This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
man not this person that looks like him. His anger is happening more often now. Not with me but with some of our neighbors. They can't seem to understand that they should not argue or debate anything with him. One of the neighbor a 31 year old man that we have known for about 10 years wants to tease him. I have talk to this person many about doing this. Why want they listen to me when I try to explain. Wanda
Thanks,
Carol
Wanda, so sorry about your husband, too. I feel confident his anger is becoming more and more often because that is what I am hearing alzheimer's will do to a person. When they become fearful, anxious, frustrated - they lash out, hurting the ones they love. And the teasing neighbor will some day pay for his actions.
Brandywine, I am new to this site - and finding it an excellent source to find some comfort in my negative world. That is why I have this logo of a sun with bright smile and glasses. I am trying to stay positive with a smile, but my dark glasses hide the tear ridden eyes from all the crying I do. I'm a strong person but I just don't understand how a person can turn on you so fast - one moment nice, the next moment attack mode full of insults. I need to find a rubber room, too, lol.
I don't know what your mom is eating now, but I would strongly advise against a feeding tube. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but she does not need heroic measures to keep her alive while her dementia continues to progress. She can be kept comfortable and, from the sounds of her medical directive, would want to be allowed to pass peacefully. That can be done.
My dad had a feeding tube for a while and it brought on constant and severe diarrhea. My dad did not have dementia or I would have never agreed to a feeding tube. Personally, in retrospect, I wish I had not done the feeding tube because, while my dad can eat now, there is nothing else that he can do.
I am sending you lots of love, best wishes and comfort. End of life decisions are so difficult, but you have to look at the big picture. In your mom's case they seem pretty clear. Hugs, Cattails
Ohiogal, vent, vent, and VENT some more. Alzheimer's disease is such a robbing disease n I lost my grandma due to it years ago n now the mnl has it too for about 2yrs. Look for the blue top tabs n hold your mouse over it n it should drop down with other resources n such. Take advantage of them too.
Today was my 10th yr post-kidney transplant so we all drove up to Newnan Georgia n shopped n ate out. Mnl got her some shoes, hubby got him some shoes n I got me a hat to help keep the sun off of me beings I found out from my last visit from Piedmont Hospital that I am 3 times faster to get skin cancer because of the meds I have to take. Better safe than sorry. Mnl had a great time, grumbled a bit but you could tell she enjoyed herself n that is all that matter is that we all enjoyed ourselves and together. It must going to storm. ; )
I hope everyone is able to get a good night rest...
Today she said she was sick but the nurse said she was okay. Dementia robs a person of so much. I don't think my mother knows how she feels. She ate well yesterday but today would not eat. She has gotten lots of attention because of this swallowing issue and I think that has convinced her she is sick. This testing will only make it worse.
Everyone here has so many problems and I so wish there was a way to make this easier. I'm hoping that a break through or some kind will be found for Alz and Dementia as with the baby boomers, of which I am one, will be there and it is not going to be easy for caregivers.
So funny, never thought I would be in this situation with my Mother.
Thanks and the best to all.
Carol
Cmag- Glad that you had a better day with your mom. How's the man cave these days? And the wife?
Ladeee- Hey there wildchild. How's our Sonny man doing? Has he been shakin his money maker today? lol.
Jam- How is target doing these days?
Welcome Newcomers- You have found a home away from home!!!!! Hope you like it here!!!
Bookworm- Dad has not always done the clicking sound and burping right afterwards, it's just been in the last 6 or 7 months. It's like he done it one time and it was on after that. Been doing it ever since. My brother and i were talking about it one day the clicking and burping and my brother had me rolling laughing cause he said that it sounded like dad was calling a horse with the clicking sound. That's what it sounds like. I have no idea why he does it or if it is coming from swallowing air, the pleural effusion, or if it has just become a habit for him. But it sure is aggravating.
Well not much went on today dad is still the same. I was soo ready to get outta there today. Dad fell asleep and i left him a note telling him i was going to pick up connor at daycare and i got outta there. Some days over there it seems like the clock has stopped. Well i hope all of ya'll have a good weekend. Love and hugs stormyyy
It may take a while before your estrogen level drops substantially. When you are ready, I think you should see your GYN. Remember that you are under stress too with your MIL, and often hormones diminish more quickly under stress, so that could be escalating things. Given the medical issues you have to keep in mind, I'm hesitant to recommend anything, but Flaxseed can be helpful. Whatever you do, make sure that your other docs are in the loop to any changes you make in medications or supplements.
You live in a warm climate. I use to and then moved to Washington state. Big difference in how I felt. No hot flashes after I moved here. Keep a fan in your bedroom at night to help keep you cool.
Big hugs my friend. Sending love, fans, and flax seed. Cattails.
My wife is doing better since her psychiatrist increased her level of wellbutrin for depression.
Someone mentioned earlier about stress and hormones. I can testify to that too for my endocrinologist has had to increase my dose of androgel to keep my testosterone level normal. The various meds that I'm on have made it necessary to take more B-12 and Folic Acid. So far this week, I've had 3 good days with 2 depressed days. This is an improvement over other weeks.
We bombed the house today for bugs but were not totally successful. I think we have some water bugs that survived and must find a way to get rid of.
So yesterday we visited the podiatrist, her nails look great & she qualifies to go every 10 weeks, pd by medicare! The best part is she likes him! By the way her imaginary beautiful feet were diagnosed with nail fungus, bunions, hammer toe, a painful condition of the ball of the foot & a circulatory condition. The best news for me...no home care needed!!! I don't have to touch them again!!! I feel much better..
No Stormy, S didn't shake his money maker yesterday, he gets very antsy when M isn't there as the day progresses... she had problems with her transfusions yesterday, they had to stop them and give her something for nausea and vomiting and she started running fever with chills... this happens sometimes.... So it was a very long day for her....very weak when she got home.. finally got her in bed and settled, told the daughter to take S for a few hours, and let her sleep... daughter was not happy with that request, but she did it..... have to go in for a few hours today, and then I am coming home and sleeping the rest of the day.... it's that kind of tired where you know sleep isn't going to help... we all know what that is.....at some point we just hit a wall and move like robots.....
Went to bed when I finally got home and now I'm awake, not good... but will try to catch a few more zzzz's then go do this all over again.... we are like hamsters in a wheel.....
more later, hopefully... love ya'll, and sorry I haven't had time or energy to get caught up with everyone.... prayers for everyone...... hugs
t
cadarn-Hugs to you for being in this situation. If her wishes are no feeding tube, you can rest easy knowing that is what she wants. Your support for her choice is worth more than letting them put one in and keeping her alive a bit longer. Focus on what can be done to keep her comfortable instead.
Ohio-Love the sun and glasses!
hadassah - good for you! You got done what needed to be done. And it's not lying - it's creative fact management :)
lildeb-do you feel the storm building? I worry, too, that any good times will be shortly followed by Mom's version of thunder and lightening. Because we are all still trying to all live together and get used to each other, I'm not sure if the next storm will be over something small, or if the really big storm will come next time the cancer pops up. Either way, I know it's coming.
Been a rough week here for Hubby. My normally sane, good guy finally hit a wall of stress. Some of it is work - he has to go out of state again tomorrow for a few days, and that's really not normal for his job. Alot of it is the parents. I swear, if we hear one more complaint about the TV's, I'm goign to toss them all out and buy radios! We can only have 4 TV's on at a time, or 3 and a recording. I don't even have cable on mine - just an antenae for local stations so I can watch one of my shows. The rest I have to tape and watch when I can "borrow" hubby's TV. You'd think they were missing War of the Worlds if one of them can't watch because both hubby and son are watching and something's taping. And for whatever reason, some channels black out when Mom is watching. We've even tried switching boxes. So she can watch 500 other stations, but whines because C-Span 3 won't work! The phone is another issue. We were goign to go to cell phones only before they showed up. No one we want to talk to calls us on the land line anyway. Hubby's out in the yard, digging a trench, covered in mud, and Dad brings him the phone because the nice voice asked for him! It was the Cancer society, askign for a donation. The last time I talked to them, I told them I was already supoorting 2 cancer patients, and didn't have any more money. I thought they'd go away. Next time I'm going to ask them to send me some money, since I'm knee-deep in this!
Venting....and worried about hubby, too. Yup, never a dull moment around here.
Ladee-can S shake his money maker for all of us? Or better yet, a nap or peace and quiet maker? :)
Anyway, i can only imagine the tension that u must be living with. I don't think i would leave her alone for more than an hour...i would b really nervous. My father, who is 82 n has ALZ, still lives at home with mom, n he still puts on an act that he can be left alone, but i just don't trust the situation. Go with ur gut on that one...it has never failed me. Wat ur doing is a wonderful thing. I kno it doesnt feel like it, especially wen u r so isolated from others and your home doesnt really feel like home becuz of the situation. Keep posting here. This group is a riot, and everything in between. Bring ur problems here n any one of the ladies n gents that hover this thread will be glad to help u out. We can make u laugh, too.....but that cost extra!!!!! Hang in there...Let me hear back..i'm interested to know about ur music. Huge hugs...
My grandma is 87 and hasn't been diagnosed with Alz or dementia that I know of, but she can be a handful at times, and I'm not the easiest to live with either because of anxiety and depression. I worry about her all the time, but she doesn't want me to hover around her and watch what she does. She is very opinionated and feels she needs to write letters to anyone who will listen. (I won't listen anymore.) She can do some cooking, & wash dishes, and get to the restroom on her own, but needs help dressing, opening bottles, and grocery shopping. Her eyesight has gotten worse in the past few months, which really disturbs her because she wants to read all the time. I think its caused from cataracts and medication. When a friend or family member calls, she acts fine and cheerful like nothing is wrong. They don't know what we go through daily. Weekends are tough because there isn't much on tv to keep her occupied.
Thanks for the hugs & best of luck with your father also.
We really need those t-shirts...LOL
Once we design them, we can wear them in the Laundry Room! (for newer people, that's a place in our heads where we can hide and be silly. Comes from me having to hide in the laundry room to talk to my sis, so Mom wouldn't hear me! )
I am a CAREGIVER:
Compassionate
A
Resourceful
Energetic
Giving
Inspired
Vocal
E
Respectful
I am also:
Crabby
Angry
Resentful
Exhausted
Grieving
Isolated
V
Empty
Righteous