This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Sorry..I'm so exhausted. I started this comment feeling fine. But suddenly, the computer is blurring, thoughts are sluggish...I'm going to call it a night. (I tried to grab a nap this afternoon but dad kept talking, and talking and talking. I gave up the nap.) Later....
As for me...as ladee knows...i hate this cast sh*t....cant get to mom n dad unless smone takes me....this cast gives me f-n panic attacks...n to top it all off....im getting fat!!!!! At this point, dads doing a hell of alot better than me.. huge hugs n prayers for all you.
Beck, Ok, we are going to do a peaceful meditation....
You are on an island with Johhny Depp, OH WAIT, that's MY meditation, hmmm lets see... Ok, you are on an island with ( fill in the blank), you have this cast on your arm, and you are breathing into a paper bag.... and ( fill in the blank) tells you how beautiful your skin looks that amazing blue color..... and the sweat on your forehead only makes your skin glisten...... as you start to calm down.. you realize you are being silly for letting an inanimate object send you over the edge... it's a cast Beck, not an anchor, not a parrot, it's a cast... and when you get it off, you will be one whole happy woman.... did I get a little carried away with the "whole" part.....????? Oh well, just know you are missed, and we are waiting for you to get all things moving again as we need you here... you don't have to get some one to drive you to the computer do you????? Alrighty then, be a good girl, keep the cast on so we don't have to hear all the guilt and shame for taking it off to soon... it is too f##king hot to listen to all that...... love ya, and type one word at at time and submit it...... what ever works.....
Lady-all I can say is "I am woman, hear me roar!" Hugs.
Let's see...I survived shopping with Mom. I can even laugh now about her wondering out loud why they don't put all the 50% off sale items in the same place, so she wouldn't have to walk around so much. And I'm from Milwaukee, so I love a good polka, but it's supposed to come with beer - not driving from store to store because that's the CD she wanted to listen to. The answer to "Are you too cold with the air on?" was "I don't know." Hmm...I can't begin to guess at that one. And you know how soup is in the store...in those racks where a can drops down when you take one? And a picture of the soup on each rack? Only my Mom would tap the picture and wait for me to pick up the soup for her! Oh Lord, please let Dad get better soon...
Tomorrow I am going to drop her off for church, then more shopping when I pick her up. I can hardly wait.
Got measured at the gym this week..and I lost inches everywhere! Yipee!
Dad still is sick. I hope they have an answer for us on Monday and can give him some meds.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
Notlike, sorry your dad still isn't feeling better.... give him a hug for me please, and let him know he's in my prayers.... and shopping with MOM.... poor thing, that would be YOU, not mom.... and congrats girl for the inches lost... very proud of you... that's one great motivator to keep on keepin on..... and you need to find a mosquito net that you can suspend from the ceiling of the porch and when you set down, it covers you... I know hubby can rig you up something.... and yes, you can go to the island too, it's open to anyone with an imigination... and that would be US..... love ya girl... take care and breathe tomorrow while shopping.....
My imagination is really going now.
Notlike, Keep up the good work. I know what you mean about taking them shopping. I took my hubby Richard to buy him some new swim trunks. I turned my back for less than a min. and he disappeared. I finally found him on the far side of the store. I was so scared. I found him because I could follow the direction of my name being yelled.
People, Have you ever had your dishes washed in the dishwasher mind ya, 3 times in about 2 hours. Richard loves to run the dishwasher. So he did LOL.
I did'nt have a chance to empty it before he would start it again. Its a crazy nutty life we live.
Lots of hugs, Wanda
And you talking about Dad getting away from you... one day I had come back from a few hours respite, had Ruth at her daughters, forgot to get the potty, so I ran next door, leaving Ruth on the porch,, she didn't run away, but she did squat and pee on the porch as I was dragging the potty up the ramp.... thank God we lived in the country.... I know, if we didn't laugh about some of this, we'd all be commited...to an island... ya, that's it... to an island....
Wanted everyone to know spoke with Seeme yesterday.... she is very tired, wanting this house cleaning of MIL house to be over with.... MIL was a hoarder, so it is taking the whole family to get things done... but she said to tell everyone HI, and she'll post when she has caught her breath when she gets home... won't be heading back until this coming FrI...
We finally got a little rain, sure cooled things off a little, hope you all had at least one good thing happen today.... hugs to you all...
Lady, Ya know Busey had issues before his Motorcycle wreck, now he fascinates me even more... but I like the really complicated ones anyway, just ask all my ex's and yes, they live in Texas.... ye haaaaa....
tension n frustration to a situation that is already difficult. I kno this is a hard decision to make, bcuz u want wats best for both of them. I feel for u, Stormy...but if u n sis make sure that bil has everything he needs before sis leaves for work, it could work out well for him. As long as he has someone that is available to get to him,should he need some thing, i think it would be fine. Maybe im being too optimistic, but i kno it can b done from wat i went thru. I dont kno if this is helpful to u n ur situation, but i jst thought i'd suggest it. I'm praying for u, and hope that all goes well with the next surgery. Ask the dr. if it would b safe to leave him alone during the day...that would change how u approach all of this. Hang in there, Stormy....huge hugs n my thoughts n prayers will b with u.
And beck I've even left you alone and not made fun of you!
Wanted to pop in this morning and throw my two cents in.....just can't resist it I suppose....:)
stormy......this event with bil doesn't have to turn into a stressful situation.....as ladee says, has anyone asked bil what he wants when he gets home? We can already see that putting him and Dad together is an impossible thing to do. Besides I can guarantee Dad doesn't want to leave his home and doing that might put him under more stress than he needs. Bil will be fine....he won't be an invalid....he'll be able to get up and fend for himself. Just make sure fluids are handy for him and fix some meals that are easy for him to either pop in the microwave or prepare himself. You know, this might be the perfect time to bring in someone else to help watch Dad......then you could pop in and check on bil for sis during the day just to see that he has everything he needs. It's a win-win for everyone.
Nothing much to report on the col.......she was concerned on the 4th about all the activity at the NH because Nanny died the day before......Nanny was her mother who died in 1993. When she talks she simply throws words together that don't make much sense to us...maybe they do to her...but it's like her brain cannot process the correct words to make a sensible statement.
Hope everyone has a wonderfully perfect day.........think "ladee's island".......and I will bring the airport hunk from the commercials.....:)
New lady starts this eveing at M's , will be there to show her around, and see how she does with S.... M sounded very pleased with her... so a little prayer for a good outcome today... I am feeling a lot less stressed and am getting rest, between letting my bag of broken bones son figure some stuff out on his own, and getting some help at S and M's.... I am almost feeling human again..... we finally got some rain yesterday... I sat on the steps for a few minutes and just let it rain on me.... felt sooooo goooood..... I'm so grateful I do not see the need to be an 'adult' all the time..... settin in the rain thinking about the "island"... ya, uh huh, a little respite where ever I can get it.... find one thing to laugh about today... love ya'll....
Burned....u have to tell us the real definition of that word, cuz its become my favorite word....my headstone will read..."Metamorphically Dead"....thanx to u....lol