This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Blessings and love to you and your sweet family, Cattails
I was at my wit's end. I've finalized all details of my suicide plan. Then Help came in the form of the Respited Caregivers. I attended my 1st group therapy and enjoyed it. Except they only meet once a month. With my anger, frustration and resentment - I knew I needed more than that. So I Googled and found this website - all in the beginning of June. I tell you this much, I have Benefited A Lot from this site. Even in my deep depression, I laughed and cried (hate crying - for a reason based on childhood experiences). And most times, I just want to surf this site daily to see how everyone's doing, coping or angsting (is it grammatically correct to add -ing to "angst"???) over their caregiving roles. I'm embarrassed to say this but when I feel like I can't handle my life as caregiver to parents, I read other commentors and I am soooooo, sooooo glad that I don't have siblings like theirs, or that mom is waaaay past That stage (thank goodness!!!) Later!
Thought i had better check in as Beck has threatened to put my chicken avitar on a milk carton and report me missing....I'm not missing, just too tired... like all of us... sure hope M doesn't think this split shift thing is going to be the 'new normal', she wanted me to come back yesterday for only 30 minutes... told her NO....wasn't worth the gas to go back, so it ended up being two hours... stupid me, why didn't I keep my mouth shut....
Will try to get caught up, but don't hold your breath... just know that each and everyone of you are on my mind and in my heart... just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all....hugs across the miles...
Jojo........so very sorry to hear that Granny has passed.....what a blessing to be able to look back over your life with her and have such wonderful memories! How is Mom doing?
bookworm....hope you have taken that suicide plan and filed it under "things to not think about anymore"........you are a very special person and we need your voice here to not only help yourself in your care giving journey, but to help others as well. Sending a big hug to you!
Welcome lainie......happy you took your therapist's advice and joined us. Tell us more about you and Dad.....you will find lots of support here, some laughter....at ourselves and each other...beck keeps us entertained with her wit, ladee is our "problem child", we get our "kid fix" through stormy, I'm the Mother Hen, notlike gives us our daily exercise......we take something valuable each day from each person here.
stormy......lots of babies have been born under the conditions you state!!!! Unfortunately everything isn't "textbook" perfect. I have a feeling you are suffering from a combination of stress, the "monthlies", lack of sleep, and other things related to care giving. If you are concerned about Dad's glucometer, most pharmacists should know how to calibrate them. Depending on the brand, instructions should have come with it for calibration. Do you have a test kit? That should be done at least once a month. Let us know how you're feeling.
Sending wishes that everyone have a good day.......if it's not so good, come to visit and we'll see if we can lighten your load........................
May I say to all of you...as I read how each one of you faced your individual challenges, and all the encouragements and hugs to each other, and for those rare people who actually still love their care-patients, I see ALL the good and bad. I had reached the point where I resented the parents. Lately, I've been actually Talking to mom again, carressing her face to let her know that I'm there...when I do this for mom, I know in my heart it's because of all of you. I haven't done this to mom in a Long Time. I'm sorry, but I cannot and will not do this to my dad. I'm here to care for him and that's all I'm willing to give. Her - I can forgive. Him - I cannot. But...Thank You!!! (I don't comment much here because I'm not familiar of most illnesses. ..and well...I'm just learning a Lot of things and seeing things from a different perspective.) Hugs to ALL!!!
Seeme, thanks, as Beck calls it, the long goodbye... didn't I just do this last year...and no M was saying it because she can't take care of him by herself anymore... she has too many aches and pains(?????) and has no patience what so ever with him....and I guess she will end up having to spend some money here with me coming in twice a day.... still much cheaper than a NH, but I will tell her later this evening to really consider that move because S will go downhill even faster.....they have the money for S to stay home until the end... but it would be an inconvience for M..... and besides she wouldn't be the center of attention all the time.... I have incorperated some different things this week, to make it easier on S.. without it interrupting his schedule... he seems to be doing ok with it, but needs someone with him pretty much all the time now... and is getting up during the night and wandering all over the house, apparently is doesn't wake her up.....am concerned about him getting into that mountain of meds on the counter, getting outside, ect... but , hey, who the hell am I to make any suggestions....If I do, automattically it won't work, is isn't neccessary, or she has an excuse... he is become a fall risk... starting to set down before his butt is near the chair or couch.... so some of the damned Suzy Homemaker crap has gone undone this week. She goes for her transfusion tomorrow so S and I will have the day to ourself... I let him sleep where she is always fussing at him... so I can get some things done then, or..... not... I don't even care .... just want him to feel safe, maintain his dignity, and laugh everytime i say something stupid... today told him we needed to get shaved... he wrinkled his nose... I said if you don't ,you have to eat brussel sprouts.... He HATES them... he laughed and got up and said ok, let's do it.......so I intend to spend every minute with him that I can and the rest of her damned 'to do list' can wait.... what's she gonna do, get hateful???? Mwahahahahaha.... been there done that with her, no big deal....And you know me Seeme, I'll be like a Mother Lion looking after her cub when it comes to S....so I'm sure it's going to get interesting...... don't even care..... I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!!
My dad had a bag for a short time. He died just after the reconnection surgery. He had the ostomy bag connected to his small intestine, so the waste was all liquid. We didn't get much instruction on WHEN to empty the bag. Got to tell you this story. He developed a UTI just after the surgery and was put on the antibiotic levaquin. I was home on Family Medical Leave cause my mom had just had surgery on her thigh to save her foot......a blockage in a vein. Dad went to pee and at 5:30 am he woke me up to show me he had blood in the bag. I called a brother to stay with mom while I took dad to the ER, showed them the bag and they admitted him. I stayed at the hospital all day while they ran tests. Finally they said he could go home and it must have been the antibiotic causing the blood. Dad gets off the bed on his way to the bathroom, and the bag was soooooo full, it opened and spilled ALL OVER the floor of the double room. I hit the nurse button and said I needed help!!!!!! Thanjk goodness the nurse took over, called housekeeping, got dad in the bathroom and helped him change into his clothes, threw his underpants away, and told us to check the bag 20 min after he ate or drank. OK!!! At least we had something to go on after that.........I was just thanking God it didn't happen at their house with a carpeted bathroom!!!!!
JoJo, I am sorry your granny has left but as you mention she is with grandpa n in peace. Just try to get the image of what grandma look like when you had great times with her before she got sick. Just because she is not physically here with you, she is with you withing your heart. You are a very caring n loving person n that is a special to have. p.s You got any home-made sugar-free hello Kitty cookies. ; )
Prayers for S, JoJo, and Purplerain.
TG tomorrow's Friday.
Goodnight and better tomorrows.
JoJo- so sorry to hear about your gma. I will keep u in my prayers.
Ladee- Sonny man is lucky to have you to look after him. But i'm sure you feel like you are the lucky one to be able to care for him. What a special bond you two have. And i'm sure that was priceless seeing him shake his money maker. lol
Nothing new on dad-same stuff different day. The constant coughing and burping is raking on my nerves this week. I do not know why he is burping all the time. And he started making this clicking sound with his mouth and then he will burp afterwards. I can deal with the coughing but that burping all the time is annoying. Maybe ya'll know something about it that i don't. Well gotta go to bed 5:45 is going to come early in the morning. Huh.... Ready for my saturday off. Love and hugs to all of ya'll thanks again for the advice. Stormyyy
Stormy...when my dad first got home from the hospital, he made these really terrible, irritating clicking of his mouth. I just hated it. Drove me crazy. And he was burping a lot too. But this just lasted for several weeks. I'm not familiar with all your dad's problems, but do you think maybe too long on one of his meds or combining several meds at one time that's causing the gas? Do you think a hot pad (or heating pad) on his stomach will help push out all that air/gas inside of him? When my Gerd acts up, I can't stand drinking water. It made my gas worse. Hard to say....
The pull-up diapers just fit better, the biggest advantage of tape over pull-up is when one is full of "pingo" tearing the tape is a little bit easier than tearing the pull-up.....and the pull-up has a tendency to hold the pee in better since the legs are tighter.
I'm thinking a nap sounds really good right now........thanks seeme for the idea!!!!