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UH Stormy, giving a titty shot on 290 with my granny bra on is one thing, the thought of me in a bikini makes me ill just thinking about it.... sorry kid, I can't do that to myself, much less the neighbors.....but thanks for the suggestion... hugs...
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Oh dam ladee, you crack me up.
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Ladee- You are so crazy girl!!! Love you!!! :)
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hello all....
it's been a few weeks since i was on here. just thought i'd check in with everyone and say "hello" :)
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Need Prayers and support ...tomorrow we see the lung doctor but the bitch of it is ...all of sudden I can't finish the login process for them to update the info they need and etc etc. LOL and thursday this is funny as hell I have to go to the bank and demand they closed the old joined account before i took over as payee for hubby on his ssdi. They put one of my refund checks i recieve in the mail in that account versus the other that i had to establish. Then went shopping and got decline so you can imagine how upset I was not able to get anything until i discover the error and call the 1 800 number to my bank and give them a good fit about it. At least Ill get a break from my kids tomorrow but not exactly from hubby. I have a problem developing with him and its driving me nuts...he is having crying spells over everything and then some. I recommend he go to the stress center and deal with it somehow but also get a break from us and talk to psychiatrist besides a therapist. I do not know if its the meds but he keeps resisting to go to the hospital and then he fights with me on days end but this and that...its driving me mad...I am almost close to going there myself but its getting to close to the school yr starting again. He thinks he will have surgery tomorrow and i told him its a prelim not an actual possiblity of it. so any suggestions ?
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My mom was always tough & agressive but now at 84 w/dimentia? she still can be.
As I have in cases you have to stand firm w/her that you will not accept her behavior..like a child.
(she will respect you for it)
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Burned do you have any time for you to get away a bit on a daily basis? Like taking a half hour walk or locking yourself in bathroom for a bit? My prayers go out to you ..
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burned.....you may have to start getting tough and making the decisions on when, where and how. Hubby needs to have a thorough check-up and if his current doctor doesn't see there is a problem, then take him to someone else. You don't have to change his specialists as long as they are doing the job.....it sounds like the primary isn't addressing all the issues. It's not only children that benefit from the "tough love"..........sometimes those hard-heads we are married to could use some! I'm living proof that doctors are the most stubborn, addle-brained creatures when it comes to their own health! Not once would Target make a diagnosis without benefit of some type of testing.....but he likes to armchair quarterback himself every day.............as if you can't tell I just had a few words! Good luck to you.....it's not easy but keep at it!
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Jst a quick post to say Good morning...or good afternoon for those east coast dwellers. I hope everyone has a good day, and i jst wanted to say that i love all u ladies, and u have become family to me. I always look forward to reading wats been going on with all of u. I think of all of u, throughout my day, and u r all in my prayers everyday. God Bless n stay strong....huge, huge, hugs
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My dear Jam....i'm right handed..lol BRING IT ON!!!!! love ya ,Jam....hugs
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Beck, good luck with the surgery. Ain't it something that we would think of surgery and its limitations as respite!!! And the first thing I think of is can you wipe your ass?!?! Wondered that about Ladee's son, too. My thoughts always go to shit.....

Prayers for my neighbor/friend/sister Kathy, who is in the hospital. Looks like they are leaning more to gall bladder rather than heart. Will hopefully know more later tonight.

I will try to keep up with you all when I am gone to Maine, but the huse does not have internet access. Please don't forget me, and be on the lookout for strange natural/un-natural goings on in the northeast the next 2 weeks. Might be me letting off steam................SeemeSue-nami!!!!!!!!
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I would love to get in the car and just drive, to get away from everything and everyone. My whole life sucks.
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Not doing well today. But best wishes to those here making headway.
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Hugs to those not having a good day, and to the new posters. Please keep coming back and let us know how you are.
Beck-your Mom must be a sister to Ladee's M and my Mom. Wouldn't it be nice if they just told us what was on their minds before there was a big caniption? Hugs.
Jam-I will keep the channel changing idea in mind for when she can no longer control the TV. Thanks. Your yard/house sound very pretty.
Ladee-Ah hell, just walk around naked! Since your neighbors are mostly stoned, they won't remember anyway. LOL Hugs to you, and thinking of S.
Today is Mom and Dad's 48th wedding anniveray. I won't go into trying to find a card (Hallmark doesn't make on that says Sorry you're so unhappy together). I made dinner and sis and I got them some gift certificates for resturants. She seemed happy, so that was good.
Took the day off today since we were slow at work. Did some yardwork, and took a nap. Nice day.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Why is the end of life so difficult ? We have called in hospice for my mother. I thought I was prepared for this but grief has overwhelmed me. I have had some very trying times in the 10 of so years I have really helped her. The last 8 years she has lived with my family. The dementia at times was impossible. When she broke her leg in January and had to go to the rehab/nursing home I thought I could relax a little bit. Not so. Seeing her everyday ; knowing she wasn't happy has made this even harder. I know in my mind I have done all I could for her but my heart is breaking. Though I knew the end was coming I thought I would handle it better. Not sure. Actually thought It would be a release; I know now I don't want to be released. When she is gone ; my rock is gone. Not sure what I will do when she is gone. Please pray for us. Thank you. Carol
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Tired of siblings who wont help care for their parent when in fact when the parent was able to help them they always showed up on their doorstep asking (and expecting because they knew they'd get their way) more and more and more to the point of rediculous.

The truth is that any child of an aging parent that neglects to do their part is nothing but a deadbeat and to call it anything else or make feble excuses is rediculous!

So drained on all levels... so very drained....
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Crystalbtrfly, unless the sib does a lot of things for the parent that no one knows about...and then it's called having no regrets..... sorry you are so drained... come back and let's see if we can help....
cadarn, none of us are ever really prepared.... when they are with us, all we see is the work, the stress, the exhaustion, when their end is near, then we see our life without them... it's pretty much the same for most of us.... grieving for your mom and being released from the exhausting caregiveing are two different things... I am sorry about mom, please keep us posted... hugs and prayers....
Ohiogal, sorry your day sucks, come back and visit and tell us what;s going on...
thetrog, you are not alone.... everyone here shook their head YES when they read your post... we all feel like that... but come back and let us get to know you, at least this will break up your day a little...
Notlike, LOL about the card, and I'm sure an old head shop somewhere has the card you are looking for... and the getting naked, well, the neighbors might forget , but I wouldn't.... sorry, it's hot, but not that hot..... love ya, glad ya got a day off..
SeemeSuenami, go give em hell in Maine.... you got all your cheerleader here, cheering you on... and bring ME back something..... love ya and have a safe trip....
well , the daughter laid the bomb on M today, she was NOT a happy camper.... but I finally told her after being glared at, There is nothing for you to take personal here, I AM TIRED.... so she has agreed to interview the person I picked..... told the lady, I got you this far, the rest is up to you..... so, I may actually feel like a human here real soon.... and I received such an awesome blessing today..... a friend of mine is going to get me another AC..... I am so blessed so many many times in my life, of friends helping me when I thought I couldn't breathe in or out one more day.... so I will be cool after this weekend, and will spare the universe the bikini or nude catastrophe that would ensue...gives me the shivers just thinking about it, not the new AC, the whole nude thing LOL....
Ok, prayers for the interview to go well with M, I so need a break here... I KNOW ya'll know what i mean.... love and hugs, going to bed.
Ooops, Beck, prayers for your suregery tomorrow, get in touch as soon as you can....
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Well in about 12 more hours I guess we will find out what is causing dad to have the recurring pleural effusion. Today he was saying that his shoulder was hurting on the same side that the original tumor was at. He wanted me to rub some cream on it and all i could think about was that is another sign that the cancer has gone to the lungs. Lord, i am going to be so nervous tomorrow at his drs appt. Don't know if i will be able to sleep.... Love and hugs to all stormyy
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Good Morning........can't sleep so fired up the computer to see what has been going on while I got a little sleep earlier.
beck......good luck with your surgery today....make sure to get good drugs so your respite is soooooo much nicer....:)
stormy....will be waiting to hear, let us know when you can.
ladee.....yippee on the air conditioner......and I'm sure Diva thanks you too. My brats don't know there is any other way to live.
seemesue......have a safe trip to Maine.....hope the in-laws are being good and minding their manners.
thetrog......yep, at one time or another we have all had that feeling.....then we realize we just have to turn around and come back and then look at all the gas we used! So tell us what is going on in your life and maybe we can help to lighten your load a little.
Ohiogal......what is going on to make your day lousy? Sometimes it helps to write it all down and share and then the burden doesn't seem as heavy as before.
Carol....sending prayers and hugs to you! Part of what makes us sad when we get to this point is having to face our own mortality now......not an easy thing to do. Even though we might want to keep our loved one with us, we all know in reality that won't occur......is there someone close to you that you can talk to with your feelings? Do you have some type of clergy that you can turn to? Depending on your beliefs, sometimes it helps to hear what is waiting for this new stage in their life.....makes the letting go a little easier.
Crystal.....sometimes others have valid reasons why they won't or can't help with the care of a loved one. I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid either. You won't change any of your siblings........I've been there also. I was always trying to get my sister to step up and help with my mother's care, but she always had some excuse....it didn't change and I didn't stop trying, yes it's frustrating. And guess who wailed and beat their chest the loudest when mom passed? I haven't spoken to sister yet and that was almost 2 years ago.
notlike....got a chuckle about the anniversary card. It reminded me that I spent a while yesterday looking for a card for my son and dil that said something to the effect of "I'm sorry you are stuck with a fishwife"......................so I'm playing Grandma today and watching the girls while they go to dinner and probably one of the casinos. And I'll just tell them happy anniversary...............

Renovations continue today........the heat will be in the 100's again, this is going to last for another week with no rain in sight. My backyard is brown and crispy except for around the garden.....such a pretty green, I'm dreading when the water district tells us we have to monitor water use. I've got a ton of huge green tomatoes so I hope the heat won't get them.

Sending prayers and angels for a peaceful day for all of you............let us hear from you when you have a few moments.
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Morning Jam! Early bird..me too. It is cool out this time of day and so peaceful sittin on the back porch and listening to all the birds wake up. Our yard it the same..tomatoes hanging on...
Beck thinking of you today..hope surgery goes well. Stormy ..prayers for you all let us know!
Ladee woopie! So glad that you may be getting rest and cool air soon!
Crystal..I have same problem..mine comes when it s convenient for him. Oh well take what I can get..stopped trying to figure it out not worth stress I get from being upset about it.
Seeme..safe travels and I pray the journey isn't too stressful with all the inlaws.
Carol..prayers. I figure that I will be feeling guilty that I didn't do something right . Try to think of good moments and the strengh that she has given you..she will always be your rock. Prayers
All is well here. Trying to keep a good attitude.
Pray we all have the best day possible in whatever situation we are in.
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Crystal. I've been there, done that for years. I have 7 sisters/brothers. I have asked, begged, threatened to leave my bedridden parents. Long story short, I am just soooo exhausted. When I drive to work in the morning, I'm falling asleep. When I'm driving home for lunch, I'm so exhausted I'm driving on autopilot. After work is worse, I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. In the evening, standing up, if I close my eyes, I can feel my body shutting down and tilting. I'm exhausted and have asked and asked for my siblings help...even to give money so that I can hire a caregiver for at least 2 days. One very smart lady on this website gave me a "straight talk". My family has a Right to live their own lives. They have the Right Not to help the parents. Even though I still resent this, I've accepted it. Since they have the right not to help parents, then I have the right Not to hear their problems, the right not to commiserate for them, the right Not to encourage them. I'm learning that relationships are a two-way street. It's not a one-way (take, take, take and NO GIVING back.) I've concluded that it's best to disassociate myself from the siblings who are not helping me. As long as I "pretend" everything is fine and dandy (but deep down I resent them for not helping out), I will constantly struggle with my depression, anger and resentment. I KNOW what you're going through. Check my profile. I know how that sooooo tired ..... soooooo exhausted...means. My heart goes out to you.
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I'm still struggling with the suicide thoughts. I'm beginning to think that maybe I need to give in and ask for meds for it. I am soooo against taking any kind of medicine. Plus my body cannot handle meds after a while. I can no longer take Sudafed. The Benadryl Allergy pills - my body is beginning to react to it - after taking 1 pill. But, I think I'm doing better now, but ...it's such a constant struggle to Not think of suicide. For the past 2 days, it's so prominent on my mind. Work is fine. Parents are fine...Ohh....I think I'm stressing because Dad has moved to the Next Stage. He's already passed the "Accusation Stage" - he's accusing Everyone of everything. He's now on the "Making the Mess" stage with his pooh. Every Morning, I dread what I'm going to find. When mom went through these stages, dad and I handled it - Together. Now, I handle Both of them, and no one is here to help me. I wake up at 6am. But, with this new development, it's taking me longer to change and feed them all by myself. After feeding them, I take the 2 trash out (pamper trash and kitchen trash) and grab waffles for on-the-go. I think this is why the suicide thoughts. When I see the mess he has made ( I mean, how did the pooh get all squashed up on his back!) I just want to call it quits.

I've concluded that waking up at 6am is not enough time. I now have to set the alarm for 5:45am.. hopefully that will help so that I don't go speeding to work just so that I can arrive 5 minutes late...my usual time. ...I still smile when I think of that talk my boss had with me. "You're suppose to arrive at work 15minutes before we open. Not exactly at 8:30. We do not pay overtime. When you come in, you will sign in at 8:30am and sign out at 5:30pm." The hell with that. No overtime? So, I would still come to work at 8:30am. Except now, with the parents situation, it's 8:35 or 8:40am! It's 9pm. Time to change their pampers, clean the trache, etc...
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bookworm, guess it amazes me that someone would choose depression over meds.... there are only a gazillion different meds out there today to help you get a grip on this unbelieable situation.... you are smart enought to know there is no magic pill, but some of the exhaustion is depression, rightfully so, I do not know how you do what you do..... and to have no help with any agencies in your town is harder....but the fact you are still sharing your thoughts is a very good thing..... let your Dr. know ALL that is going on, explain your bodies reaction to meds... he or she , hopefully will help you to find something your body will tolerate and you can at least keep your head above water long enough to get some perspective on all this...... it is so hard, if not impossible to see any other options when we are as exhausted as you are.... please try to take a few days off from work, is that a possiblity???? I too am exhausted... and I don't even have the responsibllity you have.... just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.... and keep posting, you are worth getting some help for this depression....but I really do understand, you just want some relief, some time to not think and worry and plan the next clean up job....my heart goes out to you.... and I really don't know if I could do what you are doing... I am a strong woman myself, but when is enough , enough....Hopefully some of the sibs will come thru with some money to help....such an impossible situation you are in... but know we are here for you, it's not much, but we do care, I worry about you, and pray you get some relief soon... let us know how you are doing.... hugs across all these miles...
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Thanks, ladee. I will see if I can make an appointment. We have so limited good doctors here. My primary doctor is...I'm finding I'm not happy with him. I tell him of my stomach pains and he doesn't have exam where the pain is. He just gives me antibiotics - his usual cure for my ailments. I don't want to go to him for depression meds..... I do feel comfortable with my gynecologist..except he's such an alarmist. My goodness, when he said he thought my rapid recurring complex ovarian cysts was cancer, I went into shock! ... But, then, when I had strep throat, primary doc gave me penicillen. I go to gyne for follow-up on my after surgery, I told him in passing that my stomach is hurting from so much coughing. He asked me what was prescribe, and he kept mentioning all these meds and I kept saying no. Finally he stop and ask what meds prescribe. Penicillen. He just stared at me. (You should see his face. He was trying so hard Not to saying anything against primary doc.) Then, gyne says that he will prescribe me this med for the coughing. Sure enough, it went away! So, I'm thinking my gyne is so much more experienced than my primary doc. So, I've been going back and forth on this. I will call and ask if he will see me on this. Hmm...he's going to ask why I didn't come back for my pap test...going on 4 years now..ugh....
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here is the kicker we didnt get to go cuz his insurance didnt have transportationa available so i had to file complaint against the specialist office and take it up with my case manager because i am doing my best to fight for him to get to these appts and i get shit canned by these dumb asses. I also need some respite care...i cant keep dealing with my son and daughter manipulating their father and then tho they are young they only have 3 chores to do each day. Then I am paying the bills and everything else..i am fucking train wreck waiting to happen and there is no break for me and its too damn hot ...need some rain here in the desert.
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When i went to see my mom this morning she was up in the dinning room. She is not eating but it was quite a surprise to see her up and rolling around. I have been up all night expecting the nurses to call to tell me she had slipped away. Hopsice is seeing her so this is not really an improvement just a change. She was talking to people not there and also seeing things not there. I understand this is actually part of the shutting down process. I can see this is going to be very long and difficult. Hospice is caring for my mother and they also have counseling for me and my family.
I really appreciate all the encouraging comments. It certainly helps to have this place to come. So hot here over 100 today and the air quality is not good.Stay cool.
Carol
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I am dong great! Just sent my dad this postcard to cheer him up.
nothing like brightening someone's day. :)
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You all are WONDERFUL self sacrificing individuals in caring for your elderly loved one(s)! In doing so you are draining yourselves emotionally, psychologically, and physically. You must TAKE CARE of YOU!

Please make sure YOU are fit and well with proper diet, exercise, and anything to put a SMILE on your OWN FACE. YOU MATTER!!

Do NOT lose YOURSELF in the process.

Take care.

BeWell
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Well, I guess u can say i'm no menopausing here for the little red fairy has come to visit!!!

Burned, I would see about hubby seeing someone to find out what is going on with him. Also sound like you had a very tuff day with the bank n such n I would had been pretty PO myself. Glad u were able to get it straighten out. I think you should go hide in the bathroom n take a long bubble bath or shower n gets some rest if you can.
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Forgot to mention that mnl enjoyed herself at the St Luke Church respite care. You may not remember what they had for lunch or not all the activities they done for that day. However, u can tell she enjoys herself by looking at that smile on her face n listening to her trying to sing some of the church songs while we head back home. Hope everyone is able to get a good night sleep.
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