This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I sat down, itemized all the expenses: bills, house supplies, body care supplies, etc... I totaled what the cost be for the month. I showed him the total cost breakdown: this is the house bills. I had all the bills on hand and actually showed him the bills so that he can really see that the power bill is $475.00, etc..... This is the personal care costs (pampers, wipes, body washes, wash rags, etc..) This is your herbal costs. When it's in writing, he finally realized that he was spending more than his monthly income. So now, when he wants to order his herbal, he would ask me if he has extra money. I'm not sure if this will work with you, but I'm thinking that maybe if he sees it in writing, itemized, totalled vs. the total income, he might actually see that most times you're in the red? Just a thought...
By the way, my dad has fired me soooo many times! When he angrily tells me I'm fired, I say, "Good! Because I didn't like this job anyway! The pay is lousy and no vacation!" And he ends up laughing.
Burned..glad you can come here and let it all out..
Notlike..so sorry for rebel and what an amazing vet you have!
Stormy..sounds like a good day planned today
Ladee hope you got rest last might
Everyone else..payers for a decent day..
Stormy, You r going all out n he can have his cake too. That is very thoughtful n I hope he appreciate what you do for him. I am just doing a pot-roast, corn-bread n some veggies for my hubby.
I did send my daddy a card n it was very hard to find the right words for some of you know from past post the circumstance with the dogs n his choice to stay on his property. I also put all us kids pictures on an index card back/front n said, "Eventhough we r all grown-up, we will always love you daddy." Now, hopefully the step-mom will give it to him. I will try to call their house that is if their phone still works n half the time he cannot hear it ring anyway. I don't see too many more Father's Day for my dad from route he is going n I cannot change his hard-headed mind so all I can do is tell him that, I love him.
I hope all Fathers have a blessed day.
Jam and Seeme-I will suggest those drink ideas to Mom. Thanks! And no green beans yet - but it looks like soon.
Stormy - can I send my hubby and Dad to your house for Father's Day? LOL Sounds like you are doing it up really nice. Hugs.
ren345-Your wife may need a swallow study to determine if she is swallowing correctly. You could start by talking to her primary doctor. If she is not swallowing right, she could take food or liquid into her lungs instead (aspriate) and wind up with phneumonia. If a study determines she needs help, most foods can be altered in consistancy to make it easier to swallow. Liquids can be thickened with artifical thickeners, and solid food can be ground in a blender or food processor. But check with the doctor first before trying to change her foods. Blessings, and please come back and let us know how she and you are doing.
Dad and I are going to watch "Falling Skies" tonight as our FD activity. Sis and I bought him the first season DVD so he could catch up. Can't wait!
An especially good day to all!
You could file for child support and since his income is all from the government, it wouldn't be difficult to locate and distribute. You could look into what the state has to offer for health care for your children, based on your income, or possibly you could ask that your husband continue to cover them via his Medicaid or whatever.
You could then get a full time job, move if need be to an area that has more opportunities, get low income housing for a new start and make your own way.
Your children need to have some dependable structure in their lives. If you can't do that together, maybe you can do it separately. In time, if you decide to divorce, maybe you can insist in the agreement that you and/or your children remain beneficiaries on his life insurance policy. At least until the children are out of college.
I'm not suggesting that you do this, but I am offering it as a way to manage your life better if that is what would help. Something to think about. Cattails.
JoJo, congrats on the new job, very heartwarmning to hear you being excited about your new adventure....and granny is in good hands.... nothing you could do if you were there..... let us know how things are going...
It amazes me what stress does to our mind and body... talked with a friend until one this morning, just about 'stuff', laughed, shared, and by the time I got off the phone, all these aches and pains were gone... still going to the Dr... gonna ask for some GOOD drugs this time..... not really.... but earlier in the day talked with another friend and could feel my body loosing up then... no pain this morning and a clear head...... well, the head thing is debateable I know.... clear as it's gonna get anyway....
Have Dr's appt' with my son this week, and working split shifts at M's because of her pain in her shoulder...so it's going to be a long week, and I'm sure I'll be on here talking about how tired I am and my body hurts, and blah blah blah...... gotta love caregivers tho... we do bounce back .... well, maybe trudge back, i'm way past the 'bouncing' days.... everyone find one tiny thing to be grateful for today....
Wanted ya'll to know I heard from ASG.... she said things are crazy but she will try and post soon... Love ya ASG, in our thoughts and prayers...
hugs across the miles to ya'll
Lil' deb- I think hubby appreciated everything, the food and the gifts i hope so anyway. Hugs
Notlike- I didn't get on here yesterday just too busy. But i would've said send them on the more the merrier, right? hugs to you too.
I am planning on calling the lung dr today and talk to his secretary to see if she changed dads appt date. I talked to his nurse last week and she didn't have any news and was little help so i figured i would try someone different maybe she will know something about when we are going to see the dr. I hope so anyway.
It's going to be a long day. Connor and i are having to get up extra early cause he has to be at daycare at 7:30 to catch the little bus that carries the kids to safety town. It's just for this week thank the Lord. But when he starts school he will have to be there at 7:30 too. Its going to be hard on both of us getting use to getting up that early. Plus i didnt sleep worth a shit last night. And i am already feeling the effects from it. Huh... And not in the mood to go to dads. I know he will have a bunch of stuff he wants me to do to him. Hopefully the day will flyyyyyy byyyyy. Mondays just suck if you ask me. Just feeling kinda blah today i guess thats how i am doing. So love and hugs to all of ya'll. stormyyyy
I guess i did a lil more than i thought in preparation for yesterday. All i kno is that i have 10 more days before surgery on my hand, and it can't come soon enough. Don't u ladies worry, tho........i can still type with my toes..lol....wat a visual!! I'll do this "one handed mombo" again later. Now, i get to go do the grocery shopping for mom. Maybe a boy scout will be selling chocolate at the store entrance, and see the sad condition i'm in, and help an old broken bitch out!!!!! later ladies...huge hugs..
Stormy, hope you have found something out... and don't know about dads tremors, was he running a low grade fever??? If he does it again, call his Dr.... let us know what you found out...
Son's appt changed to tomorrow, so need to get back to M's.... see ya'll later this evening... hugs.
Ladee....i completely forgot about those 3 glasses of wine yesterday!!!!! Now...how could i have forgotten that..of all things......lol. Wat i think i need to start accepting about myself is the fact that im jst gettin old and breakin down, so my husband n i decided that we are going to invest in a "rascal" that seats 2. I'm going to put a flag on it that reads.."Fuck Off".. and we're going to drive it back n forth in front of our sons house becuz he 's really pissin us off!!! If i have to live day in n day out with all these aging issues...im sure has hell going to make sure im a pain in someone's ass!! It's called..unconditional love...hahaha.. LYL
Anyway..i get ready to go into the house n call her to follow me in, and she doesnt move. I call her again, n she stands up, but still doesnt walk towards me. She looked like a dog in headlites!!! (we dont do deer..lol) I went to find out what the problem was, n checked her paws. All the pad on both front feet r completely ripped off. It's disgusting n i feel so bad that i wasnt paying closer attention when she was skating in the street. So i proceed to pretend im a vet, and i put neosporin
on her paws n wrap them both in an ace bandage. She can barely put weight on her front feet, but she managed to get into my car n accompany me on a trip to the drive thru pharmacy ( no meds were mentioning..ha). As i pull up to the window, the lady looks at me n notices that i have a brace on my left hand, n my dog has both front paws wrapped in bandages. O, Lord...her face was priceless. I gave her a look n said , "Don't even ask".. So there i sit, the pharmacist laughing her ass off n im thinking..Hey, lady...a lil compassion, pleez...you're lookin at 2 broken, old bitches n u dont want to piss either one of us off! One bitch still has a pretty good right hook, and the other bitch bites.....! U kno, ladies...u may want to take a vote about allowing me to post on this thread....after all...i drive around with a bumper sticker that reads.."Warning....I'm old and have lost all sphincter control...so back off!"....Let's face it....i need help....lol love ya all
And your bumper sticker is priceless, I had one that said Yo Mamma...my ex got irrate and took it off my car... I went and got another one and put it on his truck without him knowing, he drove for months with that thing and won't EVEN share what happened when he found it.... LOL....but will say it was worth it...
brandy, doesn't sound like being at your house was a good place to be yesterday....let us know what happened..... and I think you can by a used AVENEGER suit somewhere...... be prepared... always be prepared....
It's going to be a rough week, split shifts at work, taking son to the Dr. in between, and Fri. will be my 12 hour shift because M will have her transfusion that day.... and I choose to do this,, what the hell is wrong with me....
Love to you all, need to get going.... hugs to everyone...
I decided on a quick and easy breakfast for the first day in Maine., Sunday, July 1. Wrote it to all the others. We'll take some country ham that doesn't need to be refrigerated, stop and get biscuits and eggs on the way out to the house on Sat evening. Ham and egg biscuits - voila! I've already been turned down by hubby's sister. I sent it at 10 PM last night, it is barely 7 AM here, and I have already been turned down for a meal............like we won't be working off that damn biscuit.
JoJo, like Ladee says. Just recently been there, done that. The hospice workers are wonderful people. I can't imagine doing what they do everyday, and most of them here just love what they do. G/ma is in good hands.
Brandy, was that a shooting star I saw last night or falling debris? Details....
Everyone have a good day.........later.........
Ladee-Angels to carry you through your tough week ahead. Remember, one day at a time. Tomorrow's problems will be there without you thinking about them ahead of time. And eventually, it will be the weekend. Hugs.
JoJo-Good for you! I hope you love your new job. Blessings to you, and peace for your Mom and Grandma. Hugs.
Well, I have produced three dinners in a row for the household, on top of being at the gym twice, and doing laundry. I need to hang up my Super Cape before I fall over from exhaustion! I'm praying the loaves and fishes thing keeps happening here, because everybody likes to eat and I really have no idea how we manage sometimes :) I worry, because I feel responsible to feed eveyone, but I know deep down inside we're doing alright. And my trainer at the gym thinks I should be eating more protein (isn't ice cream protein???).
Another day ahead...work, gym, grocery store (again!). Thank goodness it's leftover night.
A good day to all.
Jojo...........happy to hear orientation went well. It's hard to watch our loved one turned into a zombie but sometimes that's the lesser of two evils.....difficult to watch also when they are screaming and there is nothing we can do about it. Her tongue is a combo of lack of circulation, some bacteria........nothing to worry about even though it doesn't look very pretty. Sending hugs and prayers to you all!
seeme......wow, no way would I pass up a breakfast like that......sounds like sil is going to be difficult during this..........you will get through it knowing what is waiting when you get home!
notlike......I am so impressed with all that you are accomplishing daily.....I get my exercise through you.....lol.......and my philosophy is protein can be whatever you say it is!
ladee......wish your care giving load was easier, it would be if there wasn't the mental stress from M all the time......S is such a sweetheart! Sending hugs!
stormy.........Dad's tremors are probably nothing to be worried about. If they don't recur or get worse then it was a passing thing and not to be concerned with. Glad to hear Father's Day was a success at your house.....sounds like you planned a very nice gift to hubby.
Talked with the col last night after supper......she was a little irritated with the children who kept feeding her food.......she couldn't tell us who they were. I had to feed her some birthday cake last week so it would appear that she is now past feeding herself. She is also asking to be taken directly back to her room after meals so she is isolating herself. I so hate the slow, downward spiral.......fast is so much easier to get through.
Hope everyone has a good day..............thinking of you all!