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Many blessings to those sharing personal stories. Our actions (and posts) are like pebbles thrown into a pond...we don't always know where the good ripples will go.
Stormy-thinking of you, hon. Hugs.
Lildeb-thanks to you and others for the understanding. Hey, at least you and the dogs got a shower! I missed one for a few days this past week...too tired, and nowhere to go important enough to care :)
Ladee-we should just set all the newbies in this world, and my Mom, down with you for a "talk". How much better things would run! :) Glad son continues to improve. Hugs.
Seeme-I am so lucky I'm not anywhere near where your rummage was! I would have bought 1/2 the stuff! Ah, another vice of mine...unlike the wacky weed vice, which for me is just a cyber joke. My two frozen drinks last weekend were probably my last ones for the summer...I had a darn headache after drinking them. It sucks to be out of practice (JK)
Beck-you always make me laugh :) Leave the little knife alone - if surgery can't get you out of caregiving, a paper cut isn't going to do it either! LOL
Cat-glad you talked with your Dad. He definately has an excellent shot of settling in where he is...with all the nice people, it sounds like a good place.
Dad is feeling better. Still having some looser BM's, but not as bad. Hopefully we will hear something next week. He's lost 15 pounds already...and I have to go the gym just to loose 7! :(
Mom had a brain MRI yesterday. We'll get the results on Friday. She is getting tired again more easily. One day at a time with her. I've also impressed more than once on her that Dad needs rest. I guess I'll know when I need to step in more, both to her and for her. So far, the time just doesn't feel right. I know she will resist no matter what, so I better make it worth my while.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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I am on muscle relaxers which have no narcotics in them and I am only on aleve and I drink when i feel lost and out there. I have been crying for help for yrs niether family will obliged us with assistance except gift cards to get the kids something for christmas. I am also going to see a psychiatrist but I have handle on my medication and my drinking. I finally rewarded myself with something for all the hard work i have done for my family. I am going to be 34 and just discovered my first iil patch of silver or grey hairs. I will be glad that when the time comes that my children will respect me and my wishes once they are old enough but i am taking it day by day. I have a good day when i can go to sleep with no help from melantonin or liquor...seriously I am glad when that happens.
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Wanda: I am so happy you had a good weekend with DIL and Ashlyn. So glad you felt loved and relaxed. Sorry your hubby is sad. When did he come to understand that he would not get better? That's hard for you both, I'm sure.

Wishing you more moments of love and happiness. Hugs, Cattails
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Burned...u stay strong, n stay focused on ur children. U r all they have..u r not only their mother, u r their teacher, dr, councilor, shoulder to cry on, mentor, and the strongest n most profound example of behaviors n choices that exemplify wat motherhood is all about. They depend on u for everything....i kno u kno all of this already...i dont mean to b preaching to the choir...forgive me if i have over stepped my bounds....

Only u know if u are in any danger of misusing medications n alcohol....n only u know the reasons when n why u use them. I jst wanted to share some of my struggles with this same issue in hopes of reaching somebody in need of the help. If that is not you...then, God Bless...keep it up..

As for that "lil" patch of grey hair u discovered......let me b the first to congratulate u on that one!!!! I look at my grey hair as hard earned, silver strands of honor and commitment...lol....except...i took it a bit too far, n i now have a "Crop" of honor n commitment on my head......lol...too much of a good thing aint always so good..haha...U take care, young lady....jst kno there r people who care about u, n this will always remain a safe place , should u need it....much love n hugs....hope u get some rest tonite..
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Burned: I'm sorry you can't take in what people try to say to you. It's like it just doesn't register. Maybe you could read the posts again, just in case you missed something. I feel for you, but it's hard to reach you. Hugs, Cattails
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Ladee.....where the hell r u?????? Don't u kno that u r not allowed to be away from this thread for longer that 10 min. at a time.....This 2-3 HRS between posts is giving me a nervous stomach.......cut an old, grey, bitch a break.......SAY SOMETHING!!!!! (P.S... u kno i love ya more than my luggage....so we're good..lol...) LYL
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I have past experience working as a nurse in long term care facilities as charge nurse, rehab nurse and Alzheimer ward nurse. I have a clue how to care for my parents. I have been doing their shopping, cooking for them on the weekends, answering frantic calls 'Darcy come quick, mom is on the floor" "Darcy, come quick I can't get your dad to wake up!" Etc for years before this. No one else assisted, just me. My mom has severe dementia, O2, diabetes, swallowing disorder, etc. Dad does better but is slow and easily flustered with mom. I have lived with them for about 1 1/2 years now. It is a full time 24 hour a day job with few breaks. One sister lives about 1 1/2 hours away, and will show up for an hour or so periodically if her husband has to come this way for something else. I asked her once to stay for 1/2 so I could run to walmart... she refused, typical. She is the oldest. My other sister, also older than me... she lives in AK (Alaska) and rarely gets to the area. A while back, my parents knew she was coming, thinking she was coming to see them... she stayed at my brother's house 15 minutes from here for 3 weeks before she even stopped in to say hi. She didn't want to be bothered with them.

Recently she has been putting nasty comments on my facebook page about me taking advantage of my parents. I removed her from my facebook and blocked her. I don't need that. After that my brother said that he wanted to give me a heads up, that the 2 sisters (who normally hate each other.) were talking and decided that my parents should get a small house near the sister who lives 1 1/2 hours from here... where they could live ALONE. She could "check in on them once a week or so?!" My mom can't even toilet alone. Can't get out of the chair most of the time without strong assist. ??? Needs constant supervision. I decided to send out an "update" of what a typical day looks like here, so my siblings could see what goes into caring for my.... OUR parents. I spared very few graphic details, including what goes into toilet cares, meals, etc. to let them see that their uninformed idea would not work.. though I didn't mention that my brother told me anything.

Now my AK sister wrote to me last night that our parents are broke because of ME living here with them... that I should have never gotten involved with caring for them. That she thinks it best we just sell their house and put them in a nursing home. Period... she had a lot of nasty things to say about me, my family as well. ??? I think it would kill my dad living in a nursing home. i know how they are. My dad would end up feeling like HE had to do everything for my mom, as they don't have enough staff to provide the cares she is used to.

Anyway, my parents don't want to move. They don't want to sell the house. They are NOT broke. I don't get paid/compensated in any way for caring for them... it would cost a LOT more to live in a nursing home!? They don't want to help. I get that. But why does it bother them so that I am doing what i can to care for them the best I know how?? This is the short version. I am just frustrated!
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Darcy: I read a longer version on another thread and responded. Do you have POA for your dad. He sounds mentally competent to sign one. Don't know about your mom. I hope your sibs don't have POA, but even if they do, they can't force your dad to do something against his will if he is competent.

You mentioned before that your brother comes over and works on projects with your dad, so I would assume that he loves your parents and is involved. What does he think? Will he be supportive of you getting Power of Attorney for your dad? Does he share your feelings about a nursing home?

I don't know why your sisters are being so difficult or why it bothers them that you are there. You did mention before that your two children live there too and that your had lost your home before moving in with the folks. Maybe that has something to do with it.

I think you dad has made it clear to you that you are needed and they could not manage without you. You also said that sometimes he worries that he is supporting all of you? Maybe he voiced that concern to one of your sisters. Do you think that is possible?

I think, from your other thread, that the bone of contention is that you have no income. I realize that you put in tons of hours with your mom's care and you dad uses that time during the day to escape to his garage. He needs the break from your mom and you give him that and give her the care she needs.

I don't know if your brother is an ally, but if he is, is it possible that you could work in your nursing profession for 2 days a week and that the cost of an in-home caregiver could be shared between you, your dad and your brother?

Just trying to think of a way for you to bring in some income and also keep parents at home. Also, Darcy, you need some time to yourself. You can't live like this 24/7, caring for your parents and having your dad worried about money and your sisters stirring up trouble.

There are some amazing care givers on this site. Please join in and stay with us. We want to support you and help you find a way to resolve the outside stress of this situation. Please know that you are in safe company. Not all suggestions are helpful. Mine may not work, but stay with us and know we care. Hugs, Cattails
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Darcy123, you are carrying an incredible burden in which it sounds to me like you are running a private nursing home at home for your parents, but also that you don't feel that they appreciate what you are doing for them. Have I understood what is frustrating you? If not, then please explain further.

Sounds to me like you are burned out from doing all of this 24/7 with no help. How are you living without any pay from them?
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Hi to all, my grandmother is at it again. Her friend came by to take us to lunch and she started in with a religious and political discussion. The friend, who has studied the Bible, doesn't understand what my grandma is talking about. Sometimes she doesn't make sense. It is embarrassing for me and awkward for her friends. When I try to stop her from reading and writing about this stuff at home, she gets very angry and tells me to leave her alone. She will sometimes go to her room and shut the door.
I think the anger and irritability is made worse by the seroquel she takes, but her doctors want her to stay on it. I lowered her dose slowly over a few months from 1/2 of 25mg tablet to about 1/8 (a tiny crumb) at night because she has increased jaw biting, head nodding and her tongue pushes out her lower lip slightly. I'm afraid to keep her on it, but I'm also afraid of withdrawal if she discontinues it. Could the anger and facial movements get worse even though she is on a tiny dose? She also has a cough, probably from her blood pressure medication, Diltiazem.
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LADEE ALERT.....WE, FAMILY OF THE AC, R IN DESPERATE SEARCH FOR AN AWESOME, BALD-ASS CHICKEN THAT ANSWERS TO THE NAME OF "LADEE"..
SHE HAS BEEN MIA FOR SEVERAL HOURS FROM THE THREAD, N WE ARE VERY CONCERNED..IF U SHOULD SPOT SAID CHICKEN, IT IS VERY POSSIBLE SHE WILL HAVE HER LUGGAGE WITH HER...PLEASE, CAREFULLY PULL UR VEHICLE ALONG SIDE SAID CHICKEN, AND GENTLY THROW A BLANKET OVER HER CROWN, AS NOT TO FRIGHTEN HER, N RETURN HER TO THE AC THREAD, ASAP....N, PLEASE.....DONT FORGET TO BRING HER LUGGAGE......SHE LOVES IT!!!!!
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Hope everyone is doing okay today.

Mom got me out of bed at 5AM, wanting to go to the ER. A few hours later, I got a call from her at the hospital, saying she has a broken rib. None of us (not in the doctor!) knows how it happened, since she hasn't done anything strenuous or suffered from any falls or traumas. Her legs are getting really bad due to her lymphedema. She has another doctors appointment today to figure out what to do. I think they'll just wrap them up again and send her home. She's really suffering.

I'm not doing so well either. I'm becoming more and more upset that I can't afford therapy at all. I've started self-harming again, because I can't cope with being her caregiver. On top of my own issues, it's just too much and it doesn't seem like it's going to get any better anytime soon. In fact, she is placing *even more* responsibility on me in the next few months. I can't take much more of this.
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Peach....first let me say that it takes a great amount of courage to post such raw n honest feelings that u r experiencing regarding ur inability to cope as moms caregiver..
The fact that u r self-harming is extremely upsetting to hear, n, i dont have to tell u that its not the answer to ur problems with mom...its a temporary moment of release of frustrations, i know..but there still there wen the wounds heal...Please...stop...n seek help from someone u can trust...be it family or friend.....or all of us here on this thread. Before u self-harm....post first...let us know how we can help u thru that moment. I understand from ur post that u cannot afford therapy, but r there county agencies in ur area that could help u for free.?...there are agencies here for just that reason...jst bcuz u cant afford therapy doesnt mean ur not entitled to help. Please look into that for urself....u r so worth it...Until u have found the proper place to go....please keep posting ,especially wen the need to harm urself surfaces. There are many support groups out there that u may find very helpful n they may be able to help u find a therapist...

There are days wen my caregiving duties become overwhelming, n i want to take a few more pain meds to escape it all......i come here first.....this group of wonderful people have never failed me...Please...give us a chance to help u, too. I will keep u in my prayers....i kno, all to well, the struggles u r going thru.....it doesnt have to be that way.......Keep reaching out...we're listening, Peach......much love n hugs
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Computer acting up........or should I say hubby was on it again.......

Wanted to let you all know that Saturday is PUPPY DAY. Finally. I have been waiting 9 months for this. Feel like I could have had them myself!! Breeder sys Harley and Dyna play and sleep together like they know they are going to the same house.......and Dyna rules!! Girl power!!! And it is supposed to rain on Sat., so I guess I will get used to wet dog smell in a hurry. I will add their picture to my profile.

Need to tell you about the latest pee story on the way to Maine. I told ya'll about hubby having to go into the woods on the hwy between Baltimore and DC the last time, and everyone honking and hollering while he hugged a tree with a bright red shirt on. This time he picked I-287 over the Tappan Zee Bridge in NY. As we slowly go over the Hudson River with 4-5 lanes of traffic, I guess seeing all that water got to him. He screamed at the toll taker when she couldn't get the change right for the car in front of us, but he was polite when we got there. Then he pulls off violently to the right under an overpass. He slammed the van in Park, twisted around somehow and peed in a coffee cup I was saving for such an occasion, and damned near filled it up. All you could see through the driver's window was this NEON LIME GREEN SHIRT!!! His brother passed by us during the event, and the nephews realized right away who it was in the shirt. On the way home, I made sure he was wearing grey or black shirts, and I guess that prevented any further episodes.................

Still messing with papers here. I found telegrams from the 50's announcing hubby's birth, Christmas greetings , receipts for musical instruments from the 40's, have 4 Bibles.......just trying to get things put away and puppy proof. Hope to get some cleaning done before the puppies arrive, cause I won't do it for a while for playing with them.

Hubby's family finally figured out what was wrong with me when I told them I chewed lead paint off windowsills as a child......just so you all know........

Peach, could an antidepressant help? I don't know of many caregivers who aren't on something to make the stress bearable. Let me catch up on the posts. Better living through chemistry, as the saying goes. I am still on one so I can make it through the grief of losing my mom and mil only 8 months apart............
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All I can say is I am very grateful that I didn't have to take care of my mil, the witch. She was a super handful. We lived 500 miles away and so the bil took care of her. She hated me. Now she is gone and I am not at all feeling sorrowful about her passing.
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Gee, tevin, tell us how you REALLY feel...................
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Tevincolorado... thank you! I laughed out loud when I read your comment. Whew. I'm not laughing AT you, I'm just laughing at your straightforward, brutal honesty.
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Darcy-Isn't it something, as a nurse and a caregiver, to try and explain to others, especially sibs, what all goes into a single day? Others here have offered you some advice...I just want to let you know you are understood. Some people do not get it. Thier ideas of what care is needed are so far off of reality. I am blessed to have an understand sister, but sympathize with you and others who do not. Hugs.
Peach-Welcome, and please consider the caring and advice being shared here. Stress is awful, and we are here to help you share it. We even laugh alot here...believe it or not! Many hugs.
Beck-We need a BOLO on Ladee- you know - a Bring Our Ladee Online! :)
Well, let me entertain you all with the start and end of a little four hour block of time last night...Woke up at about 1:30 AM. I tried to flush the toliet when I was done, but it didn't work. First thought, maybe the chain thingee is kinked. So, half asleep, I open the tank and fiddle with the chain. Then it occurs to my fuddled mind that if I can stick my hand in and wiggle the chain, there is no water. Oh, the well pump switch is out again. Joy. In my house, this gets fixed by percussive maintanence...hitting the switch box with a hammer. So I dig out the flashlight and hammer. Both are in the pantry, because that seemed like a good place for the flashlight, and MY toolbox is also in there. Along with my box of finishing nails that say "Becky's nail's...touch and you die." But that's another story.
Anyway, I go downstairs and open the water closet (cute, huh?). Since I'm almost asleep, I do not see the large, evil spiders waiting in there. I locate the box, and reach only my arm and the hammer in (I still know the spiders are there!) and whack the box. The pump turns back on, so I go back to bed feeling like a DIY queen. Four hours later I wake up for the day, shuffle into the bathroom again, and whack the top of my foot on the corner of the sink cabinet. Before I could pee, I had a goose egg from my pinkie toe across to my big toe! When hubby gets up, there is a hammer on the kitchen counter and I am hobbling around with an ice pack pressure taped to my foot. Lovely man-he asked me very sincerely not to break anythign in the house or on my body until he could get home tonight. The pump is now fixed - he finally got the parts today. My foot is another thing entirely. I will probally be wearing socks and show covers at work tomorrow because I don't think I'm getting the mis-shapen lump into any shoe I own.
At work, the Devil Went Down to Georgia came on, and I said I loved to dance to that song. My coworkers said they would pay to see that, since I am unable to walk through my house without injury! The finks!
Praise the Lord I did not have to clean the bathroom up after one of Dad's accidents this morning, or get up any more during the night to have Mom take a pill. There are small mercies!
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
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Peach: I posted on your most recent thread. Stay with us and hang in there. We can help. Read my post to see if it might help. Don't forget to exercise and breath. Release some of the tension. Hugs, Cattails
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Hi Cat, hope you had an ok day today. Feeling any better? If you posted earlier here, I'm sorry if I missed it. Just want you to know, thinking about you still, and sending some of that white light back to you.

And yes: Ladee where ARE you? Loved the post about our lost naked chicken! Hope you are ok. We can't go too long without hearing from either of you two great women! Night, kimbee
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Hi Kimbee: I had a better than ok day today. I had one of the best days I've had in ages. It was pure heaven. I walked with my neighbor this morning and am getting back into the exercising every morning. When I got back, I went outside with my hubby and picked up dog poop. Then I got on the riding mower (hubby got on his too) and we mowed. This is a 5 hour job for one person and I was so thrilled to be able to be outside and getting some of the burden off of his back. I love to mow and be outdoors and this was such a beautiful day.

So often, I would be inside, watching him mow from the window and feeling bad because he has to pick of the slack of taking care of this place. Now we can be partners again and work together and help each other.

It makes my heart sing. Love to all, Cattails.
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Hey everyone, thanks for missing me, am just having a down day, that doesn't happen often, so I usually just ride it out, it will gone by tomorrow..... just tired , bored and when I get bored, Jam calls me the thread Problem Child, so will give ya'll a break ...... love ya'll and made me feel good I was missed.... hugs and angels....
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Check-in - I am stressed. Trying to work & was just called this am that my Aunt who is 95 & is in a Nursing Home is not doing well. Hard to focus @ work. I told them to take her to the E/R for evaluation - I live out of town from where she is & will travel there after work with my Mom. stresssssss. It is so hard to work when things happen & you are worried and can't be right there with the person.
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Burned, I worry a bit about you for I lost my mom due to taking medication n drinking alcohol. I am not saying and please don't take it wrong for that you are doing it a lot but please don't mix those two together. I can never just go over to visit my mom again and your children need and love you very much even if you growing a gray hair. Please talk with someone n see if their is some can help give you a break. You deserve a much needed a break even if its only for a day. Back to the gray hair, look at it as your naturally frosting your hair without the $$$. I have a few myself and I did say a few. You are loved by so many people on this site and don't forget.
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rioblu, I just saw another thread of the aunt and what to do with your mom - about 21 hrs ago! I just now found this most updated version. I guess you couldn't find anyone to give your mom the shot? Just be careful and drive carefully. Remember to take the slow deep inhale breathe, Hold, then slowly exhale from the mouth. This will help control your stress and concentrate on the driving! I will keep an eye for any updated posts....Hugs!
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Rioblu, the breathing technique is a great idea bookworm n it does help for I try to do it at least 10 times before I left to Florida while both my parents were in hospital at once. Rioblu, try to focus on driving n take a break if you need to get yourself together n listen to some music for it will help a bit. You and your Aunt are in my prayers n try to breathe. Keep us posted.
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Cat, glad to hear u had a great day, u deserve to have ur heart sing! Hope today is as great or better! Ladee and rioblu hang in there. Peach- self harm is not the only way to exert control of ur world, all areas in US r supposed to have services available at low or no cost-seeking out some therapy care and some respite services are more adaptive ways to gain some control. New coping skills are possible and worth the effort. You r alive, important, and more able to find support than u may realize. I know caregiving can be more than overwhelming--what can u do to care more and better for ur self?? U deserve that, make it happen.
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I got a lovely letter from my brother thanking me for what I do for our parents! He said he only hopes that his 3 girls will do 1/10th of what I do for our parents when he and his wife get old. I thought that was about the nicest thing I have heard in a LONG LONG LONG time. (I really am pathetic, huh!) But I will take it and smile. I have learned to appreciate the little things in life and am nearly dancing with joy... after the battles with my sisters, this was much needed.
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So tired here. Confused. I have just withdrawn from being online for awhile - I feel like the hamster running the wheel every day, nothing gets accomplished. I work so hard to find avenues - but it just seems to be pointless. My husband does not follow through and his sister is now battling us, taking assets from mother-in-law but doesn't help me here (seems daughter feels mom is her cash cow)
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Darcy, I would frame that letter and hang it where I walked by it every day. A wonderful, appreciative letter!!! Those are few and far between.....never got one myself from either of my brothers.......not even sure they know how to write!!!!!
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