This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Of course, I paid for it. Last night, instead of being at the gym, I ran their errands...picked Dad up at the tire place, dropped off library books, bought buttons for Mom that she thought were on sale but aren't until Friday - but I had to run right over and get them before they ran out. Oh, back to real life.
Dad is not really better. He is only having one BM a day, which is an improvement. But it's still mostly liquid. It's been 4 days without his meds, and I expected to see more improvement if that's the cause. I think the going less is only because of the new pill they started him on. I'm going to email the doc tomorrow if things don't improve and make an appointment at the GI clinic. I'm also waiting for the C-pap people to call me back. he's lost so much weight, his mask doesn't fit right anymore. When it rains....
Cat-Good to see your Dad was out and about in his wheel chair. He seems to be settling in pretty well. Hugs.
Wanda-poohey on the broken car! My parents' van has been broken, too. It sucks. Hugs.
Caregiver - I was LMAO about the placement of the dead bug! Hope you do find a better job closer to you. Hugs.
Mary - blessings to you! Enjoy your normal life. Your family will be so happy to have you home. Hugs.
Vic-Glad you got some stable days. Any kind of normal is nice. Relax a bit when hubby gets home - I know you need it. Hugs.
Hope everyone is having a decent day, and if not, may angels hold you up.
great news. Take the job!!!!!! These past few years have been very hard on many of us - getting back to your former income level is a great opportunity.
M said no on the lady that interviewed yesterday, and I'm glad.. wasn't my decision tho the daughter did ask me what I thought...... oh Lord, what a question to ask ME... of course I told her what I thought.... that I didn't feel like the lady really wanted to work, that she may have thought it was just setting around watching TV and maybe fixing a meal.....but M is the one that said NO, so another girl coming in tomorrow.... either way, I get my long weekend... YeEEeEE Haaaaaaaa !!!! love ya'll
As said before, I am leaving my Moms house to go back home to my family.
Mom wanted me to be her caregiver, a position I do not believe I can, or want to do.
Today, told Mom I was leaving, she said some mean things and told me to leave and never come back.
Well, Mom called me a little while ago, apologized, talked like the Mom I knew, but still got angry when I said I could not care for her properly at home.
Then she said it would be helpful if I could find her long-term care paperwork so they can pay for another 30 days in the nursing home.........................
.
So, deep down she knows she shouldn't be home yet, but was bullying me to give in.
I tried to be very nice during the conversation, but you know, I do not like bullies.
Ladee-A wonderful long weekend to you! That's awesome. Let's see how many naps you can get :)
Got home last night and their van was in the driveway with the flashers on and the hood up. yippee. Dad was cleaning it out and must have turned the headlights on by accident. So the battery was dead. Big emergency, don't ya know...needed to go to Walmart for Polident. It' never as funny while it's happening as it is the next day :)
Good day to everyone.
Notlike, what do you mean the new caregiver won't take care of S the same as me ?!?! Ya, uh huh she will !!!! Girl has a ton of energy.... want me to see if she'll hire out in other states??? She's going to do fine.... she's loud, won't take M long to squash that!!!! So, on my first long weekend in 8 months or longer... YE HAAAAAAAA.... More later, after my first nap..... love ya'lllllll
To top it off, my fiancé is going back home in a few days. I'm not thrilled about that either. It's like my life is going to suddenly just crumble all at once with his leaving and my mom's coming home. I'm terrified of the anxiety I'm going to feel once again with him gone. I have such fears of bad things happening to him, so much fear of being abandoned. All of that will come back in a matter of days, starting with his bus ride back home.
Well, I guess my break was good while it lasted. I didn't do much, hardly answered the phone (all my neighbors have been calling, probably wondering what's up since my mom's car has been gone so long), just sat on the couch watching scary movies and indulging in takeout.
Here's to my miserable life coming back.
My step-mother was diagnosed with that several years ago, but a few months back was told that she had less than 6 months left to live. All of this has taken its toll on my 87 year old dad who wishes she would agree to move to an assisted living together.
I wonder if your fatigue is not a warning sign saying that you need some extra help in taking care of your mother?
Welcome to the new posters. It's late at night for me, so I'm going to bed, but I will reply to you. My heart goes out to all you are dealing with.
Sharynmarie: So glad to know your sis does not have lung cancer. I don't know what Intrestial Lung Disease is , but I will look it up. Sounds chronic, but I hope for the best.
Notlike: Enjoyed your post.
Hugs, Cattails
Welcome to the new posters. It's late at night for me, so I'm going to bed, but I will reply to you. My heart goes out to all you are dealing with.
Sharynmarie: So glad to know your sis does not have lung cancer. I don't know what Intrestial Lung Disease is , but I will look it up. Sounds chronic, but I hope for the best. Hey, I just looked it up, but all I could find was interstitial lung disease, which is essentially Pulmonary Fibrosis. Does that sound right to you? You know my mom had Pulmonary Fibrosis for years and years. God Bless her, it just came out of nowhere. She never smoked or was around 2nd hand smoke. No idea what caused it, but in so many cases that is true. Sending you and your sis white light and healing.
Notlike: Enjoyed your post.
Hugs, Cattails
All of you are in my thoughts and prayers today and everyday...........peace to you all!
You have been an amazing daughter and your mom has been blessed, as she said, to have you in her life and by her side during her last years. Even in these difficult times, with her dementia closing in, you both can still share the love you have for each other. I don't have words to express how very precious that is and what a comfort it must be to your mom. I know it is to you also.
You are a very wise and loving person, so I don't think there is anything I can tell you that you don't already know. Just take those moments with your mom and cherish them. When you love someone, losing them in very painful, but knowing that the love is shared and that you have made your mom's life better with your love, understanding and compassion is the true meaning of what life is all about.
Sending you love and comfort my dear friend, Cattails
Mary, 13 hours is a lot. I don't understand Fl laws myself for I have heard other people telling me about their parent getting discharged from the hospital due to no insurance. I understand they need their money but these r human beings! They try to do my dad while I was down there too until I had a nasty fit n threating to get the news people out their for my dad was not physically fit to be sent home. So, they sent him to a Rehab center for that was what they had suppose had done in first place. Fl & GA both suppose to be having construction work but u have probable already passed it. Drive safely, crank up the music n take breaks. Enjoy yourself.
Caregiver, do what your gut tell you to do n I hope it is take that job n congratulations too. I hope you get the job.
Ladee, you know how to say the right things n Caregiver, we r all your family too n rooting for you n your job.
I ended up calling the doctor, who came out and helped me get her into bed (roaring her head off the whole time). Doc was worried in case she'd broken a hip, but she hasn't fallen in the last 48 hours, and there didn't appear to be anything wrong with her hip (she was able to move her leg around happily enough)
I reckon she's having us on because she knows she's going into Respite for two weeks next Tuesday.
So I've had a quiet day (she was asleep in bed!) watching the Olympics :-)
Blue, glad mom got untwisted.... and ya, it may be a little acting out before respite, but you take it anyway, regardless.... I woke up many mornings to find Ruth in some strange positions...one day one leg hanging off the bed the other one THRU the bed rail... still have no idea how she did that.... took awhile with her bellowing the whole time, but we got her untangled.. we either have to laugh or cry, depends on how tired we are I guess... hugs to you and enjoy your respite.....
Momof3, you ARE doing an excellant job... and raising three kids, is this the mom with triplets? Just that by itself is unbelievable , much less caring for your mom.... come back and talk to us.... vent until you feel better, this is a safe place to put it down..... and you might even get a suggestion or two to help you out, if not, then you'll get lots of love and support... no one else understands like another caregiver....
Hugs to everyone today.... more later......
Notlikemom, so true for it is not as funny while it is happening. However, later it gotta give you a little crackle or you go crazy.
I forgot to mention about taking the mnl to get her lab work that I was behind on time so I had to rush her out the door withing 20mint. Yep, I knew we, hubby and I was in trouble with the 'fire-cracker-red-headed-wood-pecker- mnl.' I thought I had a whole hr before her appt until hubby ask me, while he still in bed n Im just sipping on my cup of coffee that, "did we just get back already?" Im like what???? Why? he said her appt was at 8:55 n for dumb ass reason I thought it was for 9:55 and her it was 8:35am. We r rushing n its a fasting lab n I didn't won't her to pee in toliet for then she wouldn't be able to go their with the lab. I'm dropping things, grabing my glucose meter, grabbing keys, running out the door n told hubby to get mom out of her room for she is trying to put on a freaking necklace n deciding what jacket to wear. Its 80ish degrees!! Necklace!! Please get in the car we r running late. that is what I was actually saying as I ran out to the car. I got to the car running honking the horn hopeing that will get her moving n I hear her yelling at hubby. I knew this rushing crap was heading for diaster. Yet, I knew last night her appt was 8:55am, I guess maybe I got some Alz going on? Dumb, dumb, dumb... anyway he finally gets her out n she arguing all the way cursing n we rush to get to the place. I still have to drive to get to the place too. We made it right on time-speedy just a tad. We sat a few every bit of 3 mint into anothe waiting room. I went ahead n got her a pee cup n it was stanky. I mention it to the nurse that suppose to draw her lab. In the process of collecting the foul smell pee, the mnl happens to wear half of it on her pants n part all over my hands due to all over the cup. The cup runner over. Well at least we can wash all that off n we got all tha done n I apologize to mnl for it was my fault not paying attention to the time. She said, "don't worry about for I don't know what I do without you." I was shocked that came out of her mouth, but thankful. Now, that made my day as a caregiver. Even if you can get a smile from them sometimes is very pleasing to know that we are doing the best we can n sometimes they do recgonize what we are doing or for at least now.
I hope everyone has a great day.
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My mom had her colonoscopy today. The biopsy results aren't in yet, but they said they didn't see anything that looked like cancer. They said her colon is pretty much a goner though. Looks like surgery is inevitable. She's a little worried about that, but seems hopeful since she spoke to the surgery. Apparently, the surgery won't be as bad as she thought and she won't even have to wear a colostomy bag the rest of her life, just for about two months. Plus, she'll never have to worry about getting colon cancer. Thank goodness for that.