This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
The rest of the day she just been this person with several nasty remarks. I decided to cut grass to relieve my stress. I must had been more stressful than I thought for I cut backyard n the front/back yard where she use to live. I am feeling it now. Hubby used the weed wacker to help himself. Their was just no talking to her today. She finally took her a so call non-naps that she don't never do. Oh please. I made her one of her favorite meals-mac/cheese n chicken fingers for I figure that comfort food might help her to settle down. She did somewhat n hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day for all of us.
notlike...does any of these help with your T-shirt for caregiver...1st caregiver (positive -front view?) A for Accessible....E for Efficient....then 2nd caregiver (backview?) V for Victimized (by family members)...?? I like your idea.
I am a Caregiver:
Compassionate
Adaptable
Responsive
Energetic
Grateful
Intuitive
Vocal
Ernest
Respectful
I am also:
Cranky
Angry
Ragged
Exhausted
Grumpy
Isolated
Vacant
Explosive
Resentful
Thats my contribution....can't wait to wear 1 of these. Does it go with diamonds??...lol ...hugs
Girls, i love the t-shirt ideas. When can i pick my up? Love and hugs to all of ya'll. Stormyyy
Now for his pampers...I borrowed this from when he was in the hospital, which uses Unigard Plus (adult incontinent briefs). My SIL showed me how to wrap his "private" with the Unigard. It's already folded from the warehouse. All you need to do, is make a long slit on the center of it, insert his private in, and THEN, you tape up his Depend pamper as you normally do. Oh, I use the Depend pamper that has tapes on the side....It's the pamper with the ORANGE color with the words, "Adjustable with TABS."
KMart ran out of the Medium/Small size Depends. So I bought the Large. I'm finding that the Large is not so good at all. His pooh/pee tends to leak on the side because it's a bit big on him. KMart is the only one on island who sells the pampers with the Adjustable Tabs. All other stores sells the Pull-ups.
The red color with words Adjustable Underwear is the Pull-ups. I made the mistake of buy 3 pkgs. It's currently sitting in the room being unused. I'm planning to donate it to the respite caregivers. Because dad is bedridden, I have no use for the pull-ups. Can you imagine how messy it would get if he poohs? Ugh!!! I hope this helps you.
Notllike for me would be caged trapped and lonely. Right now anger and resentful also comes to mind. Have been in a bad place for awhile...don't know why as this past week or so the day and night routines have not been too awful. Brother came yesterday so I had a night at my place away...been praying for.a.better attitude. Getting along with mom has been very trying lately. And feeling like I am an outsider when it comes to her and my brother. Seems to me they play little games and I am supposed to know what is.going on by osmosis.
Stormy, several years ago, I was on a business trip. I met this older woman. I mentioned mom being bedridden. She told me about her grandma being bedridden too. Her relatives built this wooden structure that she layed on. They even cut a hole on it so that her butt goes on it. Then when she needs to use the "restroom" she proceeds to do so. When she died, they found ants on her bottom.The ants had eaten some of her flesh. She was crying when she told this story. She looked me in the eye and made me promise to keep a sharp eye on my mom. To watch out for the ants because they will eat her. So, I was on the lookout since then.
Ladee-leave it to you to find a way to get your protein! Hugs.
lildeb-Wouldn't it be nice if we could schedule the good days and bad days? Why does a really good day always result in an equally bad one? Sigh...
bookworm-I have one word for you, with what you're goign through, and that's STRONG. Prayers and hugs. You are amazing for handeling all that so well.
Vic-Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Are you taking anything for how you feel? It gets overwhelming at times...we're here for you.
Hope everyone has a peaceful moment today. There's so much work to do here, I might just give up and go take a nap.
Vic...im so sry u r in such inner turmoil. All i can say is, as usual, ladees advice is right on. I will be praying for u that u find some peace...u deserve it...many hugs
Notlike...u realize that this t-shirt idea must now come to fruition!!! I'm lovin the chinese version and plastic idea...n i MUST insist on the diamonds. Afterall....i do have a reputation to uphold!!!!! lol .....huge hugs to u
Ladee....u go girl with ur wisdom.....it's priceless...LYL
And Bookworm, I think we are all simply amazed at who you are... not only what you do, but not taking the easy way out, going against relegion and family to get help.... Strong doesn't even cover it..... makes my days nothing compared to yours...... sending you tons of hugs,,,, and lots of prayers... thank you for sticking around, we are all being so blessed by your prescense here...... you are just amazing.....
And Notlike, am still thinking about what my letters are going to stand for.... I am a tad stressed today with this family shit, so maybe i will wait until tomorrow, mine would be really really ugly right now...... where us my steam coming from the ears emoticon when I need it.... love ya'll.
Since Ladee isn't in the right frame of mind to do the caregiving thing, I will offer my suggestion........from the worst days of my former job......which is what we face every day:
Crap
Aches
Rashes
Excrement
Gastritis
Incontinence
Vomit
Ichiness
Nastiness
Grossness
Sputum
Urine
Crap
Kaka-poo-poo
Shit
Didn't say it would be pleasant, but it is true!!!!!!!
Ladee doesn't want to go to jail........Seeme's version of a spa........
Vic, Ladee had some good suggestions, especially about going to see the priest. They are supposed to have enough schooling to help with all kinds of relationships. Ask him for spiritual help......because it is a spiritual problem. And you know you need break in the worst way.......you are too close to see how bad you need it.......I mean REAL AWAY time.
seeme-yuck! and oh, so true.
Waiting on Ladee's take on Caregiver, and anyone else who wants to chime in. I am really gonna look online and see if some kind of t-shirt could be made. Hmm...
Hubby's gone again. Praying for a quiet few days. Was at a large family party earlier - everyone wants to know how the parents are doing. The fact that I'm usually going crazy seems immaterial to them. That's why I love you all - you know what it's like to do this job.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Analytical
Ready
Earpeice
Generous
Inventive
Voracaious
Entertaining
Responsible......On the good days these are priorty... on bad days this is what I bottle up inside
Confusion
Anger
Rudeness
Eeeeeeeya!!!
Grumbling
Insanity
Verbs
Erratic
Resistant...
I'm sure when I have a working brain cell, then I'll do an HONEST one.... lol
Creative
Resilient
Nurse
Maid
Compassionate
Bad guy..when having to say no
Good listener
Ladee..thanks for the reminder..I know that prayer and in all the hoopla..I forgot! You guys are the best and have pulled me out of the dumps many times you are my family too! Today is a new day and a day to make a difference! Love and prayers
Sorry for not welcoming the new folks, and won't even bother to try and get caught up... just will wait to see what is happening from here..... ya'll know I only have a few brain cells that work, so have to use them accordingly.... one for work, one for my son, one for me, and of course one for ya'll...... I thank God everyday I have at least 4....
Dr's appt for son today, then back to work for evening... will be glad when M gets her strength back so I can stop doing these evenings.... I know, wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh from all of you doing this 24/7.... but see a few of us have to not work so hard so we can be here for you..... and then there are days, no matter how hard you've worked that day, you are here for me.... love it when a plan comes together.....
So blessings for each of you, one moment of respite, know you are appreciated for everything you do...... hugs across the miles.....
Oh, couldn't find my shampoo this morning, had to use Dawn dish detergent, uhhh, I don't recommend it..... WalMart after my day settled down.....any excuse to go to Walmart, that is a Caregivers vacation, sad, isn't it.