This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Ladee-If you have to talk to the others, just keep asking them if what they are whining about has anything to do with M and S. Or ask them if they want some cheese for the whine! Seriously, my heart goes out to you. You are what all paid caregivers should be, and then some. Heck, you are what any caregiver, paid or not, should be...caring, concerned, patient, firm. Send those girls to Wisconsin and I'll stick them in this winter's deep freeze-that will chill them out a bit. Hugs.
Funnier-You must really be wicked, since you didn't really get any sleep! LOL Hope you get some rest tonight. Hugs.
I bought a write on/wipe off board today for posting the weekly menus. Planning to put it up tomorrow. Wish me luck. I told Dad what I plan to do, and he had suggestions on how to "sell" it to Mom. I kindly told him that no matter how I spin it, she won't like something about it, so I'm not even going to try.
And now about the pears...it's pathetically funny now that I'm not in the middle of it. A friend of mine called to let me know her pear trees were ready, and Mom took the call. Mom asked me if I was going to go pick them. With everything else going on, I said I really wasn't sure I had the time. In her best sing-song little girl voice, she reminds me pears are the only fruit she can eat. Really? The apple, blueberry, and peach pies she eats must really be pears! Silly me! And I'm sure the can of mixed fruit with cherries is just mislabeled. Anyway, I, good daughter, go and pick the pears. Nice excuse to visit a friend, but had to brave the very many bees...and I'm afraid of bees big time. That's the biggest reason I don't always go pick pears.
I was all excited when I brought them home and showed her. I picked a couple of pounds worth. First thing she says? "Oh, these are too hard, we'll have to bake them." Oh, silly, silly me. I had no idea that fresh fruit could only be eaten in a pie. Or that besides short order cook, I am also the bakery lady. What I really wanted to do was grab the meat mallet and smash them for her so they would be softer!
Still trying to connect, I suggested we cut them up for pear crumble when I got home from work the next day. Once again, silly me. She would be too tired when I got home. Tired from what? She's retired!!! I'd be the one working all day! So this weekend, early in the morning before it gets too hot to bake, I will be making pear grumble, I mean crumble.
Goodnight, and Happy Long Weekend!
And thanks for the compliments... makes me feel good to know I am appreciated somewhere, and as far as those two, the suggestion about does this have to with M and S is perfect.... just perfect.... I'll try it and let you know.... thanks and lots of hugs....
Notlike: thanks for the pear story; made me laugh til I cried! A little bit of the mom with that pear grumble? Funnier: I can soo relate to the circular conversations you described--you are living my life! It's funny and amazing how we go round and round sometimes! Beck and Seeme: hope you're both ok, can we have some puppy stories, pleease? Beck, so sad your parents missed out on little one, really makes my mom's day to see a little one. Oh the image of her standing there with her little mcnuggets :((. BW: I do not know how you do it girl. I feel like a lazy spoiled terrible person when I think of all the stuff you are dealing with--you are one strong woman. I could clobber that family for you! So glad you didn't burn down, and hope you don't. Unplug everything until you get that electrician brother to fix it all, power can run from source to surge protector if things are off, but plugged in, and still cause a fire behind your walls, or where ever the wires have been run. I'd be getting them to cook the rice at their house and everything else those parents need to eat until that wiring is fixed. Pokagon, my laundry breeds if I don't watch it carefully, kinda like rabbits! I always put a load in at bedtime and always one before starting dinner, usually more often, but always those two times everyday. Tonight, I am skipping this in your honor! Off to bed I go. Everybody else, have a good night and a moment of joy tomorrow. kimbee
I am so looking forward to 2 whole days without secular work. I will be home the whole time. Can't believe I'm actually looking forward to babysitting parents. I don't know why people all decided to call, email and drop by the office yesterday afternoon (Friday)! Yes, I do - it's because it's a 3-day holiday and they all decided to make my life more stressful by calling/emailing/and dropping by at 2pm until 5pm! We have a voice mail. Does the 2 callers leave a message? NO!! They keep calling and calling and calling. I had to send them emails that I'm currently with clients and will get back to them as soon as I'm done. And that's why I'm so happy to be home and take care of the parents. Finally - rest for my brain...
Kimbee -like your tip on the laundry. But that is not something I can do. Our washer is in the back of the house. Very scary area at night. But, very good idea for those of you who have indoor laundry.
Ahhh, Ladee, you need a fave sister to cook for you! Except my fave sister is like me- we're not much of a cook. But she makes sure to drop by once a week on a weekend with Food! (Although I do tend to get tired of pizza...)
So, he was telling me about his day today. Clara (he insists her name is Claire) is the caregiver who covers while I'm at work. Dad was mad that Claire. He said, "I told Claire that I'm a doctor. She laughed out loud and real long! She's so stupid!" When he said that, I couldn't help it, I laughed so hard. He was startled, then started laughing with me. When we were done, he said, "Why did you laugh? It's not funny!" (giggling here. He is sooooo not always right!)
They look great on the bed, for sure, but it isn't fair to me and I'm stopping it. I may hide all the stretchy sheets and make them use the regular ones for a while.
A couple of ddays ago, my dryer wouldn't dry anything anymore and I did the circuit breaker thing and it didn't fix it, so I called my son, who can fix anything, who said it was a heating element. You've killed your dryer, Mom. I called the repairman and $109. 95 later, I was drying clothes again. He said I must do a lot of laundry. I told him he must be kidding. He saw I had a new washer and commented he had just fixed my old one. He said You must be hard on washers and dryers. What could I say?
When she asks for fruit cocktail for desert (btw, she gets desert for each and every meal, I never did), she asks me to pick our everything hard. She won't wear her lower false teeth and can't chew the hard stuff. So as I pick out the hard stuff, all that is left are the peaches, grapes and cherries. She won't drink the juice--like it's contaminated or something. My husband says to make the end of her like as comfortable as we can, she deserves it after all she's done for he family for 90 years. Maybe so, but I wasn't around for the first part while she was being Mother Teresa.
She's been to the potty already this morning, so I have a few hours I can play and even go outside if I want to. I can't go far, but I can go smell fresh air. I wish all of you could join me "out back" for a cup of coffee.
Had a bizarre attempt at problem solving with one of the other caregivers at work.... won't go there again... give report and leave, that's all I need from you....
When we get into a routine... I am taking some much needed time off... when I went to the bank to cash my check, I was standing in line, and thought I kept hearing my name... instead of looking around, I looked UP!!!!! All the cashiers know me and everyone started laughing.... and loud enough for all of them to hear I said, "happy f*cking Friday', more laughter..... so as long as I don't loose my sense of humor, I'll be ok, as long as I still get to come here, I'll be ok, as long as the new coworkers stay away from me, I'll be ok....
Everyone find one thing to be grateful for today.... love ya'll
She still have the patience to fold those fitted sheets. I get so frustrated with those, I do like you do -just fold it lousy and throw it in the lower shelf. The reason I hate folding blankets and towels is that I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to it. I Have to Fold the blankets this way and it all must be folded in uniform. When sis and the caregiver folds it, I try not to let it bother me. I may be running late for work, and I will be picking up one blanket after another (and making a mess) until I find the perfectly folded sheet. I use the flat sheets as Lifter for mom and dad. But instead of lifting (since I'm by myself), I use it to drag the parents to the middle of the bed or to pull mom up closer to the headboard.
When I do mom/dad's pampers, I will first spot check their beds and tuck in the sheets firmly under the mattress. When dad was still walking, he would complain because in t
Thanks for admitting you do laundry like I do!
Poor thing would have a heart attack if we all drove up.... but Funnier , we'd eat the parts of the fruit cocktail she doesn't !!! Nothing goes to waste... I'll have mine with a doughnut....