This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
i'm two seconds away from starting to cry!! today's a big day. my baby is graduating from high school. gma's got a doctor appt in a couple hours, thanks to my mother(who only thinks of herself) my niece and nephew are here from AZ but because they're alone in a house with no cable, no air conditioning and nothing to do next door at grandma's house they are bored and want to hang out with me or in my room.
my kid called and said graduation practice is over & needed to be picked up so i jumped in the shower and planned to drop gma off at the casino for one hour because according to her, i don't let her go any where and when i tell her "my plans" as we get in the car, gma says "no, the free dishes were suppose to have been picked up yesterday".
my niece's hair is a mess. my nephew is waving at me to unlock my bedroom door so he can use the internet. my kid is waiting outside at her school for me. my friend who i haven't talked to in a week is texting me to "meet him for lunch" and now i can't have a smoke because i only smoke when i'm by myself and its usually in the car.
and....did i mention my baby is graduating high school today??
i wish my dad was here. i miss my old man....
ok.... now i'm crying
Don't let the selfishness of others take the day away...We can't b everywhere for everyone when THEY want us to be. We need to be with the one's that need us the most..and right now..it's your baby...Hang in there..Try n enjoy today, it will b a memory 2moro. Hope things get better...hugs to u and ur graduate..
Dad seems a little better..
Love and hugs Vic
thanks again for your kind words.
tbailey-hope you had a great time at the game and the sitter worked out. Hugs.
gmandsam-Congrads to your baby! Hugs.
burned - so, how did the egg cooking thing go? It gets in the 90's here for a few days a year (we call it summer LOL) and I've always wanted to try that.
Wondering-First, please take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat as needed. I too live with a woman who refuses to accept reality and does not want to be happy (unless she's getting her own way all the time). I know how hard it is to be positive when the person you are around is so negative. Smile anyway. Then scream into a pillow. Count your blessings that you are not like that. My heart goes out to you. Come back and tell us more...laugh with us...find out how funny this adventure can be. In the meantime - hugs and more hugs.
Dad's doc thinks the C-pap is helping. I agree. His color is better, and he doesn't fall asleep in his chair as often. Yeah! Big discussion today was that Mom mentioned last month again about getting their own appartment. As lovely as that sounds, they cannot afford it. Especially when she gets sick again. And I don't want to have to run back and forth. So that's that. He also wanted to know how I will manage it when she is at the end. I was able to tell him hubby's and mine's plans for remodeling, and that were are working on it. Hoepfully put his mind at rest.
The gym was great! I might move there LOL. Did the treadmill, pilates class, and met with a trainer. Now, if I can just loose a bunch of weight before I don't have time to go anymore, all will be good. And hubby comes home for good tomorrow! Super Yeah!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Wondering, like Notlike suggested, breathe... I find myself holding my breath all the time, then wonder why I am tired all the time... guess taking care of two old folks and the kid with all the broken bones might contribute a tad to the tiredness too.... naaaa, they all think I'm Superwoman.... NOT.... come back and visit, light is left on for everyone.....
Notlike, glad you enjoyed the gym.....but I bet it helps with your stress level. on your feet all day at work, then coming home to Aunt Mom, yeah, but that's why I smoke.... no gym for me... cigs will do it for me.... and no lectures please.... it keeps me from killing people.... what ever it takes, right?
M didn't blow a gasket when I told her I would be off tomorrow.... will be glad to have a long weekend, even if part of it will be spent in the hospital with son tomorrow getting his MRI,,, we already know the Dr is going to do a complete rework of the knee..... I know my son is so ready for this to be over with.... he got an extention for his crutches to hold up his broken right arm... Monday the staples come out and hopefully it is healing well and he won't be feeling quite so hampered and can get around better..... helped him wash his hair tonight... he is so funny, had me laughing so hard I had to pee.... as I'm leaving, he opens one slat on the blind and all I could see was his eyes.... and he's yelling , "mama don't leave, mama, mama, please don't leave me here".... He's never called me mama, always mom, so that made it even more funny.... he's doing so much better than I ever would in the same situation....
Beck, hope you are feeling a little better today.... I'm sorry for your pain and grief.... it just hurts so bad sometimes, takes our breath away.....but the crying does help.... and then we do it all over again the next day... lots of love and hugs to you....
stormy, how is dad????
I know i forgot someone, sorry, been a long day.... love ya'll and hugs across the miles to you all...
ladee hold in there...
wondering sounds like were in alot of same issues...
couldnt of said it better better tommorrows...you didnt think i was going to vent .
ok sister n law txt said bringing mom food ...Brings her Giant BEAN Burritto...My MIL has had colostomy had it reversed in Feb. (REALLY)
HOPE its not a long night.....
Burned Im not going to trade the rain for heat ouch....
Congrats on the graduation Hope you have a great time they grow up so fast..
night all...HUGS
The wrost of thins at the time was the smell of the place. Got to tell you this woman was a borderline hoarder.......mainly cause she only lived there 6 mos. out of a yr. With more time, she could have stacked things higher. It was 6 days befroe we found the packed box of frozen food she was planning to take to the ALF with her. By then, the raw fish fillets and shrimp had thawed. EEEEEEWWWWWW I literally gagged at that one. Not to mention the moldy carpet from the water leak that happened in April when hubby took her home. Every time I go there I come down with bronchitis from the biohazards I smell. I have to go outside and smoke a cig to get some fresh air!!! Sounds like a contradiction, but I kid you not, smelling and inhaling cig smoke is healthier than the conditions I lived in while there. I'll tell you all more about the stuff I found later..........
She is 90 and has dementia and is trying to stay out of the NH. Sister won't let her have an meds for her mood. Sister usually says it is my fault that I can't get along with mom. I wonder if that is true.
Mom has alienated just about everyone. Was I wrong in leaving?
Times like this I just want to scream and run away. But then I would just have to turn around and come home (LOL) might as well try to laugh about it otherwise I would have to cry and there's been enough of the crying for both of us. Thanks for letting me vent. Wanda B.
Ladee did you guys get any news about MRI? Prob not but hope the journey to and for wasn't too bad for son.
Zaniness agree with Ladee...what a champ your mom is! Feel the same about my dad..I just try to make his days as pleasant as possible.
Brandy.. You did thebest thing for you
we did have to set there for over two and half hours and he was hurting by the time they got to him.... I was the one getting impatient... I don't know, maybe that wreck knocked some nice into him.... not complaining tho...
Did want to share with ya'll, in the hospital , on the wall , was this huge net with cloth bows on it.... after got son settled I went back to see what it was... It was called a Prayer Net...on a little table there was an explanation about what it was, a basket with strips of cloth..... and you could tie a bow on the net and say a prayer... I put three, one for my son, one for all of you on AC and one for me...See I do think of ya'll all the time....
Wanda, we just learn to cry where we are, saves the energy of running and returning.... I am sorry things are so overwhelming for you. but we do understand, on any given day you will read about any one of us wanting to run away....but we don't.... even in Brandy's case, she left out of choice, she didn't run away......so come back and visit... we'll be here...
thanks vickie vic, I'll tell him you asked about him.... hugs across the miles to you all..