This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Don't know if I told ya'll or not, but M's last transfusion went off without any problems at all...and her anti's are kicking in.... so other than S swatting my hand away from his yesterday, it was all good... him doing that stunned me.... I just stood there.... but I'm pretty sure it was more the tone of my voice prior that had him upset.... just way too tired to be patient with the OCD shirt tucking marathon yesterday....
I am getting one of the other girls to fill in this evening.... getting too tired to be patient with S??? Then time for a break.....
Hopefully I will get caught up with everyone this weekend.... so I'm heading toward the future... ttyl.... love and hugs....
I took on this new responsibility thinking how much harder could it be. It has been almost 10 months..... and I am so tired. Today is a hard day in general I am taking care of my 6 year old granddaughter for the summer too. My husband works fulltime but does what he can with his Mom to help me.
There are two other siblings but they live out of state so they are of no help.
I am just feeling lost and I have grayed so much in the past 5 months that it is very obvious.
There are days I just want to give up and quit.
I do take Mom to a adult daycare two days a week which helps her to interact with others her age, have activities and get out of her room where she just wants to watch television all day.
It is hard too she isn't motivated. We have to constantly tell her it's time for a bath, it is time to come and eat, it is time for her insulin shot and meds. The list goes o and on.
I never knew I would become a Dr. nurse, pharmacist, therapist, secretary, banker, scheduler, chauffer, cook, some of this I already did but the more important things like keeping up with her 15 different medications, making sure everything is ordered, stocked and available. Keeping journals on her weight, Bloodsugar levels, how she feels or anything that day that is or was unusual. Making sure she does her excerises, drinks enough water, changes dirty clothes or staying aware of her IBS, headaches or if she is dizzy.
I am so tired of doing this..... she isn't able to live alone and she isn't ready for a nursing home so she stays with us and I and we keep doing what we do everyday.......
My mind doesn't stop because it is bedtime, I can't sleep late because I need to make sure Mom gets up for the weight, BS and meds. I make her breakfast because she is not allowed to cook for her safety. We make all her meals.
Sometimes I just cry, feel sad, depressed and others I am ok.....
Life just seems to depend on her and how she feels. I have so much to do around the house, errands and places I would like to go to but it all takes so much planning. I have had to cancel alot of appts because she didn't feel well and I didn't have anyone to rush over and watch her for me. We have a neighbor and a few friends who have stayed with her briefly which has helped.
We have family here but they don't ask about her or offer to help either. I just feel alone......in this.....
There was a support group for 6 weeks which was great..... but it ended.....I read the book they gave us and have reached out to a few from the class. I just need more to keep myself sain.........
I am glad that Mom isn't as bad off as others I have heard and learned about.
Maybe I am just not as strong as she or my husband needs me to be.
I feel like there is not any real time to just relax and let go of all the responsibility.
Thanks for listening.......
ET
You are burned out. Plain and simple... probably was before now, but we push ourself so hard, and don't realize we are this burned out until we are crying over somthing like running out of milk..... just the thought of having to go DO one more thing sends us over the edge.... so welcome and as Jam says, " We'll leave the light on for ya"... come back and visit... vent until you feel better... it's not called 'whining' here, no whiners, but lots of 'venters', we all understand how you feel, it you would like some suggestions, let us know and we'll help if we can....
This is a silly bunch here, we laugh about all sorts of things... helps us stay sane.... well, sort of, most of us are pretty far gone, but we don't point that out LOL..... so sending you hugs from another caregiver that truly understands.... come back and tell us how you are....
Frustrated..........It toook almost 6 months to get over the "tired" part of caregiving after my mom died...........now with new puppies, I have it again, and that means a nap every day.
Got to tell you the Harley/Dyna latest. Hubby went to town today on the bike. It is the first time he has even started it up in the 3 wks we've had the puppies. Harley was scared to death and backed up in a hurry. Dyna LOVED it........she stood right there at the gate, head poking through the bars, and when hubby gunned it, she took one step backwards, and jumped up on the gate like she couldn't get enough, and exposing her belly.............just like Aunt Ladee lifting her shirt at the passing bikes............
Ladee, you can do my shopping anytime:) What a deal you got! All this and a super sale priced vacuum, too.
When I was at the fair last week, we walked past a booth where you could try shooting a paint gun. I paid my money and took my shots. I hit almost everythign dead-on! And it wasn't practice or skill...I think it was just tension. And I felt a ton better when I was done.
Frustrated - Welcome. You are not alone in how you feel. Same old, same old, wears a person out more than excitement sometimes. Please keep coming back. We're here to listen.
Okay, here's my vent today. How am I supposed to treat my parents like adults when they so often act like children???? I try to give them dignity and respect, and they just keep fraying my last nerve. Mom asks me last night why it smells the way it smells. So I ask her what it smells like. She takes so long to answer that I stop what I'm doing and tell her I'm coming by her. She finally says it smells like popcorn. Well, that would be because my hubby had just made popcorn in the microwave.
Dad tells me today he's out of the med that keeps his bowels from spasming. He didn't tell me sooner because he thought he had to go to the hospital anyway on Monday. No, the calander says that on Monday, the funeral for my friend is from 4-7PM. It's on a huge wipe-off board that is 3 feet from his desk and that he passes every time he gets a cup of coffee. Oh, and he doesn't want to take the med anymore anyway, because it makes his stool too soft. No, it doesn't. That problem's been going on for 2 months, well before he got this med.
How am I supposed to be excited that they are out and about, driving and shopping, when these are the conversations we have at home? They're scarry! And I'm supposed to fix everything and answer their questions without making them feel stupid. It's hard. At the end of the day, I am almost out of patience.
Thanks for listening.
And I know what you mean Notlike, I am so impatient here lately... some of it is from being tired, the rest is needing it to get cooler...and rain, we need rain... I don't think people handle this heat and we are all getting on each others nerves... I know I have started to go set in the other room while S is tucking in his shirt... for some reason I am fixated on this right now... it is driving me insane... or insanER..... he's not doing anything any different than he always has with this damned shirt tucking... for some reason this week, I feel like I am going to start crying every time we have to take those pants down for the bathroom, because I know what is ahead.... so ya, we're a little frayed I think....
But you also have the added stress of your friends death..... and we look up at the stupid stuff we do everyday and think how insignificant some of this stuff is.... in the bigger picture of things.... when my nephew died in the fire last winter... I would look at M and think , you are bitching because S spilled some water!!!! I am amazed I made it thru that without doing something to get turned into APS for.... dirty looks are harmless, mumbling under my breath is not an arresting offense..... but I felt like I was coming out of my skin....Made me want to set her down and tell her how I REALLY felt about all her bitching and complaining....so I do understand when we have a real life issue that is breaking our heart, and we STILL are caregivers.....sending you lots of hugs Notlike.... and tell Dad to take the damned medicine or your sending in Ladee with her brand new vacuum...... and I will bring this huge syringe type thing they use here to shoot a pill down a cows throat.... your choice dad, swallow or...............
Love ya Notlike, and you are a saint in my eyes, keeping in mind I have sight problems....but you are more patient than you ever give yourself credit for.....
I know Seeme Sue... I live in a HEMROID..... isn't that just the story of my life....we give lots of thanks to Judy for twisting my mind even further....
And that's Aunt Ladee's girl,,,, give those bikers a titty shot..... that's what makes life worth living..... It's kinda creepy how much that dog is like me.... what did you do to deserve this Seeme..... it's up to you to decide if this is good or bad Karma....... give them both kisses from Aunt Ladee..... oh, and hugs to you and hubby......
Your so right one more thing and .........
I have to go and take care of things ..
Ladee - sorry about the grapes of wrath wagon/hemorrhoid thing! I didn't mean to ruin it for you! Grapes of Wrath Wagon sounds much better than the Roid Wagon anyway. I think I'm digging myself deeper... I hope the wasp trap works. Lemme know. I wish I could made scorpion traps. I've beaten the crap out of a few this past week. So gross. I don't even make human noises when I'm beating them to death with a shoe. They really wig me out. I jump around and scream like a chimp. Can't seem to control it either. Involuntary chimping. Not at all becoming.
My neighbor is starting to make me think she is an animal horder....She has 14 cats that I help feed, and one dog that I love.... that needs this horrible growth taken off her tummy.... and yesterday she shows me a new puppy she found.... alrighty then..... she asked me what should she name it... I said how about CABOOSE... for the end of the animal train she has going on over there..... I go out the door and am constantly shooing cats out of my path.... someone is going to complain... tho she did find an organization to spay and nueter all of them,,, so that is done.... but damn...... enough is enough.... and the whole yard smells like a litter box.... so I may have to load up my Roid Wagon and find another place to live... between the music and the cats, well, let's just say caregiving is cinch....
And in a few months, Dyna and Harley will both have their own weaves.....I don't plan on cutting their hair at all if I can help it. They are the "Shaggy DA" dogs. Experience has taught me that the longer their hair, the easier it is to keep untangled. When it gets about 4", it knots badly from them chewing on each other.
They won't go to sleep unless I turn the lights out, so night-night everyone......
Ladee-thanks for putting things in perspective. We go through so much, I almost forgot I am grieving, too, on top of everything else. No wonder I have no time or patience for much else. Hubby and I picked the music this week, and pictures, and are planing on going for one last cleaning of the house on Sunday. And I'm still waiting to hear if the food has been ordered and the home care set up. Which I will probably be doing at the last minute if the "foot soldiers" didn't get that done. And still dealing with Mom and Dad. Whew!
Well, it's Friday. Thank the heavens. Sooner begun, sooner the weekend.
Welcome frustrated..........good place to stop and let it all out....lots of wonderful care givers here to help you along your journey.
austin......I don't get notified every day either, I usually have 30+ posts to go through.....the last upgrade that AC did was not so good I'm thinking.
notlike......hugs and prayers for you!!!! Hmmmm.............popcorn for breakfast anyone?
beck......how's your hand doing? I thought about you the other day when Target and I had to do surgery on one of his fingers and he holds up the bandage and asks "now how am I supposed to wipe my butt?" And he doesn't have dementia....I think.
seeme......I'm thinking a sidecar for Dyna.
ladee.......got anything special planned for Sunday....teeheeeeee
Nothing new to report with the col........she loves the NH, hasn't called us in weeks to complain that she is "incarcerated and being held prisoner".......I've noticed her feet are swelling more and she has stopped wearing shoes.
Woke up this morning to sunshine, 4 deer on the pond and and some nasty, noisy crow that ought to be glad I couldn't see him!
Sending prayers to all today.......hope you can find a little piece of time for YOU!
Then hopefully i will be home free for a few days.....................
Today was kinda emotional for me cause it was Connor's last day at his daycare. He will start school aug 27th. I guess it's just because it is the end of an era. My baby is going to school :( He has just grown up too fast. Where does the time go???? But i got connor's daycare teachers a card and wrote in each one of them. Telling them thank you for watching over connor and for all that they have taught him. And i gave each one of them a gift card to go eat at a lonestar steakhouse. We are really going to miss them. Boo Hoo :( love and hugs stormyyy
I learned some new things...
* like don't massage on their bony area (guilty!)
* don't turn them on their sides completely but on a 30 degree angle (guilty!)
* change their pampers 5-6 times a day (no can do! We cannot afford to do this. 3 times a day is struggle enough as it is)
* avoid hot water (guilty! I use hot water to clean parents)
* use porous tape (oops! I better go and get those! poor mom's stomach skin must be hurting with the current tapes I'm using!)
FYI, for all of you who had parents go to the hospital and when released, they came home with a bedsore. This happened to mom. She was bedridden for years and she never had bedsores. Goes to the hospital, and she came home with super red painful skin in her private area and this bedsore that was a hole in her buttock. It was quite gross to clean/care for it. Anyway, that bedsore's outer skin has never grown back.
So, the NEWS I learned today is that starting 2014, Medicare will NOT cover any patients discharged from the hospital if they are released with NEW health problems: any infection (due to surgical procedure), pressure sores, any foreign object left inside during surgery...and one more but I forgot what that is. I said, Yeah, Medicare won't pay it but the hospital will come after US to pay it! The speaker said NO. It's something that was passed by Congress (NOT Obama's care) which will make it a law that if a patient has these problems, Medicare has the right to refuse payment AND the hospital must cover the cost - not the patient. Not sure if this also applies to Medicaid. She only said, "Medicare."
In the beginning, we have to introduce ourselves. I hate doing this. So when it was my turn, I stood up and said my name and that I'm caring for my 2 bedridden parents. I tell you, I heard gasps around the room. I froze cuz everyone was staring at me. The leader was waiting for me to continue but I was like a deer staring at the headlights...all those eyes staring at me! I stared back at her and just sat down real quickly.
Hey, did you know that they are now including elderly people who are caring for minors? 2 of them came today for caregiving support! One of them is great grandma taking care of her 2 great grandkids. The 11 year old girl sat next to me. She asked me how old is her great grandma. I stared at her and said that she looks like my dad's age -my dad being 84...so I said she's 83. I shocked the girl. Her mouth literally stayed open. Then she said it's her turn to guess my age. She started with 30, 35, 38, 40, 41, 42 ...etc...She kept repeating that I cannot be 46. Sigh...Feels good!!! I sure hope I don't sit next to them the next meeting. That great grandma can talk and talk and talk! I already get that with my dad...don't need it at the support group... Later!!
Been keeping up with all the goings on..popcorn and puppy stories and Walmart woes..hemmoriods! Whew..yep needed the laughs.