This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Well I must get to bed or I will be grumpy tomorrow. I have to be honest, I had a good laugh over some of your letters. They made me realize I don't have it so bad after all.
I was thinking yesterday that I don't even deserve to be on the same sight with all of you who are caring for TWO....Yesterday was a nightmare...... between M being in bed after her 'wire implant', and S rearranging the furniture, I thought I was going to cry before I got out of the door.... and I get to leave, ya'll don't... so many extra prayers went up yesterday for those of you who are taking care of two...... I know I reached another level of compassion and empathy yesterday.....
They live in a very large house.... so the gazillion trips down the hall and sometimes dragging S on his walker with me to keep him out of stuff while I was tending to M, had me in major pain last night....that old leg that my last charge broke, was telling me how old I am getting, how I damned well had better loose a pound or two from all the walking....Ice packs every twenty minutes.... what sadist thought that one up?????
Not every 30 minutes which would have been easier to keep an eye on the clock.... noooooooo, I am setting there counting by 5's to see when my next trip down the hall was going to be... and OMG M is spoiled...... hearing my name so many times yesterday made me want to tell her all my freinds call me Ladee..... but no way was I going to ruin that for myself.....
Hearing her contradictions of how much pain she was in, depending on who she was talking to... for me, she knew to tell me the truth, I know I was starting to get that 'look' on my face... ya know, that one that says, "I'm too tired for this sh*t"... so she'd tell me the truth... her son.... OMG, the drama, " I am hurting all over, I just want to give up".... took everything I had not to stick my finger down my throat.....but also told him that was purely for his benifit..... He's not there all the time, lives in a different city, so he can afford to come in and ta-ta her, while I am daring her to NEED ice in her glass as I am getting S off the end table where he insists on setting....and keeping in mind there is 15 miles of hallway between the two of them..... He finally sent me home, possibly the shoulder and eye twitch was a sign I'd had enough for one day.....
Vickie Vick, I really thought about you yesterday.... knowing M thinks the sun rises and sets on her son while it is the daughter that is being run ragged.....she was another one with a few twitches yesterday.... I think he 'got it' he'd walked into a mine feild of women on the edge....
Of course S is totally thrown of schedule with all this, so he was a handful yesterday.... he will stand 5 feet away from the chair you are asking him to set on... just stand there..... usually I have the patience to just keep edging him toward the chair.... yesterday, it was " SIT DOWN'......my bucket was empty yesterday, had no more patience to use.....
Notlike, thought about you yesterday too, but M's anitdepressants have kicked in, so she wasn't like she would have been a month ago....You know, your mom's sister!!!!! IF she had used that 'old' tone of voice on me yesterday, I would be looking at jail time for abondonment...... would appreciate the confines of a small cell and someone else doing the damned cooking......
So, I head toward the future today, like groundhog day, and do the same boring sh*t all over again.... I pray all the furnature is where I left it.... that M doesn't want the damned ice packs today.... and I am going to set down and read the paper this morning...... with my fingers in my ears, my eyes closed, saying LALALALALA really loud.... well, I'll eventually open my eyes to read the paper....
Love ya, appreciate you more everyday.... so HOOOOO RAHHHHHH, for caregivers the world over.......
beck thank you for the kind words but it's you wonderful friends who make this thread work and stay alive. I have so loved to read each and every one of you who have come to visit......some have passed through, some have pulled up a chair to stay and all have offered something for the rest of us.
ladee....when you were talking about M wanting to give it up, it reminded me of the times the col would start in on her "I just want to die" tirade. The look on her face the first time I snapped back at her was priceless! I'd had enough and told her "fine, let's do it then, how are we going to do it......pills or shall we make this faster?" She didn't do it much after that.
seeme.......I know you are busy with the babies but pop in when you can find the time to tell us Harley and Dyna stories.
notlike......hope things are getting back to normal with you...or as normal as can be
momskeeper....welcome and glad you have joined us. I had forgotten about some of the early posts here........wait until you read about wearing antlers and scaring our charges......:)
burned.......you've been hoping for the teacher's aide job for quite a while now....how soon before you hear something about the position? It would be good to get out while the kids are in school and is there someone who will stay with your husband? With his seizure disorder he shouldn't be left alone. It sounds like he is having periods of status epilepticus so he really should have someone there.
peach.....following your progress and sending you big hugs!
bookworm.....you are just full of all kinds of helpful advice.....love reading your voice here and what a terrific daughter you are!!!!!
cat.....glad you had a nice time at your granddaughter's wedding. You will have to tell us all about it.
I sure hope I haven't overlooked someone.....my mind has been in space lately....it's not intentional.
Yesterday morning I put a pan on the stove with water and sugar to make hummingbird food....I'm out of the ready-made....yep, got involved with trying to figure out why my email won't open and the next thing I know Target is yelling at me that something is on fire! Water and sugar burned to a crisp really makes a gross mess.....I'm still scrubbing on the pan. The house was filled with nasty smoke, so had to air that out. Today have to check all the smoke alarms....not a single one went off. And my email still won't work, so spent the better part of yesterday changing to a new one and notifying every place I deal with of the new address.....what a gigantic pain in the butt!!!!
Target is getting better and the col is still in her own little world of confusion. I'm going to see her today and take her a vanilla shake.
Sending hugs and love to you all and hope you can find a little "peace" of today just for YOU.
My mother has been feeling very sad that my brothers don't pay more attention to her. But then, she ignored them for so long that getting ignored back just seems natural to me. She made this bed for herself. I am just sorry that I am having to lie in it, too. It has been a discouraging week. So much to do and I feel too heartbroken to do it.
Burned..you don't know unless u try..
Momskeeper..welcome!
Beck..it is a hard road to see our parents changing and in pain and suffering..you are a wonderful daughter and will keep their spirits up.
Ladee Lou..my thoughts are with you..my gosh what a day! Hope it is a better one today.
Notlike..how weird dads appt go?
For me..dad is not doing good at all. Talked to hospice nurse the other day about dad .. He is so out of it mind and body. The dr. Put him back on decadron..hopefully this will help especially if there is still edema in brain around tumor. Pray in a few days he will perk up a bit. Right now he can't even feed himself..he is so rigid and cant communicate. He looks like he is in another place.
Mom is such a trooper staying stong as she sees her hubby in decline.
One day at a time..
Jessie: I don't know why so many things have to happen at the same time. Sending you some white light and hope for a better week.
Hubby and I will be having a private lunch with my dad today. Taking cheese burgers and our two dogs.
Cat
Jam...burning sugar on the stove smells as bad as burning popcorn in the microwave...n it takes days to get the smell out of the house!! How do i kno this??? Bcuz that is the extent of my cooking experience..lol...love u, Jam
Jessie...U go right ahead n have that "pity party"...if i knew where u were, i'd pull up n chair n join u..Bring ur broken heart here....we'll help u mend it...hope to see u here again...hang in there...ur not alone.....hugs to u
Cat..ur lunch plans with dad sound great....i have lunch plans with my mom n dad, also, today...but i can't bring Lily...boo hoo!! I hope u enjoy ur visit n i hope dad is getting along well....much love, Cat
Ladee.....Oh, dear Ladee....i dont even kno where to begin in regards to ur hell day, yesterday....Sounds like u r, definately, reaching the end of that rope, n headed straight for the noose......Ur days with S n M sound exhausting, n i can certainly understand why ur patience is wearing thin....Im sry it was such a rough day n im really sry that u came home in such pain that u had to go thru the "chinese ice torture" routine....My house is only 1700 sq. ft. , n i get exhausted jst going from the living room to the bedroom, ONCE!!! If u dont have ice packs tied to ur hands wen u get home...let us kno how the day went......LYL...bunches n bunches
Doggy update of the day.....went out to my garden this morning.....damn birds r eating all my cherry tomatoes, n those f-n aphids r destroying all the mint....so....guess who's back for a visit???? that's right...my grandson(the dog..lol).....Lil Ass-hole....n he has my blessing to play "Catch" with his feathered friends....n they're those annoying crows, so he can have at it, that is if the crows dont get to him first....they're mean lil bastards.... As for the aphids....Lily jst loves to snap them right out of the air.....she going to have a busy day. I will be joining the fight with some pesticide spray that i plan on connecting to a f-n fire house n blasting the entire yard.....Good times....good times! Gotta get the troops in place before my lunch date with the parentals.....wish us luck!
Seeme....im missing Dyna n Harley stories....Hell.....clip a weave on those pups n send us a pic....im goin thru withdrawals over here.....love ya, girl
Momskeeper, welcome. I'm glad you found this place and that you got a little humor out of all the funny stories people tell. Soon enough you'll be looking forward to all the stories Beckncall53 has about her silly dog, Lily! Things are hard for us all, but we've got each other here. We're all in it together.
JessieBelle, it definitely isn't going to get lost. Everyone is very attentive here. Say what you need to say. You'll always find words of encouragement and an ear, if you need to vent. I'm sorry so many things are going on at once in your life. Sometimes it's just all too much, isn't it? Just one thing after another. Come here though and talk about it, if you feel so inclined.
My mom fell again last night. I was asleep when I woke up to hear calling me. Nothing alarming, just thought she needed something. I go into the living room and there she is, lying on the floor, partially wrapped around the legs of her bedside commode. We had to call the paramedics to get her up this time. She thinks she reinjured her broken rib.
Her doctor called me back yesterday and was a little concerned about what I told him. He thinks the steroids are the problem, so he wants her to decrease them from 40mg to 20mg. Thank goodness. I'll be so glad when she's off those damn things for good. They're nothing but trouble.
My mom needed her lift chair fixed today, so John, the man who normally fixes her chair and that we know fairly well, came over. He had it fixed in no time. He's the second person this week to tell me I was doing a good job and to keep my chin up. He's a caregiver to his mother, too. It's weird. Two people in one week; heck, in three days!
Vic, sorry to hear dad is doing so badly. I just thought things had gotten better for him lately. Giving you bunches of hugs.
Linde...my condolences for your loss. I still feel my mom's presense in this house. Two days ago my hubby took some of his banana bread to the hospice facilty where my mom was. They made that big of an impression on him. I overheard him telling a riend on the phone and I could hear the crack in his voice when he was talking about it......and in a couple of weeks, it will be one year. It set me to crying all over again.
I don't really have any Dyna/Harley stories to tell. We are all getting used to the routine, especially Dyna............on every evening walk, she has to shit on the road. I even walk them around the backyard beforehand and it doesn't matter. Kathy (my neighbor/friend/adopted sister/ mom's P-T caregiver) walks Harley cause it embarrasses her to stand there while Dyna finishes, and she won't pick it up. Dyna poops like a big dog already, too. Harley just goes around dah dee dum dum.....wish I could think of the cartoon dog he reminds me of....which way did he go, which way did he go. Today they are so precious when they sleep, that it brought back one of my childhood behaviors. When I was young, I sucked on the first finger of my left hand and with my right I would pick at something soft. One time I was sitting in the back of the car and mom had just picked up some cleaning.....a blue knit dress with a small white collor around the high neck. When we got home from wherever we were, I had fallen asleep, finger in mouth, and plucked a bald spot on the collar of her dress. I remember her screaming. I could have plucked those dogs today till they looked like Ladee's chicken!!!! Their fur is so cottony soft!! One of the neighbors came running out of her house last night to get some puppy loving. Dyna just mauled her with face kisses and the lady just let her. We only get subdivision traffic and very little at that, so everyone has to stop and comment, so our walks are stop and go.
Ladee, hang in there, girl. Have your hours changed again? What are you working a day? No wonder you are physically and emotionally exhausted when you get home. Wish you could take something stronger for the pain once in a while.
Peach...you got some good advice and I hope you will use it. We are all pulling for you.
Jam almost burns the house down...........trying to make JAM?
About time for the walk......gotta put a poop bag in my pocket...................
Linda: Wow, glad your mom's reaction was so pleasant. I hope it stays that way and she can feel relieved of a burden that was weighing her down.
As all of us dog owners know, one of the great side benefits to having a dog is all the people you meet when walking your pooch. It is a common bond that makes a total stranger stop and share their joy at seeing your pet. Often they will share about their beloved pet that passed away and get tears in the process. Sure breaks down the barriers.
My mom use to have a little dog named Tippi. She and my Grandmother would dress it up in baby clothes (bonnet and all), put it in a baby carriage and push the carriage down the street. People would glance into the carriage and give a little gasp at the hairy faced infant tucked under the receiving blanket. Then they would start to laugh their asses off. This would make Tippi show her teeth and growl at them. Crazy dog stayed on her back in that carriage, head on pillow and never moved, but she hated to be laughed at.
Burned: Happy Birthday.
Ladee: You have got your hands full. Take care of yourself.
Hugs, Cattails
Went to Walmart this morning and the first thing on my list was hummingbird nectar! No more making my own.....I'm too dangerous. And yes, the house still has the faint odor of "burned beyond recognition"........I cried when I ordered a replacement saucepan, there is NO cleaning this one, it was from a complete set that my deceased sil had given us when we got married.......not because of sentimentality but because Emeril sure is proud of his line of cookware!!!!!! But, by golly the hummingbirds are happily tanking up for their forthcoming trip to Mexico!
The col seems to be sleeping a lot more and likes to go back to bed after meals....just another step in the journey.
Hope it's been a wonderful day for all...........
The hospital isn't being very helpful though according to her. She said they're running test after test to see if something else is wrong, even though they've been told that she's just exhausted. She said she keeps falling asleep and is unresponsive, so they yell at her to wake up, because they want HER to tell them what's wrong with her. I'm irritated even though I know they're just doing their job.
I'm also very anxious and on the verge of a panic attack. I couldn't go with her to the hospital and I don't have any way to get up there now. I'm worrying to death that maybe there is something more wrong with her, even though it makes more sense that she's just exhausted. It's true, she hasn't slept in the past 1.5 weeks. She's lucky if she gets 2 hours of sleep a day. She's probably dehydrated as heck because of her colitis, too. Possibly she's anemic again as well. I've got perfectly logical reasons, but my mind keeps saying, "What if it's a brain tumor? What if it's cancer? What if, what if, what if?"
Dad had a couple drs appts this week- they said everything looked fine.
He goes monday for a ct scan with his new lung dr. sis is going to see if he will just draw the fluid off of his chest sometime and hold off on the procedure where they have to go and get a biopsy of the pleural lining. So that is where we are with dad right now.
Burned- happy birthday i hope you had a good one!
Vic- sorry to hear that your dad isn't doing to good. You are in my prayers.
Ladee-Try to keep your sanity sweetie. Don't know how you do it.
Jam- Glad that target is improving and sorry the col is still in her own little world.
Seemee- I know them pups are keeping you busyyyyyyyyy....
I know i am forgetting people just know that my prayers are with all of you. Love and hugs stormyyyy
Cat, loved the dog in baby carriage story, laughed til I cried! Going to read this one to my whole family, sibs n all! thx
Ladee: reread baby carriage dog story-it will get ur day started off better Friday.
Luv n hugs to all, kimbee
Second time I went was for severe lower left abdominal pain. I had urine, blood, cancer tests and catscan done. I think the ER does all these tests to try to find the problem. I call it "fishing". Let the hospital do what needs to be done. But if you have any extra info that they need to know,then it's important that you inform the doctor.
My mom went to the ER and stayed in the hospital for 3 days. They ran all these tests and xrays. They were going to release mom without finding the problem. My dad asked the doctor if they even given her a urine test to see if she had bladder or urinary infection. Tada! It came out as positive. All those expensive procedures done, spent 3 days in the hospital, and they didn't even test her for those infection. Do you think the doctor tested your mom for this????
Also, Peach, you know those 2 compliments given to you? It must be very obvious how good you are caring for your mom. Despite this setback - you are doing great. Have you written these compliments in your memory journal? I would love to do that. So, when I feel down or panicky, I would re-read it to help me keep things in perspective. Depression is like that (talking about my struggle with depression). My whole focus is on the negatives, that's why I need positives to balance it out or overcome it. This site offers so much positives and advice to be pro-active. Keep your head together and develope a plan of action regarding your mom. Write it down if you need to for focus. Maybe this will help you from panicking. Take care!
Peach ..breathe and rest. We r here for you.
Jam..burned sugar ... I do what Austin does but in larger quantity.. Cup of water cup of sugar in microwave..then add three more cups of cold water so I don't have to wait for it to cool....ready made is easy though!
Seeme..don't pluck those babies clean! Love the story
Stormy..glad u had a good time
Jam, thank you. I don't feel like I'm a good daughter - maybe because I may be physically a good daughter. But my thoughts are soooo not from a good daughter. Constant struggle when people praise me and when I know inside I hate this life. Sorry...depression is trying to rear it's head! Deep breath...thank you...
Ladee, if you're going to end up with 2 serious patients...I think you need to re-arrange your game plan. Or else you will run yourself ragged, exhausted, bitter and losing your temper. Figure out the game plan but no need to implement it yet. When the time comes, that's when you will do it. For now, you're still handling it fine.