This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
And my sweet little S man was a wandering fool today.... I tried to vacuum, he was right there, I tried to clean the kitchen, he was wandering all over the house rearranging pictures on the walls.... M went to the beauty shop, which was a good thing for her, to get out of the house, and when she got back, I am bringing S from the bathroom on his walker, she is walking in the door with hers.... I jumped back and forth between them and she laughed out loud... I do have to wonder if she is not releived she doesn't have to keep fighting this.... Stormy she has lukemia.... or they call it pre lukemeia.... so guess it will go full blown without treatment.... I'll have to do some research....
Dr. has put her on some heavy duty pain meds, so if nothing else she will be calmer and possibly rest more now....
So, we make the end as comfortable as possible for her, however long that takes.... we don't know what God has to say about all this... so, we do what we can....
I will keep ya'll posted of course.... am going to go lay down and read for a little while and blank out my mind to the real world... love ya'll... later...
Notlike..we have similar health issues with r dads. My dad has been having alot of bowel problems, as of late, n it has caused him to become very agitated n ashamed.Yesterday was a very long n difficult day for him bcuz he lost control of his bowels n mom had to clean him up, as well as the bathroom. He has no warning wen these episodes r about to occur, so he has basically become a prisoner in his home. I must have talked to him at least 6 times yesterday about this problem n the loss of control he feels. We're trying to figure out wat is causing all of this to happen, but it has been a slow process. God Bless my mother...she has been so strong throughout all of this, but i kno that it is wearing on her everyday. We're trying to figure out wat is causing these episodes by process of elimination....starting with certain foods that he eats first thing in the morning, to possible side affects of his medications. We're working closely with his doctor, but all of this has dad under incredible distress..It's hard to watch him go thru all of this..My heart goes out to u n ur mom, n dad..I'm always worrying about keeping him hydrated as well...Its all jst very stressful on everyone...My prayers r with u...
On a lighter note....once again....Lily has created some stress of her own for her mama...forgive me if i bore u all with her antics, but i jst have to share wat this dog does to my life....it's always a blessing....
She seems to have re-entered the terrible 2's at the age of 7!! It started this morning wen i was trying to read the paper...She jst wasnt happy that my full attention was not on her, so she tried extra hard to change that.
Im holding the paper in front of my face n reading it, as most people would do....but Lily had other plans..She found one of her favorite squeaky balls, n decided to jst torment me with it until i responded. It started with her jst sitting behind the newpaper, ball in her mouth, producing a long, slow squeak to get my attention. Well..that didnt work..i jst kept reading my paper....suddenly, she start pawing at the paper in hopes that i would pay attention...n that didnt work, either....so she resorted to sticking her head under the newspaper, ball in her mouth, n giving it a continuous squeal, until i couldnt take it anymore...So...i surrendered, n started tossing the ball so she could release some of that pent up energy....that lasted all of about 10 min. It was obvious to me that she wanted to go outside..so, i obliged...I threw that damn ball back n forth while deciding to water my flowers at the same time. Mind u....Lily NEVER leaves my side...she will stay in the yard, as close as she can to me, so i've never had to worry about her running off. Well...wen i turned around to throw the ball, yet another time, she was gone. Holy sh*t....i panicked like never before....I started calling her name....no Lily....now i'm thinking the worst....someone stole her...she went around the corner n got hit by a car....i was completely freaked out...So, i started going door to door to all my neighbors to see if they had seen her..before i knew it...i had 4 neighbors out helping to find her...i live in a cul-de-sac, so i jst worked my way around it..house by house.....Suddenly...as i approached the house where her boyfriend, Sam, the 130lb Rotty lives..i could hear her answer my calls. I come to find out that Lily was in need of a lil sugar from Sam....so she went thru an open gate to their backyard, and showed up at their back slider door...Well...my girlfriend n her husband were sitting down n eating breakfast, n Lily is pawing at the glass to come in. So....Sam gets up n goes n OPENS the slider door for her to let her in!!!! Once she's in their house, she greets them all with kisses, n proceeds to lay at the front screen with her lover...Sam....jst watching me behave like a lunatic going door to door to find her...My girlfriend was laughing so hard at the way it all went down...it was jst such a natural thing for Sam to open the door for his bitch...LOL....Wen i walked in their house to get her, she covered me with kisses, n i jst melted.. How could i get mad at her for wanting to b with her man!!!!...Anyway....dogs REALLY do behave like humans....it jst made my morning.....She calmed down now cuz she got a lil lovin from her Sammy.....Lord, help me...Everyday is an adventure with my Lily....
And I know you would be here.... but I know who is here for me.... and as I have said before, during the day, I have conversations with ya'll in my head... the sharing of the moment to moment stuff that we don't always put out here for everyone to read.... or we just forget to share.... that is such a blessing to me, to know how many others just like me are going thru the same things, whether that be the wandering Alz charge that does not know what the toilet is anymore, to having two on a walker at the same time and making that quick decision on who to help first....
We are not at the end with M by any means.... but I know me, I have kicked into the part of me that 'tends to business', the falling apart comes later... with my lady Ruth, I didn't have time to grieve before starting on my next job, that year was one of the hardest , M and I doing battle, me being burned out from caring for Ruth long before she died....I was just stretched too far.... learned alot during all that, but one thing that remained consistent.... being able to come on here and talk about my feelings..... getting love and support, and getting up the next day and doing it all over again.....
And we are all sick of summer... The heat is getting on my nerves... it is so dry here my throat hurts by the time I have been in and out of the heat , running for my son, Dr's appts, ect....I know our attitudes will lighten up when the weather gets a little cooler.... I know mine will.... but I am still grateful it is not like last summer... by this time last year we had had 60+ days of 110 or higher temps... this year we only have 9....so the heat gets to us... we can't even go outside for a few minutes and regroup.... nothing we can do about the weather,,, but we can help each other thru the caregiver stressors..... so just know I am grateful for ya'll, so many people hurting, elders and caregivers alike, if we really sat down and thought about all the misery and pain on this sight, we couldn't handle it.... just way too overwhelming.... None of us are alone... what an awesome gift from God....love ya'll.....
Ladee- Poor M, I feel for her, S man and you, I know it is going to be a rough road for all of ya'll to say the least. Thanks for responsing back about M's health issue. So sorry about that she is going to have to stop her treatments. My heart goes out to all of ya'll. You are in my prayers. ((((Hugs))))
Well, i still don't know when we are going to find out what is going on with dad and the fluid that is collecting in his pleural lining. As i mentioned before about the possibility of asbetos exposure in the 1950's I don't know if we have ever mentioned to the drs about that he could have been exposed to asbetos. I don't think we have. And we don't know if the hurthle cell cancer is related to the pleural effusion collecting in his pleural lining. Or if they are two separate diseases. The dr wants dad to have another ct scan done the end of this month, i guess to see how much more fluid he has. Sis told the dr that she had to try to get someone well before dad could have the procedure to scrape the pleural lining. Cause he would have to stay in the hospital for 3 nights. Bil is doing a little better, he still has a long way to go before those 4 holes in his foot heal up. The drs have extended his iv antibiotics for another 4 weeks. And i take him to the hospital in the early afternoon's and pick him up two hrs later and then go get him and connor something to eat and pick up connor, carry bil home. By the time i get home all i want to do is sit down and stay there. Just wiped out. Well got to go get in the shower and start the everyday routine. Thinking about all of ya'll. Love and hugs stormyyy
Stormy - More waiting, eh? Prayers for you and your Dad, too. I know this is hard on you. Hugs.
Hi to everyone else. Loved the Lily story of the day! Gotta get to work...
The very day that my mom came home from the hospital, she started having trouble. The doctors have her on a high dosage of steroids which is skyrocketing her blood sugar. So, I've been missing sleep, getting up at 1am to make her eggs to bring down her blood sugar.
Yesterday, she started to complain that her leg hurt again. It developed a huge purple splotch and felt hot and swollen. She went to the ER again, where they basically told her that it wasn't infected, but bruised. I didn't believe them for a second. All of her symptoms were that of a leg infection! They sent her home and told her to see her wound care doctor today.
So, she went today and he was alarmed. He told her that it wasn't bruised, but severely infected and that she needed to get to the ER right away. They did a debridement on her leg wounds - meaning, they cut away all the bad issue, which was actually dead.
If left untreated, it could've turned into flesh-eating disease! I'm VERY angry with the hospital. They sent her home too early when she was in there 4 days ago and sent her home too early yesterday. How can you trust a doctor who doesn't even recognize something as simple as dead tissue and infection?! I'm not a damn doctor and I know that!
So, that's where she is now and will be for awhile. I'm really scared (and had a bad panic attack earlier), but the nurse at the wound care clinic said that it would be fine as long as it was treated. She wouldn't lose her leg or anything. I'm trying to stay positive, calm and trust that at least the wound care doctors know what to do.
To make matters worse, my fiancé is indeed leaving on Saturday. I'm trying to prepare myself as much as I can for the inevitable anxiety, depression, and loneliness, but I'm still scared. I'm also scared of being alone in my house, even though my dog, Georgia, is a good guard dog. I'm scared of being alone with my anxiety.
I wish there was someone to talk to, to call or email when I need support. I feel bad coming here sometimes, whining and moaning, even though this is a good place to do that. I feel very alone right now in all of this.
Beckncall53, I just wanted to say that, amidst all of my troubles, I do love to hear your stories about Lily. My dog does all those same things to get my attention, too. And I laughed when I read about her boyfriend the Rottweiler. We call our neighbors huge Bloodhound our dogs "boyfriend" too. Once he starts barking, she starts, if he pees on the fence, she has to as well. Dogs are so funny and very much like people (except the peeing on the fence part). Thanks for sharing!
I'm sorry I'm unable to provide much support to anyone here, but I keep everyone in my thoughts and I always hope you all are having a good day.
Seeme, guess when I send Mike that camo tshirt, I also need to send waterfroof slippers...... just gotta love that man.....
Throwin some coffee down my throat and going back to M's for my next shift.... not too bad, I get home early, then the next girl comes in.... her anti's are WORKING, I'm not about to say anthing...... but will let her daughter know.... and the pain meds are helping her also.... S is still not doing well, noticed today, of course he can't find the toilet, but can find tiny breadcrumbs on the table before I clean it after a meal.... doesn't Alz. just fascinate you sometimes.... gotta run, love ya'll..... later.
mom....thank God u went to her wound care doctor for a 2nd opinion...many times, as caregivers, we jst have to follow r gut instinct n follow thru with it...in this case..it probably saved ur moms leg...let alone her life...Good for u....Now u jst have to let the clinic take care of mom until THEY feel she is ready to go home. There is only so much we can do as caregivers....u certainly did ur best in this situation...
I will keep posting my crazy antics with Lily, especially if it brings laughter to some of u....I got a laugh wen u mentioned that ur dog, Georgia, must pee over the spot that her "boyfriend" did....Lily does that, too....I always let people kno that Lily may have the last pee...but she is still a virgin....lol She is absolutely appalled wen her
boyfriend, Sam, attempts to mount her...if looks could kill!!! She's very modest, for a dog that must have the last pee....Wen she has to take a sh*t...she always turns her back, so that i cannot look at her....she's really crazy about that. Wen we're out walking on the levy, completely alone, n she has to sh*t...she will go out of her way to find a spot, with the tallest brush possible, turn her back, n do her business....but she will always look over her shoulder to make sure i'm not staring at her....I can't say i blame her....if i had to sh*t out in the open, i'd be self-conscious, too....lol......She's such a lady..haha...o yea..n wen she passes gas....she scares herself to the point that she runs away from it, n she always looks really embarrassed that "that noise" came out of her ass....She, definately, has some hygiene issues....but it's hilarious to watch her reaction.....she certainly didnt learn it from my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe that's why she's so freaked out about it....LOL....hang in there, Peach....much love, sweetie
Beckncall53, thank you for the reassurance that I'm not being a bother here. I guess that's the depression talking. Always making me feel guilty and sorry for everything.
Are you sure your dog isn't actually a person? She has many human-like qualities! Being self-conscious while she uses the bathroom or passes gas is very amusing and peculiar. My dog isn't much of a gas-passer, but she always burps when she's done eating. Really loud burps! I guess I'm thankful though. My childhood dog, Dixie, had the worst gas on the planet. Bless her heart!
I don't feel like I'll get any rest at all with my mom being gone. I feel like I'll be even more exhausted than if she was here. I'll be all alone in this big house, worrying my head off, without anyone to hug or get a reassuring pat on the back from.
My boyfriend is going back home to have surgery for a hernia that he got while he was here visiting me. I'll be going up there sometime before the end of the year to be with him for his surgery. That's about all I know right now.
Okay, here is a secret that I have. I grew up from a very very dysfunctional family. We grew up not knowing what love is...no hugs, no positive reinforcements, no encouragement, etc...Our incentive to excel or do good was to avoid being physically punished by at least minimum 5 whipping with the hard leather belt. My secret? Since I was so young, I had my favorite blanket. It's what one calls your Security Blanket. You know that cartoon of Linus in the Snoppy comics? That's me. I can't sleep without my blanket. I used to have a hard time when I went on trips because I would leave it behind. I had a difficult time sleeping without it. That original blanket became tattered. So, I would cut it down to size..until it was useless. So, I went and shopped around for my next replacement blanket. Of my 46 years of life, I have had a total of 2 blankets. Yes, I still cannot sleep without it! But, now, I take it when I travel! I stopped being ashamed that I have one. I just say that it's my favorite hugging blanket when I sleep.
Are you afraid of dolls? I never was. Since I was a teenager, I would buy these very lifelike dolls. I always thought of it lovingly (I guess a replacement for the love I never got from parent?) The dolls always unnerved my family because they are so real-looking. They can't stand it. I have bought 2 very lifelike dolls (not the baby style but similar to Barbie but much bigger and real normal looking. not fashion like Barbie.) Since I wear eyeglasses, both dolls wear one too. I place my dolls in my bedroom: 1 to look at the door and one at the only unshuttered window. My sis and every one who goes in my room hates those dolls. But I tell them that they are guarding my room from ...the spirits. What I'm trying to say is if you have no fear of dolls, sometimes, if you can view them as friends who will help you, protect you from the "unseen" or the "scary" beings of life. Okay, so I AM afraid of the dark and sleep with the night light on. I still fear that there's a bogeyman under the bed and in the closet. My dolls are there to protect me from those fears (which I KNOW is just imagined but..hard to kick childhood fears.)
Well, I do my Best NOT to talk to the dolls. I've seen enough scary movies. What if one day, they talk back?! Ugh!! That would mean it's possessed by evil. No way, Jose! So, I Do Not Talk to them. I just view them as protectors for the "unseen bogeyman".
I just thought of the dolls and blanket since your anxiety is so high that even maybe little things like these will help? Of course it won't replace real people but maybe a little?
I am so grateful you are still here.... love and hugs...
Austin, sorry about how you were raised.... I got a few whoppins' too, but mine was because I never knew when to back off.... guess there are some real horror stories out there from when we were children... but here we are... loving, living, honoring, and being present for each other... so guess they didn't beat the "good" out of us..... ya'll have a good one.... time to get ready for work... love ya'll.
I don't blame you about not wanting to talk to your dolls. I've seen one too many scary doll movies to know what can happen when you try to engage with them! Yikes. I'm freaking myself out here!
It's sad that your family picks on you about being sensitive to scary stuff. My grandma would never watch scary movies, because they'd give her nightmares, so we respected that and only showed her funny or wholesome things. At least you ate well the next morning though, right?
Ladee, thanks for saying you have a favorite pillow. I always felt, as a grown up, that having a favorite blanket in order to sleep was so immature. I used to have a favorite pillow until it flattened. After that, I couldn't find a replacement.
Peach, I think your grandma and I would have gotten along famously! I cannot even watch action movies - because the sudden movements make me sceam. The tension is too much for me. Like I tell sis, why would I want to watch shows that are too tense or upsetting (like a show on abuse or injustices)? My life is aleady filled with it, that I just want to watch movies that makes me laugh or cry or touches my heart. I told her I need shows that gets me away from the Real World. Why would I want to see it also in movies? For myself, I find that when I watch those movies, I end up sad and depress and keep rewinding the show in my mind for the whole day. So, I keep to humorous or wholesome things. I have a lot of those Hallmark Hall of Fame movies. Time to go now. Change their pampers and feed them breakfast.
My nephew also had a big huggable blue stuffed Munster (given by me - which I found to be a very scary stuffed animal!) Nephew keeps his Munster in his bedroom for protection.
They tell me that sometimes, when they go in the bedroom, whether it's niece or nephew, they will find BOTH doll and Munster on the floor - as if they were fighting. Nephew said the doll was alive and scary - Bad. Finally, niece got scared of it and threw it in the trash. Next day, it was back in her bedroom. So, niece walked far and threw it in someone's trashcan. It came back - but dirtier than before. Scared the crap out of everyone!
So, nephew, determined to end that doll, told me that he built a fire in the barrell, and threw the doll in. This time, he stood over the fire and made sure Not to Look away (cuz he said the doll always moves when you're not looking). He made sure it was burned to a crisp. No more doll. Never "came back to life."
That's why Austin, I say that I would Never Ever Talk to my dolls. Ugh!! Just gives me the creeps...I sure don't want to hear them talk back to me! ..That is soooo Gross!!!
Also about addiction....when I was 10yrs old, my oldest sis was about 18. She was a smoker. She has tried several times to quit smoking through out her teen years. One day, she lasted about a week? This time, she took her carton of cigarettes and tore it to small pieces - All of It. I saw her go thru the Withdrawal Symptoms. It was just awful. She emptied the bedroom trash, shaking very hard and crying as she tried to find a "usable" cigarette. When I saw that, I swore that I would never smoke anything in my life. It was just awful!!! So, never been tempted to Try cigarettes or drugs. It's just soooo not worth it!