This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
it's been a few weeks since i was on here. just thought i'd check in with everyone and say "hello" :)
As I have in cases you have to stand firm w/her that you will not accept her behavior..like a child.
(she will respect you for it)
Prayers for my neighbor/friend/sister Kathy, who is in the hospital. Looks like they are leaning more to gall bladder rather than heart. Will hopefully know more later tonight.
I will try to keep up with you all when I am gone to Maine, but the huse does not have internet access. Please don't forget me, and be on the lookout for strange natural/un-natural goings on in the northeast the next 2 weeks. Might be me letting off steam................SeemeSue-nami!!!!!!!!
Beck-your Mom must be a sister to Ladee's M and my Mom. Wouldn't it be nice if they just told us what was on their minds before there was a big caniption? Hugs.
Jam-I will keep the channel changing idea in mind for when she can no longer control the TV. Thanks. Your yard/house sound very pretty.
Ladee-Ah hell, just walk around naked! Since your neighbors are mostly stoned, they won't remember anyway. LOL Hugs to you, and thinking of S.
Today is Mom and Dad's 48th wedding anniveray. I won't go into trying to find a card (Hallmark doesn't make on that says Sorry you're so unhappy together). I made dinner and sis and I got them some gift certificates for resturants. She seemed happy, so that was good.
Took the day off today since we were slow at work. Did some yardwork, and took a nap. Nice day.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
The truth is that any child of an aging parent that neglects to do their part is nothing but a deadbeat and to call it anything else or make feble excuses is rediculous!
So drained on all levels... so very drained....
cadarn, none of us are ever really prepared.... when they are with us, all we see is the work, the stress, the exhaustion, when their end is near, then we see our life without them... it's pretty much the same for most of us.... grieving for your mom and being released from the exhausting caregiveing are two different things... I am sorry about mom, please keep us posted... hugs and prayers....
Ohiogal, sorry your day sucks, come back and visit and tell us what;s going on...
thetrog, you are not alone.... everyone here shook their head YES when they read your post... we all feel like that... but come back and let us get to know you, at least this will break up your day a little...
Notlike, LOL about the card, and I'm sure an old head shop somewhere has the card you are looking for... and the getting naked, well, the neighbors might forget , but I wouldn't.... sorry, it's hot, but not that hot..... love ya, glad ya got a day off..
SeemeSuenami, go give em hell in Maine.... you got all your cheerleader here, cheering you on... and bring ME back something..... love ya and have a safe trip....
well , the daughter laid the bomb on M today, she was NOT a happy camper.... but I finally told her after being glared at, There is nothing for you to take personal here, I AM TIRED.... so she has agreed to interview the person I picked..... told the lady, I got you this far, the rest is up to you..... so, I may actually feel like a human here real soon.... and I received such an awesome blessing today..... a friend of mine is going to get me another AC..... I am so blessed so many many times in my life, of friends helping me when I thought I couldn't breathe in or out one more day.... so I will be cool after this weekend, and will spare the universe the bikini or nude catastrophe that would ensue...gives me the shivers just thinking about it, not the new AC, the whole nude thing LOL....
Ok, prayers for the interview to go well with M, I so need a break here... I KNOW ya'll know what i mean.... love and hugs, going to bed.
Ooops, Beck, prayers for your suregery tomorrow, get in touch as soon as you can....
beck......good luck with your surgery today....make sure to get good drugs so your respite is soooooo much nicer....:)
stormy....will be waiting to hear, let us know when you can.
ladee.....yippee on the air conditioner......and I'm sure Diva thanks you too. My brats don't know there is any other way to live.
seemesue......have a safe trip to Maine.....hope the in-laws are being good and minding their manners.
thetrog......yep, at one time or another we have all had that feeling.....then we realize we just have to turn around and come back and then look at all the gas we used! So tell us what is going on in your life and maybe we can help to lighten your load a little.
Ohiogal......what is going on to make your day lousy? Sometimes it helps to write it all down and share and then the burden doesn't seem as heavy as before.
Carol....sending prayers and hugs to you! Part of what makes us sad when we get to this point is having to face our own mortality now......not an easy thing to do. Even though we might want to keep our loved one with us, we all know in reality that won't occur......is there someone close to you that you can talk to with your feelings? Do you have some type of clergy that you can turn to? Depending on your beliefs, sometimes it helps to hear what is waiting for this new stage in their life.....makes the letting go a little easier.
Crystal.....sometimes others have valid reasons why they won't or can't help with the care of a loved one. I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid either. You won't change any of your siblings........I've been there also. I was always trying to get my sister to step up and help with my mother's care, but she always had some excuse....it didn't change and I didn't stop trying, yes it's frustrating. And guess who wailed and beat their chest the loudest when mom passed? I haven't spoken to sister yet and that was almost 2 years ago.
notlike....got a chuckle about the anniversary card. It reminded me that I spent a while yesterday looking for a card for my son and dil that said something to the effect of "I'm sorry you are stuck with a fishwife"......................so I'm playing Grandma today and watching the girls while they go to dinner and probably one of the casinos. And I'll just tell them happy anniversary...............
Renovations continue today........the heat will be in the 100's again, this is going to last for another week with no rain in sight. My backyard is brown and crispy except for around the garden.....such a pretty green, I'm dreading when the water district tells us we have to monitor water use. I've got a ton of huge green tomatoes so I hope the heat won't get them.
Sending prayers and angels for a peaceful day for all of you............let us hear from you when you have a few moments.
Beck thinking of you today..hope surgery goes well. Stormy ..prayers for you all let us know!
Ladee woopie! So glad that you may be getting rest and cool air soon!
Crystal..I have same problem..mine comes when it s convenient for him. Oh well take what I can get..stopped trying to figure it out not worth stress I get from being upset about it.
Seeme..safe travels and I pray the journey isn't too stressful with all the inlaws.
Carol..prayers. I figure that I will be feeling guilty that I didn't do something right . Try to think of good moments and the strengh that she has given you..she will always be your rock. Prayers
All is well here. Trying to keep a good attitude.
Pray we all have the best day possible in whatever situation we are in.
I've concluded that waking up at 6am is not enough time. I now have to set the alarm for 5:45am.. hopefully that will help so that I don't go speeding to work just so that I can arrive 5 minutes late...my usual time. ...I still smile when I think of that talk my boss had with me. "You're suppose to arrive at work 15minutes before we open. Not exactly at 8:30. We do not pay overtime. When you come in, you will sign in at 8:30am and sign out at 5:30pm." The hell with that. No overtime? So, I would still come to work at 8:30am. Except now, with the parents situation, it's 8:35 or 8:40am! It's 9pm. Time to change their pampers, clean the trache, etc...
I really appreciate all the encouraging comments. It certainly helps to have this place to come. So hot here over 100 today and the air quality is not good.Stay cool.
Carol
nothing like brightening someone's day. :)
Please make sure YOU are fit and well with proper diet, exercise, and anything to put a SMILE on your OWN FACE. YOU MATTER!!
Do NOT lose YOURSELF in the process.
Take care.
BeWell
Burned, I would see about hubby seeing someone to find out what is going on with him. Also sound like you had a very tuff day with the bank n such n I would had been pretty PO myself. Glad u were able to get it straighten out. I think you should go hide in the bathroom n take a long bubble bath or shower n gets some rest if you can.