This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Cattail, I use to have a Shitzu n she would always get matted up n off to the beauty place for her. With the 3 dogs n 2 indoor cats I have to do r rug at least every other day or we all be eating furballs. ; ) I have washed them n brush them sometimes but they just keep on shedding n shedding. The love of our pets. My dogs run like crazy when they hear the vaccum n I have never chased them or anything with it. I don't know why they act that way for I would luv to vaccum them all.
Seemride, are those puppies Dalmations? The mnl dogs when it was a puppy n it belong to my son, use to go under the table before we could catch her little rolly polly butt n whiz away. Eventually she learned what the word, 'hurry up' meant but her nickname still follows with her sometimes, Pee-pot-puddles. Your little ones remind me of her but you have two. lol. It will just take time.
Vic, glad to hear your dad is doing a bit better n recognizing y'all voice.
Vic......glad to hear about dad. Nice to know he is doing a little better.
Notlike.....wish mom would let up, but I don't think that will happen. Did you ever get any beans from your plants? The rabbits got mine before they were a inch tall.
Housekeeping??? Mine alrady smells like a kennel. It is hot in the kitchen because the puppies have already found the kitchen vent and will fight over who gets to lay in front of it. It comes out from under the island toward the kitchen sink. It used to be cooler when I did the dishes......not anymore.
Thanks for all the well wishes about them. I have wanted them for so long and couldn't when mom was here, then I had to wait through pregnancies that didn't take, a false pregnancy, and they were finally born a couple days after my mil's funeral. It's been a rough 10 months. I feel like I could have given birth myself!!!!
Praying we ALL get a good night's sleep, and the next week is easy on all of us. Goodnight!!
I have let my kids adopt the cat under the neighbors porch. Grandma and everyone love to give it treats and delight that it continues to hang around us.
I have enrolled in a concentrated graduate program, so for two nights cost of a granny nanny sitter I have a tremendous challenge of study to occupy my mind in the dull long sitting with grandma days.
So though i still am lonely and lost. It is feeling a little healthier. I was starting to crave a chocolate coma and a sofa.
Cat...in answer to ur question...Lily is jst awesome.The training differences between men n dogs is , paws down, in the dogs favor...lol
Every morning Lily goes out and retrieves the morning paper for me....where's hubby???..taking a sh*t! When i came home from my surgery recently, Lily never left my side, licking my tears away n gently nudging my cast..where's hubby???...taking a nap....When there's a fly buzzing around my house n im at my wits end, i say, "Lily, get the fly".....never fails, she kills it first chance she gets....where's hubby???...Hon, where's the fly swatter??? When i've dropped something by mistake out of the laundry basket of freshly cleaned clothes...without a command,,,Lily brings it to me....where's hubby??? ..he kicks it to the nearest pile that he sees..clean or dirty....last, but not least, when i feed Lily her meal, she always sits before me n lifts one paw to shake my hand...u kno....a little canine gratitude....where's hubby??? "next time, cut back on the chili sauce...it gives me heartburn.." Now....after reading this, u may think my hubby to b an asshole, but in reality, he's married to a royal bitch, n thats why Lily n i are so perfect together...One good bitch deserves another!!!!! In all seriousness...i have a wonderful husband.....i jst have an awesome dog.....lol.....hugs to u
Mine is a toy poodle mix. She is a trained service dog for my Hubby.
So very smart. Today is Hubbies 66 b-day. We have such wonderful neighbors and friends. They have grilled for him and entertained him all weekend. They bought most all of the food and supplies. He was good all weekend. BUUUTTT::: I am expecting him to let loose anytime now. 1 of his sister's and 1 of his brothers called to tell him happy birthday ( at least they bothered today) Does not happen very often. His Family all live in Chicago. We live in Ga. He has 7 brothers and sisters. He is the oldest. They hardly ever call. Never offer to do anything to help me out with care respite or money. Any thing would help. Oh wellll Hell he is mine guess i'll keep him a while longer(LOL). My son called him last night (long haul trucker) to wish himm happy b-day. He has not heard one word from his 4 children never does.
Lildeb, I am checking out the links you told me about. I am on a crazy diet. It is low protein, low purine, low phosate . I also need to loose some more weight. I have lost some but because of my arthritis I have had to start another round of steriod's. Thanks for letting me vent. Wanda
Like I said the dog (Jewel) is a trained seizure dog for my Hubby( Richard). She is very alert. She just alerted me to check on him. He had the tv. turned up as loud as it would go.Her alert this time was for me to check on him. Sometimes extremely loud sounds will trigger his seizure's.
Scoop on my dad is he may be getting out of rehab sooner than we thought. He is using a cane n that is great n eating very well. As for the SM, she is at the rehab n refuses to get out of the bed. I don't know anything else to do about her for she won't help herself! She only 63 n my dad is over 70 WTF!!!! It makes no sense unless something happen to their marriage or something. She does have slight dementia due to alcohol but dad has it more. My brothers are trying to get one of his brothers whom has a daughter around that can help temporarily until they can figure out about the property n that trailer that needs to be demolish. Neither one of my brothers will be able to keep him for they r riding horses everyday n their be no one to take care of him during the day n dad has no insurance but medicare A. Still waiting on approval or not with Medicade. The SM don't won't to sale anything nor pay the hospital bill. At least the youngest one has POA over his mom n maybe he can talk some sense into her or not. He did mention her going to a NH but not sure if he was just saying that for he is still feeding those stupid vicious dogs out on property. Supposedly, the SM don't won't us on the property n just letting her son take care of thing. However, little does she know that two of us have already seen I took pictures just in case needed. I think the boys need to let her know that they know what they live like n now its time to move forward instead of her trying to hide it. I don't really know what to do about her or any advice to my 3 brothers. I did mention maybe if she saw a Geriatric doctor n maybe they could get her to open up n talk. The boys also need to let both of them know that they cannot go back for the trailer has been consider inhabitat. I'm lost at words n what to do. Will my dad ever drink again? probable. Not sure what we can do about that for I think he needs to be in a NH. At least he will be in a clean facility n be taking care of now that he has AD n he won't be able to get the alcohol, I guess. enough of rambling here.
I hope everyone has a nice n pretty day full of sunshine. ; )
lildeb, I completely understand about being trained by your cat... mine lets me live in her personal space,she also gives little love nibbles when I am ignoring her..... I love cats.... they do what they want, when they want, how they want.... sorta like me..... lol
M sick today, has been in bed all day... so came home long enough to check in here, get son and take him to PT, drop him off, go back after him later, drop him home and back to work....You would think I would be making enough money to go see Beck, but nooooooo, and gas is going up again... but thank God it has only been in the 90's here , this is like fall to us......
So, If I'm not completely brain dead later tonight, I'll check in.... love ya'll
I'm feeling so stressed out. Every self-destructive behavior I've ever practiced (and I've practiced a lot, thanks to my Borderline Personality Disorder) is coming out. I want to self-harm, I want to starve, binge, drug myself, get wasted, etc. I'm trying to be good and practice safe alternatives, but I'm terrified, lost, and confused. I don't want to lose my mother. Aside from my fiancé, she's all I have. I haven't got any friends or other family members. I just don't know what to do. I just live in this constant fear of her dying. It doesn't help that this is my BIGGEST fear. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and death is my biggest trigger. My abandonment issues are incredibly deep. I'm just terrified.
I'm even more terrified for what's coming up soon. My fiancé lives out of state, has been visiting for a few months, and is finally going back home next week. I don't want to be alone with my mom. I know that sounds bad, but I'm just so afraid something REALLY bad will happen and I won't be able to help her until the paramedics arrive. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up, go check on her, and she'll be dead. I'm afraid of being alone in this big house with her, without my fiancé, hearing her cry, moan, and scream. I don't want to be all alone.
Cat-thank you for the Mom prayers.
Ladee-I got Dad an appointment for Thursday at 4. The biopsy results should be back by then, so we can discuss the results and what to do. I'm trying not to worry, but you know how that goes. You gave the other person a vacation already? Huh? I want to work with you! LOL Stay calm...vacations are short. And I was thinking (oh God, it hurt!) Mom has a sister in Texas whose name begins with M. It's not your M, but that's kind of freaky. Hugs.
Seeme-love that you got your furbabies! Proud Mama. No beans yet - we are thinking of putting some store-bought ones out there to give our plants the idea of what they are supposed to do. The weather here has been so bad, I don't know if we'll have any at all.
Wanda - you made me laugh! Didn't you get the memo that said caregivers are not allowed to physically fall apart?!? We just duct tape ourselves back together and go another round:) Happy birthday to your hubby. Sounds like you have great neighbors.
Beck-I will not be able to look at my hubby tonight without wanting to ask him to fetch a ball for me! He is good at getting me a glass of water or the Doritos, though...
Vic-Glad your Dad perked up some. I think about you alot. Holding both parents up sometimes seems like a huge job. You are amazing. Hugs.
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.
For the last two days dad has been having some tightness and pain in that right lung he said. Ct scan said he has fluid that has built back up. And shotty lymph nodes in the chest area. Love and hugs stormyyy
You are a young family and it seems to me that you so enjoy each others company. That is a blessing Stormy; that you all love to do things as a family. So count those blessing in your life and cherish them. I know you do cherish them.
Someday this will be over with your dad and you will have a family that is healthy, happy and loving. I don't think your sis will fare as well.
In the meantime, you might want to talk to your sister and tell her that more in home care is needed for dad. If you go over to your dad, set a time limit. Two hours and then in-home care comes right behind you.
How would it work for you to call your dad or talk to him a couple days in advance and ask him if he would like some soup or whatever. Something that you could make at your house and take to him when you go over. It might make you feel better that you can do it on your terms.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
Love to all..and Stormy so glad you lost it and cried and talked to hubby..her understand a bit better now all your feelings of trying to keep a normal life for your little family..crying was a good release and a good way to bring you both closer.
Thanks Notlike! Another day in the trenches right! Hope Thursday come soon and that maybe you guys can get some answers and relief for dad.
Prayers for the best day in whatever situation we are all in.
One of these days, you will be able to walk in, TELL your sister you have made arrangements for someone to help care for dad, and you are going to spend time with your family... if you are waiting for her permission, you aren't going to get it... she has her own convoluted agenda... has nothing to do with you....and you'll get there Stormy... you will... all this whole situation is telling you is.... it's time for something to change.... when we get to where what we are doing isn't working anymore, then time for something different.... you'll find your way.... this is not really about your dad... this is about Stormy finding her own voice..... so one day we will be reading a post from you that starts.... I AM STORMY, HEAR ME ROAR....Hang in there kid, you have support here.... keep on until your answer presents itself....you can do this, and do what is right for you and your family....
Wish I could give you some of my 'f**k you' attitude, maybe we'd both have a balance then... keep on keepin on, you're getting there.....hugs to you this morning.
Burned, am hearing something different coming from you, maybe hearing a little more 'fight' to get it right....??? What's right for YOU, not what others think you should be doing.... none of us have walked in your shoes... and I know people don't understand, but sometimes... sometimes.... there is just no way out of what is going on.... at least temporarily.... and like Stormy, you'll stop waiting for your family to help or understand or be present for you.... this is the hard part of growing up... you look up and realize it's all up to you to make the changes that are going to make you reasonably happy in your life.... and it takes time and circumstances to get us there.... you can do this Burned... you just don't know it yet, but you will... life will teach you, that YES, you can do this... whatever 'This' is for you. No one else, but for you....
Ok, I am going to get on with my reasonably happy day.... love ya'll.
It started out to b a pretty good morning....i was watering my dead flowers, and Lily lays on the grass....so majestic..like a lion. She has a thick mane around her neck n wen she sits very tall, she almost looks regal...until...........
The little,white kitty cat went running past her, n regal Lily sprinted off the lawn and was chasing that cat, to soon become prey!!! I, quickly turned and ran after Lily...with my left hand above my head( drs orders....LOL LOL), limping ,because i DONT run anymore, n screaming at the top of my lungs..LILY......STOP!!
O dont think she heard me because now my girlfriends car pulls up and shes helping her charge out of the car n into a walker..(yes,ladies,...a sister caregiver!!) n Lily starts running circles around this poor womans walker, all the while i'm screaming (hand above head,,,) for her to stop, but she wasnt done yet.....she sprints over to the next neighbors house, bcuz thats where her "boyfriend" lives....he's a 140lb Rotty n he n Lily have had this romance going for 7yrs now. Lily approaches the screen door n notices another dog in the house with her man. Oh sh*t.....u dont mess with Lilys man....so i hear horrible growling and snarling noises coming from there yard..thank God the screen door seperated all 3 dog from getting to each other bcuz that would have been horrific....I managed to grab Lily my the MANE around her neck, but, she got loose..Mind u...this sweet old woman is watching all this, hanging on to her walker for dear life, while my girlfriend stood in front of her so Lily wouldnt knock her down....but Lily wasnt done yet.....She proceeds to run into my girlfriends backyard n jumps in her swimming pool....u knw....do a few laps to get some frustration out....n while she was swimming, we managed to get the sweet lady into the house...safely.......I then go run towards the pool stairs where Lily is exiting n i reach for her one last time...but...she got away....she proceeded to run towards my friends front door......n took a big, nasty sh*t on her lawn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I retract wat i said earlier about the training between man n dog.....If that had been my hubby....he would have frozen in place after i yelled' STOP"......so....Lily is in a life-long time out.....she only gets chicken....no steak tonite.....tough love,tough love......
i have 2 cats-elvis and costella(stella is what i call her), and
dasha, my 16yr old chow/lab mix-thank god they found me---
(i think animals choose us- rather than the popular belief that we pick them,maybe a little of both)
enjoy- and thanks again
love
k