This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I remember being a child and going to the movies with some other kids. I was like you, Bookworm, no scary movies for me. All of a sudden, things started getting tense and scary. I couldn't believe my mom let me go see this movie and that was exactly what I was thinking as the 50 foot man came onto the screen. WTF!! I'm not supposed to be seeing this.
I was scared for days. Always afraid of what might be in my closet or under the bed, but in this case I knew he wouldn't fit. Then I was afraid to get too far from the house. I would sit on the front porch and look all around.
Cat
Haha, Ladee. After what Lisa has been through, Chucky would be like the good cousin, just a little quirky. Bwhahahah.
Cat
Today's heat wave is suppose to hit 107...so i decided to take Lily out to the levy for her walk very early before the heat set in..This property i take her to is a very large area of farm land,with canals, which Lily absolutely loves..If she could stay in the water 24/7...she would! Anyway....I'm walking Lily quite far out on this property,n suddenly i see a young man riding a bike n he seems to b following me. I then see him ride down the levy towards the water n hide under an over pass...Im not about to sh*t on myself....all kinds of things r going thru my head...like becoming the next horror movie u all talk about on the thread..lol.....I've tightened my grip on Lilys leash, preparing for this guy to come out of no where. He suddenly appears at the top of the levy, riding closer to me n saying something that i couldnt understand...By now...im practically choking Lily with her own leash.....n she's drooling n gasping for air...poor thing....I stop walking n position myself with Lily out in front of me....This guy moves closer towards me, n proceeds to ask if im married!! I am silently praying that Lily will sense my overwhelming fear, n protect me...being as we've never been in this kind of situation before...so i say to Lily, in a frantic voice..."Go get him, Lily"....n she must have sensed the urgency in my voice bcuz she is now up on her hind legs, showing her teeth, growling n frothing at the mouth at this SOB...n so i took that opportunity to say to him.."This dog will attack upon command, so u better get the hell away from me"...(I dont know if she would really do that...but i had to improvise!!!!! LOL) Well...he jumps back on his f-n bike, n says...".ok, ok...dont let that dog lose....i'm leaving".....Holy Sh*t......i've never been so damn scared n i was soooo proud of Lily for protecting me....but...me being me....i decided to use this opportunity to make sure that Lily understood when i was in trouble....so....ah yes....i decided to lay in the dirt n pretend i was.....well...........dead!!! Well....i layed there with my eyes closed..(r u all gettin a good visual with this....haha) n waited for Lily to respond in some way that assured me that she thought i might need help...I waited.....n waited.....n waited.......in the dirt.....waiting!!!!!!!!!! Wen i opened my eyes..Lily was staring right at me...jst standing over me n staring at me...ready to drool on my face......i started to laugh, n she took off, as fast as she could...n went n jumped in the canal n went swimming!!!!.....WTF....i guess she firgured she had already proved her loyalty to me by standing up to the SOB, n she deserved a swim.....n she would b right!! I dont know what the hell i was trying to prove to myself.....she already saved my life.....now i'm covered in dirt n doggy drool bcuz "i jst wanted to make sure she would respond the same, in case there was a next time"....Anyway....we made it home safely....n now im ready to go out n grocery shop...again...for my mom......I think it would be best for all concerned if i jst stayed in the house, n gave up the attempt at dog training....too bad Lily wasnt struttin her weave.....lol....that would have been a story! Ok.....we can all agree that i'm losin it..or....i could jst blame it on the heat......love u all
Beck, I may not have pets but I find yours and other AC's stories entertaining and funny! Just yesterday, I finally stopped (instead of just walking by) and commented to someone about their teeny tiny dog! So, your Lily stories are helping me to see how pets are perceived by their owners and that these pets do count....I appreciate your stories! Gotta go!
Bookworm, how awesome the things we can learn on this sight.... that's why I keep saying how well you are doing, regardless if you still have down times... you are starting to see the world past your pain.... and that means you are becoming a part of it again.....so thanks for sharing that..... hugs to everyone...
I use to have a dog traveling book that listed all the dog friendly hotels, etc. to stay in the state of Ca. when traveling with your pet. Each place was rated by the number of paws. A one paw rating was only good for a pee. The best rating was 4 paws and an running dog. As dogs go, I give Lily a 4 paws and a running dog rating. She rocks.
As for you Beck, lying in the dirt with your eyes closed. Bwhahahaha. Do you think Lily sees you as her special needs child?
Seriously, you two are a perfect match. There is something so special between you and your dear Lily.
Love, Cat.
I forgot the name of that guy who travels all over the place and tries to confirm or debunk ghost stories and traditional stories of the supernatural. He came to our island, (they had to go and seek the MINORITY local representative) and we ended up viewed in his film (and played on nationwide TV) as still living in grass skirts!!! I tell you, when his show was viewed on TV, it angered a lot of locals. We are not of the cave age. Oh, I got distracted...anyway, the locals took them to the "jungle" area. The host and his crew definitely experienced our "local ghost". Scared the hell of one of them! .. :) By the way, I don't even know WHERE they got the idea that we believed in "Zombies." Zombies are dead people who come alive. The local people's belief is our ANCESTOR is alive as a spirit and is with us. One is fleshly body, the other is a spirit body. Go figure!! Conclusion of his show: It is real....we passed the debunk show...