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JoJo: God bless your GM and your family. She is in heaven now and knows all the answers. I think she would say, "I love you and it's up to you now to live your best life." Go forth and make a difference. Also, remember that you may never know what a difference you make in another persons life. So don't question your value, just continue to do your best and trust that you kind words and heartfelt caring makes more of a difference than you will ever know.

Blessings and love to you and your sweet family, Cattails
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JoJo, I am so sorry about your granny.... but I am so happy you followed that voice and went to her.... what awesome memories you have of her....am sending you a bucket full of hugs and all the angels you can handle to get you thru.... please let us know how you are doing.... hugs across the miles...
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Jojo..so sorry..but so glad she is out f pain and in peace..doesn't change our emotions though..prayers
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Hi Debby, believe it or not, I'm on the same boat as you. Except, I have Both parents bedridden. Dad sounds just like your dad - I've heard those stories for years but lately, it's been changing. Very dicatatorship, demanding, verbally and physically abusive to me. Atleast now that he's bedridden, I don't have to worry about getting bruises on my face when I go to work. He has threatened to kill me several times while I'm leaning over to clean him. He says he can kill me with one kick to the throat. We grew up in a Very Dysfunctional family. It's so dysfunctional, that myself and 2 younger sisters have NO memory of our childhood. And we have No Desire to remember it. The minute my siblings got of age - they all fled home. I have 7 sisters and brothers. The only reason oldest sis is helping me is because I ASKED her for help and she agreed for only Mon-Fri from 8am-6p. All others, I've asked, begged, threatened to walk out, and even said I was suicidal because I can no longer handle both bedridden parents - and no other sibling stepped up to the plate. I've asked repeatedly if they can help pay for a caregiver for at least the weekends so that I can get relief - NOTHING.

I was at my wit's end. I've finalized all details of my suicide plan. Then Help came in the form of the Respited Caregivers. I attended my 1st group therapy and enjoyed it. Except they only meet once a month. With my anger, frustration and resentment - I knew I needed more than that. So I Googled and found this website - all in the beginning of June. I tell you this much, I have Benefited A Lot from this site. Even in my deep depression, I laughed and cried (hate crying - for a reason based on childhood experiences). And most times, I just want to surf this site daily to see how everyone's doing, coping or angsting (is it grammatically correct to add -ing to "angst"???) over their caregiving roles. I'm embarrassed to say this but when I feel like I can't handle my life as caregiver to parents, I read other commentors and I am soooooo, sooooo glad that I don't have siblings like theirs, or that mom is waaaay past That stage (thank goodness!!!) Later!
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First time post, I am here because my therapist suggested joining online support group. I am caring for my 83 yr old dad with dementia and other assorted illnesses. It is good to know I am not alone in these "gray daze". My father's story is sad, he was taken advantage of by a "special friend" after my mom's death 12 years ago. Pretty much just left with his house. Some days I don't want to get out of bed, but I do. Any and all help appreciated
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Welcome Lainieloo, you have found the right place... please come back and let us know your story and how we can help.. there are amazing folks on this thread, with many years experiance in many many areas.... laugh cry vent, what ever you need, that's what we're here for...
Thought i had better check in as Beck has threatened to put my chicken avitar on a milk carton and report me missing....I'm not missing, just too tired... like all of us... sure hope M doesn't think this split shift thing is going to be the 'new normal', she wanted me to come back yesterday for only 30 minutes... told her NO....wasn't worth the gas to go back, so it ended up being two hours... stupid me, why didn't I keep my mouth shut....
Will try to get caught up, but don't hold your breath... just know that each and everyone of you are on my mind and in my heart... just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all....hugs across the miles...
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JoJo, sorry to hear about g/ma, but it sounds like she died peacefully and comfortably and that is the best anyone can hope for. Don't leave us because that part of the journey is over. There is one more leg of the journey called grief, and we may be able to help. Love to you and your family.
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Good Morning Angels!!

Jojo........so very sorry to hear that Granny has passed.....what a blessing to be able to look back over your life with her and have such wonderful memories! How is Mom doing?
bookworm....hope you have taken that suicide plan and filed it under "things to not think about anymore"........you are a very special person and we need your voice here to not only help yourself in your care giving journey, but to help others as well. Sending a big hug to you!
Welcome lainie......happy you took your therapist's advice and joined us. Tell us more about you and Dad.....you will find lots of support here, some laughter....at ourselves and each other...beck keeps us entertained with her wit, ladee is our "problem child", we get our "kid fix" through stormy, I'm the Mother Hen, notlike gives us our daily exercise......we take something valuable each day from each person here.
stormy......lots of babies have been born under the conditions you state!!!! Unfortunately everything isn't "textbook" perfect. I have a feeling you are suffering from a combination of stress, the "monthlies", lack of sleep, and other things related to care giving. If you are concerned about Dad's glucometer, most pharmacists should know how to calibrate them. Depending on the brand, instructions should have come with it for calibration. Do you have a test kit? That should be done at least once a month. Let us know how you're feeling.

Sending wishes that everyone have a good day.......if it's not so good, come to visit and we'll see if we can lighten your load........................
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Hi Jam. I guess, I'm still coming out of the deep dark hole if I'm still working on my suicide plan. Just yesterday, I realized that I forgot to get one of those DNR forms! Wouldn't it be awful to go to all that planning and try to carry it out, then someone finds me, calls 911 and they resuscitate me? So, it popped in my head that I need a DNR form and that other form that forbids any feeding tube, or the life machine, etc...Don't worry...I'm not as depressed or overwhelmed as before.

May I say to all of you...as I read how each one of you faced your individual challenges, and all the encouragements and hugs to each other, and for those rare people who actually still love their care-patients, I see ALL the good and bad. I had reached the point where I resented the parents. Lately, I've been actually Talking to mom again, carressing her face to let her know that I'm there...when I do this for mom, I know in my heart it's because of all of you. I haven't done this to mom in a Long Time. I'm sorry, but I cannot and will not do this to my dad. I'm here to care for him and that's all I'm willing to give. Her - I can forgive. Him - I cannot. But...Thank You!!! (I don't comment much here because I'm not familiar of most illnesses. ..and well...I'm just learning a Lot of things and seeing things from a different perspective.) Hugs to ALL!!!
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JoJo....im so sry to hear of ur grandmas passing. Ur post felt as though we were all there with you. I'm so thankful u made it there in time. She's finally at peace...Keep making her proud, JoJo....God Bless n many, many hugs to u n ur family
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This is a turning point day for my precious S.... tonight I put Depends on him for the first time.... no turning back, only worse from here..... a steady decline in the past month.... and yet his coginiton for humor is still intact... I find this too bizarre for words... as each Alz/dementia charge is different.... everything else is going.... needs help with everything, is still eating on his own.... and he still loves his chocolate.... and sees me for the first time every time I walk into the room.... but he still laughs at the stupid things I say..... laughs out loud, we still have such a good time.... but my heart hurts this evening, as I get what this means..... and for the first time M has mentioned Nursing Home... what she doesn't know is she is going too, daughter alread said so....so please, prayers for my sweet little S man... that he doesn't have a horrible time from here on out.... just needed to share my hurt heart for this sweet gentle man.....
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I am sorry for ur GM passing on but she is in a better place. I almost got things straighten out with hubby but I swear its like a hammer or a record going on forever. I love my family and my kids but sometimes I feel as tho I lack myself but since my bf moved out here with her family i get extra dosings of loving. My bf ( best friend not to be confused with boyfriend here ok folks:) her son is attach to my hip and such a sweet lil baby sometimes it helps me forget the big baby I have sometimes lol. Well today hubby has his appt with therapist and I have mine but I wont be sitting on his session and he wont be sitting on mine.
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Ladee, and so your heart grieves for "the little death". I am so sorry. Do the children know about the depends? Could M have just mentioned NH so she won't be inconvenienced? or did she say the daughter suggested it? I know, lots of questions that won't mean a damn thing as the decline continues.........just hurting for you...................................
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Hi all I hope that your day is going good today my day is telling mom that she needs to get her toenails cut in my state they have people that will come to your home and you have to pay out of pocket about $45.00 not bad to me she wants me to do it and since is a diabetic I will not do her feet her nails I can file. And on the friends thing I have one or two that I can talk to but that not working any more for me any more they are not in my shoes and I found this site I am still new to this one so I am looking to get reply on my post. My feeling change so much these days I feel like I have become withdrawn from people hard to be around people its just me and mom when I go out sometimes I feel strange I cant wait to get back in the house and sometimes I need to get out of the house. Right now as I am typing this she is going down memory lane (talking about when she was younger) and that I can cut those toenails we will pay to get them cut. I think that what has me sad is that my family was having a reunion in MIchigan this weekend and I wanted to go but there is no one here to stay with mom( I do not live in the same state as the reunion ) so I would have to get some respite I could not get her to the doctor before the reunion you have to have a checkup before you can go to short term stay it all has to be timed perfect. Well there were no appt before this weekend so no go. My mom does not understand this it would have good for me to get a break ( since I wear all the hats in this house) So once more I put off my plans again to get some respite (I do plan on getting respite soon as I can). In the mean time I come to this site to read other stories and hope fully get a responce to mine just looking for a way to talk/ vent and to not go out of my mind. There are other thing s that I have to do she has a colostomy bag that I have to empty often trying to get her do her exercises and the dementia some one please reply and I eat to much these days cooking cakes getting fat just dont feel good about myself I love her very much she is 94 years old I just need a break ASAP.....
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Purplerain... glad to see you here... post away, we'll be here... and all of what you are feeling is normal.. we get to where we can't have a conversation that has anything to do with anything, we are out of the loop, I rarely watch the news, too depressing, can do that all by myself... so when folks are talking about current events, I'm just standing there, thinking, if they only knew how unimportant some of this stuff is..... so welcome, come back and let us get to know you and your situation.... we even laugh here beleive it or not..... only laugh I get some days....

Seeme, thanks, as Beck calls it, the long goodbye... didn't I just do this last year...and no M was saying it because she can't take care of him by herself anymore... she has too many aches and pains(?????) and has no patience what so ever with him....and I guess she will end up having to spend some money here with me coming in twice a day.... still much cheaper than a NH, but I will tell her later this evening to really consider that move because S will go downhill even faster.....they have the money for S to stay home until the end... but it would be an inconvience for M..... and besides she wouldn't be the center of attention all the time.... I have incorperated some different things this week, to make it easier on S.. without it interrupting his schedule... he seems to be doing ok with it, but needs someone with him pretty much all the time now... and is getting up during the night and wandering all over the house, apparently is doesn't wake her up.....am concerned about him getting into that mountain of meds on the counter, getting outside, ect... but , hey, who the hell am I to make any suggestions....If I do, automattically it won't work, is isn't neccessary, or she has an excuse... he is become a fall risk... starting to set down before his butt is near the chair or couch.... so some of the damned Suzy Homemaker crap has gone undone this week. She goes for her transfusion tomorrow so S and I will have the day to ourself... I let him sleep where she is always fussing at him... so I can get some things done then, or..... not... I don't even care .... just want him to feel safe, maintain his dignity, and laugh everytime i say something stupid... today told him we needed to get shaved... he wrinkled his nose... I said if you don't ,you have to eat brussel sprouts.... He HATES them... he laughed and got up and said ok, let's do it.......so I intend to spend every minute with him that I can and the rest of her damned 'to do list' can wait.... what's she gonna do, get hateful???? Mwahahahahaha.... been there done that with her, no big deal....And you know me Seeme, I'll be like a Mother Lion looking after her cub when it comes to S....so I'm sure it's going to get interesting...... don't even care..... I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!!
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Stormy, are you drinking enough water? What are the symptoms that make you think it's blood sugar? Hypoglycemia should show as shaking and sweatiness with confusion if it's severe. I agree with Cattails. Protein with fruit or other carbs is good. Try to keep juice to a minimum, eat the fruit instead. Fructose isn't helpful for your brain. It starves it. Caffeine is dehydrating, try to drink as much water as you do caffeinated drinks.
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Purplerain, my mom and my mil both started talking about their childhoods before they passed away. I believe it is part of the dying process.......not that it will be tomorrow, but it is part of the process......somewhere into the last year or 9 months. And yes, we have all felt alienaated because our conversations are all about their doctor visits, or what is currently wrong with our charge, or how irritated we are. I went on one vacation in 5 years, and I came home 3 days early because I worried about mom. If I went out shopping, I could never decide on anything, so I just came home early, or I couldn't think of anything to do on my afternoon off, so I slept. If someone came to visit, it took a week to get her back on schedule. I couldn't find anyone to really talk to until I found this thread.

My dad had a bag for a short time. He died just after the reconnection surgery. He had the ostomy bag connected to his small intestine, so the waste was all liquid. We didn't get much instruction on WHEN to empty the bag. Got to tell you this story. He developed a UTI just after the surgery and was put on the antibiotic levaquin. I was home on Family Medical Leave cause my mom had just had surgery on her thigh to save her foot......a blockage in a vein. Dad went to pee and at 5:30 am he woke me up to show me he had blood in the bag. I called a brother to stay with mom while I took dad to the ER, showed them the bag and they admitted him. I stayed at the hospital all day while they ran tests. Finally they said he could go home and it must have been the antibiotic causing the blood. Dad gets off the bed on his way to the bathroom, and the bag was soooooo full, it opened and spilled ALL OVER the floor of the double room. I hit the nurse button and said I needed help!!!!!! Thanjk goodness the nurse took over, called housekeeping, got dad in the bathroom and helped him change into his clothes, threw his underpants away, and told us to check the bag 20 min after he ate or drank. OK!!! At least we had something to go on after that.........I was just thanking God it didn't happen at their house with a carpeted bathroom!!!!!
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Ladee, have you talked to the daughter, or is Marie just talking out loud? Does she say things like NH in from of S? As hard as this is on you, I'm still glad you are there for him.
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Stormy, right before my cycle my bloodsugar will do a dropping all freaking day long n then it will either get back in gear or I will have a couple of boo-boos due to my chocolate n salty craving which don't help out with the bloats. The low's can make u feel weak n exahausted too. Of course, I haven't had one almost 2 months n I haven't been exposed. I already been tied up n burned yrs ago from not being able to have my last pregnancy. At least I have one-half grown child. ; )

JoJo, I am sorry your granny has left but as you mention she is with grandpa n in peace. Just try to get the image of what grandma look like when you had great times with her before she got sick. Just because she is not physically here with you, she is with you withing your heart. You are a very caring n loving person n that is a special to have. p.s You got any home-made sugar-free hello Kitty cookies. ; )
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My eyes are burning, so tired. I "liked" your posts, not so much commenting tonight.
Prayers for S, JoJo, and Purplerain.
TG tomorrow's Friday.
Goodnight and better tomorrows.
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Hey ya'll, had to share about the fun we had tonight entering into this new phase..... I had to make it fun, as much for me as for him.... I didn't make a big deal out of it, like we do this everynight.... he got a little aggitated when he pulled them up, I said, "oh you've fussed about this before, we'll see if we can find some that are thinner"... then I put pj bottoms on him.... again , something new....so I said, Ok this is where you shake that money maker... and he laughed. i was dancing all over the bedroom and tell him to shake it S, shake it... he started doing a little dance and I thought i was going to loose it.... bless his precious heart....so after we put his slippers on, I said let go show M how we shake our money makers...... and off down the hall we went, him holding my hand... when we got in there, I said, "ok, lets show what we can do." I started singing Shake that money maker,and ya'll he started dancing... picking those feet up and dancing around... even M was laughing.... a great great memory.....he asked me about why he had pj's on, I said to keep your chicken legs warm.... and he relaxed..... It could have been a bad thing tonight, but it didn't have to be...... and it wasn't... he may be giving M a hard time right now, but it is a memory I will cherish until the day I die... thanks for letting me share my "moment' with S.......
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I have always been taught by a diabetic specialit that, if I am having a low, that to treat it with a fast rapid drink like 1.4 c of cola or a 3-4 oz glass of juice or 2 glucose tabs n check after 15-20 minuets. n repeat if it hasn't with up. I really don't think that little of juice or cola is going to have that much of an impact on the brain. Protein with fruit is great as for a snack but, it will take too long to correct a low sugar if she is having one n that is why I mention juice or soda. I am glad that you r going to get it check out.
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Hey everybody. Thanks for all the advice on the sugar. I don't drink enough water. Hardly any, it's either tea with equal, coffee or mt dew. I need to do better about drinking some water. The sugar drops were not that bad today I just kept eating or snacking on peanuts every few hours to keep it up.
JoJo- so sorry to hear about your gma. I will keep u in my prayers.
Ladee- Sonny man is lucky to have you to look after him. But i'm sure you feel like you are the lucky one to be able to care for him. What a special bond you two have. And i'm sure that was priceless seeing him shake his money maker. lol
Nothing new on dad-same stuff different day. The constant coughing and burping is raking on my nerves this week. I do not know why he is burping all the time. And he started making this clicking sound with his mouth and then he will burp afterwards. I can deal with the coughing but that burping all the time is annoying. Maybe ya'll know something about it that i don't. Well gotta go to bed 5:45 is going to come early in the morning. Huh.... Ready for my saturday off. Love and hugs to all of ya'll thanks again for the advice. Stormyyy
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ladee...just wondering if you got S the Depend "pull-ups"..I buy the other Depends which you tape the sides together. I was at the check-out counter when this elderly asked me about it. She doesn't like the pull-ups. She prefers the ones with the tapes. Since I don't wear it, I'm not sure what's the difference. Yeah, treasure as much as you can with S. I try to remember the "old" mom and not the new one.
Stormy...when my dad first got home from the hospital, he made these really terrible, irritating clicking of his mouth. I just hated it. Drove me crazy. And he was burping a lot too. But this just lasted for several weeks. I'm not familiar with all your dad's problems, but do you think maybe too long on one of his meds or combining several meds at one time that's causing the gas? Do you think a hot pad (or heating pad) on his stomach will help push out all that air/gas inside of him? When my Gerd acts up, I can't stand drinking water. It made my gas worse. Hard to say....
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Stormy, I think there's a connection of his clicking noise and the burping afterwards. If he's clicking the noise while swallowing air from the mouth, this will cause air in his stomach and then it comes back up as burping. Similar like I avoid chewing gum because I don't know how to chew it and NOT swallow air. When I chew gum, I just keep burping for a long time.
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Bookworm, got the pull ups, it will feel more like regular underwear to him, even tho they are a little thicker.... can't wait to see how well he did last night.... gotta run.... will try to get caught up with everyone this weekend.... love and hugs to ya'll.
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Last August my Dad had a quadruple bypass. We all thought this was a great thing because his quality of life would improve. Well almost a year later and he can no longer do much for himself. He is very unbalanced and has fallen at least 20 times in the last year. He now has to use a walker and even with that can only walk a couple of feet. He is incontinent which is very tough. His mind has slipped as well and he doesn't remember how to do things safely or sometimes even what a phone is. For the first 6 months my sister and I lived with him (away from our families) to take care of him. Once we realized he wasn't getting better we came up with a plan to sell our houses and buy 2 new houses. We came up with this plan in January. It is now June and we have sold both our houses and my husband and I bought a house with a handicap addition for my Dad to live in. My sister bought our childhood home about a mile away so she could be close to help out. Right now I am feeling burnt out! The majority of the care giving is done by me. There are many nights of disturbed sleep because he had an accident. Every morning I wake up to having to change him and strip the bed. I have very little time to myself and my life has totally changed. I know I am blessed and I am thankful for what we have been able to do for my Dad but it is hard! Prior to this happening my husband and I found out we were infertile and were trying alternative methods to have a baby. Now that no longer seems like a possibility. My older sister told me that my younger sister has it just as hard as me because she has a child to care for. I haven't found the energy to talk to her since. I am glad to see I am not alone and grateful for the stories I have read that give me hope.
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Angel, I'm sure you do feel like your life is on hold. I, too, was infertile, but I didn't have to take care of a parent while going through all that. That alone is a monstrous stress in itself. If you want kids, do what you must now. And the disturbed sleep...........how I remember........and if I take a nap now when I'm not even particularly tired, I do it. Being sleep deprived is no fun. It almost made me sick many times.
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Angel......happy to see you here and hope you can find something to take away with you that might ease your heart and mind. You have a lot going on in your life and the one thing I don't see......what is it that you want? There is no rule that says you have to put your life on hold or the hopes and dreams of a family have to be forgotten, simply because siblings are not stepping up to the plate. There is absolutely no comparison in taking care of a child and taking care of an elderly person, and those who do think they are alike, well let's just say they have a lot to learn. Come back and visit with us....we'll leave the light on for you!

The pull-up diapers just fit better, the biggest advantage of tape over pull-up is when one is full of "pingo" tearing the tape is a little bit easier than tearing the pull-up.....and the pull-up has a tendency to hold the pee in better since the legs are tighter.

I'm thinking a nap sounds really good right now........thanks seeme for the idea!!!!
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I am probably not the person that should be commenting here as I am experiencing a handful of stress. Alzheimer's is evil- changes a person into someone you don't know. I'm burned out.
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