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Welcome taytay........lucky you for getting a vacation! It doesn't sound like you have other family close to give you a break occasionally. Any friends who might want to pitch in and help? If not, maybe you could find a daily adult care center for Mom to start going to........any little bit of a break helps to rejuvenate your brain and then you're good to go again. Come back and visit with us....someone is always here.

Hope everyone is having a great day......sending thoughts your way!
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seemeride, I don't care to hang out with a bunch of folks drinking for there seem to be one of those that has to go too far. I only would go out about knee hi for I like my feet to be able to touch bottom n run if needed. : ) I love listen to the ocean sound n just sat back n relax of course not in the heat. Haven't seen the beach in 11 yrs.

Cmagnum, good for you for letting him know for you deserve that tax credit n some.

Bek, Welcome aboard. This site here has a lot of information as well like Cmagnum mention check it out.
I was getting a bit overwhlemed with info, that I made me a binder n put divider for things like, Alzheimer's, Home Care tips, financial programs, and Caregiver's Support etc. You should be able to find your own local Alzheimer's organization to pick or download information. You may be able to just go to this site n look around n put in your state for Alzheimer's (AD) information. alz.org
There is a book that someone had mention n it is like another bible in our house for it really explains a lot of stuff. The 36 Hour-Day by, Peter Rabins. You may be able to get it free from your local Alzheimer's association. Try to remember that it is the disease n not your mom, sometimes. : ) Learn what works for both of you helps a lot too n try not let the little things bother you. Last but not least, the people here r great for support for I have no idea what or where I would be by now n my journey has just begun too. hang on for the ride n go with the flow.

Everyone, I had baked a sweet potato in my microwave n I heard bang! sweet potato everywhere n the smell was just gautley aweful!!! I have tried cleaning it out with vingar n water and Mr. 409 and it still stinks!! Does anyone have any suggestion please n this is day 3 n still stinking....
I am going to try n go to that caregiver conference tomorrow while hubby watches his mom. Supposely, Peter Rabins is going to be their to speak. It seems like it will be a all day thing from 9-4pm. I better take me a pen n paper to take notes. I hope it will be worth it going to this conference.

Ladee, We got tons of rain today that I thought I heard my dried-up-crackling grass was singing for joy.
Everyone have a nice night.
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Welcome newcomers- I'm sure you are going to love it here!!!
Just a drive by to let ya'll know that sis talked to the lady at the hospital that does the scheduling for the thoracentesis and she told sis that they had the ct scan report and that it looked like dad was going to have to come in tomorrow at 12 to have the thoracentesis done. So i guess they were kinda waiting to get the results of that back before scheduling the procedure. So maybe in a few days we will hear something.
On a happier note- My baby is graduating from daycare tomorrow night. The daycare is having a ceremony for the kids at 7:00. I'm probably going to be balling my eyes out. I can't believe my baby is going to be starting school in aug. Where does the time go? Plus i love his daycare and all the teachers and parents there, everyone is so nice. And they have been so good to connor and with helping him learn so many things these last two years. I don't know who is going to miss them more ME or CONNOR. lol. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Stormy, I hope everything turns out for the best for your dad. Y'all r in my prayers. Meanwhile, I can almost feel your excitement about Connor graduation n going to be going to a school. Will he be in Kindergarten or first grade? Take you lots of happy crying tissue for the graduation.
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Thanks lil deb. I appreciate you thinking about me. Connor will be in Kindergarten this year. And yes i will have to carry alot of tissues tomorrow night. But i am excited for him and to get to see what they have planned for us parents. Love and hugs stormyyy
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I'm pretty new to this site...just spent lots of time reading others posts. Is it wrong to say that Im happy there are others out there that are going threw same situations?? None of my friends truly understand what me and my mom go threw caring for my grandmother. I was the caregiver for years, now mom does it. Grandma is currently in the hospital {since saturday}, late stage dementia, had several falls a few days ago and complaining of severe pain. {we found out at the hospital she has a severe infection on her arm and hand that is being treated now with IV antibiotics}..all I know is, whenever the hospital discharges her, she cannot go back to live with my mom, mom just cannot mentally and physically handle it. What truly fustrates me the most is, upon speaking with a social worker at the hospital about what to do do next, I was given sooo little advise and help. All anyone can tell me was move her to a facility for 6 grand a month. So I have till Friday to help mom find a place for grandma. {I start a full time job on monday so I wont be any help}. It is so fustrating to get help sometimes. The doctor wants to recommend hospice care, but so far all I am hitting are brick walls when I try to get information about it. Ive spent hours searching online and will make tons of calls tomarrow. For now, a bit of my own therapy...baking...I love baking, it takes my mind off everything, I wish I could send a cupcake to every caregiver on this site, just so you know, there are still sweet things out there :)....thanks for letting me vent for a minute....I feel better....love this site :)
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JoJo: Go to medicare.gov. At the top of the page you will see some headers. One is called Resource Locator. Click on it and you will get a pull down menu. Click on Nursing Homes Compare. You can put in your zip code and a mile radius and the system will list all nursing homes within that mile radius. They are rated, based on Medicare inspections, on a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being the lowest. There are several categories; staff ratio, quality control and another, all individually rated and then an over all rating. You can read about any complaints, deficiencies that were found during inspection, etc. I don't remember if Hospice facilities are listed, but check the site and see.

Also, you say the doctor wants to recommend Hospice care. Is this in home care that he is thinking of or in a facility. I doubt your mom would do well with in home care as it is not 24/7 at home.

This may be the time when you need to tell the Social Worker that you need and expect more help for her. Same with the doctor. They should be helping you and your Grandmother, not leaving you to fend for yourselves. Kick some butt.

You are an amazing Granddaughter. Stay in touch with us. Sending you lots of love and best wishes. Cattails.
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thanks Cattails...I am going to check out that site....for the Hospice care, I want to look for a facility because I start a full time job on Monday and mom also needs to {and wants to} work, so home care is not an option, even with help, my mom cant do it. She has been doing it on her own for almost 3 years then I moved closer to help last year. With grandma's dementia only getting worse, its just too much. My mom gets injured every time she helps grandma get up. She cannot dress her and even when she tries to help her walk from one place to another something always happens. not to mention the constant screaming, its making my mom loose her mind. On the really bad days, when mom gives her medication to keep her calm, well its making it worse {she gets too dissoriented and is just dead weight}
I will be kicking some butt when I go up to the hospital later on today...thanks :)
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Thank you for the suggestions Jam! I appreciate them very much.

I just started reading these posts and thought, Wow, other people feel the same as me and have the same frustrations. Maybe it isn't just my inability to cope with the situation!

Thank you all for listening and big hugs to all of you. What we do it hard!!!
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I need some opinions here.......agree with me or not........I really need to know how others might view this matter with sibs-in-law:

My mil dies a month ago today. The only daughter went with one brother to order flowers for the funeral. When the total bill came to $475.00, they didn't have the money, so they charged it to my hubby. OK. I paid the bill when it came the next week to my home, and I paid it from our "operating" account. Our part was $70. I figured out what everyone owed and sent an itemized list to all sibs 3 weeks ago. I have only been paid by one. I am still out-of-pocket over $200. Is it wrong of me to want payment from them before I see them in July? I could get paid from my hubby out of mil's acct, but I don't feel right about mil paying for her own flowers at her funeral. Any thoughts would be appreciated...........
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Taytay and JoJo.....welcome to the thread......and, no, you are not alone. Unfortunately, caregiving doesn't seem to lend itself to original thoughts.....we have all had the same thoughts at one time or another on this journey. From the beginning to the end, I have felt every emotion expressed on this site and on this thread.......love, hate, depression, wishes for death, sadness it happened, anger it happened, been through hospice, angry sibs, ignored sibs, me being ignored.....got a good doctor, some bad ones, sat in ERs, doctor's appts here and out of town..........my specialty seems to be poop, but I learned how to cath. I've cleaned disgusting messes, but found out I can't handle suctioning. I've changed ostomy bags and bandaged open skin tears, but I can't poke a Q-tip in a hematoma. If you gag, I'm gagging with you. Whatever you need, someone will be here for you. These girls and guys are our lifesavers..............in all the flavors, you are bound to get one you really like!!! Hang in there and hang with us.............later.
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Welcome Taytay and Jojo! I'm also new to this site in June. Most of what Seeme said is true. Caregiving is a constant learning curve and a LOT of the unknowns. I used to gag changing mom's pampers and the mess it made on the restroom floor. I used to gag when I was forced to learn to clean her trache tube (that hole on the throat)..I still can't stand it. I used to be grossed out cleaning her stomache feeding tube (red, bloody, yucky gross stuff coming out of the hole) - This I have a hard time not throwing up. Her stomache tube was accidently pulled out by the social service caregiver. We all tried to put it back in the hole but we were all too grossed out to even do it. So, we called 911 and went to the ER. ER doctor says that I can do it next time, and instead of Showing me how to do it, he Explains it. Anyway, doesn't matter. That thing pops out, I am going to take her to the ER...I don't care if it's $200 roundtrip for the ambulance. But, everyone here are experienced and give very good, practical advice. And they're funny too! So,when you feel down, or alone, just come back here and read, comment, vent.
Hope all goes well. Take care.
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Seeme, regarding your question about splitting the cost of the flowers. I totally agree with you. BUT, collecting it is a different story. We are land rich (but money poor.) Grandma (deceased now) forced my dad to give us 8 kids one land -not subdivided. The land tax is only $288/year, divide it by 8 of us = $36 each. It NEVER fails that 2 or 3 will not or refuses to pay for their portion. It's only $36.00! And out of us 8, my oldest sis is unemployed and I'm the only one making the lowest paycheck (only $23,000/year). All other siblings are in government or federal jobs. Those who don't pay, I have to cover it! It just makes me so angry every year...basically the same people. So, you can try to collect again and explain that with added financial burdens as a caregiver, you will really appreciate it if they can pay their portion. (Doesn't work for me but it might for you.) Later! It's 12:20am and I really need to hit the bed.
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Of course they need to pay their part, or it can come out of their final settlement with the will... you or mike neither one should even be haivng to be stressed over this.... I hate families.... mine and his,...maybe if YOU call them... they can hemhaw with Mike, and he doesn't need the added stress... but at the same time you may have to pick your battles....as time goes on you'll have to see if it's worth the stress or the hassle... and I think saying she shouldn't have to pay for her own flowers would do the trick... hopefully....tell Mike I love him and he's in my prayers, you know you always are, but may need to let you know too... LOVE YA SEEME SUE....
Welcome to all the new posters...have a broken son I need to go tend to, will try to get back on later.... hugs across the miles... oh and Stormy, post pics on FB of Conner's graduation.....
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Lildeb-try burning some toast. Really. Then put it in the micro for a bit. Burnt toast removes the worst smells. nurse's aides burn toast and walk down the halls with it sometimes when things smell awful. Sounds weird, but it works.
Stormy - oh, you proud Mama! Congrads to Connor. At the high school grad party I was at this weekend, they had a picture frame with side by side pics of the grad girl at her first graduation (kindergarten) and then high school. It was really neat. Something to think about...
seeme-I'd mail them dead flower petals with the bill. Hugs.
Ladee-How is your son doing? Any more word on his leg? Hugs.
Hello to the new posters. Welcome! This is a great group full of people who are also on your path. We help each other because we have all walked in the same shoes. Blessings and hugs to you.
It was interesting to hear Mom talk to her new primary doctor. She was "asked" to live with my sister, but "had" to come here to live with me. That explains a few things. Mom tried hard to piss the doctor off...didn't acknowledge her right away, wouldn't fill out all the forms, ect. But the doctor handled her like a pro. Now Mom likes her. Doc must have seen me rolling my eyes a few times. Whoops. And Mom bought me a donut I don't even like much for when I got home from the gym last night. Such good bakery, she said, as she opened the bag in front of me to smell it. See why I go to the gym??? Best of all, she told me she ate the first onion from the garden. That would be because she did so much hard work to make the garden, right???
Okay, enough venting. What was really hard was seeing both their diagnosis written in black and white on the FMLA forms the doctors filled out for me. Especially the kidney disease for my Dad. Since those are the patients I work with during the day.
I want a caregiver t-shirt, too! We could make a fortune! :) LOL
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Hey ya'll i just wanted to let ya know that connor's graduation went really good. Connor had to talk about space and name all the planets, the kids sang songs that they had learned and said the lord's prayer. They all did great!!! I was so proud of him. I think he was even proud of himself.
Well i wanted to let ya'll know that dad did have more fluid on his lungs, they removed a liter and said that they could've removed more but they didn't. And it has only been 2 weeks since they took off 2 liters of fluid then. Sis said that the dr let her look at the fluid and she said that it was dark yellow, like urine. The dr told sis that he would call her in a day or two and give her the results. Also he is going to get dad a newer appt for next week . So maybe we will hear something in a day or so. Well i have got to hit the hay, getting sleepy, but i will talk with ya'll tomorrow. Love and hugs stormyyyy
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Stormy: Three cheers for Connor!!!! What a blessing that child is. I am so happy you have his young life and accomplishments in your midst. I'm sorry about your dad, Stormy. I've been reading the posts and waiting to hear what the doctor's finally come up with.

You have the benefit of having Connor in your life. He is life; young and new in all it's glory and achievements. You have the great benefit of seeing life in the form of your precious son and, on the other side of the scale, you have your dad and, most of all your sis who has put so many eggs in the basket of keeping your dad alive.

You have a contrast that your sis doesn't have. You have a grounding force in Connor; a way to see a new tomorrow.

I am grateful that you have been given this special gift that Connor is and the years you have ahead of you to focus on his growing into a young man.

When your dad passes, I hope there will be some way to bring your sis into the world of the living; the one you live in. I hope you can be there for her grief, like she has been there for your dad. I don't know if it is possible to reach her, but in a normal life, I hope she would have been happy to share this special graduation time with you. Maybe not now, but hopefully in the future.

Much love to you, Stormy. I am so happy for your wonderful day with Connor. Hugs, Cattails
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Hi all..welcome to new posters. Have been keeping up but kmow I will miss someone. Linden..I usually use baking soda.with water and turn microwave on for one minute. It usually does the trick.
Stormy so happy for Conner..and a praying for you sis and dad.
Seeme..have a similar story like bookworm..but when billys parents died..there are 9 all together. The 2 youngest couldn't count they didn't work.. So we divided everything up but of course we never got balances owed from some. Like the dead petals with the invoice. And also the reduction of monies at the end. It is just not right how some folks are..sad they were all raised the same but turned out so very different.love you seeme sue!!
Notlike know how you must be feeling with words in black and white..slap in the face even though you knew makes things final somehow.
The hospice company that started with us last week seems great. Over the weekend dad fazed out Bp high and heart rate high.. Finally came round..nurse came out and by that time vitals were good. Think he had a TIA but it was different than ones I had seen before. He is more confused but he can still feed himself which is good for him. We had a quiet night last night no talk of eggs or needing to go to school...will see what the day brings.
Love and prayers to all
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YeHa for Conner, you do realize don't you Stormy that whether or not Conner knows it, he has a wagon load of Granny's and Aunties here..... and an Uncle or two... can't wait to see the pics....
Bad storm here last night,much needed rain tho... I have so much foil and crap on my windows to keep out the heat, I never have to worry about aliens... so will access the weather when I leave for work... hugs to everyone... overslept, my energizer bunny is about kaput....... hugs to everyone....more this evening...
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Good morning! Welcome to new posters....hope you find a home here as there are some wonderful care givers with lots of information and support to share.

seeme.....if it were me when it came to sending the sibs their "share" I would withhold the cost of the flowers. Otherwise you won't get it. Either way it's probably going to cause some anger. I guess you could look at it that the money is no longer your mil's.....but I know...it's the principle of the thing. It's not like they couldn't ask the cost before ordering to make sure it was affordable. When my sibs pulled their little stunt when my mom passed away at least they were wise enough not to expect anything from me!

Today is the col's birthday......88 years young! Will go spend some time with her later. She will get to wear a birthday crown today and the NH will do something special for her.

Hope everyone has a day filled with something good and not just the burden of care giving.
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JoJo, I am sorry your grandma is in her late stages of AD n I hope you r able to get some help with the Medicare website that Cattail talked about. Sending you a prayer to help give you n your mom strenght n remember you can only do so much n you need to live your own life. What a wonderful your grandma has for helping her through this disease.

Taytay52, welcome to this board for we all know how we can have difficult days, hours or even minuets yet also, we have some good ones too. Just try to remember that it is the illness n not the person. Even at the Caregiver conference spoke about how it is a very hard n challenging job n that we as caregivers have to take time out for ourselves even if it is only One hr a day. For when we n just like any other caregiver thats working at NH facilities can become 'Burn-outs' n then, what good r we to the person who has no control of the disease. Remember that 'Humor" can be very healthy for you n laughter too. Try to find some humor while taking care of someone. Most of all, we have to take care of ourselves first so that we can continue to give 'good' care for our love ones.

Seemeride, how r you holding up beside the money situation for the funeral? As for the money of one absentee paying, you may want to call n see if they r going to be able to help pay for the cost when they come up in July? If you think it will start a mess, I personally would let it go for its not worth the fuss between relatives n its not worth getting sick over. I would just say, "do what you think best for you only truly know your family situation." Good Luck n sorry for your lose.

Stormy, I bet you will be taking lots of pictures of Connor graduation n too bad u can post one for all of us to see. Give him a big ole hug from all of us n tell him we our proud of him too.
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Well, hell i lost my post that i was writing to all of ya'll and i don't have time to do it again so i will be posting to ya'll tonight. Thank you all for the congratulations to connor bug!!!! It was a special event for us all. Love all of ya'll. stormyyy
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I Need a second job 4 real but things have slowed down and i need some more ideas to generate some money and i also have an estore run by amazon called mommangamchile-20 feel free to look around...semi desperate for anything lol...tomorrow is hubby's appt so wish us luck i get to argue with him on having a bath tonight.
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How am I doing? I am ready for the rubber room. Not sleeping well, shaky, in pain, not knowing what is going on with my mother and what will happen to her, going to the nearest big town for a medical test and being on pins and needles about the outcome of the test. Dealing with husband's dementia and also my mother's dementia. Today I just felt awful.
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Stormy, I see I am not the only one that gets it all type up n then, 'kapooie,' it is all gone.

Burned, Good luck on the bath time. I had forgot all about the mnl Monday bath. Can I get fired? pretty please. ; )
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Lots of hugs to you Brandy... I am sorry things are so overwhelming and too many unanswered questions.... You have too much on your plate. Is anyone available to help you? Are you able to go be with your mom for tests, and what do you think is wrong, and who will stay with hubby? Sorry for all the questions and don't answer if you don't want to.... just worried about you.... prayers for answers for mom and hope you get a break soon... Let us know when you find out something... hugs and angels to you.....
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lildeb, your fired!!!! I know that doesn't mean a thing, but thought you may still want to hear it....lol
I wanted to share why I feel it is so important to always allow an Alz charge their dignity.... S is in a serious decline as I have shared with ya'll and the other night he had two "wetting" accidents.... when M was going on and on about it, I looked at S's face. what I saw was embarrasement, he was hanging his head..... with my voice like stone, I said to M, IF he could do it different, he would.... then took S's hand we walked into the kitchen to get him some juice..... he held on to my hand and said, " thank you, I am so embarrassed....." I gave him a huge hug and told him how much I love him, how much fun I have with him, how I look forward to seeing him... so my point is, even when we may think they are on the final journey to what this damned disease can do to the human mind and body, there is STILL the person in there... S hasn't had a really lucid moment in a couple of weeks... but he knew he was feeling shame and embarrassement..... and he needed reassurance, to know he would do it different if he could, that no matter what he is loved and appreciated....
I HATE this disease, with a passion.......
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Ladee you are so good with S-I am sure he knows how good you are with him-and he was comfortable with you to express his feelings M sounds like a real bitch.
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Ladee, I was touched reading your comment about your dad. I wished at least one of my parents could have been loving. But, you can't change the past. I was so proud of you and how you handled it. Of course, I would have embarrassed him more and said to M to watch what she's saying, etc.then end up having a shouting match. I reflected what you did...and..I think I will need to work on my temper before I could ever remember to do what you did by taking S to the kitchen for TLC.

Although mom was very violent, she did have her docile side - very rare, though. We would give her a doll to calm her down. She would cradle it. I have a photo of her holding the doll and laughing, wearing a knitted cap made by older sis. Anyway, I keep that photo framed and hung in my bedroom wall. This is the mom that I want to remember - not the scary, violent one or the now unresponsive one.
I think out of my whole family, I'm the only one who have a framed photo of her.

But, back to the lucid moment that S displayed. Years after mom stopped talking, responding or looking at us, she always had this blank stare. One day at the hospital, we kids were all in her room surrounding her bed and just talking like sis/bros do. My bro had a shocked/scared look while staring at mom. We all looked at her. For the first time in Years, her eyes were Not Vague or unfocused. She had intelligence in those eyes and she was staring at my oldest brother.

See, I told you, even mom thought Dear Brother should be taking care of her. You see, he is her Favorite Son. The irony is that when I was in middle school, I had caught her looking at me with such hatred in her eyes. I'm now caring for her..while Dear Favorite Son who lives next door rarely visits - not even this past Mother's Day. I wonder if he had that look of fear because he knew he was suppose to be caring for her? Or something like that? Since then, like you said Ladee, there is Still the Person in There. So, I try to talk to her normally. Have to go now. Time to change pampers, clean tube and ...wash the few plates I didn't wash after dinner. Hugs...
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Yeah Austin she is, and granted she has her own health issues... but she will never go lay down for a little while when I am there, she won't let me do anything for her, she gets S to help her, so then she gets frustrated because he doesn't understand what she wants.... I go in anyway.... and send S to the other room.... I am getting to where I speak up when she gets on one of her rants.... all she does is sit in that chair and dictate.... there is a part of me that feels compassion for how miserable she is, but I also will stand up for S and myself when she gets going on one of her tirades....I have noticed bruises on his wrists , like someone was holding him too tight, and scratches on his eyelid and underneath... he may be doing this to himself somehow, but I ALWAYS show them to her, and ask her about them.... partly because I don't want her accusing me of anything..... she would in a heartbeat... it exhausts me covering my ass all day with her.... because if something goes wrong, it's me that did it.... like the Tv episode.... I was so angry I raised my voice to her..... so that is why I say often PAID caregivers are NOT ROBOTS.... and yes I love my little Sman.... but nothing I can do about the times I am not there.... very frustrating....
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