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brandywine, your sister don't know diddly squat of the stuff that u do, give up n gain as a caregiver. You r not 'poor' nor 'stupid!' You r the caregiver, whom has passion, loving, hard-working, inspiring and giving. Your sister cannot buy any of these great qualities that you have within yourself, for you r a very 'rich-person.' ; )
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Today was a very bad around the mnl n y'all may have seen my venting on other places. She started off first thing this morning with the hubby. All he did was asked her to fix herself a bowl of cereal so she could take her meds. I know she don't like to eat much at breakfast or really anything so we try to get her to eat at least a half bowl of cereal n she gets all pissy over that. I try to explain if she don't eat enough the medicine will make her sick. I even told her that I am not a breakfast eater but if I don't won't to get sick I have to eat a certain amount. It didn't help. I guess yesterday was such a good day that, for sure we r not allowed have another one in a row. no,no,no..
The rest of the day she just been this person with several nasty remarks. I decided to cut grass to relieve my stress. I must had been more stressful than I thought for I cut backyard n the front/back yard where she use to live. I am feeling it now. Hubby used the weed wacker to help himself. Their was just no talking to her today. She finally took her a so call non-naps that she don't never do. Oh please. I made her one of her favorite meals-mac/cheese n chicken fingers for I figure that comfort food might help her to settle down. She did somewhat n hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for all of us.
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I am thawing out hamburger patties for dinner and just relaxing but still tad tired from my drinking and venting with my best friend ...and she needs some venting too. I can almost guaranteed that before my son is in school he will be ready to listen to his teachers but the school didnt send me paperwork for my son. on a good note got one of my 2 tax refunds to go towards bills and then after i pay off my credit card and have some left over gonna buy my psp for them long drives to the doctors with hubby that goes to phoenix...will update ya on what the pumonlogist has to say regarding his emeyma come sometime after next wednesday.
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OMG, I almost had a major crisis here..... it's so hot in my crummy Grapes of Wrath Wagon, that my whole bag of Dark Chocolate Kisses, (full of protien i might add!!) were too soft... so I opened the tops, squeezed it like toothpaste and had my nightly dose of protein.... never ever ever underestimate a caregiver to problem solve...... NEVER...
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ladee.....NOW i understand where the "problem child" in u comes from.!!!! Didn't ur mother ever tell u that squeezin anything too hard.......well......its gonna blow...lol
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I must have been more than tired than usual yesterday. I knocked out and slept through the whole night. Didn't even wake up for restroom break or for mom's coughing up phlegm. I woke up at 615am, and found lots of black ants all over her...there was a Trail of them! I tried not to panic...at least this time, I didn't find them all over her eyes, not moving (busy eating her eyes) or at her G-tube in the stomach. Today, they were all over her trache area. I had to clear them all as much as possible off the bed, then took the baby oil (just for this situation) and wiped down all the bed legs, suction machine and all tubes and wiring connected or touching her bed. The ants like my dad. He feeds them with his water/vinegar/honey mixture. They find him, then eventually they find mom. When he eats, he wipes his fingers on the bedsheet and not on the napkin. I have put 2 small trashcans beside his bed, side-by-side, and he still misses it and his dirty napkins fall on the floor.

notlike...does any of these help with your T-shirt for caregiver...1st caregiver (positive -front view?) A for Accessible....E for Efficient....then 2nd caregiver (backview?) V for Victimized (by family members)...?? I like your idea.
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Ok, Notlike...here's my contribution to the lists...love this idea:
I am a Caregiver:
Compassionate
Adaptable
Responsive
Energetic
Grateful
Intuitive
Vocal
Ernest
Respectful

I am also:
Cranky
Angry
Ragged
Exhausted
Grumpy
Isolated
Vacant
Explosive
Resentful

Thats my contribution....can't wait to wear 1 of these. Does it go with diamonds??...lol ...hugs
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OMG....bookworm.....u deserve more than this earth could possibly give you in return for all you do as a caregiver. That is some rough stuff...i don't know if i would be strong enough to handle that.....God love ya....Stay strong....hugs, hugs, hugs
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Thank you very much for your comments. They helped a lot. I know that I shouldn't put my life on hold, but on the other hand, I don't know how not to. I didn't even get a haircut for the first 6 months or go to the doctor. I need to somehow find time for me. We found out we were infertile 2 months before my Dad got sick. Ever since I feel like I barely have time to shower. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I also take care of my 3 year old nephew during the week so I am super busy between the both of them. I just haven't figured out to get some of my life back yet. Hopefully since all the house selling, buying, and moving is over I will. OhioGal I can't imagine taking care of somebody with Alzheimer's. I have seen how it changes people. Thank you for your comment. I am so glad to know other people understand. Are there depends that are good for night time by any chance? I do use the pull up kind but he leaks through them frequently. Thanks again I appreciate your comments and support.
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Beck, come on now, it was CHOCOLATE, you know I was gentle........!!!!!!!!
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ladee...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah...(breath)..hahahahahahahahahahahah
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Bookworm- Lord i know you were having a fit with them ants. My dad has a trach and a feeding tube also. I don't know what i would have done if i would have walked in and saw ants crawling all over him I probably would have thought that he had died. I know that was something trying to get ants from around the trach. And the machines, dad has those too. I just about looks like a hospital at his house with all the machines he has everywhere. And he misses the trash can too all the time. I have my little puppy lily that goes with me everyday over there and she is constantly getting his spit napkins and running all over the house and tearing them up. So i chase her and spit napkins for part of the day at dads (for my exercise). I have a tall kitchen trash can (a extra one) at my house and i keep saying that i am going to carry it to dads house and put it by his chair so maybe then he can get those spit napkins in the trash instead of on the floor. Huh. It is so gross having to pick those things up. So i know where u are coming from with the trach stuff.
Girls, i love the t-shirt ideas. When can i pick my up? Love and hugs to all of ya'll. Stormyyy
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Angel..my dad pees a lot - prostate problem. I have to use double pampers on him. First of all, I strongly recommend for bedwetters, the washable bed pads. I found some very strong long lasting ones in Amazon.com under the company called BhMedwear. They still sell the good quality ones. Others are cheaper but they easily rip (hear the saying you get what you pay for?) I use this on top of the bed so that IF the pampers fail, it will only wet the bedpad and not the whole bed ...and then you won't have to change all the blankets/sheetings.

Now for his pampers...I borrowed this from when he was in the hospital, which uses Unigard Plus (adult incontinent briefs). My SIL showed me how to wrap his "private" with the Unigard. It's already folded from the warehouse. All you need to do, is make a long slit on the center of it, insert his private in, and THEN, you tape up his Depend pamper as you normally do. Oh, I use the Depend pamper that has tapes on the side....It's the pamper with the ORANGE color with the words, "Adjustable with TABS."

KMart ran out of the Medium/Small size Depends. So I bought the Large. I'm finding that the Large is not so good at all. His pooh/pee tends to leak on the side because it's a bit big on him. KMart is the only one on island who sells the pampers with the Adjustable Tabs. All other stores sells the Pull-ups.

The red color with words Adjustable Underwear is the Pull-ups. I made the mistake of buy 3 pkgs. It's currently sitting in the room being unused. I'm planning to donate it to the respite caregivers. Because dad is bedridden, I have no use for the pull-ups. Can you imagine how messy it would get if he poohs? Ugh!!! I hope this helps you.
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Forgot to mention...when referring to my father's as the "private part" instead of the "p----" because I'm really uncomfortable saying it. I've been abused as a child. When I change his pampers, I literally blank out my mind and clean him THERE. If I Really Look and See what I'm cleaning, I get all nauseated and I want to Hurt him. So, to help me get through this, I watch the TV while changing his pampers and I blank my mind to what I'm doing. When he gets mad because I don't Really Clean him down there, I blow up and tell him that if he's not happy about it, he can change his own damn pampers himself. He's learned to just shut up and show all these disapproving faces. He's one very dirty old man. So, please understand when I use those words...I'm not being a prude..I'm trying to handle a situation that I really, really loathe! ...I will write more but time to change their pampers..again..
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Bookworm Angels are taking care of you!!!!! Prayers prayer and more. I don't think I could do what u do in that situation. God bless.
Notllike for me would be caged trapped and lonely. Right now anger and resentful also comes to mind. Have been in a bad place for awhile...don't know why as this past week or so the day and night routines have not been too awful. Brother came yesterday so I had a night at my place away...been praying for.a.better attitude. Getting along with mom has been very trying lately. And feeling like I am an outsider when it comes to her and my brother. Seems to me they play little games and I am supposed to know what is.going on by osmosis.
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Vickie Vic, maybe praying for forgivness with your brother will help you some.... this started when you realized the games being played, and your resentment that you are doing all of the caregiving is very normal..... go talk to your priest about this, it is eating you up from the inside... you get your own blessings here.... and yes that sounds shallow when you are in the trenches everyday..... you are hurt, acknoldege that hurt, it is reasonable and valid.... none of this makes you 'less than', and yes this is all words words words..... ask God to help you heal those feelings..... and if you can't move forward, then it's been past time for you to make other arrangments for thier care...which I know you won't do.... pick your pain here Vickie Vic.... you are so hurt and angry at your mom.... it's ok, there is reason to be hurt and angry... so are you going to let someone elses agenda ruin your health, your sanity???? You have an awesome husband that loves you more than words can say, children that love you, friends that love you... so pick out of the two, your mom or the others that love you, to validate your self worth..... finding out something like this in the middle of all your sacrifices is a very hard road to travel.... and I do understand.... you are loved by many, you are loved by your mom, but this is eating you up.... get some counseling... get on anti's, do something.... but I am worried about what all this is doing to you..... you are loved , you are awesome, you are Vickie Vic, not another like you on the planet.... I am blessed to have you in my life...... I wasn't the favorite either, and in the long run it turned out to be a blessing...... love you, and love you some more.....
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beck, vic. Thanks. I just gotta do what I gotta do. Therapist did note that I don't know how to say No. He even questioned me several times why I don't leave the parents. I kept telling him repeatedly of God's command to Honor your father and your mother..and honoring them includes taking care them. Plus, if I left, and they died, I would feel so guilty. Cuz, I know that I can take care of them better than anyone. When he said that command of Honor the parents and my application of it...is a matter of interpretation. I was shocked (but didn't show it.) But in my head, I remembered thinking, "Oh boy! This is why my religion frowned upon therapy! Oh boy!" Uhmmm..I'm doing therapy without telling religion. Well, it's either suicide or therapy. I chose therapy...and you guys ...also frowned upon (online -that is). But, I'm no longer in the deep dark hole so I must have chosen right.

Stormy, several years ago, I was on a business trip. I met this older woman. I mentioned mom being bedridden. She told me about her grandma being bedridden too. Her relatives built this wooden structure that she layed on. They even cut a hole on it so that her butt goes on it. Then when she needs to use the "restroom" she proceeds to do so. When she died, they found ants on her bottom.The ants had eaten some of her flesh. She was crying when she told this story. She looked me in the eye and made me promise to keep a sharp eye on my mom. To watch out for the ants because they will eat her. So, I was on the lookout since then.
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You all had me LOL here this morning! I love all your ideas for what a Caregiver is...and some of them made me think really hard about what we do every day. I'm thinking of a Chinese version, in plastic, with diamons studs on the collar! :)
Ladee-leave it to you to find a way to get your protein! Hugs.
lildeb-Wouldn't it be nice if we could schedule the good days and bad days? Why does a really good day always result in an equally bad one? Sigh...
bookworm-I have one word for you, with what you're goign through, and that's STRONG. Prayers and hugs. You are amazing for handeling all that so well.
Vic-Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Are you taking anything for how you feel? It gets overwhelming at times...we're here for you.
Hope everyone has a peaceful moment today. There's so much work to do here, I might just give up and go take a nap.
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Bookworm...u r a very courageous woman..I admire ur commitment under extremely difficult circumstances..love n hugs
Vic...im so sry u r in such inner turmoil. All i can say is, as usual, ladees advice is right on. I will be praying for u that u find some peace...u deserve it...many hugs
Notlike...u realize that this t-shirt idea must now come to fruition!!! I'm lovin the chinese version and plastic idea...n i MUST insist on the diamonds. Afterall....i do have a reputation to uphold!!!!! lol .....huge hugs to u
Ladee....u go girl with ur wisdom.....it's priceless...LYL
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Does anyone know how to block an incoming number on a cell phone...!!! Being harrassed by a family memeber and am just too damned tired to go to jail, which kicking some ass is my first choice.... but will wait for replies....
And Bookworm, I think we are all simply amazed at who you are... not only what you do, but not taking the easy way out, going against relegion and family to get help.... Strong doesn't even cover it..... makes my days nothing compared to yours...... sending you tons of hugs,,,, and lots of prayers... thank you for sticking around, we are all being so blessed by your prescense here...... you are just amazing.....
And Notlike, am still thinking about what my letters are going to stand for.... I am a tad stressed today with this family shit, so maybe i will wait until tomorrow, mine would be really really ugly right now...... where us my steam coming from the ears emoticon when I need it.... love ya'll.
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Ladee......BIG COWPATTIE TO YOU!!!!! Now if you could only pass it through the phone.......can help you with the number block.....

Since Ladee isn't in the right frame of mind to do the caregiving thing, I will offer my suggestion........from the worst days of my former job......which is what we face every day:

Crap
Aches
Rashes
Excrement
Gastritis
Incontinence
Vomit
Ichiness
Nastiness
Grossness

Sputum
Urine
Crap
Kaka-poo-poo
Shit

Didn't say it would be pleasant, but it is true!!!!!!!

Ladee doesn't want to go to jail........Seeme's version of a spa........

Vic, Ladee had some good suggestions, especially about going to see the priest. They are supposed to have enough schooling to help with all kinds of relationships. Ask him for spiritual help......because it is a spiritual problem. And you know you need break in the worst way.......you are too close to see how bad you need it.......I mean REAL AWAY time.
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meant CAN'T help you with the block
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Seeme...ur list describes my life wen raising my kids.......now it describes all the bodily functions i do before i leave my house every morning!!!!!!!! lol
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Ok all..had a reall heart to heart today..have decided to forgive ..funny ladee..was reading today and had those light bulb moments..great minds! I was very kind to him and will play nice with mom. Forgot that when I was growing up that we were taught about 'offering up' the sufferings we encounter though out the day. It means that these things we are going through we offer them up God usually with prayers for the salvation of souls. I know you two are right about talking to my priest. Will do that soon. I am taking drugs..lithely help. Funny my brother started to get huffy this afternoon when I came back...just killed him with kindness and matter of fact talk.it worked. You are right that the things they talk about don't really matter..I know mom loves me and I have to just be kind. What gets me is there is no communication . A couple of weeks ago when brother was here dad had a mild stroke..it passed with no damage..the point is brother never called or sent a text in the last two weeks asking how he and mom were. Guess out of sight out of mind... you all are right and Seeme..so wish I could get some real time away!! Not to be..so will take these periodic times with all the gusto I can. I love you guys and am so blessed by each of you. Love and hugs...I am in a better place right now. It isn't about me and I have to offer up the crosses I encounter throughout the days.
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Oh ladee..lok in you settings on your phone..there should be an option to block .. Or call the phone provider and they should be able to walk you through. Love ya girl!
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Vickie Vic, it's just messed up the situation you are in, but I have complete faith that you will do what it takes to make yourself happy.... it really DOESN'T matter what they talk about... I have been upset for a little while myself today because of family crap, but it just is what it is...turned it over in prayer, God, this really has nothing to do with me, help those involved to have a happy and meaningful life.... In AA it's called the resentment prayer.... and as long as i've been clean it works EVERYTIME.... I pray for the person I have issues with to have everything I want out of my own life.... whatever that might be for you sweetie, and I promise you, you pray that prayer and before long you really start to mean it...and believe me, I have started that prayer is some situations thru gritted teeth, but after praying it for awhile, I find I really don't feel the same.... don't ask me how it works, I just know it does..... and very proud of you.... you are OUR special Vickie Vic, WE care what you think, how you feel, what's bothering you, what makes you happy or sad.... we don't get to pick our family, but we do get to pick our friends.... none of us showed up on this sight or this thread by accident..... ya'll are my family, the ones I count on, the ones that care and the ones that really matter to me,,,, these other people, well, I start to think of them as card board cut out people after awhile.... they don't live on the same compassionate plain I do.... but I pray for them stilll..... it keeps it from eating me alive, taking over my brain and heart.... because I have all ya'll.... hmmmm, sounds like I'm the winner here... and you are too, so, know you are loved... know you are appreciated, valued, honored, and we do give a big happy damn if you are listened to.....We listen to you..... we always hear you... so am happy to hear you are trying something different.... what ever it takes to get you a few feet down the road..... love, hugs, angels..... and more love...
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Vic-many, many hugs to you. I like Ladee's prayer. Glad you are finding some peace.
seeme-yuck! and oh, so true.
Waiting on Ladee's take on Caregiver, and anyone else who wants to chime in. I am really gonna look online and see if some kind of t-shirt could be made. Hmm...
Hubby's gone again. Praying for a quiet few days. Was at a large family party earlier - everyone wants to know how the parents are doing. The fact that I'm usually going crazy seems immaterial to them. That's why I love you all - you know what it's like to do this job.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Compassionate
Analytical
Ready
Earpeice
Generous
Inventive
Voracaious
Entertaining
Responsible......On the good days these are priorty... on bad days this is what I bottle up inside
Confusion
Anger
Rudeness
Eeeeeeeya!!!
Grumbling
Insanity
Verbs
Erratic
Resistant...
I'm sure when I have a working brain cell, then I'll do an HONEST one.... lol
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Ok..here's some notlike ...
Creative
Resilient
Nurse
Maid
Compassionate
Bad guy..when having to say no
Good listener

Ladee..thanks for the reminder..I know that prayer and in all the hoopla..I forgot! You guys are the best and have pulled me out of the dumps many times you are my family too! Today is a new day and a day to make a difference! Love and prayers
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Alrighty then, here it is Monday already, like one day is different than all the rest, huh???? Vickie Vic, so happy to see you a little lighter with your load... I go there myself sometimes... we just get too tired to problem solve our own stuff..... just something so simple can put us back on track.... so happy to hear you are feeling better today..... love ya....
Sorry for not welcoming the new folks, and won't even bother to try and get caught up... just will wait to see what is happening from here..... ya'll know I only have a few brain cells that work, so have to use them accordingly.... one for work, one for my son, one for me, and of course one for ya'll...... I thank God everyday I have at least 4....
Dr's appt for son today, then back to work for evening... will be glad when M gets her strength back so I can stop doing these evenings.... I know, wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh from all of you doing this 24/7.... but see a few of us have to not work so hard so we can be here for you..... and then there are days, no matter how hard you've worked that day, you are here for me.... love it when a plan comes together.....
So blessings for each of you, one moment of respite, know you are appreciated for everything you do...... hugs across the miles.....
Oh, couldn't find my shampoo this morning, had to use Dawn dish detergent, uhhh, I don't recommend it..... WalMart after my day settled down.....any excuse to go to Walmart, that is a Caregivers vacation, sad, isn't it.
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