This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Taking mom n dad to the dr 2day for cortisone shots....maybe i can talk the dr into a little main line hookup to some demerol!!! Why not....I'M A CAREGIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O,God.....i can tell its going to b one of THOSE days....Wen i get thru all my caregiver duties of the day....Lily n i r going to clip on the weaves, n walk the neighborhood....i like to make sure n spend quality time with my girl....!!
Bookworm....thanku for ur kind words, n i"ll consider a children's book about Lily....except, being that she cross dresses....it may b a book for "Mature Audiences Only".....LOL
Question? Do u have to have ridden a Harley in ur lifetime to flash a titty shot????? Hope not.....cuz i DROPPED a couple this morning while making coffee....damn.....i hate that....they jst got away from me.....but. wat the f***....I'M A CAREGIVER!!!!!!!! Ok....i've officially lost it, so i'll go back to wrk, n check in with all of u, later......Have a good day....love u all....
Who say's i can't walk around with toilet paper flying from the back of my jeans??
I was in a f-n hurry, cuz..I'M A CAREGIVER.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( told ya....it's one of THOSE days!!!....LOL)
Beck, didn't have time to call today, but glad to know ya'll are ok..... having them both on the toilet today, one hollering in imaginary pain, the other one seeing imaginary birds.... oh hell yes, and I am the imaginary CAREGIVER...... love ya'll
She rushed mom n dad thru their weigh-ins....then their height measurements. She then TRIED to rush thru the paper work, but that's where i drew the line. I said to her.."It's obvious to me that there are many patients waiting to b seen today, bcuz u seem to be in an incredible rush!!!" She turns to face me, and nervously says.."We're only alloted a certain amount of time to get thru all the questions with the personal history n paperwork." I said, "I understand ur limitations with the clock, but i find it to be a shame....These r MY parents, n my mother is 83 yrs old, doesnt have her hearing aid in..(now i kno why...rite on, mom!), n my father is having a very difficult time understanding u, bcuz u r speaking so fast. If u have any further questioons to ask them, direct them to me ....I AM THE CAREGIVER..n watever u need to kno about them....i kno! I empathize with ur time constraints, but, wat would appear to u to b "Jst another couple of elderly patients", r the 2 people who mean most to me in the world, n i would greatly appreciate, n expect, that u would treat them with some dignity n respect." She, SUDDENLY, changed her attitiude, n apologized to me n my parents, n proceeded her duties with much more sensitivity to their condition. I don't think i was out of line for bringing this to her attention....i wasnt rude....jst stern, so she would get my point....As we were , slowly, working r way down the hall to leave, she stops n says to my parents.."I hope u begin to feel better, soon. I look forward to seeing u next time." Well......that's more like it....right, ladies! I can't take it wen the medical personnel forget that patients r people, not jst a number in the computer. My dad jst looked at me, shook his head, n said, "Thanku, my daughter, for looking out for ur mom n i.." Who says i can't speak my mind on behalf of my parents n their care.....I'M A F-N CAREGIVER....so, don't wind me up any tighter than i already am! So.....my parents r feeling better, even tho, by the time we left, sweet dad didnt even kno where we were or why we were there...God love them both. It's a good thing Lily wasnt with us.....She probably would have stood up on her hind legs, bared her teeth, n did her famous "frothing at the mouth", bcuz she would have sensed my anger....I think i'm going to get her an orange vest, n take her with me wherever i go.. as my therapy dog.... Everyone is, safely locked in their homes....including me, n praying that we have a quiet nite. Another day, down!!
Ladee....hope ur second shift went a lil better....i feel ur pan, sista...LYL
Praying all u wonderful caregivers got thru ur day, n get thru watever's left of it.
"We r caregivers....hear us roar.....F*** with us once...ur ass is gonna b sore"!!!
MORE GOOD NEWS.... the Princess who is causing all the problems... welllllll, I got a call tonight from the daughter saying she was sorry she had left the washing machine open...... WHAT??????? What are you talking about... she goes on to tell me the Princess, but she said her name, told her I jumped on her for leaving the washing machine open because S will spit in it.....and it was the daughter that left it open..... UH NO, I left both of them a note reminding them to keep it closed as S does spit anywhere that looks good to him.... and I decided right then to nip this crap in the bud...told the daughter that we are having issues with Princess and that it will work itself out.... but that she is really making it hard on the other one with her acting like she is in charge... the daughter laughed and said her and the son talked about Princess and how she come in thinking she was the 'chosen one', and the daughter said.... BUT SHE'S NOT...so told daughter not to worry or stress over it, that the other girl and I would deal with her in our own way...... so, Princess Drama Mama has been busted by the bosses..... Oh I so love it when stupid people make themselves so obvious.....anyway.... I am going to bed, go do my shift tomorrow and then come home and get to STAY home..... ttyl.... love and hugs to you all....
Hope everyone in the Hurricane's path is safe and leaves if you need to... prayers for ya'll today.....
Hugs, angels and prayers to all my sister friends......
Ladee- A BELL? Really? OMG! Thank heaven for small favors that he couldn't find one.
Gotta run...must get to work. Hoping to go pick pears at a friend's house tonight, and make it to the gym. Yeah, right.
MIL told me last night she was finished with her supper tray and I went to pick it up. Her next comment was "Everything was cold except for the corn". I told her it shouldn't have been and she said "Well, it was. Don't you even have a stove?" I told her I would take it back and warm it up for her and she said nastily "I don't want it now". So I told her that she should have called me and old me the first bite she took that was cold. I aked her to tell me anytime her food was colder than she liked and she said "No". So I told her I was going to tell Jim, (her Baby, my husband) and she said "I don't care, just get out of here" so I picked up her tray and left. Well, I wouldn't feed her cold food for one, even though I would like to. I served up her food directly from the stove and I covered it so it will stay hot until it got to her. She eats in slow motion and it's always cold before she finishes it. I can't help that. I called her "baby" and was shaking mad and, of course, he tried to calm me down and defend her, too. But, I'm still mad as Hell about it this morning. I fed her waffles this morning and sharply told her they were as hot as I could get them without burning them and I turned and left the room while she mumbled something I didn't understand.
My helper says she can't believe how long I hold onto a grudge. Well, she's in for a big surprise. I've been holding one for 36 years. This one might stay for awhile, too. But this caregiving thing, that even my helper doesn't understand herself, is going to be something I will carry to my grave.
My husband insisted on bringing MIL home from the nursing home and I am convinced she will now outlive me. I try to get respite time, but no matter if it's one hour or three, it's never enough. All the time I'm away from her, I begin thinking about how my time is short until I have to be thrown back into jail with her. I just can't get away from her, no matter what.
I began reading this thread early this morning and I see it will take days to read it all, but I realize that I'm one of you and I can empathize with all of you. The only thing about it all is that AC has a great deal of humor here, and I come here to laugh, too. Bless the comedians who and can still laugh through it all.
Hope u come back n join us, here....We would love to share ur experiences as a caregiver....n...we LOVE laughter here on YOU....That's wat keeps us going....Hope u have a better day...keep reading thru the posts......they get better n better....lol.....hugs to u
I have today and tomorrow off work resting up today. I did talk with my mother earlier. We were talking about mail that she received. She was telling me she received some mail from the cemetery where she will be laid to rest next to my father. I said to her "you are still paying for your funeral you planned in their Chapel?" she said, "Yes, I am still paying for the box." I laughed and said, "They are going to put you in a box!" She said, "Oh, I can't remember what you call it." I said, "Just get a refrigerator box, it's cheap!" She actually laughed at that thought!. We have a pleasant conversation and she asked if I could come over to look through some of the mail she has received. I told her yes, I would be over in a bit. When I got there she was not home so I didn't stop because even though I have keys, I don't want her to think I am nosing around when she isn't there. She called me later asking if I was still coming over. I was surprised she remembered, I told her I did come by but you weren't home. She said I have been here, was the car here, I said no. She said Oh, I took old medications to one of those drop off places. She is doing fine with her day to day living, not so good with balancing her checkbook, but she has a great lady who is a volunteer with AARP helping her. I am comfortable with that and plan to leave it as it is. I told her I would come by in the morning to look at the mail as I already have dinner cooking. I am continuing to distance myself but the person I need to really emotionally distance myself my is my sister. I tend to get caught up in her emotional drama because she is still looking for love, acceptance, and all those warm fuzzy feelings a mother should provide but our mother is incapable of doing.
Cat~I read your post about your granddaughter's wedding. I am so happy you have such a great relationship with her. Your love and pride is very evident in your words. Congrats to you and your granddaughter not just for their nuptials, but also for your new grandson-in-law who will stand by your granddaughter throughout their life together. I am sorry to hear about your father. I know this is painful for you, but it may only be temporary until he adjusts to the new surroundings. You have been and will continue to be there for him as you are a wonderful daughter.
Ladee and Bookworm~The extras work hours I can relate to. My employer is going through this "hospital clean phase". I work in a bakery/deli for Save Mart SuperMarkets and our standards are already above and beyond what the state health department requires. They want all the stainless steel spit shined and polished. We have a standing joke that we have an electronic feather duster in our back pockets dusting behind us as we go. Some have suggested the duster is not in our back pocket but elsewhere (without being too graphic), LOL!!!
Beck~I am so sorry about your parents and I hope the cortisone shots bring relief for the swelling and pain. Good for you for speaking up to the nurse. A reminder is sometimes needed.
I hope everyone that is in the path of the hurricane stays safe. My prayers are with all of you. Love and hugs stormyy
Sharyn, good to see her you here, been missin' ya !!!
Funnier come back and visit, we'll be here....
Too much going on in my caregiver world to put it all down tonight.... going to bed... love ya'll
I"ll keep dad in my prayers that all goes well....Love ya, Stormy....
Beck- Thanks to you too!!! Well, dad is the last of the parents. Hubby's parents had passed before we ever met and my mom died suddenly 8 years ago. So dad is the last one. And i don't plan on taking on no more caregiving roles unless it is my husband. He, now is the only one i feel i can be totally honest with about my feelings about this caregiving hell. Except of course you all. I just feel i can't talk to sis anymore like i use to. But hubby seems to understand and be supportive of my feelings and that is what i need. I don't want to be judged and that is how my sister would be. I guess she talks to her hubby about the whole caregiving stuff. It's just a subject that we don't bring up.
Anyway I want ya'll please to say a prayer for my little red (connor) he starts his first day of kindergarten tomorrow. I really hope he has a good day. He has a weak stomach like his dad and can get sick if he gets too nervous, so i have extra clothes packed in the car and a trash can in the car ready to go if he gets sick. But i pray it doesn't come to that. Well, got to get off of here and get to bed so connor and i can rise and shine. Got to have him at school at 7:30 in the morning. So i am getting up at 5:30, Lord these hours are going to kill me..... UGH........
She was very happy that she had no pain at all this morning, n, obviously, dad was feeling pretty good, as well........lol......sneaky ole man........love him to bits!
Goodnite all.....hugs, love, n prayers
There is so much mess going on at work with all these women. I'm BORED by it already and waaaaaaay to tired to give a f*ck... so as long none of it splashes on M and S, I don't care if they use ice picks on each other... just don't leave the damned mess for ME to clean up.... love you too Beck.... gotta got to bed.... 4:30 will be here soon....
Prayers for Conner Stormy, and for you watching your baby go to big boy school... let us know how he does.... hugs to everyone.... I should be in bed but afraid I'm going to miss something.... love and hugs....
Here's my concern for any future care giving on the horizon. I think your sis will hit the wall sometime soon; maybe after your dad passes. Between her inability to set limits, her health, her husband's health and running the store, there could be a big problem in the future. Don't take on any more burdens, Stormy. Live your life and let others live theirs.
Beck: My heart goes out to you in more ways than I can say. I've not posted much. My dad is fading and it's been a hard last couple of weeks. Just know I love you and am praying for you.
Love and Hugs, Cat
Stormy, good for you! I think that's the only way your brother will help. You or sis will always have to ask him. Some family are like that. I can be sick and in pain but no one will volunteer. I have to ask on a daily basis for help while I was sick. No common sense..Or no empathy for us. (Or is that Sympathy for us?)
Beck -wow, about your dad. and your poor mom. She must really be stressed out! And going crazy with your dad's shenanigans...