The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

ren.....does your wife have a rash? If not, it's possible the problem is neuro-dermatitis. The "itchies" could also be caused by medications. Or it could just be a habit she has gotten into. My mil scratched her arms constantly and it drove us nuts because there was nothing visible. We finally got a script for betamethasone dipropionate cream and that seemed to help.

Cat-hugs and prayers to you today. Sometimes, the right thing is the hard thing.
Vic-Sorry your Dad is sick, too. I love this thread because you all can relate to what I go through, and vice versa. I think of you often. Hugs.
Stormy-hope the bil heals fast. For his sake and your sis's. Hugs.
Jam-sorry to hear about your son. It s**ks when the Mom can't protect or fix everything. I know you will be there for him, though, and that's what counts. Hugs.
Ladee-Glad your son is getting PT. And that the new lady is working out. You are awesome for the dignity you give S - your special calling, I think. The world could use more of you.
I hope I didn't miss anyone. If I did, it's not because your're not special. It's because my brain is mush!
Mom's appt. went well. I took her for a bit of grocery shopping, too. Dad seems amazed she is being so relaxed about going with me. Well, I just don't have the energy right now to deal with her sharp toungue, and she does seem to be trying to curb it a bit. I guess that's progress. :)
Can't get Dad in before Monday for the colonoscopy. So we'll just try to make it through the next few days. He had leg and neck cramps this afternoon, so I'm pushing drinking water again. I really appreicate all your prayers.
The nurse who called to do his pre-op history was so nice. I really like all the docs and nurses there. They treat you like a real person. I am very blessed with that.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

Well, i talked to sis this afternoon and the plot thickens...... She said that the dr said that the debreeing went good. She also said that the dr said that bil was going to have to use a walker for awhile so he doesn't put pressure on his foot. They are going to send him home with a iv antibiotic pole to roll around. He is going to be on that for 5 weeks. He has got to go to the wound center everyday for several hours a day. They are bringing in a vasular team tomorrow to check the circulation in his leg and foot. I just don't know if he is going to be able to handle a walker, a iv pole, while trying to walk without putting pressure on that foot plus they have carpet in their house so i know it will be hard to get that walker to move on carpet. Lord, i don't know how sis is going to be able to handle all this. I told her that i would go and check on him during the day. I am starting to think i need to be staying with him instead of dad. I think he is going to be in worse shape than dad. At least dad can get up and walk to the bathroom and warm something up in the microwave to eat. I don't know how she is going to be able to work if she has to carry him to the wound center for hours a day. I guess they are thinking that he will come home friday. It is going to be a hellish weekend. Probably a hellish 6 weeks. Thanks ya'll for all the prayers!!!! Love and hugs stormyyy

Ren: I think the saline eye drops are a good suggestion. Also, there is a saline nasal spray that you can buy OTC. Try both. Maybe the membranes are dry. Could she be dehydrated?


We got dad to Sequim Health and Rehab this morning. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (Nick’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, but the gal in admissions was really kind of hostile to me. Nick went to the manager and got things taken care of. Turns out Nick had fired her son a while back so I guess she had an axe to grind. Yesterday was a hard day.



Nevertheless, my dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names.



I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get on in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him



I’m taking him to Sullivan tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and Chuck can see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained so strength on the right side.



I met up with Becky on the way out. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving Sequim Health effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.



Marcus had a vet appointment today at 1pm, just annual vaccination etc. After we got him back we went to the casino for a short time to play our favorite penny machine. Came home $50.00 richer. We have built Warren’s $40.00 Father’s Day casino mad money up to around $110.00.



I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.



I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.

Have been waiting all day to hear how things went today Cat.... sounds like he is surrounded by love and respect and you are loved and appreciated as a loving caring daughter.... so as things unwind a bit for you, please don't forget to share with us what you are feeling... we care, and we are here for you... hugs across the miles to you for the next step in your journey.....

Hi everyone: The above post was to my dear neighbor who has been my dearest friend. Don't get to see her very often, but we walk in the am when my time would allow. I wanted to copy and edit this and add a few more things, but WHAM, it just got posted. Some of it, like the lady in admin, I would have deleted.

Let me explain, Nick is my son. He moved to our location a couple of years ago and is the chef at the nursing home. He went to school at the San Francisco Culinary Academy, then moved to North Dakota where they only eat meat and gravy. He had enough of the cold and long story short, relocated here, which has been nice for us.

His presence at the nursing home, together with his girlfriend being the charge nurse, is an added comfort in placing my dad there.

Chuck Sullivan is my dad's doctor. He is like a piece of gold. We pay him $70.00 per month. Essentially it's a retainer and all of his patients pay that amount. It allows him to keep his patient load low and, in turn he spends as much time as needed with each patient. If you have a medical problem, he will get you in right away. Called him Sunday about my dad and had him on the phone in minutes. He wanted me to bring my dad in today before going to the NH, but his schedule was full. He said, "don't worry, we'll work you in", but I didn't want my dad to have to wait. So my dad has an appointment tomorrow at 9:30am and I'll be taking him. I think this will be easier on all of us.

Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.

As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.

It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.

Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. The nice thing is I know I can count on all of you to hear my heart and appreciate my feelings.

Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.

Love to all of you, Cattails

I just talked to sis on the phone and i can tell she is on overload as to what to do about hubby, dad and the family business. I told her that i was worried about her. That i knew that she wanted to try to take care of dad and her hubby but that she could not do all of it. I told her that we need to set up the life alert for dad so that he can stay at night by his self. I told her that i really thought that he would be alright. And that if she wanted us to one night we could leave dad at the house by his self and then we could sleep outside in the car outside of his house and slip back in early in the morning and peep in on him and see that he was ok and if he made it through the night then we were good to go.... She laughed at that idea, hell at least i made her laugh when i know she feels like crying, i would anyway. But i think i did get her to thinking seriously about hooking up the lifealert. Thank God. Because our brother has not helped that much at all this week with stay with dad. He did help out more last week but that is only because him and sis had it out with each other. I told her that me or her could get dad step up in the morning and then i could go stay with bil. I probably stuck my foot in my mouth because my bil is not a good patient so i am not sure how this is going to work out. But i have to help her and him cause there is no one else to. So ya'll pray that me and sis come up with some solid answers this weekend. We are going to need them and soon.....
Cat- so glad that things went well with your dad yesterday. I hope that he will come to love his new home and find many friends there!!! You are a good daughter!!! Don't forget that.... Love and hugs stormyyyy

Hi Stormy: Went to bed, but couldn't sleep. What about the lady who could stay with your dad during the night? Could she do that and get him set up in the morning too, with your oversight, until you feel she's got it down?

Then you could be free to check on BIL and sis would be able to get on with her day.

Just a thought. Wishing you well and hoping for a solution.

Hoping my dad is sleeping well tonight. I'll be glad to get his good mattress to him tomorrow.

Hugs, Cattails

YOU GO STORMY.......!!!!!! Very proud of you for talking to sis.....and very happy to hear she listened to you.... and bil will not need someone with him all day.... just check on him.... he needs time to process all that has happened to him and is probably ready for some privacy..... if she listened to you...( I just posted to you on FB about this very thing.....) then things will start moving in a healthier direction for all of you....VERY PROUD OF YOU........ hugs , lots of hugs....

Cat was happy to hear you felt a little lighter last night.... and you will ease out as you see he is adjusting.... and let us know how your hubby is..... prayers for you to get some quite time today.... to just breathe..... hugs....

Stormy...I kno the whole situation with bil may seem so daunting. U have to trust me wen i say that he can manage on his own for a few hrs everyday, jst as long as there is someone he can contact should he need help. I especially think wat Ladee said is soooo true...he will,definately want his privacy, n that ,in itself, is a motivator to figuring out how to navigate with a walker, n an iv poll. It can b done, bcuz i did it for approx. 6wks after back surgery. It meant more to me to try n have some independence n privacy after being in the hospital, so i jst found a way to make it work. Here's how i managed....i would jst remove the iv bag from the poll n hook it onto the side of my walker...n off i went. It's not necessary for him to drag that poll throughout the house. He really will b fine n this will take so much stress off sis n everybody else. The best thing u all can do for bil, is to let him figure it out for himself. As long as he's not in any danger, it will work..I handled it just fine n it was such a positive motivator for me to kno that i could take care of myself. Please, talk it over with sis..it's doable....much love n huge hugs to u

Cat...bless ur heart..i kno it will take time to adjust to ur new life, but it certainly sounds like dad is in a wonderful NH, with people who will love him n give him the very best care, jst as u did. Not all NH patients are so fortunate to be treated with such love as ur father will be receiving, although, every patient should. Take it slow, n let urself enjoy the time off...u have certainly earned it. Enjoy ur hubby n reconnect ur own personal life...im really excited for u, Cat. It's all going to settle into a comfortable routine....a "new" way to live ur life. Dad will b happy there, i jst kno it. It's a win win....it will jst take time. Love ya Cat

Just a footnote to the home iv use.......if it's a "normal" bag of fluid with a "normal" flow set, you don't want the bag to be below the iv site.......you will get blood back into the tubing, not the fluid. When these are used without a pump to regulate the flow, they depend on gravity......it's just like trying to pump water uphill.....difficult to do.

Thanks 4 reminding me, Jam...mine had the pump....Hugs

Bookworm & Bec, that is very well said for Cat. It is hard to put it into word when it come to making decision where n when you have to place a love one in a facility. Don't be so hard on yourself n I am sure it is easier said than done but your going to make yourself sick n you know your dad would not like you being so hard on yourself. Breathe n vent n please try to find a friend that you can go out n have lunch. Someone that cannhelp give you support during this difficult time beside here online.
Everyone else, I hope you all r doing fine n well for I am just getting back myself n trying to catch up on how everyone is doing.

Morning everyone.... thank goodness it's Friday, and the number, well, it''s only a number... we have Fri. 13th everyday in some form, so no big deal....Sending prayers for everyone, lots of hugs, coffee, chocolate, the laundry room, the island, Seeme's spa, Jam's pond, and angels.... yeah, we need this as our survival kit.... could not do this without ya'll..... Big Texas Hugs for all of you.....and again, chocolate.....

Good Evening n I hope everyone is having a good day n yes Ladee it is just a number n I sometimes I wander that have I wouldn't have any bad luck than I wouldn't have any here lately.
Good news first, got back yesterday n my daddy is doing much better. It was a mess before he left hospital for they had him walk about five steps with a walker n 2 therapy assistance on each side of him and were holding up some with a band wrapped around his waste to prevent him from collasping. They said he did great ne we were all excited. They even got him shaved n he looks like a new man. The dr gave me the running around about his health. So, my brother tried to get him n the nurse said that dr, had talked extensively with his sister n their no changes. I couldn't get anything out of him except everything was alchohl related. Well, I knew that crap! I ask about his liver, kidney n Alzheimers n got nothing but it all related. Finally one of my brothers got him n he told them nothing any more as for percentage wise affected for organs. I ask dr in front of him if he has alzhmeirs that could he give us a statement n he said that we have to go through the social worker. WTF!!!!!
The middle age brother acted okay with it n assume it was the process u go through in order to get the paper work n told me that to quit worrying just because I didn't get a % number of organs affected due to alcohol assumption.
Well, we never got that letter written. I give up on that one.

On the other hand, we were all proud of r dad that he was trying to walk eventhough he had help n we left him to visit the SM. She was moved to another floor because of Cardiology bed shortage. We went up their to see her n she was sitting up in a chair. Of course it wasn't because she wanted to for she kept coming with excuses to get back in bed n they just fix the problem.
However,
As soon as we all got back to our to the house we got a called that the our dad was being released. WTF, he walks a few steps with help n he ready to go? We assume it was because they thought he had no insurance like we did. Yet, I knew he was getting a SSI check. We had went n applied both parents for Medicade like the soical worker directed us to do n that was about the 2nd day they were their at hospital. Here i am now wandering if r dad is in a wheel chair out in the rain waiting on one of us to pick him up even though the social worker said we are not able to take care of him for the needs he will need-Therapy. Iam crying, screaming how in hell can they just realease him? I got with my older brother n told him what I was told n we were getting ready to get the news folks out at the hospital if he was outside. They even told us that people sometimes leave their family member at hospital or at the NH n never come back n they r stuck with the patients n the bills. How could someone do that to their family member.

We were already going through a list for Rehab/NH places that the hospital SW had given us a few days ago n we found out that they won't accept him because of no insurance now that was before we found out Medicare A. Finally, after calling n they did find out after he's been their over a wk that he did have Medicare A. Thank the Lord for that one. I also found out that release don't mean discharge however the next day he was transfered to rehab but with my middle brothers consent.

Better news: The Social Worker got the Rehab center to accept the money in order for SM to be on a bed waiting list n had our Dad transfered to the therapy rehab center. They r working with him n he is doing great n eating much better too. They r trying to get his muscle build back up so he can walk on his own again.They said he gets hard-headed sometimes n they just were not having it n they will talk to him to convince him to try. They r really doing a great job n we got to watch r dad work out as well. As for alcohol vascular AD you can tell sometimes when it kicks in for he ask my brother where his wheel chair was n my older brother told him that he was sitting in it. Ever since then My older brother is taking it real hard about the AD n we know we r not nearly done where to place him yet or SM that is if she gets out of the hospital.
So, that is where we stand for today n we r just taking it One Day at a Time.

Bad New: SM still in hospital n just found out this morning that she is wearing an oxygen tube thing for her oxygen level in her blood has dropped n they cannot get her out of bed now.
She eats about 2 bites n that it is it n she is over 6ft. n weights about 100lbs.. I tried talking to her to please try to eat that we all care n miss n love her. She told me she will eat when she is ready n I tried 3 times n got the same harsh response 3 times. she only 63 yrs old n looks 100 like a skelton.

The younger brother in charge of her money is paying for a bed at the therapy everyday so they will hold it when and if she gets transfer so they can have a place together at the rehab center. but it seems she is not trying., I don't know if something went bad with the marriage or a combination of things. The doctor for her said that she acts like she don't won't to do any better for herself. He had a psychologist talk to her n found nothing wrong with her mind.

I told my older brother to talk to him about getting a counselor to talk to her for they r professionalize in that field to see just what is going on n see to build herself up. I really don't know what else to do with the SM. I feel at lost.

Back home news. sorry so long.
Mnl was very happy I came back but she seems a bit different n not eating all her small portion of meals n a bit extreme moody. She did mention lower back pain n then when I ask again how she felt n where did it hurt. She said she was fine n not hurting. She may have a bladder infection or her and hubby were at their end wits! he did get 4 hrs respite care just like I get once a wk. So, I will keep an eye on her. Hubby has to go to Atlanta for more computer school training this Sunday for 4 days. Well like he told me while I was down with my dad, consider this as a vacation n spends some time their for he will have to go back teaching so I stayed about 9 days eventhough 8 of them were running back/forth. He will have 4 days break n I am going to tell him to consider it as a vacation for himself. ; ) I'm so bad.... sometimes.

Cat-Glad things are working out for your Dad. What a welcome he got! Sounds like he is starting off on the right wheel (instead of foot, becuase of the chair, get it?LOL)
Stormy-Glad you and your sis are seriously talking. Angels to you, you have alot going on right now.
Lildeb-It's great you're seeing progress in Dad. Very hard, though, to see your SM. Angels to you, too.
It helps to hear some things are going right for some of us. The last few days have been a blur for me. Last night Dad wanted to talk about what he might have wrong with him. I was careful to say that colon cancer wasn't the only possibility, but he's not dumb. Of course, he talked to Mom, who harped at me the minute I got home. "So your Dad says you told him he has rectal cancer." I didn't say anything like the way she made it sound! I really wanted to scream, but I know she is scared. I am trying not to rock the boat until we get some answers, so that means taking a deep breathe and trying not to yell at her. I won't let him do the stairs anymore to do laundry. He is too damn weak. So she had to go with me, because I wasn't allowed to put their wash in the machine. Hmm...like I've never seen "unmentionables" before! Again, I'm doing my best to put up with it until we know something.
This morning, after I cleaned up the bathroom carpet and toliet because he didn't make it in time, Dad asked me to get him some Depends. I feel so bad for him. And so grateful he talks to me, and doesn;'t hide behind his uncomfortableness with the subject, or his pride. It's still hard, though.
Despite our best efforts, he just keeps getting weaker. Keeping him hydrated is really hard. I'm not sure he will make it until the test on Monday. Or if he does, they will take one look at him and admit him. He knows going in is an option, so for now, I'm leaving it up to him.
I was under the impression that they removed a few polyps when he had a colonoscopy three years ago. Last night, he told me they did not remove anything, and told him to come back in three years for another test. I looked at his medical records from down South, and there is an office note that the doc discussed the results with him. The type of polyps listed is the kind that should be removed because they are usually cancer or pre-cancer. And three years between tests is for an at-risk patient. So I don't think things look very promising for him.
So far, nothing since they got here has gone according to plan. I'm getting tired of planning :(

Notlikemom, My dad is wearing depends for he has a hard time getting to the potty n I know it has to be embarssing toward a man. I am glad you two r able to talk about things. As for hydrating your dad have you tried Gatorade for him? I think it has electric lites in it n I think I spell that wrong. Try to keep your cool with the mom n you know that u cannot do anything right with her around, even washing clothes. Hey, at least that is one less thing for you do. Glad you had a little nice birthday too.

Notlike, I am so sorry to hear dad is in decline...your dad reminds me of S.... doesn't make any sense does it... the sweetest men with the smile.... so please keep us updated... with you being a Nurse, you'll know if dad needs to be admitted before his next appt..... prayers for you sweetie... and Mom, well , you DO get to tell her she isn't the only one afraid right now... don't let her bully you just because there is so much going on.... if you are able to let it roll off your back because her selfishness is NOT priorty right now, then awesome for you... if not, you do get to say something..... just to keep from carrying around that extra load... YOU are important here too... not just the one doing the running and doing, this is your dad, you love him very much, you are afraid, worried, and doing an awesome balancing act here.... just don't forget YOU are loved, appreciated, and you KNOW you can put mom on the phone with ME... at least she would be dumbfounded into silence for a little while..... love ya, keep us updated.....

Well pointed out ladee for it is her dad n i was just trying to help keeping the peace. However, this time has to be very emotional n physical for notlikemom. So, notlikemom, let her have it if she continues to give you a hard time. Or let Ladee give her a littl chit chat n she can set her straight. Sorry about your dad.

I feel frustrated and misunderstood. I really want my mom to stay in the skilled nursing facility, but she told me she wants to come home in August. She has multiple bacteria infections, and a secral wound that still hasn't healed. She's in a wheelchair, and still can't walk. I had an extremely horrible experience with the hospital, paramedics and APS in mid April. I don't want to placed in that position again; I don't want to jeopardize my license or the caretaker's license. When I try to talk to my friends or other "advocates" and explain this, they tell me that I can't do that, and I need to think about what she wants. They don't live with her, and they haven't experience her verbal abuse. What she wants is unrealistic at this point. I am sick and tired of feeling like I am an evil person, or ungodly because I don't want my mom back home. I don't have anybody to talk to, or share my true feelings, many times I feel like a prisoner in this small town.

What are my rights? I don't have POA and my sister does. She acts like she is God. I have an appt with an elder attorney but couldn't get in until August. Do I have any rights concerning my parent who has dementia? She is in the NH. I want to be called if she goes into the hospital, if she falls, if she dies. I want to see the bank statement. Sister says no, that I have no rights at all about this situation. She treats me like I am the hired help. I guess I will just have to read my mother's obit in the paper when the time comes. Meanwhile I go to see the lawyer in August. I know for sure that my sister is not embezzling any money, so that's not it. So what are my rights?

Odisay, not knowing what the problems were that you refered to, if you could fill us in a little on that it would help to see what your fears are about... but if you can not or do not want her back in your home, then do what you feel is right for you and for her.... just because our elders want things a certain way, does not always mean it is for the best.... it sounds like she has some serious health issues, how long is going to be in the hospital??? Do you have any other place she can go.... ? Have you checked into other facilities that would meet her health needs????
Guess my biggest question, and again, not knowing all the details, what difference does it make what others feel you should do???? All I can say is do what you feel is right.... a hundred years from now, others opinions won't matter, they really don't matter today either.... so let us know what is going on and how we can help you....
tevin, why is your sister against you having any information... that would help us to help you... and sounds like you will need legal advice ... let us know.....

Well, I had a short respite, so it's better than nothing.... the new lady came in and TOLD M that she has someone that was going to work some shifts for her... well, uh, no, that's now how you do this.... she didn't talk it over with M first, M doesn't know the other lady, but knows of her family and does not want her working in her home... that is her right... so will be filling in until family can find someone for these extra shifts... don't know if the new lady will last either, as M was not happy about the way she handled the situation....so, at least I had a break.... am grateful for that.... but S is in such a decline, we don't want his schedule thrown off any more than it already is....good thing I am not in this for the money.... lol..... love and hugs to everyone... hope you all get some rest, the good kind, tonight....

Hey all- I would have gotten on here last night but evidently i died when i had to lay connor down. Cause hubby said he tried waking me up and all i kept saying was,"WHAT!" over and over. He was scared i was going to wake up connor so he left me alone and i slept til 6:30 this morning. And i don't remember a thing about him coming in there trying to wake me up. I think he was scared i was going to hit him if he didn't stop trying to wake me up. Oh well.....Bil got home today, i ran by tonight to see him and sis for a few minutes and it just so happened that the nurse was there to show sis how to give bil his iv antibiotics. Jam- He has the bag kind, they are going to try to switch it to a different kind that is in a ball. And he will be able to carry that in his pocket and not have to haul that pole around or hold the bag up. I do not know how sis is going to deal with all of this, that nurse was blowing my mind just all the info that you have to remember for dealing with his pick line and the iv antibiotics, when you got to change them and switch bags. We both need some brain drugs cause with both feel like our brains are fried from the last 2 an a half yrs of having to take care of dad. Just being burnt out and then throwing another person to take care of into the pile. It's about all we can stand. I know to that bil is going to need his privacy and don't worry sis and i will give that to him. He is not like daddy-where he thinks you need to be there with him 24/7 thank the lord. Totally opposite of dad. Which is a good thing. Oh and hubby and me went over to dads yesterday and hubby hooked up the lifealert system. Dad was asleep in his bedroom so he did not even know hubby had hooked it up and i didn't tell him. I figured I'd let sis spring that on him. So she told him last night that he knew she was in a predicament with her hubby and that there was going to have to be some changes. She told him about the life alert system and asked him if he thought he would be alright to stay by hisself and he said yes. But that was all he said. She told him that brother of ours was not going to do but so much in the way of staying with him at night. But he is staying tonight for sis. He has no idea that we got the system hooked up or he would not be there. Me and sis both said we might as well get 1 more night out of him cause he will never stay again once he finds out we got the lifealert set up. So i guess tomorrow nite will be dads first night to stay by his self in 2 an a half yrs. I hope he does good!!!!!! So that will be one less family drama we have to deal with.
Ladee- thanks for the praises on me talking with sis. I just tried to get her to open up to me on why she was so scared to leave dad at night by his self. I asked her, "Are you scared that he is going to die if someone is not here?" and she said that in the beginning she was scared that he would die. And i think she still is. But she is got to get over that. And i am hoping that maybe she will after he stays by his self at night and she sees that he done alright maybe she will have a different outlook on things. I hope so anyway. Thank you all for the prayers for bil and for me and sis and our sanity, maybe one day we will get it back!!!!! lol. Love and hugs stormyyy

I am too exhausted and broken to form words to express "How I am" :( I got hit, yelled at, pooped on (landed right on my bare foot and skooshed..) and insulted. and that before breakfast. Family is breaking my heart.

HI HO , HI HO, off to caregiver land I go..... love ya'll

Well, I thought I had found someone to watch the parents on Saturdays. She never showed up today. I am so greatful that my fave sis told her 19yr old daughter to come just in case. My niece told me that she wouldn't mind getting paid with what I was offering. I asked how much her mom is paying her for Saturdays, she said $30.00 for 6-7hours. I told her that I was going to pay the caregiver $10/hr. So, after 3 hours which her mom paid for, I will cover every extra hour after that. She was so appreciative when I gave her $30.00 before she left. In turn, I told her telling that I am so appreciative for her, bf and 1 yr old child spending hours on Saturdays to watch the parents. I worry, because, she's still young and eventually she will miss going out with her friends to the movies and shopping. So, I will definitely need to get a plan B for the weekend.

I am over here at dads doing stuff to him, I am wondering how sis is doing with taking care of hubby i haven't talked to her today. I am getting mary the lady that helps us on occasion with dad today at 2:30 to stay with dad til 8 or 9 tonight. And now my hubby is out of work with a bad chest cold. So all of the grown men in our lives are sick. I am wondering when me and sis can get sick and someone take care of us. I just guess me and her would be SOOL(SHIT OUT OF LUCK). We can't get sick!!!! lol Well i got to find something for dad to gnaw on the rest of the day! Love and hugs stormy.

I am reading this and I am amazed... how many of you have HELP with care giving?? I live here, and take care of them by myself all day, everyday. I do get out to the store once in a while if my daughter can stay with them.... I don't get a break. My siblings don't think I even need to be here... little do they know. My mom needs constant supervision... she has SEVERE dementia for crying out loud. My dad is better than her...but he is old, tired, weak, forgetful and SLOW. His balance is horrible. There is no way they go do this alone. I wish I could get one of them to spend a month here and see what it really is like. The thing is, I doubt they would do the things I do, expecting them to do for them selves or something and still not get it. I do everything. From dressing, toileting, showering, laundry, meals, CONSTANT supervision, mom can't even eat without safety issues! She loves to STUFF her mouth so full she can't even chew and is a huge choking hazard as she already has swallowing issues, and has to have thickened liquids. Left alone for me to even get a potty break is risky.... *Sigh* I put them in bed at 9 at night, and back on duty at 8am or earlier. I am a nurse, but I have no credibility with my family.....

You are so right. Care givers don't have the option of getting sick. Too bad. I could use a break.

Ya'll know how I talk about gratitude sometimes... well, I got the most awesome surprise when I got home from my first shift of the day with M and S.... checked on AC and I had a hug from Meno.... and that precious man put me in his cirlce today...... you would have to read the thread to understand, but I am beyond blessed today, and very grateful.... I need to go have a joyful cry... I'm tired, but I'm full of joy and gratitude.... Thanks from the bottom of my heart Meno...... angels sent to you.....