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Ohio......good to meet you and pull up a chair and tell us all about it......find me a person who DOESN'T think Alzheimer's and every other form of dementia is EVIL and I will point a finger and say liar....lair......have you ever stopped and thought about the aging process as a whole? It's kind of mind boggling.........we actually start the slow downward spiral in our thirties......look at all the years we spent learning to function in this world, only to use it for a short time before it starts to fade. Our hair turns gray.....okay we can live with that.....we start to get a wrinkle or two...okay we can live with that too.....hell we even get used to tucking our boobs into our waistbands and buying a little looser jeans to cover up the little smirk on our butt..........but when it comes to the loss of brain cells we don't want to tolerate that for a minute. Wouldn't it be great if when those cells die off that a person just begins to sit quietly in a corner because they don't know what to do anymore? Instead, our loved one can go from one extreme to another in a matter of minutes. Those loving parents and grandparents that we worshiped growing up have become mean-tempered or for some they remain sweet-natured and unfortunately not a one of us is prepared for that when this journey starts. We all have to learn by trial and error.....thus the frustration, the tears, the regrets, the "guilties" start and we are so blessed to have found each other to lean on. So bring your burned-out self back here because girlfriend you've got lots of company! Sending you hugs!
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OhioGal08, I agree! Alzheimer's is EVIL. I wish I could have my DH back. The real
man not this person that looks like him. His anger is happening more often now. Not with me but with some of our neighbors. They can't seem to understand that they should not argue or debate anything with him. One of the neighbor a 31 year old man that we have known for about 10 years wants to tease him. I have talk to this person many about doing this. Why want they listen to me when I try to explain. Wanda
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Once again I am ready for the rubber room. They got Mom into a NH and w/o too much fireworks. The only problem is that it is 100+ miles from my home. Now sib is doing her own fireworks about that I "should" visit Mom at least 2X per month. See my other story on the discussion page. Sister is acting extremely nasty about it too. She sent me a very nasty email. All I had said is that I couldn't go there all that often and she nearly exploded!! Hello?!! I am disabled and not all that well. So I come here for comfort and understanding.
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I am so tired. Even though my mother is now in a Nursing Home. The worry never stops. They have now called to tell me she has swallowing problems. She has to goThursday for a test at the hospital. This will be very upsetting for my Mom. I really am my self up set by this. I still never have a moment that I don't have worry. I really don't want them to tell me she needs a feeding tube. My mother is tired and I think ready to go but I can't make that decision. I am so distraught; what do I do. She has a living will that says no feeding tube but she is not in a coma ; she has dementia and is totally unaware of what's happening around her but still aware. I need thoughts and advice.
Thanks,
Carol
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Carol, I feel for you. I don't have any advice. Can't even figure out my problem.
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Thanks Jam, for your thoughts, advice and hugs. I have never shared my feelings in print before, sorta scary!
Wanda, so sorry about your husband, too. I feel confident his anger is becoming more and more often because that is what I am hearing alzheimer's will do to a person. When they become fearful, anxious, frustrated - they lash out, hurting the ones they love. And the teasing neighbor will some day pay for his actions.
Brandywine, I am new to this site - and finding it an excellent source to find some comfort in my negative world. That is why I have this logo of a sun with bright smile and glasses. I am trying to stay positive with a smile, but my dark glasses hide the tear ridden eyes from all the crying I do. I'm a strong person but I just don't understand how a person can turn on you so fast - one moment nice, the next moment attack mode full of insults. I need to find a rubber room, too, lol.
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Cadam: My dad had a major stroke that affected his speech and ability to swallow. After some rehab, his speech therapist wanted to have a test done to see if his swallowing had improved enough to move him up in types of foods he could eat. I went to the test with him and sat in on it. It was very simple and my dad was not stressed by it in any way. For example, they gave him a piece of canned peach and then watched via x-ray how it traveled down his esophagus. What they wanted to see is if he was able to control the swallowing or if parts of the food went into his airway and into his lungs. My dad was unable to eat the peach successfully. What this meant was that he would need to have foods of a thick pureed consistency in order for him to control the swallowing and keep them in the esophagus and free of air passages.

I don't know what your mom is eating now, but I would strongly advise against a feeding tube. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but she does not need heroic measures to keep her alive while her dementia continues to progress. She can be kept comfortable and, from the sounds of her medical directive, would want to be allowed to pass peacefully. That can be done.

My dad had a feeding tube for a while and it brought on constant and severe diarrhea. My dad did not have dementia or I would have never agreed to a feeding tube. Personally, in retrospect, I wish I had not done the feeding tube because, while my dad can eat now, there is nothing else that he can do.

I am sending you lots of love, best wishes and comfort. End of life decisions are so difficult, but you have to look at the big picture. In your mom's case they seem pretty clear. Hugs, Cattails
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sorry...rip granny...
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Today was a better visit with my mother at the nursing home than last week when she wanted to walk out of the nursing home, get in her car and drive home. Yet, mom told me that she was about to call the police chief where we used to live when I was a child and where she lives now to go find out where I am. I reminded her that I was at home which now is in __ city. What an interesting train of thought was in her head today.
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Angel, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate n you shouldn't have to do it all by yourself for you have a life too. That mess from your older sister is someone who has no clue about being a caregiver. Tell her to get her butt to your place take on some roles as a caregiver to help her see the 'light.' I am sorry to hear about news of not able to have any children. However, it is not the same but their r a lot of children in a adoption agency that really need parents that r loving n caring n you two seem like that couple withy the roles you have already taken on n some.

Ohiogal, vent, vent, and VENT some more. Alzheimer's disease is such a robbing disease n I lost my grandma due to it years ago n now the mnl has it too for about 2yrs. Look for the blue top tabs n hold your mouse over it n it should drop down with other resources n such. Take advantage of them too.

Today was my 10th yr post-kidney transplant so we all drove up to Newnan Georgia n shopped n ate out. Mnl got her some shoes, hubby got him some shoes n I got me a hat to help keep the sun off of me beings I found out from my last visit from Piedmont Hospital that I am 3 times faster to get skin cancer because of the meds I have to take. Better safe than sorry. Mnl had a great time, grumbled a bit but you could tell she enjoyed herself n that is all that matter is that we all enjoyed ourselves and together. It must going to storm. ; )

I hope everyone is able to get a good night rest...
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Thanks Cattails. My Mother is on thickened liquids and food that is finely chopped.
Today she said she was sick but the nurse said she was okay. Dementia robs a person of so much. I don't think my mother knows how she feels. She ate well yesterday but today would not eat. She has gotten lots of attention because of this swallowing issue and I think that has convinced her she is sick. This testing will only make it worse.
Everyone here has so many problems and I so wish there was a way to make this easier. I'm hoping that a break through or some kind will be found for Alz and Dementia as with the baby boomers, of which I am one, will be there and it is not going to be easy for caregivers.
So funny, never thought I would be in this situation with my Mother.
Thanks and the best to all.
Carol
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Cmagnum, I am glad you had a better visit with your mom for she sounds like a very spunky young lady.
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Okay this is way off topic but I need to know. What if you think you r 'menopausing' and how many cycles u must not have n which doctor should you let know? Diabetic, GYN, Kidney, Heart or Family doctor that is not up to par of my health for I am too busy seeing all these other specialist. Or do I say anthing for right now? I am going on my second month once without a cycle once this month is gone. I have not been exposed. I seem fine, I do get a bit irritable-snappy more than normal,and hot at night the most. I already had this test done about a yr ago from my diabetic specialist n I was fine. I am 47 n my mom when she was a live started her about age 48.
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Lil deb- My sister is your age she will be 48 in dec. and she has been getting more short tempered and missing cycles for the last 6 months and getting really flushed in the face is what she says and she has been thinking the same thing pre-menopausing, so she goes to a dr a new dr cause she hasn't been to one in about 20 yrs. And this is just a general drs office but they do a little bit of it all. She tells the dr what her symptoms are and the dr thinks too that she is in the early stages of menopause. So that could be it whats bothering you. Hope this helps.
Cmag- Glad that you had a better day with your mom. How's the man cave these days? And the wife?
Ladeee- Hey there wildchild. How's our Sonny man doing? Has he been shakin his money maker today? lol.
Jam- How is target doing these days?
Welcome Newcomers- You have found a home away from home!!!!! Hope you like it here!!!
Bookworm- Dad has not always done the clicking sound and burping right afterwards, it's just been in the last 6 or 7 months. It's like he done it one time and it was on after that. Been doing it ever since. My brother and i were talking about it one day the clicking and burping and my brother had me rolling laughing cause he said that it sounded like dad was calling a horse with the clicking sound. That's what it sounds like. I have no idea why he does it or if it is coming from swallowing air, the pleural effusion, or if it has just become a habit for him. But it sure is aggravating.
Well not much went on today dad is still the same. I was soo ready to get outta there today. Dad fell asleep and i left him a note telling him i was going to pick up connor at daycare and i got outta there. Some days over there it seems like the clock has stopped. Well i hope all of ya'll have a good weekend. Love and hugs stormyyy
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Lildeb: Nothing about you and what you are experiencing is off topic. Sounds like you are entering that stage of life. Could be that you noticed small changes earlier, but now you are missing full cycles. Hot flashes at night are a definite indicator too.

It may take a while before your estrogen level drops substantially. When you are ready, I think you should see your GYN. Remember that you are under stress too with your MIL, and often hormones diminish more quickly under stress, so that could be escalating things. Given the medical issues you have to keep in mind, I'm hesitant to recommend anything, but Flaxseed can be helpful. Whatever you do, make sure that your other docs are in the loop to any changes you make in medications or supplements.

You live in a warm climate. I use to and then moved to Washington state. Big difference in how I felt. No hot flashes after I moved here. Keep a fan in your bedroom at night to help keep you cool.

Big hugs my friend. Sending love, fans, and flax seed. Cattails.
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stormy, the man cave is fine and I'm enjoying my new lap top with Windows 7.

My wife is doing better since her psychiatrist increased her level of wellbutrin for depression.

Someone mentioned earlier about stress and hormones. I can testify to that too for my endocrinologist has had to increase my dose of androgel to keep my testosterone level normal. The various meds that I'm on have made it necessary to take more B-12 and Folic Acid. So far this week, I've had 3 good days with 2 depressed days. This is an improvement over other weeks.

We bombed the house today for bugs but were not totally successful. I think we have some water bugs that survived and must find a way to get rid of.
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Hello everyone! I haven't posted for a while. Catherine had a serious bout with Afib a few months ago. She has bounced back again! The most resilient 95 yr old ever! She's leveled off on her meds after a couple of changes. A little slower but each day she's getting her power back! Sadly when she feels worse, my day goes a lot easier. She can hardly see or hear, feel,or remember anything for 3 minutes,, but she thinks she can go through the files and shred papers! The hardest thing now is figuring out if she's really hungry or just trying to trick us into eating because she doesn't think I take good enough care of her son. I get so tired of hearing " but what are you going to feed HIM! I have less joy in cooking for him, because I feel bossed around by her to do it! Blahhhh!
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I did have a little victory yesterday though. After 2 years of trying, I finally got her to the podiatrist to get her toenails trimmed up! She hasn't been able to see her feet in years, due to loss of vision. She is a little petite 4'10" lady, size 4 1/2 (AAA) shoe. Always had pretty feet. When I tried to tell her her nails were changing and impossible for me to trim, she thought I was crazy. She thinks she trims them every week, but no one does. At her check up at her reg dr, I said I had to use the bathroom & went back to talk to the nurse. Asked her if they could pretend to do a routine foot check, something they always check for at this age. I insisted that they not mention that I had said anything ( due to the last time I tried this, the dr started his conversation with " your daughterinlaw says...") , because she would disreguard the whole conversation, if they did. I was so amazed how well they performed! The nurse did such a good job lying that it kind of scared me. lol, but they got her to allow her shoes & socks to be taken off for a routine , 95 yr old check! It was obvious she had nail fungus & he recommended a podiatrist. She was surprised but if the dr says it , it has to be true! I wish I had done it 2 years ago

So yesterday we visited the podiatrist, her nails look great & she qualifies to go every 10 weeks, pd by medicare! The best part is she likes him! By the way her imaginary beautiful feet were diagnosed with nail fungus, bunions, hammer toe, a painful condition of the ball of the foot & a circulatory condition. The best news for me...no home care needed!!! I don't have to touch them again!!! I feel much better..
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Lildeb, I was completel thur menopause by the time I was 50!!!!Kept trying to tell Dr's I was in menopause in my early 40's, Dr's thought I was too 'young'... well, I wasn't....didn't take HRT as I am a smoker, just gutted it out and happy to say for over 12 years now, none of that monthly stuff to deal with..
No Stormy, S didn't shake his money maker yesterday, he gets very antsy when M isn't there as the day progresses... she had problems with her transfusions yesterday, they had to stop them and give her something for nausea and vomiting and she started running fever with chills... this happens sometimes.... So it was a very long day for her....very weak when she got home.. finally got her in bed and settled, told the daughter to take S for a few hours, and let her sleep... daughter was not happy with that request, but she did it..... have to go in for a few hours today, and then I am coming home and sleeping the rest of the day.... it's that kind of tired where you know sleep isn't going to help... we all know what that is.....at some point we just hit a wall and move like robots.....
Went to bed when I finally got home and now I'm awake, not good... but will try to catch a few more zzzz's then go do this all over again.... we are like hamsters in a wheel.....
more later, hopefully... love ya'll, and sorry I haven't had time or energy to get caught up with everyone.... prayers for everyone...... hugs
t
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brandywine-Please tell your sis that there are no "shoulds." There is I "want", "can", "might" and "won't," but should? - it should not be in the vocabulary! LOL If I can ask, how often is she planning on visiting? if she's going, maybe you can send her a letter to read to Mom, with updates about you so she has topics to talk about. (not badly, but sometimes it's hard for people to know what to say during a visit). That might be a bit of a compromise. Hugs.
cadarn-Hugs to you for being in this situation. If her wishes are no feeding tube, you can rest easy knowing that is what she wants. Your support for her choice is worth more than letting them put one in and keeping her alive a bit longer. Focus on what can be done to keep her comfortable instead.
Ohio-Love the sun and glasses!
hadassah - good for you! You got done what needed to be done. And it's not lying - it's creative fact management :)
lildeb-do you feel the storm building? I worry, too, that any good times will be shortly followed by Mom's version of thunder and lightening. Because we are all still trying to all live together and get used to each other, I'm not sure if the next storm will be over something small, or if the really big storm will come next time the cancer pops up. Either way, I know it's coming.
Been a rough week here for Hubby. My normally sane, good guy finally hit a wall of stress. Some of it is work - he has to go out of state again tomorrow for a few days, and that's really not normal for his job. Alot of it is the parents. I swear, if we hear one more complaint about the TV's, I'm goign to toss them all out and buy radios! We can only have 4 TV's on at a time, or 3 and a recording. I don't even have cable on mine - just an antenae for local stations so I can watch one of my shows. The rest I have to tape and watch when I can "borrow" hubby's TV. You'd think they were missing War of the Worlds if one of them can't watch because both hubby and son are watching and something's taping. And for whatever reason, some channels black out when Mom is watching. We've even tried switching boxes. So she can watch 500 other stations, but whines because C-Span 3 won't work! The phone is another issue. We were goign to go to cell phones only before they showed up. No one we want to talk to calls us on the land line anyway. Hubby's out in the yard, digging a trench, covered in mud, and Dad brings him the phone because the nice voice asked for him! It was the Cancer society, askign for a donation. The last time I talked to them, I told them I was already supoorting 2 cancer patients, and didn't have any more money. I thought they'd go away. Next time I'm going to ask them to send me some money, since I'm knee-deep in this!
Venting....and worried about hubby, too. Yup, never a dull moment around here.
Ladee-can S shake his money maker for all of us? Or better yet, a nap or peace and quiet maker? :)
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Have a few minutes before heading out to make M happy today.... I did feel so bad for her yesterday, bad reaction to the transfusions.... hope she got some good rest last night, know she is going to be tired and weak today.... S was a little agitated yesterday when M wasn't home , he does that sometimes, but was too tired myself, and I tried to set on my money maker as much as I could catch a break yesterday...this is bringing back memeories of being a live in... words can not express how much I respect those that do this 24/7..... I've done that, said I would never do it again... so extra angels and prayers to all of you never getting a break..... God please have Mercy on all caregivers.... we are so tired, so numb, so stressed, and thank You for letting us find each other... I could NOT do this without ya'lll......... so much love and respect for each and every one of you..... hugs across the miles in all directions......
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Ladee I wory that you are getting to worn out with the split shifts-wish I was near you to give you a great hug and help in some way.
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My grandmother can get so irritable in the mornings. If I come in to check on her while she is listening to radio news in bed, she gets upset. When I walk past her, she hides what she is doing, which makes me want to investigate more. She wants to be left alone to read and write religious and political things during the day, and when she gets angry, she walks quickly to her bedroom and slams the door because she says she wants privacy. She is on blood pressure medication and a tiny dose of Seroquel in the evenings.The Seroquel causes her to have slight lip and tongue movements, but she can't sleep without it. I worry about leaving her alone for more than an hour or 2 even though she says she feels ok. We live together and there is a lot of tension in the house. We rarely leave home and friends only call once in a while, so I'm glad to have the internet to vent.
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Musiclover......b4 i respond to ur post....wat kind of music do you love?? I'm curious becuz i have the same love for music n i should have thought of that name to describe myself...instead i chose to be known as the "parentals slave 24/7"..lol
Anyway, i can only imagine the tension that u must be living with. I don't think i would leave her alone for more than an hour...i would b really nervous. My father, who is 82 n has ALZ, still lives at home with mom, n he still puts on an act that he can be left alone, but i just don't trust the situation. Go with ur gut on that one...it has never failed me. Wat ur doing is a wonderful thing. I kno it doesnt feel like it, especially wen u r so isolated from others and your home doesnt really feel like home becuz of the situation. Keep posting here. This group is a riot, and everything in between. Bring ur problems here n any one of the ladies n gents that hover this thread will be glad to help u out. We can make u laugh, too.....but that cost extra!!!!! Hang in there...Let me hear back..i'm interested to know about ur music. Huge hugs...
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Hi beckncall, I like many types of music but pop/rock is my favorite, especially 80s. I like to see local live cover bands play near our home and take photos of them when I can. (I've been a serious amateur photographer for a few years.) I have a driving fear so I don't get out much, but we have a small stage area just around the block where bands play in the summer for free. We also have lots of pretty flowers around the house that I photograph.

My grandma is 87 and hasn't been diagnosed with Alz or dementia that I know of, but she can be a handful at times, and I'm not the easiest to live with either because of anxiety and depression. I worry about her all the time, but she doesn't want me to hover around her and watch what she does. She is very opinionated and feels she needs to write letters to anyone who will listen. (I won't listen anymore.) She can do some cooking, & wash dishes, and get to the restroom on her own, but needs help dressing, opening bottles, and grocery shopping. Her eyesight has gotten worse in the past few months, which really disturbs her because she wants to read all the time. I think its caused from cataracts and medication. When a friend or family member calls, she acts fine and cheerful like nothing is wrong. They don't know what we go through daily. Weekends are tough because there isn't much on tv to keep her occupied.
Thanks for the hugs & best of luck with your father also.
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Thank you not, for saying such kind things. Sister would definitely not go for the letter thing. It has to be her idea, her way and nothing more. Me, being a Protestant and poor, then I am stupid according to her. So thanks for the suggestion.
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brandywine-whatever your sis thinks, we know you are NOT stupid! You are a Caregiver, which means you are wonderful, hard-working, giving, and one of the special people on this planet. Hugs.
We really need those t-shirts...LOL
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Okay, my brain is stuck on t-shirts and I love words. So this popped into my head. Anyone want to add to it? Feel free to change mine...I'd love to see what everyone comes up with.
Once we design them, we can wear them in the Laundry Room! (for newer people, that's a place in our heads where we can hide and be silly. Comes from me having to hide in the laundry room to talk to my sis, so Mom wouldn't hear me! )
I am a CAREGIVER:
Compassionate
A
Resourceful
Energetic
Giving
Inspired
Vocal
E
Respectful

I am also:
Crabby
Angry
Resentful
Exhausted
Grieving
Isolated
V
Empty
Righteous
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Notlike, I am wanting the last one.... give me a day to regroup and I will add to this.... yes we need shirts.... that are plastic so nothing can stain them, they need to have earbuds on little wires that stick up from the collar, and it needs to be written in Chinese so our charges don't get what they say..... so yeah, give me some time... good idea here..... love ya'll
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I am also the counselor, the caregiver, the chauffeur, the dishwasher, the housecleaning lady, the parent, and the nurse just to name a few. ; )
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