The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Hello there I just wanted to say that I can relate to your story and its my mom not a mother in law but no less its all same. We just have to hang in there and take care of yourself and do what you can do. A little bit about me My mom is 94 years old wears a colostomy pouch and has diabetes and dementia and does not hear to good she has hearing aides but only will wear 1. I wear ALL the hats in this house and some days are good and others are well not so good she will start talking about when she will die and that just takes me out. She goes to the day center on Wednesdays and I make the best of it because I got about 7 hours to be back on duty before she come home I am new to this site but here is my hug for you and any one else on here that do what we do everyday.. Take care

how am i? Good question, i came off of disability to do caregiven full time. Wow i didnt know what i was getten myself into. i was part time no training just careing for people its what i always did but not hands on like im doing. i live in from mon start at 11am and leave sat 11am. she was only suppose to live for 3mons after being in a nursing home for 5mos which we thought they were not doin there job, she went from 110 to 80 lbs and had that bowel desiesse which kills most of them. the daughter ask me to move in and care for her if she brought her home i said yes. it was breakin my heart watching what the nursing home was doing to her so here i am. sept 2011 it is now june 2012 and she is 110 lbs and walking and talking to much lol and no medicine only vitamins. amazing, but it is tough, there are days i can't move i hurt so bad my back i just want to give up. then i have a sideateck nerve that never stops acking.i care so much for her i dont want the daughter to put her back in that awful place.. so god help me i ask everday and i look at her little face and cant help but fell good she is here.i want to do this till i drop or i get to old and drop.... god bless everone who is doing this and are kind to there love one or not a love one..... do they have a hot line for caregivers to call and talk to someone? i would have a picture of me but i cant get it to upload..... tks....

Welcome Purplerain and Motelmilly, happy to see you here.... sounds like you both have your hands full, and most of us can relate to the hurting back.... I have one of those myself.... hope to see ya'll here again, welcome to the thread... just jump right in...... make yourself at home, and as Jam says, " We'll leave the light on for ya"..... hugs to you both...

Thank you very much our job is a hard one and we do the best that we can. Tonight when my mom goes to bed I plan on watching a good movie with a glass of vino and just relax until the next day. And start all over again and that is a good question is there a hotline for caregivers to talk to some one. Take care

Don't know of a hotline, but that doesn't mean there isn't one.. guess you could go online and see... good question tho....

Today marked the 6th week that my mother's been with me. I didn't know what kind of shape she was in so it was a big surprise. It has been very painful in my heart because I miss the only person that was there for me to turn to and she was gone. That is until today. I got a visit from my mother. It was brief but real. There she was, sitting across from me, took her glasses off and said, "how do I look without my glasses?" and there she was, my mother. I told her she is beautiful and reminded her that she's always been an attractive lady. She smiled and said,"Your just saying that because your my daughter and you love me." I couldn't believe it. After 6 weeks with a stranger in my life there sat my mother. I'm still stunned. It was brief but long enough to give me hope and strength. Now I know why I have to do this. Maybe one day I'll get to visit with her again. I'm going to go cry now.....

bekwalk, how awesome.... and cherish it as you said... it was a gift.....hugs to you

Bekwalk- How wonderful to get to visit with your mom as you use to know her. I only hope that you have more "visits" like this one with your mom. Bless your heart!!! You're gonna make me cry too. Love and hugs stormyyy.

Welcome aboard- Motelmilly and purplerain. I hope you like it here. Sending prayers for both of you. Love and hugs stormyy

To the person who asked about GPS for elders -some counties have it through the police department -you could ask the police department where you live-our county is going to get the system-the county near us already have it-it is unbelievable how far elders with dementia can walk in a short amount of time. I attended the caregivers support group at our senior center and 3 current caregivers were there one was new and it was so good for them to voice their concerns and they get a lot of support from us former caregivers and the two social workers who also are caregivers for their family members. I think there might be companies that make GPS to track the elderly.

Today is daddy's birthday..87.. He is still having stomach problems but is lucid..hope he has a good day today.
Prayers for everyone and I hope you all have the best day possible.

Good morning!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAD!!!!!! Give him lots of hugs and kisses!!

Welcome milly....happy to see you here and hope you will find a little peace when you visit. Oh yes, a bad back seems to be a part of care giving. I'm sorry you had to give up your disability as that is a pain to go through in itself. You sound like a very loving person to have done that and moved in to take care of someone else. Come back and visit with us.

I thought I was the only one up early this morning....:)

I haven't posted for several days but have been keeping up with everyone. Went to the NH and had birthday celebration with the col last Wed. She had balloons tied to her wheelchair and a little plastic crown on her head and I don't think she had a clue! It makes me sad that in 6 months time how far she has declined mentally. Physically I think she could kick my butt...if she could lift her leg high enough. She thought my son was her nephew, didn't know either great-granddaughter, didn't have a clue who my dil was, and kept saying "I talked to Target this morning"........he just looked at me with this strange look. I noticed she kept poking her right ear so I looked....yep missing hearing aid. I showed my ass and landed again in the middle of the administrator. I simply said "for $5000 a month I expect a little more diligence and don't tell me perhaps she laid it down somewhere, because if y'all were doing your job you would have found it".....a little witchy? I really didn't care as they now have lost both aids and I don't think we should have to replace them.

So, how is everyone else today and what do you have planned for the weekend?

Sending love and hugs your way!

Good morning ladies..i've missed everyone,but was in a very dark place for the last week with no energy to post until my G.G (u kno who u r..lol) decided to invite herself into my pity-party for 1, gave me more pearls of wisdom, and pushed me out of the party...out of myself...to post to all of you who have become wonderful friends and treated me so kindly from the first post i ever made.


First I must welcome all the new posters to this thread.I have read all your stories, felt your frustration, and pain...n...i have definately cried tears with many of you. That is the strength that this thread has provided for so many of us. Even on the days that i had no energy to post,,,my mind has been with all of u on this thread n i haven't missed a day in the updates of all of you. You're all so special to me As for an update on my life..it goes something like this...
Dads confusion keeps getting worse while moms mental state is damn near gone. You see..my parents live at home, alone..dad is 82, mom is 83. My mom is in great physical shape, but she is mentally and emotionally failing caring for my dad. I am the only 1 of 4 kids that lives in the area..5min away, to b exact...so i make daily trips to the house for whatever needs to b done. I'm there sometimes 5x a day, but i always go home to catch my breath, kiss my hubby(he's my Greek God...not to b mistaken for my "God Da**" Greek...lol...We've been married 30yrs...my high-school sweetheart and my biggest fan...n i also must come home to get my regular kisses from my beloved dog,,,Lily. Once i have recharged...i return to my parents home n continue on until it's bedtime for all. Dad has been saying things, as of late, that lead me to believe he is going much deeper into this disease. My mom cries everyday and all i can do is wrap my arms around and tell her i love her n that i'm so sry for wat she is witnessing, The strong, wise, n capable man she married 57 yrs ago, the 1 n only love of her life, is gone, and she is grieving. I grieve with her..we try to accept the inevitable together. This sadness is heavy, and i have begun to physically break down over the last 3 years. I have already had 2 major back surgeries. I now come complete with rods, screws, n a couple of cages...sounds like they wrangled an animal, doesn't it?? Im currently going thru the horrific process of applying for disability...been going thru that since January...that's another story all together, as many of u have experienced, i'm sure.. Well...to make matters more difficult, i found out last wk that i need to have surgery on my left hand to replace a joint that has literally disintegrated( carrying in too many grocery bags, pushing wheelchairs, loading and unloading walkers etc...) u all kno that story....anyway, the surgery is on the 28th, n i will have to b in a plaster cast for 6 wks, then a soft cast for 4wks....all in all,,,it will take about 5 mnths to regain full use of my hand. I'm thankful that i am right handed! So...this puts a very different spin on my caregiving abilities, but my husband as assured me he will take my place...love that man...To add insult to injury...my therapist,,my sister, is in Europe ( i kno...that's painful to admit....) n she will b gone for 10 days. I talk with her at least twice a day, now i'm going to have to harass G.G (u kno who u r...lol..)..So between depression and physical pain, i jst hovered around the thread keeping up on all of you.,but too exhausted to post..
My thoughts n prayers go out to each n every one of you.
Vic...a very special Happy Birthday to your dad. Enjoy him...
Bek...once again,,thanku for sharing that beautiful post about mom..hugs
Jam...i love a woman who can do some lite ass-kicking in a NH...it's a requirement..love to u
Cattails....always enjoy your posts..i've learned alot of helpful things..thanx n hugs
Purplerain n Motelmilly...welcome..u hit the jackpot with this thread..hope u'll stay with us awhile..hugs to u both
Last, but not least...G.G...thanks for coming to my pity party...u were rite...a party for 1 is boring as all hell, but inviting people in is much more fun...WHEW!!!! that's jst wat i needed...many thanks...n, as usual...LYL

I had a small party of my own with my best friend here and my husband has a light switch that keeps going off and on. His paranoia is getting worse and there seems to be a bit of split of his personality going. He is having auditory hallucinations besides visual ones. he also been acting like a jerk to my friends whom I invited to my house and he agreed too ...he is acting like he doesn't remember yet my friend has been thru too much and as I have. I mean I told him we were broke until I got paid again which means getting him to sign my time sheet if he can. He puts me at my wit's end. I mean there is no excuse still for his behaviour when he is practically lucid but his confusion gets worse and he has no memory of what he said and then he misplaces shit all the time. He blames it on something else or someone is doing.. is his mental status going or is he faking i can't tell anymore... oh in the near future may have to file a restrining order behind me.. landlord refuses to see reason and lets this chick deposit and withdraw from his account. she admitted to call cps on me to which cps has done nothing yet tg but gets even better no one wants to give her the rent money cuz she is addict and her life is hard whatever...so the landlord ain't right in his head and maybe cheatin on his wife withis chick...go figure that one out and now i feel a lot better.

neighbor behind me.

Burned~Make sure you get a receipt each and every time you pay rent and put them in a file in case you need to proof. Better yet, pay with a check and get a receipt so you have the cancelled check as back up.

Well look who climbed out of the black hole far enough for her fingers to reach the computer... welcome back Beck... yep , it's been hard, real hard, but hopefully you will post more often and let us help, at least to let you know you aren't alone.... glad you are feeling a little better... hugs to you....
Happy Birthday to Vickie Vic's Dad.... is he going to get cake and ice cream, if he is, I'll be over shortly..... love ya Vic......
Don't feel good today, don't know what's going on, just want to stay in the house where it's cool....hate this Texas heat.... we need rain...
The tomato plants I planted at M's are 5 ft tall and not a bloom or tomato one.... but we've got the tallest plants in the neighborhood....so that's saying something, maybe the bees didn't show up in time, lots of folks complaining of no tomaotes this year....
Going to take my headachey self to bed.... Have a Dr's appt in the next week or so, forgot when, but I'm paying her the big bucks to fix me.... maybe need my thryroid checked..... tired all the time, sweating more than normal, just grumpy, can't even stand myself...lol....
hugs to everyone, more later when it's cooler....

Burned...you seem to have such turmoil as your constant companion. I kno u have answered this ? in the past, but i'm still not clear on what issues u are dealing with with your husband, who is so young. Wat exactly is he suffering from at his age that he is so dependent on you? U talk about his confusion and hallucinations,auditory n visual. Wat is that all about? Then there's the ? of CPS being involved. That's some serious stuff and it really worries me for u. Seems that u have so many serious issues that r controlling ur life. I jst want u to b alert and protect urself n ur children. Children learn wat they live, and if turmoil n false health issues r becoming apparent, they will pick up on all of those things. The only one's who will pay the ultimate price r your beautiful children. As parents, we must always advocate for our kids. I don't mean to pry into ur life, it's jst that i really worry for the kids. Stay strong for them...u r being watched very closely by them in how u handle the situation with ur husband. Their safety and happiness must b ur priority..Stay strong, keep a clear head, and b the example they desperately need you to be. I'll continue to pray for all of you...especially that God gives u wisdom during times of loss. Hang in there..the kids need u...many hugs..n endless prayers from CA...

Geez..........I had this visual after reading your post ladee of beck with her little hand reaching up to peck out her post and all you can see is her nose and eyes peeking over the edge of the computer.....:) So sorry to hear you have been having a terrible time......we have those occasionally and it's okay. When your chin clears the edge of the hole.....you got it made baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vic-Happy Birthday to your Dad! And hugs to you.
Jam-Happy Belated Birthday to the Col. I read about it during the week, but missed posting my congrads. And you go kick all the butt needed!
Beck-Sorry things are pilling up for you. Surgery is never fun. But you will at least get to rest for a day or two! :) I know, whatever rest we get is never enough. We'll be holding your good hand, and keeping your bad hand in our prayers.
Ladee-Make that doc fix you up, or you could threaten to send Jam to kick her butt! Sending you peace and angels to make you feel better.
We lost our Rebel this morning. Because he couldn't get up anymore, we had to carry him out of the basement in a blanket. I miss him already. I was so impressed with the vet. They put us in a private family sitting room, which was alot more homey than an exam room. On the table there was a Bible, and books for kids called All Dogs and All Cats go to Heaven. The blood donor coordinator, who saw Rebel many times when he donated, was there, so she got to say goodbye too. We got a cast of his paw print and Hubby is making a plaque with that and his dog tags. I was impressed with the whole way they handled everything. They did their best to make it as easy as possible.
Mom does not have an UTI. She does need to drink more water. She wants to try adding some flavor packets because she gets bored with plain water.
The gym is great, but boy, am I SORE!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

notlike.......I'm so sorry about Rebel......just know that he is running around in the sunshine and barking and playing and catching balls. Hugs to you!
When we were flooding the col with water, I began buying a flavored water that had a fizz to it.....it was clear but the flavor was good....her favorite was berry. Walmart carries them.

Happy Birthday to Vic's dad!!!! Please tell hem we wish him the best and give him a kiss for me.......epecially for Father's Day.

Beck, glad to see you climbed out of the hole.
Burned, don't quit now after all you have been thru.
Notlike, what about the green beans? Getting any?
Ladee, take a good long nap, you deserve it. So glad you didn't get the hail around
dallas......your tin can would be squashed!!

Cooked all day for hubby......gonna play dice later........everyone please have a good Weekend.......and Happy Father's Day to our male cargivers.

Notlike, so sorry about Rebel, but I so wish I had paw prints of all the dogs I have lost over the years. I think I will even suggest that to my vet. What a wonderful remembrance. And so caring of them to have the book for the kids.........I always liked our vet, but I am getting jealous of the one you have!!!!!!!

Notlike, I had to go to Tang and koolaid for my mom, but she couldn't have carbonated drinks, so I was very limited.

My wife has been diagnosed with moderate dementia and also MDS (3 years ago). She is now having a problem with phlem in her chest and throat. Rather than swallowing it she is constantly trying to getting it up. Other than being very nerve racking, I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions !!! HELP

Notlike...i am so sry to hear about Rebel. I had a dog that was a part of my life for 14 yrs before i had to let her go. We had this love-hate relationship...it was very odd n i never thought i would grieve her loss the way that i did. I had her cremated and have her ashes in a cedar box with a poem over the top. It sits on a stand on my piano that i have had for 30yrs. She use to love to sit under the piano bench while i would play for hours. I'm so glad that i have that little box and every time i sit at my piano, i play something special jst for her. I never thought i could get through that loss, but i found and rescued my beautiful friend..Lily going on 7yrs now. I can't imagine a day without the love n loyalty that she brings to my life. There's jst something about pets that provide a comfort that no human relationship can quite touch. I kno how hard it is to lose a beloved friend, and u and ur family, especially ur children, r in my prayers. As u can tell...i am a dog lover to the core of my soul. God bless..

Today was a good day n being hubby is home during break he is helping out with his mom. Well until he has to go to Atlanta for a wk for school stuff for the new year. I also was able to fill out the form for the bracelet for Medic-Alert n it just made me wander what the people will think when they look at the list of the mnl compare to mind as a caregiver. Quite funny in a way for she takes 7 prescrptions at age 80 compare to my 15 prescriptions at age 47. What a hoot! At least I will have it ready to mail off Monday.

I hope everyone here are able to get a good night rest-sleep.

Notlike, I am so sorry about Rebel, but what an awesome Vet you have... gonna do the footprint thing with the Diva.... tell hubby I am very sorry... love ya....

Hey ya'll I hope all of you have a Happy Father's Day!
Notlike- I am soo sorry to hear of Rebel passing on. It is so hard to lose a pet, they truly are like family. Prayers for you. Hopefully you can rest easy knowing that she is not in pain or suffering now. Love and hugs.
Vic- Tell your dad i said happy birthday and i hope it is a great one for him. Love and hugs.
Beck- I have a puppy named Lily too. She is the wild diva in the family!!! Hugs.
Jam- Sorry the col is still declining I know that must be hard on Target and you and the rest of the family. I can't imagine. Prayers for you and him. Hugs to you!
Ladee- Hey there our wild child of the thread!!! Love and hugs to you too.
Well i started out the day putting up corn in my freezer. I put up 4 dozen ears and that made 5 qts and i still have about 3 more dozen in the refrigerator that i got to work on tomorrow. Plus i ordered 4 more dozen of a different kind of corn that i got to pick up from my dads grocery store tomorrow. Planning on cooking the hubby dinner tomorrow too for father's day. So needless to say it is going to be a busy day tomorrow. Plus i know Connor is going to want to go in the pool tomorrow after we get back from church and going to dads. I will be wore out. Oh and i made hubby a cake today too. We are going to do the gifts thing tomorrow nite when he gets home from work. So that's been my day. Well i hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Love and hugs to all of you. Stormyyy

Notlike: Sorry about Rebel. I wrote something to you a few pages back when you commented about his failing. Breaks my heart for you, but happy he is not in pain. Sending love, Cattails