This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
In the meantime you have the freedom to take s respite break. Is there any activity you've been postponing because of your caregiving role?
Thanks for the other suggestions as well. For now, I'm trying to be brave and just let her call me when she wants. I don't want to interrupt even an ounce of sleep that she may get. In my toolkit, I have a blanket that my great-grandma made, a sweatshirt, some crayons/coloring books, word searches, a CD, a nice smelling candle, and some other odds and ends. For the record, I didn't self-harm at all yesterday. :D
Bookworm, I'm sorry that you had to go through so much at the hospital. It sounds exhausting and a little unnecessary. I'm not sure what tests they gave my mom. I know she had a catscan, but as of 10am this morning, they still haven't discussed the results with her.
A month or so ago, she was looking at the underside of a chair and when she pulled it back down into its regular position, it hit her on the head above her eyebrow. She had a nice bruise and a small cut. I think that's what the doctors are going off of, thinking she might be experiencing reprocussions after hitting her head.
I actually do think back a lot to all the compliments I've gotten here. They've really helped me when I'm feeling bad about myself.
Smitty, I know what you mean about not having enough energy to socialize. There are times when I don't answer the phone or dread going with a family friend to run errands, because I just don't have it in me to be "there" mentally, you know. You sound like an introvert to me. I think that's just how we are naturally.
I think the only things I've been putting off are cleaning the heck out of the house, being able to exercise freely, and maybe taking a bubble bath. I haven't done that in ages.
But as an adult, when I don't want to socialize - not even with my fave sis or to see her grandkids - it's Depression. I get soooo tired with the parents, the constant argument (or power play - jump when I tell you attitude from parent), etc.. That I just don't want to meet people, smile (when I'm not in the mood for it), and make talk (when I'm not interested in the topic and just want to crawl in my bed, hide under the blanket and just SLEEP.)
So, it could also be exhaustion from caregiving. You just need a little Me-Time to energize yourself. Yeah, Smitty, we all go through that once in a while.
I also read your post about your experience about therapy yet, have u tried on-line places like the one Bookworm mention? It may be worth a shot. Just be careful at some of those other sites. Who knows, u may have not found just the right therapist that actually understands about 'self inflcting' for you yet ? So, don't give up on the therapist just yet.
It is ashame how people can be so mean to other people when they don't understand that person's whole situation. I have seen it from people whom sterotype about homeless people when I use to be able to volunteer.
As for asking for help here online, you are NOT a burden to any of us!
Of course like Ladee mention, 'we r not not Dr's... not professional anything... except in being human...." Everyone has problems,experiences, n a sense of humor to keep going on throughout the day. Everyone situation is different n unique. Your situation fits right on in with all of us for you are a caregiver too. All the more reason to get on here n spill your guts and laughter too, for that way maybe someone else can give some tips. Btw,thanks for throwing out that tip that you found out about blackberries & gastrointestinal problems. : )
I know I am going to hear 'oh oh oh oh oh" in my sleep, or ' you just don't know how bad it hurts', or ' no, I'm not hungry", or, or, or, anything else that sounds like fingernails down a blackboard...... I can say that after hearing all week how bad M feels, I finally sat down with her today and said... " you are tougher than this.... you had two babies....and you lived... two tiny incisions that had to be closed with one stitch each is NOT having a baby..... you WILL stand up long enough for me to bathe your bottom.... you smell, you are going to get a rash, and if you were the caregiver of someone acting like this what would you say to them....?????" She stopped all her damned drama, only took one pain pill this afternoon, and had a mini stroke when she saw how many hours I was with her this week..... I even went and got her purse and pen to write that check , that was one double trip down the hall I didn't mind at all....
S is totally thrown out of kilter with all this extra stuff going on, too many people in the house, too much time spent with M.... trying to help and being told to move.... he got pissy with me a few times today..... and that is when I started laughing..... I have been there 12 hours a day, running myself to death between the two of them.... trying to make calls that the daughter dumped on me... getting the room ready for the hospital bed, blah blah blah... so here is S, in stage 6 of Alz, and getting mad at me.... who has become a fall risk in the past month, and I won't let him hold the monitor with the leads going into M's back.... I felt like I was a kindergarten teacher today.... no, I was working in a juvenile detention center....
Later, I'm going to go lay down for afew mintues.....
Austin, I hope u r doing okay n don't you just miss all those poo calls? ; )
I took hubby out to eat the 21st n his mom of course. Dinner was good but the mil for all day long was just in one of those nasty mood-hard-ass!. You could had said the sky was blue n she would tell u it was black! I mean every little thing I suggested would just back-fired to where I just quit talking. Hubby notice it too when we went out to eat. I finally let her know the next day that she is welcome. I let her know that I went out of my way to buy her another shirt just like the one she has that she has worn for 4-days straight that I had bought as well. That it was the only medium size they had left as i dug into piles in the kids department. That she is welcome that I went to the grocery store while she was at the church n got her some fresh milk, mac-n-cheese n her cola n etc..., That I washed all her clothes and had them ready before she got back from church. She finally said, "you do a lot for me." Silently in my head you could hear "yes! She realize that I do a good bit just for her for at least those first 5minuets before she forgets.
At least she quit being a hard-ass for that day. Today was a much better day. i treated her out to Zaxby's n we piddle around getting pet stuff. I hope everyone else has a good day tommorow. Hopefully, that hurricane don't come through GA or at least be a little one. I think its going to eat Fl where my family lives so I am trying to keep posted on it.
Ladee, you poor thing for u have your hands full with M & S. Every 20 minuets with ice-pack would run anyone nuts. When u mention about the shoulder n eye twitch, you remind me of Larry, Curly n Moe, sorry but I did get a little chuckle. That was the way I felt with just the mil on hubby b-day. We can't win them all or can we? I hope u get to at least take a peek at the pictures in the paper. I hope u have a better day tommorow.
Jam, glad u r okay. I just take warm water n add sugar to r hummy bird-feeder. Is their a reason why u eat it up in a pan? We have two hummies n one is very territory of his water. He chases him all the way around the house. the new one is pretty for it has a red-ring neck n all the others we ever seen r always green with a little white. They r cool to watch when u can spot them. I think one must of hit the window for you could hear that sound they make n then a thump up against the glass window. I did go peak to check on the little fellas but no-one was around so i guess they continue to chase each other. I hope your new e-mail works out okay for you.
JessieBelle, sorry things r not working n just pity away for I would be doing the same too.
Vic, sorry dad is not doing too well. I know it has to be hard both on you n your mom.You all r in my prayers n JessieBelle too.
Cattail, I hope your dad enjoys his cheeseburgers n the visit.
Beck, it funny you mention how sugar n popcorn takes a while to get the smell out. for hubby burnt popcorn last night n the whole house stunk! This was microwave popcorn. Then, he is giving it to the dogs! lIke is that going to tear up their stomach? I was not about to clean up dog poo from him feading them burnt popcorn. I guess he took the hint for he quit giving it to them. Those crow can be a pain in the butt-royally. I hear ya. Hope u enjoy your day with your dad too.
I hope I didn't miss anyone for I got to go check my sugar n take my pm shot n get ready for bed. Everyone have a good night sleep. I have my cat Blu on my shoulder trying to get my attention for something. He may wants some mama loving so i guess I better give it to him. I must have sucker written all over my face. : )
Ladee, get some rest and don't stop laughing.
Cat.
Sending High Fives to all of you for another successful week as care givers.....in my book you're all angels!!!!!!!
Happy to report that the dog groomer intervention was a complete success..Lil Ass-hole no longer looks like road kill....he has redeemed himself in the eyes of his grandma!! Now..if i can jst get him to understand that wen he takes a shit...he's suppose to walk AWAY from it....not thru it.....damn......thus the name...Lil Ass-hole!!!!!
I managed to actually go out last nite for a little break, but not before getting one more phone call from dad.......Let's see.....how do i begin to explain THIS...
He has OCD wen it comes to the tv remote n the telephone...so, he often tries to call me using the remote....then he gets very upset wen he can't reach me. Then he tries using the telephone, n by the time he reaches me, he's in a complete state of panic n thinks the phones arent working around the world....then tries to tell me that i need to put my tv on CNN so i can get the full report..Then he goes over n over all the phone numbers on the list of numbers that i made for him, n proceeds to tell me that none of them r working numbers, bcuz the phone system is down.................around the world!!!!!!! Poor, sweet,dad........I try to explain that the phones r all working fine, as well as the numbers i gave him, but i had to remind him....again....that he will never be able to reach me if he uses the tv remote.....i won't answer! Next thing i kno....he's warning me about hurricane Issac, n tells me to look out the window to see if it's windy!!! I assured him that the storm was no where near us, n not to worry.....then....o yea....we come full circle.....back to shit n Mitt!!!!!!!! Mom picks up the other line (bcuz the phone is WORKING.....LOL), n throws in her usual..."I'm going insane".....n i said, "Ok mom.....so am I"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finally calmed everybody down, hung my working phone up....n got the hell out of the house. Met up with my dil, n had a f-n drink.....n i don't drink....so that's an indication that i was heading for the noose at the end of my rope....anyway.....had a great time, n now i'm back in the trenches......Phones r working fine....so, nobody panic, but if dad reports anything that i feel will affect my cyber family.....i'll pick up my tv remote n call....LOL.....God, help me...Love ya ,all...have a good day.
thank you a million times,
u so special and share yourself with us-
thank you- again and again
millions of hugs!
love to u
k