorry things are so overwhelming for you. but we do understand, on any given day you will read about any one of us wanting to run away....but we don't.... even in Brandy's case, she left out of choice, she didn't run away......so come back and visit... we'll be here...
thanks vickie vic, I'll tell him you asked about him.... hugs across the miles to you all..
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