This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I am stuck in a vicious circle of in laws, paperwork and phone calls daily concerning mil's business. Had a talk with sil yesterday and told her I was pissed about the flowers. She apologized and said the check will be in the mail.....we'll see. We asked her to pick out the flooring to be replaced and she threw it back at me.........just sent her another email putting the ball back in her court. Don't ask to help if you can't make a decision. I don't sound very sympathetic, do I ???? I will next tell her that NO decision is the wrong one. I'm tired of walking on eggshells, but the walk just started and I can't give up yet. I can't wait till my puppies get here. Sometimes I just hate people.....oops, I guess someone woke up crabby today.............
Yesterday sucked. Not from caregiving so much as other stuff. I'm sure you don't want details, but suffice to say I was very sad and depressed on top of that.
I should have clicked on your name to get your backgroud...actually I did but I forgot. Lately, I've been very forgetful. It's driving me crazy. I microwave food, it dings, I open the refrigerator to take the food out. This have been happening a lot lately. Sometimes, I just stand there staring into space because I forgot what I was going to do. I sure hope it's not Alz but just a Lot of Stress and lack of sleep.
And to all of us caregivers, kudos to us! We don't get appreciated or rewarded enough. I'm feeling a bit better today. Some days I feel down and just don't want to associate with anyone. So, I just surf the site and see what's up.
Respite Social worker visited on Tuesday. Dad's blood pressure went up. I told dad no more "lazy" meals. From now on, we cut back the amount of food, eat more veggies,fruits and less meat. He says his health is fine. So he can eat whatever he wants. Lately, he's been touching inside his pamper. It's frustrating because it's "the handwriting on the wall" that as he becomes more senile, he will be making Awful Messes. Twice, I told him to quit touching inside his pamper. He said he's not doing it. I show him the pamper with some of his pooh on the front top. He gets angry and said that he didn't do it. Someone else did it. I told him that it's night time, no-one's here to touch it but him. I dropped it because he was getting really angry that I'm accusing him Sigh...
I think I'm allergic to changing their pampers. If they're soaking, I will keep sneezing. My nose gets all stuffed up and I start sniveling. Too bad I can't quit this caregiving responsibility due to it being hazardous to my health...Later....
tbailey.........enjoy the quiet while you can.........it never lasts....:)
We still have not heard anything from the doctor, and now i am wondering if i heard sis wrong on what she said the other day. I thought she said that the dr would call us with the results of the thoracentesis. And i got to thinking that they have never called us with results of this before so i asked sis today if she had heard from the dr and she said no that he said that he would call with the new appt time. Do dr normally call with tests results? Should i try calling his nurse? This waiting around is for the birds.......... Love and hugs stormyyy
As far as things to help me, I take vitamins and supplements. We eat fruits and vegetables as often as we can. It helps somewhat. Thanks for the hugs.
Today was better for me than yesterday, but I'm exhausted now. I can't seem to get on here til end of day when I'm wiped out. I know my mother is going downhill and I seem to be suffering from "anticipatory grief" but my worries are about me. As in, "how can I manage when no one is buying my art?!" (I'm a self-representing artist). How am I going to keep us in the house, fed, clothed, heated in the winter, etc, etc, etc.
I am lucky though that my mother is still a sweet person and never gets abusive. Only occasionally cranky and very rarely stubborn. But who of us does not? And besides, I know everything must be so frightening for her now.
Ladee - we love you! And you can call me anything you want, except late for dinner! LOL
So very tired. Work has been really busy, and going to the gym is fun but makes me tired, too. I am glad I'm able to get there though, and have some time to myself.
Mom thinks she has a UTI. She made herself an appointment for tomorrow. I'm glad she is able to do things for herself, but I think it will just be that much harder when she can't anymore. It's a fine line going between doing for her and letting her do for herself. At least she told me about it.
Stormy - call the nurse. At least she can tell you how to get the results. Hugs.
Vic-I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts. I know it's hard to keep on doing what you're doing, and watching your Dad decline. You are so important to your parents, and a good example to me. Bless you!
My Rebel dog gets worse each day. Now he won't take treats except for Barkin Bacon, and would barely eat the ice cubes Mom crushed up for him. I don't think it will be too much longer. But he has this sweet look on his face, like he's amused with us. I hope he is remembering happier days.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
I am so sorry about your dog being sick; they are like part of the family. Hugs.
Vic and lil deb- hope you both are doing ok. Thanks again for congratulating connor on his graduation the other night. He is my lil man. I love him to pieces.
Ladee- Love you girlie. So you want to be a auntie or a granny???? lol.
Cattails- thank you for your post the other day. Connor is definitely a blessing to me. He is the reason i am still here and not completely insane, YET.......... He is my lil rock. Sis did go to his graduation the other night. I'm glad she went to see him in all his glory.lol I think back on 2 years ago how things were so different between me and her. We are still close but it is different somehow, maybe not as close. I know that she made a decision a long time ago to step up and take care of mom or dad which ever one needed it. But i think she thought it would be mom because she was the one with the congestive heart failure. But mom was active and was able to look after her self and then she died very suddenly. I think my sister just never thought that we would be looking after dad and i didn't either. I know this sounds terrible but i am ready to get on with my life with my family without having to be consumed by caregiving. Don't get me wrong, i love my dad and i hate that he is going through all of this and i see that his breathing is getting worse and will probably continue to get worse. Sis i know is tired of this she has got to be, plus her not being able to go home but once a week. She will be the worse one out of the three of us if dad dies. I will be there for her to help her through the grief. I still believe she is living in a fantasy world that dad is not getting better. I think she would be content not to know the results of dads tests because she is in denial and doesn't want to face it. Well i better get to bed, thanks again Love and Hugs to you stormyy
I think your dad will likely pass soon. The test results will come, but the writing is pretty much on the wall. His quality of life seems so limited. I pray for his peaceful passing. I hope your sis can get into some counseling after your dad is gone. She is going to need help stepping back into a life of her own. Be prepared that she may have some anger and difficultly with the transition. Don't take it personal and try to relieve her sadness by acknowledging her dedication. You will probably need to do this often because she will need it, but then you can turn your gaze to Conner and let the light flood into your life. It will be a good balance.
Wanted to say more to others, but Dad needs to use the bathroom so got to go for now. Hugs to all, Cattails
Notlike: I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Rebel. I love, love, love my dogs and I have lost 2 very special ones. Both were like my soul mates although they were night and day from each other. Still, they had a lot in common. A love and loyalty; a way of making you feel whole when you felt you were in pieces. They would make my heart swell with love for them. I miss them both so much, but I am so grateful I got to have them in my life. What a blessing they were. I often hear people say that losing their pet was so painful that they could never have another. My Kate was with me for almost 11 years. When she passed away it was the worst. My husband and I were heart sick. But then I met a friend for lunch one day. She was big time into dog rescue and was up to her eyeballs in foster dogs. She had this one, cattle dog, border collie mix, sitting in the front seat of her car when we met for lunch. It was recovering from leg surgery and it went home with me that day. That was my Sky dog. She was so amazing. She was 5 when we got her and passed away last September from cancer. She was 10 years old at the time and I felt so cheated. She was so strong and I would thought she would have made it to 15 years for sure. We lost her a month before we brought my dad home from rehab to live with us. I don't feel I've ever really had a chance to grieve loosing her as it has been night and day with my dad since last July.
Anyway, I don't mean to go on about our pets, but they are such special members of the family. Please give Rebel a hug and kiss for me. He'll be in good company in the afterlife.
Hugs, Cattails
Just a thought with Sman n M that, she may be getting frustrated or jealous n she may be causing some of the bruising like on his wrist n he may be doing himself on the face out of frustration?
btw, That felt very good for a moment to be fired, thanks. ; )
We had to bury grandma kitty yesterday for she was probable in her 90's in human life. I had to get hubby to get her from underneath the car for she is mostly an outdoor cat. She had ants on her, this was before she passed. I tried to get her take water twice from eye dropper n she wasn't having it. I then got the little pest ass ants off her about 10 of them damn thangs! I wrap her up n brought her inside out of the heat n wipe her with a cool wet rag n put her in a huge dog cage. She was not in any pain, just I guess it was her time to go any day. I hesitated to tell mnl but she had already saw her. Hubby didn't won't his mom back their but I felt she needed to say her good-byes for it was part her cat. That cat would walk with her across the street when the mnl live over in the other house. She even walk with her down the street like a little dog when mnl use to walk up the block with no complaints. So, I let her go back to say her goodbyes. I done what I thought was best for even though she has moderate AD she is a Human being n has Feelings too. I explained it to hubby n not sure if he understood or if he was worry she going to flip out. I wouldn't had done it if I even thought that would happen. Mnl did very good back their n cried as I cried with her n I told her she was not in any pain that it was just her time to go for she is a very old kitty. She understood n I took her out of the room. Hubby n I would check on her n I would continue to wet a little rag on her n had a fan going lightly n some shaded area if she needed it. Took mnl out of the house to get her mind off of her old kitty n when we got back she was gone to pet- heaven. Neither one of us said anything to her n I am not unless she asked abour her, for she said her good bye's yesterdayn I don't won't to upset the mnl too much. We buried her in backyard with her little blankey without mnl even knowning late yesterday. She lived a great life n she was not in any pain n now she is in kitty heaven.
Well, I got to go give my two indoor kitty's some big hugs n remember to appreciate every day you have for nothing last forever.
-Diane Ackerman
"One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing", 2011