This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
They found a new place to play today. Hubby keeps leaving the bathroom off the hall to the garage open so one can have the vent in there. I know it will lead to drinking out of the toilet or pulling toilet paper all over the house, but today I found both puppies in the shower..............funny, they can't wait to get out of there when the shower is on!!!!!! Geez....................can't win..................
The NEW new lady will be at M's tomorrow for training with S.... the new lady is back from vacation and will get back on the evening shift... and the NEW new lady will work on my days off and when ever we need her.... I finally feel like I can breathe easier knowing all shifts are covered now..... Ya'll pray that the New new lady works out as she has never worked with Alz before..... and ya'll know how picky I am about S.... I'll know within 5 minutes if she is going to work out.... picky picky picky....
Love ya'll....
I work for a lady a lot like your mom... her hubby has Alz and is more active than her... I know she has health issues, but there is nothing wrong with doing a jigsaw puzzle, or helping me fold clothes or setting outside on a cool morning with her coffee.... and like your mom, she can tell you why something WON'T work before it's even been tried.... so I understand how you feel, I do get to come home at night, but it doesn't stop the dread sometimes for the next day.... but she is getting better about some things, I will give her that... but mercy the negativity wears me out sometimes.... so thanks for sharing... you are not alone.... hugs
Caregiver, if she is able to be alone without putting herself in danger or being lost then I say, get your bootie out n do something for yourself.
Seemride, I could not believe that you said you found your pups in the shower that was funny for I would have to drag mine in as well if the shower was running n much less will they get in it even if the shower is off. I did have a cat that use to sleep in the bathroom sink but now that she is spoiled she sleeps on her side of the bed. ; )
Dad goes tomorrow to see the new thoracic dr that his lung dr recommended. Sis is carry him, his appt is at 9:15. I have got to carry bil to the hospital tomorrow for his treatment on his foot. This will be the first time for me trying to help him get around. Hoping all goes well. Love and hugs stormyyy
I tried something new for me with regards to the puppies. I finally broke down and got puppy pee pads. It is said they attract the dogs to pee on them and not everywhere else, so I thought I'd give it a try. Well, it works.....they are very attracted..........so much so, they had a field day tearing them apart!!!! It looked like a cotton ball factory exploded in the kitchen.........and I found it at midnight when I went to take them out for the last time!!!!! I woke hubby's ass up and made hime take them out while I got up the worst of it and washed the floor again. I found damn cotton pieces in the living room this morning......I will be finding it for weeks............now I have to cover the pads with newspaper so they can't find them !!!!!!!! And every time I put fresh paper down, they have to play on it..........what is the deal with me and piss/poop??????
I see someone having a puppy pea/poop/cotton ball party. whoo hoo! lol. I start making hubby take those pups every hour with a leash and ask them if they got to go hurry up or what ever word y'all use to start training them to go outside to do their beautiful doings. It will take a lot of time but it will be well worth it unless you live in a tall apartment. Good luck with the pups.
Everyone, I hope y'all are able to have a nice day, blazing hot already at noon with 93 temp n rising. I hate to see r electric bill. ah....
Mom is still in the hospital. She said that her legs were doing better a few days ago, but then yesterday, she said she fell asleep after they had bandaged her legs and woke up in the most pain she's ever been in. I guess that means the infection is still pretty rampant. She's getting good food though, which makes me feel relieved. I've been so worried about her losing too much weight. The colitis plus lack of funds to buy any real food was really aiding in her weightloss. Now she's on 2,000 calories a day at the hospital and has breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus a snack sometimes. Everyday, she calls and excitedly tells me the wonderful meals she's had. One less thing to worry about!
The family doctor came by to check on my mom, and she told him how my sinus infection hasn't cleared, despite the two doses of antibiotics he prescribed. Lucky for me, he was nice enough to call in something else (no idea what though). Hopefully, my drug store will deliver it tomorrow, plus some throat lozenges that I asked for. Until then, lots of water and rest.
I hope everyone is having a good day. Stay strong, guys!
I've only been here on this site for a week so a quick fill in.
Mom is in NH, wants to come home and have me as caregiver. I cannot provide the care she wants and needs.............
I told siblings that I could not care for her properly...........
I told Mom I cannot give her the care she needs...........
I told NH I cannot care for her properly...........
NH says that Mom is competent and on August 2, they must release her if she wants to go. NH says she can go home with someone coming in to check on her, do certain chores, and care needs, and such...........
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I told siblings again today, and NH, that if Mom comes straight home from NH, expecting me to provide care, I was moving out and going back home.........
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Sibling visited with Mom today and she was, well, not happy with me, I am a terrible daughter, selfish, I tell lies, she never says anything mean to me, etc, etc. Today we learned that she has lied to the NH about her at-home support system (already had a housekeeper coming in 2x week for several months already, has a friend who will come by everyday, and a couple minor things). NH knows these are lies, but says that since she does not need skilled NH, and is competent, she is free to leave..............
NH is being helpful, trying to guide Mom to Assisted Living, even for a couple of months, helping to arrange Medicare supported in-home visits, had an Assisted Living rep come and visit Mom today, and such.........
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Siblings, NH and I all agree that it is logical for her to want to come home. It makes sense for her to prefer to die at home (she may die tomorrow, she may live for months or years), and she is free to make a bad decision. It may shorten her life, but as long as she is checked on, clean, and it appears she is eating and drinking and taking her meds, she can go home to live, and die.......... I honestly do not feel anyone is being irresponsible (except Mom, maybe), sibling who lives closest feels that a early morning call will come saying she has been found on the floor, but she is still allowed to control her life. Sibling also agrees that I need to get back home while I can. Sibling understands my physical, legal and moral concerns, as does the NH.....................
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So, yes, I am a "rotten, selfish daughter" who is running while she can. I am sad to leave her like this, but I am very, very happy to be going home to see my family and my grandchildren - the youngest starts kindergarten Wednesday and my daughter is expecting a baby in November...............
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I will be able to go to noon Mass at my favorite Church. Eat mexican and thai food............ Go downtown and watch the "wannabe's" walk around town with their cowboy hats and guitar cases (Nashville, TN).......... Ooow, it is tourist season, so lots of lovely visitors who come to town to spend money, wearing shorts, cowboy boots, a cowboy hat and a fannypack, each carrying a plastic bag containing the t-shirt they bought next door to Tootsies (famous bar if you like country music).......
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I will get a room at an extended stay hotel until I find an apartment. The dog can stay at my daughters' during the transition if necessary. Am contacting the bank tomorrow, my doctor to try and get a 3 month prescription to help me transition to a new doctor, post office, social security, and such to change addresses..........
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The car is about 1/2 way packed.
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Thank you all so very much. I cannot express my appreciation. You have really saved me. So much information and kindness.
There is a version of the California 5150 that you heard about with Britney Spears a few years ago - committing someone against their will.....................
Bankruptcy law is different here from any other state I have ever lived in or done business in - that is why OJ Simpson moved here after the murder trial...................
The medical care system here is, oh, I don't know the word, backassed, maybe?! .....................
Bulk healthcare, like going to Sams Club: generic, one size fits all, giant packs of toilet paper......
The people are very nice and friendly down here. Not Southern-nice, but Yankee nice, so pretty good. The water is beautiful. If you like warm weather, this is the place to be. Prices in this town are low. But it is not home and I am going home.......................
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By this Friday I will be sitting on the couch, cuddling with my littlest grandson, playing a game together on my laptop, interspersed with minor bouts of tickling and wrestling, excuse me, 'rastlin'.............................
Thinking of you all tonight........hope it's a good night for each of you!
Just me, my dog and all of my worldly possessions in the trunk of my car.
I won't even fuss about the road construction in So. Georgia (OMG!)
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Stormy..hang in there girl..try to take the day moment by moment. You are a loving daughter wife mother and sister. Prayers for you. Did you tell sis about your trip?
Mary..hope the drive has been good and the music cranked up!
ASG..sorry that cat took off..hope you and family doing ok.
Seeme..fur babies are having fun at your expense! Love ya girl.